Disclaimer! I don't own any of the characters. Please write reviews! This is all human.

J.M.J.


Then I Realized it

Bella's point of view

Chapter 1

I was so confused and hurt and overwhelmed. I didn't know what to do, I had problems everywhere. Nobody seemed to care, they all teamed up against me or they just pretended I didn't exist. I thought about the people that may care; the few friends that I had. Alice would be a little upset but I had hurt her and she would probably be glad to see me go; one less thing to bother her. My sister Rosalie would be extremely happy. I couldn't think of anybody else that might care except maybe Jacob. He was a boy I had liked for the longest time and our parents accused us of liking each other but we denied it. Finally we found out the we really did like each other so we stopped talking completely. I wrote down a note for him explaining everything, just in case he did care.

I got into the shower, still crying. I had no clue what to do, no clue what would happen, and no clue why this all happened to me. I sat in the shower, letting the hot water beat out the sounds of my untamable sobs and moans. I thought of everything that had happened to me and it all hit me in a rush. I started shaking, shivering, sweating, and getting nauseous. My thoughts went everywhere and nowhere at the same time. I felt this extremely violent emotion overtake my body and cupping my hands, I allowed them to overflow with water. And as I cried "God help me" I inhaled a lung full of water. However, I didn't even choke up a little bit. I tried it again with an even bigger inhale of the water, and still nothing happened. I got out of the now freezing shower, still crying but calm now. I went into the room that I shared with Rosalie; it was very late so I got into my small mattress laid on the floor, and went to sleep.

The next morning I woke up to the sound of Rosalie yelling at me to wake up and get my lazy butt out of bed. As I brushed my teeth in the bathroom, memories of the past night filled my mind. I quickly finished brushing my teeth and went back into my room to get changed and Rosalie was about to go somewhere with Renee.

"Rosalie! Come on!" Renee called from the stairs.

"Coming, just a second!" Rosalie yelled back. She continued to put make up on and then she turned to me with a glare. "You're pathetic, you know? You always hurt everyone. You have no idea how much you hurt Ben. You hurt Alice too. You ditched her and she is your best friend. You're always walking on people to get what you want. You really hurt them!"

I just looked at the edge of her bed as these words soaked in. She went downstairs and I looked out the window as I saw them pull to the edge of the long driveway. I went to my dresser and pulled out the switchblade my dad Phil had just given me. I put it up to my throat and as I was about to slide it across, I heard the door open and footsteps coming up the stairs. I quickly hid the knife and Rosalie barged in the room to grab her forgotten purse.

"You're so dramatic!" I realized I was still in the same position she had seen me when she left; standing in the middle of the room, staring at the edge of her bed. She gave me another glare on her way out and slammed the door behind her. I watched the car pull completely out of the driveway this time. I went to pick up the knife again and as I put it up to my throat I heard Rosalie's voice echo in my head "You're so dramatic." I remembered one of my old friends Jessica used to cut herself. She said she had problems with her family and she had problems with her friends and she had been cheated on by the guy she had known and been in love with since she could remember.

Thoughts of my problems crashed into my head and I started shivering, shaking, sweating, and getting nauseous. All my thoughts went everywhere and I couldn't think of anything. Then the violent wave hit me like a ton of bricks. I quickly moved the blade to my wrist; I pushed the blade down and drug it across my arm, making a perfect straight line. The violent feelings went away and I felt down to earth again. I felt visible again.

I went into the bathroom and let my wrist bleed into the sink. Finally when it dried, I rinsed the blood out of the sink and wiped my arm off. I went to my dresser and took out the only long-sleeved shirt I owned. I went downstairs and the day went on like nothing had happened.

However, I didn't eat anything for breakfast, or lunch, or dinner. I "wasn't hungry." It wasn't like anybody paid any attention to what I did anyways. I avoided Alice, which isn't easy to do given she lives next door and we are both home-schooled. I avoided Ben too, but that was a lot easier because he lived 15 minutes away and went to public school.

My home was a prison. I was trapped in a house with Rosalie, my mom, and my dad. Rosalie is pretty much a slut. She is constantly leading boys on and then telling them she doesn't like them and she has a boyfriend. She is always trying to show off her body and she has every guy's attention because of it. She always talks down to me and tells me how awful I am and how I'm not pretty. Honestly, after hearing it so many times, I find it hard not to believe it. My mom likes Rosalie more because Rosalie asks her for help all the time. She acts like a saint around the family but when she gets away, it's like all the demons let lose. Rosalie boyfriend's name is Emmett. He used to be my best friend and until he used me to get to Rosalie. According to my parents, Rosalie and I are too young to date so we have to go in a group. For months, I was forced to go as their "group" and it sucked. I hated Emmett for using me and I hated Rosalie for making me go on their dates. She used to yell at me for not getting along with him, really I just ignored him completely.

Renee didn't know any of this. She didn't pay attention to anything going on and at this current moment, I am very thankful for that. I think. Whenever there is an argument, she always sides with Rosalie. I'm always the worthless, pathetic, lazy person that doesn't do anything. I'm always wrong, no matter what I say or do.

Phil is never home. He is always working and when he does have some free time, he is with Rosalie and Renee, or mowing the grass. Even if he mowed the grass the day before, he mows it again even though it doesn't cut anything. He doesn't give a damn about anything that goes on with me at all.

Nobody gives a damn about what goes on with me. Why should they? I'm a pathetic nobody that isn't pretty, and I use my friends to get what I want. I don't even deserve to walk the earth. Nobody tries to understand me. Nobody cares about me. Nobody loves me.


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