I'm in a very crack-fic Akatsuki mood today. Heh... And it's gonna be yaoi! Yaoi! Yaoi!

Every member is going to have a certain quality about them that was not mentioned or put in the actual anime. Like Itachi being psychotic. Like, reeeeeally reeeeeally insane. And other things, of course.

Oh and for some reason, one of my friends told me once I'm a famous Yaoi artist, I'll have to send him a signed copy... So apparently I'm good at drawing yaoi... XD Wheeee~

Please R&R!

Main pairing: Sasodei. Mai faaavorite *squeals*

Part I

DEIDARA POV

I hate Akatsuki.

I hate Itachi.

I hate having a partner.

I hate him.

I hate how he's so impatient all the time.

I hate how he nags about time.

I hate how he smirks when he knows he's right.

I hate it when he's right.

I hate having to travel with him.

I hate it when he thinks it's funny to undress right in front of me.

I hate how I love it...

"Deidara!" the voice screamed, kicking open my door.

I sat up quickly, grabbing a kunai.

Bad habbit.

The tall, silver haired, Jashin-worshipping man stood in my doorway, his scythe in his left hand.

"What?" I asked, loosening my grip on the kunai. No one attacked each other in Akatsuki when Pein was here. Though, with Hidan, you could never be sure.

"WHERE THE FUCK IS MY GOD-DAMN BIBLE?" he screamed, raising his scythe.

I glared at him, studying how stressed his face looked.

"Like I know," I grumbled, shaking my head.

"THEN YOU'RE GONNA HELP ME LOOK!"

I reached over and grabbed the hair tie on my bed-side table, quickly pulling some hair into a pony tail.

Hidan's face was turning red from anger.

I scoffed and suggested, "Maybe you should ask Itachi. He'd be of more help, un."

I said this but I knew he wasn't changing his mind, especially after I'd already gotten out of the bed.

I really had given in too quickly.

He stomped over to me and grabbed my arm after I put a shirt on. I mumbled random curse words to myself as he pulled me out of my room and down the hallway, to Itachi's room.

He kicked open the door and pulled me in with him.

What was his deal with kicking things?

"ITACHI!" He screamed, and Itachi reacted about the same way I did. It was about one in the morning, so most of us had been sleeping. Key word being "had".

"What?!" He cried, the haziness of sleep not yet out of his eyes.

"WHERE THE FUCK IS MY BIBLE?!" he screamed, stomping over to Itachi's bed.

Itachi looked at Hidan cluelessly and then started screaming at the top of his lungs.

Okay, maybe it was a bad idea to wake up Itachi.

Hidan backed away a bit as Itachi rolled around in the bed like he was having a seizure. You couldn't even understand what he was saying; he was just making sounds.

I turned around as I heard someone cough, and found Konan standing there is nothing but dark blue boxers and a very pink bra.

She raised a cigarette to her mouth and took a deep drag, her eyes half closed.

"What's happening?" she asked, the smoke going straight into my face.

Hidan caught sight of her and started yelling about his bible; Itachi was still rolling around on the bed, his screams hurting my ears; Konan wasn't even paying attention and continued to smoke her cigarette, and the sound of doors opening was there somewhere in the background.

The noise had caused Tobi, Sasori, Kakuzu, and Zetsu to come out of their rooms. None of them wearing more than just boxers (except Tobi, who had the weird habit of never taking off his mask).

I was careful not to look at Sasori.

"Will someone find Hidan's bible, since he is incapable of doing it without waking the whole headquarters?" Sasori asked dryly.

I kept my eyes on the floor, feeling my face heat up.

"Tobi is a good boy!" Tobi cried, "Tobi knows where Hidan left it!"

Everyone looked at him expectantyl, waiting for him to go on. He just stood there, looking at us.

Hidan had calmed down a little when Tobi said this, but now was about to freak out again. Itachi, of course, hadn't ceased the psychotic screaming.

"TOBI!" he screamed, pulling Tobi towards him and screaming into his mask.

"Yes, Hidan-sempai?" he asked cheerfully.

"WHERE IS IT?" Hidan (along with the rest of us, who had simply gotten sick of his idioticness) screamed.

"Where is what?" he asked dumbly.

"THE BIBLE!"

"You mean Jashin-sama's bible?" he asked, "Hidan left it in the bathroom."

Hidan threw Tobi into the wall and marched through us, pushing us all to the side.

When he passes Sasori, he pushed him into me. I flinched and tried to move out of the way, but I was too slow.

