Title: Five Silver Rings
Rating: T
Summary: "...Last year, we had a fight. It got messy I said some things I shouldn't have... She was really upset; took off on her bike in the night... got hit by a car. And Just like that the closest person in my life was gone." For the past year, Eli has convinced himself he killed Julia. But when a unexpected visitor returns from his past, he remembers what happened on April 22nd and finally gets closure from an old friend. Eli/Clare Eli/Julia Eli/OC DO NOT UNDERESTIMATE THE OC IN THE FF! Please R&R!
Author's Note:
HELLO!
Long time no see everyone! I'm sorry I've abandonded my other stories but for the past few weeks I've been working on this monstrosity on my iPod so i havent really focused on anything else... but I created this original character. Yes, I put her in a Degrassi setting, and yes, she falls for the mysterious Eli Goldsworthy, but do not think that this character is me but only better... Annabelle Greene is made of my complete imagination. Nothing about her resembles me at all btw so enjoy the story and hopefully you'll be surprised about what unfolds...
Italics are flashbacks :)
Eli's POV
She sat with perfect posture outside the main office. Her dirty blonde curls framed her face and dangled just above her collar bone. Wisps of charcoal mascara laced her fragile eyelashes, highlighting her chocolate brown eyes. Five silver rings: one skull, two stones, and 2 bands, clutched her pale, dainty fingers. I had spent so long memorizing which ring went on which. Sometimes the positions changed but the skull always remained on the middle finger of her left hand. Her feet met the ground with vintage saddle shoes. Red skinny jeans hugged her thin legs while a dull teal top fitted her every curve. She wore a navy colored vest and a studded belt. She was definitely Annabelle. She was fumbling with her visitor's tag and removing the adhesive one finger print and a time.
"Annabelle?" I asked.
She looked up from the bolded letters on the tag to meet my face. Her once lively eyes appeared sad, she seemed drained. It felt odd until I remembered she had lost a best friend too.
"Eli?" She stood and cautiously approached me, probably determining whether she should hug me or shake my hand. She decided to go with a simple hand movement, setting Clare at momentary ease. Clare knew enough about Annabelle to have that nagging possessive feeling over me. Although she remained at my side, I knew her eyes were glued to Annabelle's pale face.
She was pale, she was thinner and no amount of makeup could disguise the bags beneath her eyes. She was clearly still mourning. But why was she here?
Apparently she was keen on reading my mind. "I just wanted to see you. Life's been hell without you and Julia keeping me company."
"How did you know where I moved to?"
"Bullfrog picked up your cell phone sometime last week and recognized me enough to give me your new address." She murmured softly and tucked a bothersome curl out of her face. "I guess he never told you, huh?"
"He was probably too tired to remember. He's been up all night broadcasting new segments for that show of his." I received a small smile from Annabelle before she directed her attention to Clare.
"Right," It finally clicked in my brain. She wanted an introduction. "Annabelle, Clare. Clare, Annabelle." They acknowledged each other briefly.
"So, Annabelle, how long do you plan on staying?" Clare caught my hand and I felt the cool metal of a familiar skull ring against my fingers.
"Not too long, I return home tomorrow morning." There's a sudden growl coming from her direction. "I kind of skipped breakfast, is there any good food around here?"
"Actually we just might have enough time left in the period to drive down to the Dot." I offered and gently squeezed Clare's hand.
"Drive, as in, Morty? You actually kept him? I thought after…" My eyes averted to the ground hoping she would just stop. One of the reasons I had to get away was this. Annabelle was talented, and entertaining, and adventurous, but never knew how to direct her words. If I stayed in my old school, I could never survive her verbal diarrhea. "Oh, sorry," She nervously wrung her hands and focused on the door behind me.
"Shall we get moving, ladies?" I smirked, ending the awkward moment. They followed me into the parking lot.
The ride was… hard. Annabelle insisted on blasting the punk rock melodies while Clare gave me a worried look each time she glanced in my direction. Dead Hand had been just as popular among my old friends, so the urge to start echoing Paisley Jacket as it leaked from Morty's speakers was utterly excruciating. And Annabelle's off key humming was not of any assistance. From her spot between Clare and me, Annabelle nudged me numerous times goading me to open up my mouth, insisting that I had the voice to sing along. I shrugged her off and tried to focus on the passing street shops.
