Reagan: Here we go, straight from memory! Definitely a new phrasing of "taking a dump". Grammar edited by Tloj. Tune in tomorrow for the finale: Metal, We Toddlerized Ourselves, by Starvix.


Story Notes:

For those who might have read this on Fan Fiction, I made a change concerning Robo Knuckles' name. When putting it up on , I used the name Metal Knuckles, as both the Fan Fiction sight and the official Sonicwiki stated that was the official name for the character. In this site, and for most fans, however, he is known as Robo Knuckles; no matter what name you use it is the same character...which kind of makes his personality glitches funnier when you think about how he is normally portrayed.

Author's Chapter Notes:

I do not own anything in this story save the plot, the personality changes in the three robots, Maria the Dark Chao, and Zombie the Mixed Breed Chao. This story is in first person, Metal Sonic's POV.


"Finally! All of my preparations are complete. And it's about time." my inventor, the scientist known as Dr. Eggman muttered to himself as he put the finishing touches on his invention. "I'm not getting any younger, and Eggman Land isn't going to dominate itself."

I wished not for the first time that my electronic eyes were capable of being rolled. My Master—by name only, I was always looking for a chance to free myself from the loser—must create some bonehead scheme every three months or so.

Usually involving complicated devices that broke at a critical moment or mechanical robots all inexplicably named after egg products.

"Do you know what this is, Metal Sonic?" Eggman asked me, lifting what appeared to be a Tiny Tots Toy Soldier Plastic Water Gun.

"Analysis terms it a harmless toy commonly used for mindless, childish amusement," I said a monotone. This was extremely boring, and I really wished I didn't have to be here.

"Oh, well, Mr. I'm-So-Smart, you're wrong." Eggman gave me a condescending smile and continued. "When my Eggafier Ray failed, I realized it was because it was too big! Too bulky! Sonic could see it coming a mile away! This," he raised the toy gun high in the air. "This will take care of that problem!"

"You intend to squirt the hedgehog to death, Master?" Robo Knuckles asked, sounding confused.

"What? No, you twit!" Eggman snapped at the machine. "I modified it, into a MINI Eggafier Ray! One for each of you. Ho, ho, ho, ho!" Eggman finally stopped laughing and handed a Mini Eggafier Ray to me and the others.

"You three," Eggman ordered, "are to use this on EVERY person who has knowingly aided Sonic against me, as well as Sonic himself, and bring them to me."

"Why not just eradicate them, Master?" asked Shadow Android.

"Because, if you kill them, I can't raise them to be my evil minions and help me take over the world. But you wouldn't know that, because you're an idiot, aren't you?" Eggman didn't wait for Shadow Android's answer. "Now get going!"

Not for the first time, I mentally cursed my lot in life and went to do my Master's bidding.

Our first stop was at Central City. Several of Sonic's allies hung around that area, so it was a logical first stop. I perched myself on top of a building and scanned the area.

"Target found: Rose, Amy. Bat, Rouge. Hedgehog, Shadow. Rabbit, Cream. Commencing capture procedures."

Robo Knuckles went after Rouge. Shadow Android took off after his organic double. That left me with Amy Rose and Cream.

I took the stupid water gun Eggman insisted I use and went to work. I knew where Amy was heading; towards Sonic the Hedgehog's house. That was always where she was heading whenever I had to kidnap her. She never changes her route, or the time when she goes. And yet, she cannot seem to understand why I always know where to wait in ambush in order to capture her.

Even more fortunate, today Cream was with her.

Amy Rose never even realized she was in danger until it was too late. A pinkish/white glow surrounded her and her friend, and before either of them knew what happened, they had both been reduced to a toddler's state.

I admit, it was a pleasant surprise to see one of Eggman's inventions actually working for once. Even if it was a stupid squirty toy. I flew to the ground and picked up the toddlers. Amy was screaming and struggling to get away, but Cream was simply content to be allowed to take that stupid Chao of hers with her and gave me no trouble.

Whose retarded idea was it to name that thing Cheese, anyway?

But, back to the topic at hand. Toddler Amy is much easier to drag off than Adult Amy was. That was logical, but somehow, she still has that stupid hammer of hers. Only it was small and made out of plastic. Where on earth does she keep those things?!

I took my prize to a pre-set containment unit inside Eggman's latest base that would hold the children indefinitely. While I was there, Robo Knuckles and Shadow Android returned, each carrying an infant version of their target.

Baby Rouge was calm, as if she was trying to analyze her new predicament. Baby Shadow, however…

"I am in need of assistance," Shadow Android pleaded. "He won't stop kicking my servo motors, and his pet Chao is eating my outer covering!"