I had to grab onto his shoulders so he wouldn't hit me, causing us both to fall over.

Sasori looked at me and I let go of him quickly, turning to away.

"Everyone. Get out," a new voice threatened. Kisame was standing there, ordering us to get out of Itachi's room. He was the only one who could calm down Itachi went he was like this.

Everyone moved and Sasori grabbed my arm to pull me out of the way. If he hadn't, the door would've surely hit me in the face, causing even more troubles.

I tried my hardest not to look at him, but failed when I realized he still hadn't let go of my arm.

Everyone else had gone somewhere else by now. Back to their room, to the kitchen, outside to smoke...

"W-what?" I asked, tugging slightly to try and loosen his grip on my arm.

He reached up and I flinched as he ran his fingers under my bottom lip.

"Drool," he said, his voice not enthusiastic in the least.

I felt the blood rush to my face and looked down. He still didn't let go of my arm.

"U-Um," I said, "I need to pee, un."

He looked amused and let go of my arm. It may have seemed like it, but it wasn't an excuse. I really did have to go.

I rushed to the bathroom and locked the door.

I was sweaty and my face was a lot pinker than I'd imagined. My hair was greasy and messy. My eyes were slightly bloodshot and my skin was dried out.

All in all, I looked like shit.

After emptying my bladder, I decided to shower. I knew I wouldn't be able to sleep anymore anyways.

I stepped into the shower, took out my pony tail and turned on the cold water. I didn't bother using hot water, because I knew it'd just cause problems later. Plus, the cold relaxes me more.

I squirted some Aloe body wash into my left palm and started scrubbing myself. I hate the feeling of being dirty! I sighed as the hunger pains came again, throbbing throughout my middle. I leaned over a bit, trying to ease the pain. I looked down and saw the protruding ribs, massaging them with my hands. I was careful to avoid the mouth on my upper chest, which had a habit of chewing on anything near it. I had more control over the mouths on my hands.

The hunger rumbled through my stomach and I winced. I sat down to avoid falling over, which had happened once or twice before. I let the freezing water fall over my head and soak my hair.

I could hear the muffled sounds of people in the hall. Now that Hidan had woken everyone up, most of us wouldn't go back to sleep. I know I wouldn't be able to if I tried. I was lucky when I did fall asleep; the hunger usually kept me awake.

After shampooing and conditioning my hair, I shut the shower off. I tried my hardest not to look in the mirror before I could grab a towel. I succeeded this time, and had the towel wrapped around myself before I saw myself.

I sighed in relief and grabbed my boxers. I was almost to my room when Kisame came out of Itachi's room.

Itachi had stopped screaming a while ago. For some reason, Kisame was the only person who could calm Itachi down.

He looked at me and smirked. His blue skin crinkled with the smirk and he shook his head.

"Getting a bit skinny, are we?" he mocked, brushing past me.

I felt the knot in my stomach at these words and tried not to react. That was what they wanted.

"Maybe it's from eating all that healthy fish, un," I replied quickly and rushed back to my room.

I knew that what I said would piss off Kisame to no end.

He deserved it.

Once inside, I leaned against the cool door, sliding to the ground. I tried to slow my breathing, which had gotten unusually heavy after Kisame's comment. My heart was racing.

What does it matter?

I repeated this over in my head as I crawled over to my bed. I grabbed the hair brush and slowly brushed through my blonde mess.

Slipping on my boxers and a black t-shirt, I decided to leave my room for once. The T.V. was in the living room and Pein didn't really offer us much other entertainment than that. My room had thousands of pens and notebooks and sketch books, but I sometimes got bored.

I heard the TV as soon as I left my room, and walked in the direction of that room.

I turned the corner and saw Hidan, Kisame and Tobi sitting watching some weird reality show. They looked blurry. I leaned against the wall for a second and realized my breathing was uneven. I looked back up and saw Kisame had turned to look at me, but I couldn't tell what his face looked like. It was all too blurry.

I felt a thump and opened my eyes again.

Am I on the floor?

I looked around but couldn't make out the details of the room. Everything was spinning and my eyes hurt.

"Deidara, wake up."

"Deidara, you idiot."

"What happened?"

Weeeell there it is! First chapter! Please review~ I will give out hugs, kisses, and love?

I might even throw in some cookies~

Please tell me what you think! I look forward to making the next chapter.

Sasori's veiw of point is next!!!

~~yaaaaoi~~