Coming to a halt beside the sidewalk I turned the key in Morty's ignition and pushed ajar my door into the oncoming traffic. I ran around the front just in time to pull open the door for Clare. The second she saw me she smiled and grasped my outstretched hand. Annabelle followed Clare not so far behind and presented me with a smile Adam had been giving me for weeks: The I'm-a-third-wheel glare.
The three of us approached the local cafe with Clare tucked on my right and Annabelle brushing my shoulder from my left. We entered the Dot with a ring overhead and found a table near the counter.
We settled down with coffees and sandwiches. Annabelle immediately scarfed two thirds of her BLT with mayo before attempting a conversation. "So Eli, how have things been?" She asked and reached for the napkin holder.
"Things have actually been," I glanced at Clare briefly to catch her reassuring smile. "Great." I felt Clare's hand slip between my fingers beneath the table along with a light squeeze against my palm. "Before you leave, Annabelle, you got to meet our friend Adam. I swear he can beat anyone at any video game in existence."
"Just as long as food is somehow involved," Clare added.
I laughed, "Yea you could hide the junk food and he'd be toast." I looked at Annabelle to see a small smile cross her face. The grin on her lips didn't seem to reach her chocolate eyes.
"He sounds like quite an interesting character." She said and politely picked up her half eaten sandwich.
"So did you stick around after well, you know, or do you live elsewhere?" I asked.
"My mom didn't have a choice to move like your family did. We stayed, but every time I pass her old house to get to school it hurts way too much." Her voice sounded strained. In a disturbing way; I wanted to sit beside her and comfort her but I knew Clare would leave mortified. So I only watched her from my seat hoping she would be okay.
It was freshman year; we were walking down the peer cluttered hallway. Julia had a hand gripped around my waist while I had an arm slung across her shoulders. We had just left chemistry class when Annabelle stumbled along.
She was hunched over the water fountain, her books neatly tucked into a faded denim book bag at her hip and smoky black fingernails grasping at the fountain's spout. Julia had recognized her from a previous class, and told me she was new.
Julia, the nice person she was, slid out of my reach and directed me towards the nearest bank of lockers to walk over to the new girl by herself. In minutes, the two girls were giggling over some comment. Annabelle laughed but from the corner of her eye, caught me staring. Unintentionally, my gaze had shifted to rest on the blonde. I began to notice the delicacy of her fingers and the short ringlets that draped down her back. I quickly revert my eyes back to Julia who was beckoning me to meet them at the water fountain.
"And this is my boyfriend. Eli, Annabelle. Annabelle, Eli." With simple hand gestures she introduced us. I saw Julia smile, her small dimples peeking at the corners of her mouth, her long black bangs hiding her full expression. I smiled too and absentmindedly tangled my fingers into her left hand.
"Hi," I said and smiled at the new girl. Annabelle blushed and clutched the bright blue stone ring on her left hand pointer finger.
As the three of us exchanged quick small talk I became distracted by Annabelle's coca colored eyes. They were soft and warming and could only make the corners of your face tug themselves into a grin at the sight of the bright orbs.
Then the bell rang, signaling it was time for lunch. The sound had interrupted my mindless staring and reminded me to focus more on my girlfriend then her newfound acquaintance. I glanced around the emptying hallway, students were filing into nearby classrooms or heading for the exits to enjoy an off campus lunch break. "I would hate to intrude, but would you like to join us for lunch?"
I watched Annabelle chuckle at my comment and I flashed a crooked smile. "Look at you, acting all proper," Julia laughed and poked my shoulder lightly. "But, Annabelle, you should come join us."
"Sure, I just got to run to my locker but I'll meet you in a few, well, if I can even find my locker..."
"Actually, I have to hurry to my French class, but Eli can help you." Julia offered, I nodded and extended my hand to take the pink sticky note from Annabelle.
Scrawled in black ink were a handful of numbers. "Your lockers nearby, I can help, if you want me to."
"Sure," She replied hesitantly. Julia parted ways and Annabelle and I made our way down the hall. Out of the blue, the girl spoke, "So how long have you and Julia been dating?" The question was blunt and simple but just so private.
I shrugged, "A few months, give or take."
"So by that, I'm guessing you've already forgotten your anniversary?" She retorted and adjusted the strap of her bag.
"No," I replied and looked at the girl. "I could never forget something like that," Annabelle scoffed, "I'm not as dumb as you think, you know." I said, "You're looking at the guy in advanced English." She laughed.