Of course, my help would have to be incompetent. I gave a mechanical version of a sigh and pried the screaming, kicking Shadow off of the android, while Robo Knuckles somehow managed to get the Chao off of the machine. The Chao instantly started chowing down on Robo Knuckles, who started shrieking like a boiling tea kettle.

"Get it off me! Get it off me!"

"Hold still, Robo Knuckles," Shadow Android ordered, powering up his ion cannon. "I bet I can nail it."

"Wait! Where are you pointing that thing?" Robo Knuckles asked. "You are going to fry my internal sensors, you dingbat! Point that thing somewhere else!"

Shadow, still in my arms, started screaming louder. "Weave Mawia awone! Weave Mawia awone!"

"Call your pet to you, and I assure you that neither of you will be harmed."

Shadow stopped struggling for a second, a confused, 'what the heck are you talking about?' look on his face.

I sighed again and quickly scanned my internal files on young children. I found a statement that would convey my message. "Can you make Maria come to you?"

"Uh-huh," Shadow said.

"Then have her come to you, and I won't let them give her any…" I paused and searched again for any suitable substitutes for the next word. There wasn't any. I closed my optics and said it. "Boo-boos."

Shadow's face lit up with understanding, and he called, "Mawia! I wanties you! Comey mes, Mawia!"

Maria obediently released Robo Knuckles and flew to her owner, who grabbed her. They were both placed in the containment unit with the other two children.

Then we were off looking for other allies of Sonic.

Robo Knuckles headed towards Angel Island, stating he would soon return with his organic doppelganger in tow. Shadow Android headed towards the Chaotix Detective Agency. And I started looking for the organic Sonic the Hedgehog.

The sooner we ended this search, the better.

I found my counterpart taking a nap in a field of flowers. It made it pathetically easy to infantize him. Still, it was for the best, because if Sonic had actually been awake, I probably would not have been able to zap him.

As I landed to claim the now very small child, Sonic's eyes opened. He looked at me interestedly.

"You are to come with me," I ordered.

"Why?" asked Baby Sonic, cocking his head to the side, a puzzled expression on his face.

"You have no choice," I continued, inching closer to the child. "Come quietly, and perhaps you will be rewarded. Try to escape, and punishment will be issued."

Sonic gave me a look that reminded me of the look Shadow had given me. "Wha's is you?" he asked finally.

"I am an artificially created android, capable of defeating entire legions of soldiers. I am the ultimate being in existence. My designation is Mecha Bot 02, a.k.a. Metal Sonic."

Sonic blinked slowly. "You is shiny!" he contradicted.

I stopped for a second. My databanks confirmed that to the mind of a small child, like Sonic now was, I really was little more than a large, shiny guy.

"That is technically correct, however, my function is much more complicated than that. Now, I have orders to…"

That was as far as I got, for Sonic the Hedgehog gave me a huge hug. "I wikey you, Shiny. You is good."

"…." How on earth am I supposed to respond to such a statement? I disregarded it and decided to simply carry out my primary goal. I picked the happy toddler up and took him back to the containment unit. (If I didn't know better, it really looked to me like Eggman had gone and bought a really big playpen, set it up, and told us to put kids in it. Then again, maybe he did.)

I found Knuckles the Echidna, Vector Crocodile, Charmy Bee, and Espio the Chameleon, all children and already inside the unit, along with Robo Knuckles and Shadow Android standing outside it.

"Is this all of them?" I asked.

"Nope," Robo Knuckles replied. "There's still the fox. His last known location was in the Mystic Ruins. It's dark and creepy there."

"And the fox is scary smart," Shadow Android added. "So we thought you might like to come with us?"

If I had a mouth, my jaw would have dropped in amazement. I thought Eggman had fixed that personality glitch those two ingrates had! However, it seemed the doctor was incapable of even doing that small thing right.

"Fine. Just so we can finally complete this idiotic mission," I agreed.

Get this. Robo Knuckles jumped with glee and Shadow Android clapped his hands.

"Hooray!" said Robo Knuckles. "Let's rocky road!"

"It's 'rock and roll'. Rocky road is an ice cream flavor," corrected Shadow Android.

"Yeah, but it's also a neat catchphrase," insisted Robo Knuckles.

"No, it is not."

"Hey, Metal Sonic? Is Rocky Road a neat catchphrase?"

I ignored them both, instead starting for Mystic Ruins. It is beyond my capacity to explain why Eggman would want toddlers. He's already got two of them.