Disclaimer: I Don't own CSI:Miami, the Muppets, Star Wars, Fairly Odd Parents or the Glasshouse, but i can say i do own a fishy named David Hasselhoff.
Chapter 1
Horatio took confident strides across the crime scene but came to a halt when he reached Alexx and the deceased victim.
"Alexx, what do we have here?"
" Dead frog. Name's Kermit, born May 9th 1955. His nephew Robin said they found him… Horatio, what is it?" Alexx had noticed H with his hands on his hips and looking inquisitive.
" My Horatio senses are telling me that when I turn around Miss Piggy is going to leap out with gun, while I play Master Horatio Defender of the Universe" (da da daaaaaaaa just pretend that's theme music)
Alexx was puzzled " how do you know that?"
"I read the script"
"Ohhh"
Horatio turned around and right on cue Miss Piggy jumped out from behind an inflatable cactus and started shooting wildly. Horatio Defender of the Universe pulled out his firearm when suddenly…. (ba ba baaammm) … a giant sparrow wearing a fake moustache swooped towards his head and flew away with his glasses! But then he came back, crapped on Horatio's Hummer and then flew away again. Horatio made a beeline for his Hummer and started a wild goose- chase with the sparrow but Master H lost site of the strange bird pretty quickly.
For the first time in his life Horatio was lost, he didn't know what to do. This was the first time he had ever been parted from his glasses, so he did what he did best. He struck a pose and then moped back to the lab.
When Master H returned to the lab he was greeted with a large brown parcel. He opened it with little joy, knowing full well that his glasses weren't there to enjoy the moment. The parcel contained a video, so he handled it with care and slid it into the nearest VCR. Up came a picture of his glasses, tears welled in Horatio's eyes. A man in a dark suit appeared on the screen and started talking.
" Good day Master Horatio Defender of the Universe. You may be pleased to hear that I have your glasses safe and unharmed, my sparrow Barry made sure of that. If you ever want to see your glasses again though, meet me at McCauley Jewellers right NOW. Oh yeah, make sure you bring Ryan, Delko and Calleigh with you…. Mwahaha…hahaha…hahahahaha!" The screen went black.
Horatio stood up " Calleigh! Ryan! Delko! You've got an assignment, get your arses over here and into the Hummers"
While on their journey to McCauley Jewellers Horatio told his colleagues what was really going on. Calleigh offered Master H some sympathy while Ryan was sucking up to him so hard he almost disappeared.
Delko sat there expressionless. " C'mon Horatio, what's the worst he could do?"
Cosmo " AN IRON FISTED DICTATORSHIP! Weird I was thinking a picnic"
Calleigh rolled her eyes " Cosmo, Fairly Odd Parents is studio six one six, this is six two six"
"Riiiiiiight"
Meanwhile Horatio pulled up in front of the modern looking boutique. He took a deep breath in to prepare him for what was to come, and then he strode in with his CSI's flowing in beside him.
" Welcome, I've been expecting you"
H was startled; he turned around to see an expressionless man in dark garments and a black mask greeting them. The man held up his firearm and shot it twice. Seconds later Ryan hit the ground, started convulsing, and then died moments later.
(Six feet under ground Speedle was laughing in his grave. " Ryan effing Wolfe, what a cock spank. He should have never replaced me")
But back at the jewellers bad, bad things were happening… (Ba ba baaaaa) the masked man had taken Calleigh and Delko hostage!
The man chuckled " Now Horatio, I know you want your glasses back, but how badly?" The man pulled out H's specs from his pocket as evidence that he still had them. " I'm going to leave you with a choice. You can have your glasses, but the lives of your colleagues will be lost, or you can have your friends but in turn you glasses will be smashed to millions of pieces"
Horatio stared at the ground; he didn't know what to do, so he replied with the only thing he knew would save him.
" Well you know what they say Frank, speed kills"
Everyone in the room stared blankly at Master Horatio.
Shit…wrong line, shit, shit think… ummmm… Oh yeah, got it"Who are you, who, who? Why are you doing this?
" Horatio… I am your father"
Horatio gasped " Lord Vader…"
Thanks for reading my first fic, i really suck at english so please excuse all the bad grammar. Please tell me whether to keep going, because i have ideas, but if you think it's crap i'll just shove my thoughts to the back of my head. But please review, and if you do i swear i'll... ummm, prank call Pizza Hut? haha,i dunno, but you'll make me happy!