"Sorry, I didn't think a brain had fully developed beneath all the black." I glanced down at my attire. I was wearing black skinny jeans, charcoal Converse and a tight fitted black V-neck shirt.
"Didn't your mother ever tell you not to judge a person by their appearance?"
"Yea," Annabelle said, "But then she went off and found my new stepdad because he had those 'hard to come by' dashing good looks." Her air quotes lingered in front of her face and I laughed. Her sarcastic humor was growing on me. Annabelle blew a few strands of her sandy hair out of her face. "Anyway, where is this locker of mine?" We had stopped in the west wing hallway.
"Right here, actually." I said and approached a busted up bright red locker door. The paint had begun to chip and a messy 'you suck' had been etched into the metal.
"The appeal is great," She exaggerated and retrieved the pink sticky note from my hand. She glanced at the jumble of digits and with a click, the door swung open. "Well, thanks," She said and shoved a handful of books into the compartment from her bag.
"No problem." I replied and pivoted away from the lockers to start my walk back to Julia's French class.
"See you in five out in the parking lot?" She called after me.
I turned to face her, "Sure, I'll tell Jules."
In my mind I was walking down the halls of my old school going off to find Julia, but I traveled back to reality to wave goodbye to Clare from Morty.
Lunch had gone well, the awkward silences diminished when Clare brought up SAT Prep. Our sandwiches were finished soon after and we piled back into Morty to go home.
Annabelle waved from the curb of the Hilton hotel she and her mom were staying at and the instant she left the car, Clare scooted to my side. "She's nice, maybe she can stay a bit longer next time." she sighed and picked at loose thread on my blazer.
I now sat in my room. Clare actually liked Annabelle, but in a way, this wasn't the same Annabelle I knew those years ago. Maybe it was her change in humor or her drained face, but the girl I accidentally fell in love with wasn't the girl I just spent my Friday with.
Julia and I were in my bedroom. On the bed she straddled me at the waist and was tousling the hair on my head while she attacked my face with kisses. I grabbed at her hips and let a few 'I love you's breathlessly escape my lips. We had been dating for a year now. She had been staying frequently at the Goldsworthy residence to avoid her step mom at home. Both Cece and Bullfrog allowed my bedroom a place for her to crash. In the past year, I had fallen in love, lost my virginity and lived life. Julia was happy, I was happy and things were great. Except for one problem, Annabelle had watched on the sidelines of our relationship and on that day had confessed her feeling for me.
Back in the dim lit bedroom, my hands slid up the bare skin on Julia's sides. Her long hair fell onto my face, tickling my nose. On the other side if the door I heard Cece call, "Julia, phone,"
I sat up and shifted Julia into my lap. "Coming!" She yelled back. "It's probably my dad, it's not a pizza night, and so he actually cooked and wants me home for dinner." She rolled her eyes and I leaned forward to capture her lips one last time. She climbed off the bed and walked to the door, "I love you, Eli Goldsworthy." I smiled as she disappeared down the hall.
I crawled off the bed and walked over to the window to watch her leave. Halfway down the driveway I saw her turn and wave.
After her dad picked her up moments later, I reached for my bag by the door pulling out the pile of homework I needed to finish before Monday morning. Just as my pencil hit the page I heard a tap on glass. Glancing at my window, I saw Annabelle outside in the setting light. I continued to stare at her, not sure how she knew where my house was but with another tap and frustrated glare on her face I ran to the window to open it.
"Come on," She said breathlessly, her hands on her bony hips, clutching her sides.
"How did you know where I lived?" I asked and pushed the pane up higher.
"A telephone book, so are you coming?" Her breathing had steadied a bit and she approached the ledge to rest her elbows.
"There's only two more weeks of sophomore year. Even you, Eli, got to live a little." She rolled her eyes and tugged on my sleeve. "Come on, it will be fun!"
"Where exactly will this 'fun' take place?" I gave her a questioning look and felt a sense of accomplishment when I saw her features scrunch in annoyance.
"I'm taking you to a party, idiot." She groaned and tugged on my shirtsleeve harder, almost pulling me out the window.
"What about Jules?" I asked and balanced myself to make sure I didn't collapse on top of her.
"It would be our little secret." She smiled, her voice hushed in the darkness.
I glanced down the street where Julia had just been an hour ago. The almost summer air was warm and comforting. It beckoned me along with Annabelle to slip outside for the evening.
Annabelle bit her lip in anticipation, hoping I'd follow her to this party. "Just an hour okay? My parents would kill me if they found out I was going to, what I assume, will be an alcohol type of party." Annabelle grabbed my hand and started to tug me out the window again.
"Yes, one hour and then you're back in your room with your mommy and daddy. Bullfrog and Cece would be so pleased." I could feel the sarcasm dripping from her words.
"Ok, ok." I smirked and swung my leg out the window. I leapt from the ledge and jumped; missing the ground completely. My butt landed in the wet grass and I heard Annabelle laugh. "Go ahead and joke." I mumbled and pulled myself to my feet.
We walked down the sidewalk. I kept my eyes on Annabelle. I watched her hair swing slightly while she walked, the wavy strands of beach blonde curls bouncing with every step. My eyes swept downward, across her perfect curves and thin legs. Her feet clacked on the pavement from her aqua blue and black flip flops. I noticed she was wearing a tight fitted navy tee and shorts. "Enjoying the view?" She mused and glanced back at me briefly before speed walking ahead.
My head jerked to concentrate elsewhere and I heard a small laugh. The conversation quieted as we continued walking until we reached a two story house just outside my neighborhood. The sun had completely set, giving the house a lit up appearance emanating lights and music.
When we entered the property I recognized some familiar faces lounging on lawn chairs with cold beers in hand. I had never been popular. I always seemed to stick out like a sore thumb, but I still saw people around. I knew some people, not all, but I could place a name to a face.
Annabelle dragged me through the front door by my wrist and brought me into the crowded living room. The music was blasting; a top forty song was playing. The cliché melodies were getting at my nerves and we hadn't even been inside for five minutes. I noticed the couch had been flush with the nearest wall to make a space resembling a dance floor. Bodies were close like sardines on the hard wood floor shuffling and jumping to booming tunes. Annabelle clutched my wrist tighter and spun me around to face her. Her arms laced around my neck while she shouted out the words to the song overhead off key. I just smiled and wrapped my hands around her hips.
We left my house as friends but the later the night got the more I took her confession from earlier to heart. So without a drop of alcohol in my bloodstream I got the idea I wanted to know what her lips tasted like. A song with a painfully slow tempo came off the surround sound speakers in soft waves. Our pace of movements began to impede and I gently pulled at Annabelle's waist.
"Can I just try one thing?" I stared at the brass wings clinging to her earlobes and whispered closely in her ear. I then reached with my left hand cupped her face. Again, she bit her lip in anticipation as I carefully leaned towards her. My gaze remained intent on her eyes until our lips met and electrical sparks flew.
I tried kissing her softly, testing the waters, but Annabelle moved her hands from my shoulders and tugged at the hair on the back if my head. I closed my eyes and knew this felt right, even when my conscience was screaming at me to back off and find Julia. But I couldn't, I only kissed Annabelle deeper and with a strange flash, Dead Hand echoed above the noisy teenage dancers. With the first few lyrics of Paisley Jacket I pulled back from Annabelle breathless and ready for any song they played the rest of the night. The smile spreading across her face was contagious, in seconds the same grin was gracing my features.
I jumped when my head hit the desk. I had dozed off in my bedroom. I sat upright and glanced at my alarm clock, 5pm.
I remembered that night like it was yesterday. The taste I still had in my mouth, even after I kissed Clare so many times in the past few months. I shook my head. I had Clare; Annabelle had messed up my relationship with Julia. I remembered again, the flash of the camera, stupid blackmail.
A friend showed Julia the picture; the image of me kissing Annabelle.
I sighed and let my head drop to the desk with a hard thump.
Annabelle's POV
After I waved goodbye to Morty retreating down the street, I felt hollow again. It had been months since I saw a smile on Eli Goldsworthy's face and when he smiled today I could just visibly see that he was over Julia. He probably never thought of me, or the car crash, or the devastation that we had to deal with when we lost our best friend. While he was falling in love with the innocent catholic girl, I was realizing I never had gotten over him. I clasped my left hand with my right, sweeping over the skull molded ring. He had given it to me.
From the time he introduced me to my sophomore year locker, to the fading minutes he announced his awkward goodbye, I could never forget anything about him.
The three of us were sitting in the crowded cafeteria at school. Julia picked at a moldy green cheeseburger, I was finishing up my salad bar dish and Eli was buried in a horror novel he had checked out of the library the period before.
Julia sighed, "The food here is looking more like toxic waste every day." She said and poked her fork into the mushy green beans. "I'm throwing this out," She picked up the tray and walked towards the garbage cans across the room.
Eli then folded up his book and looked at me. "I found something for you," He said suddenly and reached into his jeans pants pocket to then hand me a ring. I took it from him.
"Thanks, but why?" I asked and weighted the smooth metal band on my fingertips.
"I gave one to Jules as well, but it didn't seem fair since you love rings too." He replied and pointed out the other rings on my hands. Over the years I had collected four rings: two stones, and 2 bands. The big blue stone rested on my left hand pointer finger, while a black diamond surrounded by an intricate frame was placed on my right thumb. The two bands, solid silver and the other gold, were on my right hand ring finger and left thumb. I liked the sound every time I picked up a pencil, the soothing clink of metal reaching for wood. So I tested each of my fingers and finally placed the skull on my left hand middle finger.
"Perfect fit," He smirked proudly; I smiled back. Julia then reappeared behind him, lacing her arms around his broad shoulders. "Well, hello to you too," He said with a singsong voice and glanced up at her. She smiled brightly and kissed him softly on the lips. I quickly distracted my eyes to the colorful mosaics on the far wall, hoping to rid of the lump in the back of my throat. I knew something was wrong. I shouldn't be feeling this way, he's my best friend's boyfriend, but I only gazed at the wall, wringing my hands nervously underneath the table and focused on the new cool metal touching my fingertips.
I blinked a few times from staring; trying to convince myself that day was forever ago. I shuffled my feet on the sidewalk and headed for the entry way to the hotel my mother and I were staying at.
I stood in the elevator with a Muslim man and then entered the cigarette scented hallway on the third floor. I took the key card from my pocket and opened room 361 to find my mother on her laptop Skyping with Mr. Stepdad, or Josh, or Mr. Pretty Face. Josh was the man who had those 'hard to come by' dashing good looks.
I rolled my eyes and shrugged out my jacket and threw it onto the fancy made bed.
"Love you too, Josh, see you tomorrow," my mother spoke into the computer.
"Say hi to Annabelle for me okay?" He asked sweetly as a smile grew on his face.
"I will," She answered and gave one last kissy face at the webcam. The laptop clicked shut and my mother turned to me. "So how was Eli?" She asked and placed the laptop on the small countertop by the door.
"He's got a girlfriend," I mumbled quietly.
"Good for him, she's probably lovely. What's her name?" My mother chirped.
"Mom, can you tell that I don't want to talk about this?" I said with agitation, rubbing my shoulders briefly and falling back onto the bed.
"Then just give me a name and I'll stop bothering you." She sighed and came over to sit beside me.
"Her name is Clare," I mumbled and rolled over to plant my face into a pillow.
"What is she like?" I sat up and gave my mother a death glare.
"She's gorgeous and perfect and he loves her... And I'm jealous of her." I groaned.
"Why sweetie?"
"Because she has him," I got up and found my iPod in my duffel bag. I stuck the sound in my ears and headed for the door again.
I found a bench in the cigarette scented corridor and thought about it. Clare had on a skull ring too, was that Julia's ring?
I had convinced him after that party to let me see his bedroom. I watched Eli prop open the window and climb in. He turned around and gave me a hand inside. I had to admit the first few minutes were awkward. He had just kissed me, his girlfriend's best friend, and allowed me into his bedroom. Not an ounce of alcohol pulsed through my veins, but I could feel my heart hammering in my chest and the nausea of guilt in my head. Still I slowly walked towards him and grasped his hand in the dark room. Before anything could happen, the door burst open and Julia appeared. The lights overhead flickered on; I blinked from the sudden light but I could see Julia had an astonished look on her face. My hand dropped to my side. "I should probably go." I shuffled out of the room.
I could hear Julia. She wasn't only hurt but furious. "What did you do?" She cried. "I left my bag in here to come back and find you with Annabelle? I gave you everything; I loved you, Eli!"
Even I could feel the stabbing of the past tense.
'I loved you'
And it was my entire fault.
"And then I get a text from someone with this," Her voice sounded disgusted now. "You kissed her?"
The lump in the back of my throat began to form now. I left the hallway and ran. She found out. I knew Julia, she was never the jealous type; never the overprotective one. But I messed up, big time.
I sprinted down the street; kept my fast pace until I was upstairs in my bedroom with the door locked.
I never knew that would be the last time I would ever see my best friend.
Eli told me he tried to apologize to Julia but it was too late. She ran out of the house to her bike and got hit by a car.
The foul smell had begun to hurt my brain, but I deserved the hurt. I killed Julia. I was the one who went behind her back, and the betrayal killed her.
I had no right to hate on Clare. She made him happy, and it was just cruel to think that if I got between them it would be a good thing.
I didn't matter if he gave that brooding look from across the room or if I saw a flicker of lust cross his features when his eyes landed on me, I desperately needed to let him go.
I found his new address in the hotel phone book. I asked my mother for a ride to the Dot and decided to walk to the Goldsworthy house by myself. I rang the doorbell. Suddenly the door opened and Bullfrog appeared. "Well if it isn't Annabelle! Long time no see!" He said happily and smiled.
"Is Eli here?" I asked in a quiet voice.
"You just caught him; he was on his way to Clarabelle's house."
"You mean Clare?" I corrected him.
"Oh, that's right, Clare." he said and rubbed the back of his head. "Let me get him for you," He turned around and called out Eli's name. Moments later, Eli appeared behind Bullfrog in the entryway. "Here he is," Bullfrog said and walked back inside.
"Hey," Eli said calmly, a smile appeared on his face. "Do you want to come in?"
"No, this going to be quick," I said and fingered the skull ring again.
He looked down at my hands and then closed the door to stand with me on the stoop. "What's up?"
"I know you probably don't want me to bring this up, but I know I am the reason Jules is gone." He gulped.
"Annabelle, I can't-"
"I know that some things have to stay in the past, but you can't live the rest of your life thinking that you killed her. I did. I convinced you to come with me to that party, to kiss me, to show me your room and when she walked in that night, she was definitely more upset with me than she was with you. So you have to forgive yourself and move on. Be happy with Clare." He looked at me; not at his feet or at something in the distance. He looked at me and I could see the thankfulness in his eyes. "The reason I came today was because I needed to say goodbye. I'm saying goodbye to you and I'm moving on from what happened that night. All that time in between I honest to god, loved you." At that comment, he was taken aback. "But I know now that Clare loves you and you love her." I reached for his hand and placed the skull ring in his palm. "I know you already gave Clare Julia's but I want you to have mine, because I thought it wasn't fair since you love rings too." I let a small smile tug on my lips and watched a smirk form on his face. I gave a small nod and pivoted away from the door. I walked halfway down the driveway before I felt a tug on my arm.
"I honestly thought I loved you too." Eli said quietly. He bent down and placed a soft kiss on my forehead. I closed my eyes and savored it. This was goodbye. "But before you go, I need to show you something."
"Eli, I can't go inside, I can't mess up you and Clare, not again-" He gave me a questioning look.
"You're really making me look bad." He joked. "Just come see something, okay?"
He let go of my arm and led me inside and upstairs to his room. I noticed the room's security, the lock hardware connecting the door to its frame. The door swung open to a mess.
Bookshelves lined the walls with piles of junk and other odd looking trinkets crowding the shelves. Garbage literally was on the floor, along with objects from yard sales and thrift stores. He had everything in here, but why?
"I'm a hoarder." He said calmly. "Every time I try to throw something out I feel like I'm going to die or someone I love will." He seemed okay with it, almost like nothing could ever change. But I saw the full cardboard boxes, reading TRASH in big legible writing, beginning to pile in the corner of the room. He was trying to overcome his problem.
"Does Clare know?" I asked.
"Yes, and she's helping 100% whether I want her to or not." He kicked a popcorn container out of his way and went to sit on the bed. I couldn't move; I just stood there. "I wasn't just living in guilt; I was getting swallowed up by it."
"I didn't know this was happening to you." I said.
"It started after Jules died - the not throwing out stuff. A textbook or an old notebook from school never could leave my locker without a panic attack. And then that week after I left to come here, it got worse. I snuck out to yard sales and dumpsters picking up things I couldn't throw out because if I did, I might lose my mind or the person sitting next to me at the dinner table."
My mouth had fallen open in shock as my eyes scanned the small bedroom.
"And then I met Clare." I looked up at him. He had successfully placed a piece of the junk into an unsealed box to his right. "She gave me this hope; this feeling that I had someone there who would never leave me." He still held the skull ring in his hand. "I love her."
His words started to choke me up a bit.
"You know, after you told me that you loved me last April, I thought I loved you too. I loved your personality, your music choices, your sarcasm… I liked you a lot, but I had this feeling we could never work. When I kissed you… I felt something, that electrical spark, but just like those sparks, they never last." He looked up at me. "But what I feel with Clare, I know will."
"I know it will too," I whispered.
He smiled, and pocketed the skull ring. "I now know why we could never work,"
"Why?"
He took a deep breath, "Because we share too much of a past. We both had Julia and when she left, you could tell there was a dependency on each other; too much of one, actually."
"It sounds so wrong, but it's so true." I said quietly. "We'd be feeding off each other's guilt. It would be just a disaster waiting to explode." I laughed, the sound was hollow; it didn't echo like a laugh at all.
"It does sound horrible, but I guess seeing new people can benefit health." He said.
"Yeah, I guess so." I shifted my feet; this had become more awkward than I was comfortable with.
Suddenly, Eli stood from the bed and approached me. He wrapped his arms around me. I let my face hide in his chest and finally allow the tears that had been building up for months fall. "You looked like you needed a hug, even back at the café." He murmured softly and rubbed my back. My hands slid up his back to cling to his shoulders. I nodded.
"I've just missed you and Julia. I couldn't talk to anyone, they never wanted to. After you guys left, I was completely alone. The music never sounded the same, inside jokes were never that interesting anymore… it's been hard." I hadn't even sobbed like this after the funeral. No tears fell down my face at all the last few months. I couldn't cry; I felt numb. But standing in Eli Goldsworthy's cluttered bedroom, after he told me about the hoarding problem and loving Clare, I broke down.
After what felt like forever, I pulled away and wiped my face. My makeup was probably smudged but I didn't care. "I better go; you have to pick up Clare."
"Let me just drive you back to your hotel, I don't have to pick up Clare till six, I have enough time to say goodbye."
Eli's POV
Annabelle said goodbye to Cece and Bullfrog and we then climbed into Morty. "I'm going to miss this car," She told me and patted the dashboard.
"Don't worry; he'll try to keep in touch." I smirked and pulled out of the driveway.
We winded down the streets to the hotel. I drove right up to the drop off area. Before leaving the car, i reached over and Annabelle one last hug.
"I'll miss you, Eli." She whispered softly over my shoulder. We pulled back from our embrace and again I watched her wave goodbye from the curb. When the revolving glass doors finally stopped spinning, I drove away. I passed through downtown Toronto. All the while I felt the skull ring in my pocket.
Annabelle walked towards me and grasped my hand in the dark room. Before anything could happen, the door burst open and Julia appeared. The lights overhead flickered on; I blinked from the sudden light but I could see Julia had an astonished look on her face. Annabelle's hand dropped to her side. "I should probably go." She said and quickly shuffled out of the room.
Julia stood there and let her best friend brush past her. She wasn't only hurt but furious. "What did you do?" She cried. "I left my bag in here to come back and find you with Annabelle? I gave you everything; I loved you, Eli!"
I could feel my heart tear at the words.
'I loved you'
"And then I get a text from someone with this," Her voice sounded disgusted now. "You kissed her?"
Explanations were bubbling on my tongue but I couldn't say them, every scenario sounded wrong. Each sentence ended with 'I cheated on Julia.'
I saw the tears accumulate in her eyes. I still hadn't said anything, I just stood there. "I can't believe you!" I kept staring at the phone in her hands, the image of my lips on Annabelle's. Something so sweet tasted so wrong.
"You still have nothing to say? I denied it for weeks that something was going on between you two. I trusted you enough to think it was nothing, boy was I wrong." Julia struggled to keep ahold of herself but ended up letting the tears spill from her eyes.
"We are through. Done. Over." She didn't even pick up her bag; she just stormed out the door.
My body finally decided to leave it's statured state. I ran out the door and found Julia clutching the handlebars of her bike; running down the driveway.
"Jules, wait," I sprinted to her side and held onto her arm. She twisted out of my grip.
"Stop, just stop it." She said forcefully. I took her in my grasp again.
"Julia, I never meant for this to happen," My own voice cracked. I couldn't lose her. "I can't lose you,"
"Looks like it's too late, you already did." She spat and unclamped my grip on her wrist. She ripped the skull ring from her finger and shoved it into my hands. "Thought you might want this back too, a promise is a promise, right?" She turned towards the street and peddled off into the night.
I stood at the end of the driveway. My feet stuck like hardened cement to the spot. The ring felt like solid lead in my hands. It was only until Cece came home that she wrapped her arms around me and lead me into the house.
She sat me on the couch in the living room and landed beside me. "What happened, Babyboy?" She asked.
"I fucked up." I said simply, my voice cracked again from the strain on my vocal chords.
She rubbed my back and tried to comfort me. "Julia will be okay, you'll be okay. In he morning, things will look better." she reassured me.
Cece pulled me into her arms again and brought me up to my room.
I lay in my bed. The noises of the night hurt my ears. It was too loud, something was wrong.
The door burst open again and Cece was there with a phone clutched in her hands. Bullfrog appeared behind her with his face pale as a ghost. I sat up and looked at them, wondering what was going on. "Eli, Babyboy, we're really sorry..." She started, but faded off, as if choking on the words lodged in the back of her throat.
"Julia... She got in an accident." Bullfrog finished for her and came up behind to rub her back. Cece had started to cry. After all those months of Julia staying over, she had considered her family. A family member hurt, always got Cece at heart. "We can drive you to the hospital, okay Babyboy? Get your shoes." I sat on the bed in shell shock. What were they saying? What was going on?
I felt like an automaton, my actions felt controlled, but not by me, my brain felt numb. The three of us climbed into the car and sped off to the hospital.
Outside Julia's room her parents; both of her parents sat sobbing on the bench by the door. Even after all their years of fighting they were holding each other close and watching their tears fall to the yellow tiled floor.
At our arrival they both looked up and I saw more tears well up in their eyes, just like Julia's had hours earlier. "I'm sorry, Elijah," Her mother murmured. "She's gone,"
Cece ran to her side and let the woman's salty tears stain her blouse.
My mind stopped working; my heart stopped beating. Julia's gone?
I sprinted past the parentals at the door and shoved it open. On the bed lay Julia. IVs stuck out of her arm, pumping useless liquids into her system. Her hair was held to her forehead with expired perspiration. Her face held unhealed cuts and bruises from the vehicle contact. Her mouth was opened slightly but no small breaths escaped her body. She just lay there. Her chest didn't rise or fall; her eyelids didn't flutter in her sleep. She wasn't sleeping, I thought painfully. I moved from my spot by the door and carefully approached the bed. I sat at the edge and reached for her hand. It felt clammy and cold, but I didn't contract my own. "I'm so sorry, Jules." I whispered quietly, choking back sobs.
I picked up her hand and brought it to my face, placing soft kisses on her white knuckles.
I gingerly lay down beside her on the crinkly paper mattress. I clutched her close. I smelt asphalt in her hair and the tangy smell of blood on her skin. She looked like a broken, damaged shell. I wrapped my arms around her waist and nuzzled my head on her shoulder.
I lay there and cried.
"I love you so much Jules; I'm sorry." I said in her ear, even though she would never hear.
My mind spun from the overwhelming memory. I pulled over Morty and held my head in my hands. "Breathe, Eli," I told myself, "Deep breaths, in... out..." I heaved the heavy breaths and tried to calm my anxiety. When I was collected enough to enter the lanes of traffic, I continued my way to Clare's house.
I stopped in front of the small brick suburban home; smiling to myself as I pushed the car door open and ran up the steps.
Moments later, Clare appeared. The instant she stepped outside I grabbed at her waist and caught my lips in hers. We stood in that embrace for a while, her legs swaying a bit from the oxygen deficiency. I let her go and watched her chest rise and fall quickly. "Well, someone's excited to see me," She laughed and picked my hand from its side.
"Did I ever tell you I love you?" I asked and tangled my fingers into hers.
"Maybe once or twice..."
"Good," I said and pulled her close again. "Don't ever let me forget, okay? Even when I'm down, don't ever let me forget that I love you, promise?"
Clare giggled, "I promise,"
With our hands twisted in a knot, I felt the reassuring cool metal of my ring on her finger and just knew she meant it.
"So, do you want to call up Adam for some coffees at the Dot?" I asked.
"Sure, let's go," She smiled and dragged me to Morty to retrieve our long awaited coffees and find our best friend.
