The Silent Endure
My heart beat my chest like a hummingbird, buzzing and flying against my ribcage, trying to break free. My mouth became dry as I struggled to swallow the knowledge of her dangerous act. The room seemed to spin as I tried to walk forward causing me to cling to the wall, my knees shaking. This must be a sign; she must have done the forbidden act already. Oh Antigone! Guilt crushed down upon me like a thousand lightning bolts sending me to the floor, gasping for breath. "I have failed you, Antigone, and our family. Please forgive me." I said, holding my head in my hands. By following one law, I was breaking another. I chose to stand by man's law, not the gods' law, and I see now I had chosen wrong. But I can change that.
The corridor outside my room was as empty of life as the battlefield was just a few days previous, and I felt an urge to go faster and faster. I would be there when my sister buried our ill-fated brother. I would die with her if I must, but for once in my life I will do the right thing, even if that means standing up against my uncle. Would I be able to find the strength to be like Antigone?
I stopped at the edge of the corridor, where the stench of rotting flesh grew fouler with each step overlooking the courtyard, when I heard a scream of agony and anger rising from the distance like smoke, drifting towards me as it began its echo against the walls. "Antigone…" I whispered clutching the rail on the balcony.
The guards were pulling her from our unburied brothers corpse as she wailed, screaming like the death of our brother had occurred again. They roughly took her arms and pulled her along even as she fought to get back to him. I pulled away from the scene, hiding my shame; I should be there with her now. Instead my sister is all alone.
If Antigone left this world, I would be alone. My mother, my father, my brothers are all gone and I'm not strong enough to be alone. I can't face the world without my sister; I disappointed her, and Polynices. I had fear inside of me, so much fear. Sometimes I feel like I am drowning in it, like the world is closing in on me. Antigone can find courage through her fears, and so will I.
I came through the hallway trying to decide which path I will take when Creon rushed by me for the second time today huffing and scowling like he always does. I quickly averted my gaze downward to the floor. He didn't give me a second thought as he mumbled angrily to himself disappearing around the corner. Haemon was so vastly different from his father I found it hard to believe they were related. Almost as if summoned by the gods he appeared like smoke.
"Ismene," A familiar voice said pulling my attention away from the floor.
"Haemon," I muttered looking up into his face thinking it odd that I was just thinking of him.
"I just heard my father's edict moments ago after I watched Antigone being lead off. I must speak with you." He said urgently with slightly frenzied eyes.
"Of course," I managed to say after a moment.
We started to walk down the barren corridor when he spoke again. He took a long breath and coughed as the horrid smell reached him. No matter how far we would walk the smell of death clung to the very walls of the palace, the mighty gates of Thebes, and infested our hearts with the remembrance of our loss.
"The penalty is death?"
"Yes," I barely whispered.
"My father will enforce it, but it's Antigone…my bride." Haemon stopped walking.
"Your father will enforce it, Haemon. I am afraid I was not able to stop our dear Antigone, and I was too late to join her." I kept my face towards the ground not looking in his eyes. It's too hard to silently endure the pain, I'm afraid to show it, even with Antigone. The one thing I fiercely hide from my sister is the one thing I can never have, Haemon's love.
"Oh Ismene, what can we do? My father is wrong, so very wrong; he is enforcing a law which no Theban could possibly follow, for his law is contradicting the gods' law." Haemon stopped in the middle of the corridor and walked to a table where two wilted flowers that had lost their color lay drooping and discolored in an elegant vase. He gently touched the petal of the once beautiful flower and recoiled as it crumbled in his hand, turning into a sort of dust.
In that moment I remembered those flowers. Less than a week before Polynices charged against his own home with the army of Argive planning to destroy it if he should not be given the throne I had picked the two flowers with Antigone. We passed through the gates of Thebes trying to forget our brother's banishment, or our parents' deaths. Antigone had first spotted them hidden under an old tree, the most perfect flowers with vibrant colors, so stunning that the Goddess Persephone must have made those flowers exceedingly beautiful. The flowers were of the same variety but off different colors, one a pale yellow, the other a vivid red.
"Look how beautiful they are." Antigone had said lifting the red one up and gazing at it as the dew dripped of like tear drops.
We had taken the flowers back to the palace putting them in a vase so everyone could admire them.
"Two sisters, two flowers," I said as she carefully put the flowers in the vase.
"Those flowers will start wilting at the same time, so we can enjoy both of them for a little while." She smiled at me.
I shook the memory from my head. We are two sisters, and I must stand with the other. I must stand with Antigone, even if Haemon is hers, even if I am scared, if Antigone is there I can stand with her. The flowers wilted together and so shall the sisters.
"I will try to persuade my father, he must listen to me and the people of Thebes." Haemon said determined. "If my father talks to you, you must convince him Antigone is innocent. She committed no crime…I have to go now and figure out what I will say."
"Haemon…" I said weakly. "I will do my best, but…"
"Yes, Ismene?" Haemon said and for the first time I lifted my eyes to meet his gaze. His dark and mysterious brown eyes held mine with a burning intensity that could smother anyone who looked, but those eyes were for Antigone alone I had no place in them now or forever.
"I hope…I hope you succeed in saving my sister." I didn't turn my face downward, this may be the last time I see him.
"Good bye Ismene."
As I watched as he walked down the hallway, I prayed to the mighty gods that this would not be that last time I saw him, or the last time I see Antigone.
"Ismene!"
I turned to hear the sound of the masculine voices of two guards coming up from behind me. Before I could understand what was happening I was being lead away to see Creon and suddenly found myself standing before him trying not to tremble with the overwhelming fear that possessed my heart.
Creon looked at me waiting for an answer. This was my moment to make up to my family and to prove to myself I could be as strong as Antigone. A hard lump formed in my throat making it hard to swallow and I became lightheaded like I would collapse on the ground, I tried to swallow but could not. My palms started to sweat and the room spun. In a brief second I felt as if the world was weighing on my shoulders waiting for me to make the right decision. All my life I had done what I was supposed to do, listened when I was told to listen, spoke when I was told to speak, and feel what I was supposed to feel, not now. I glanced at Antigone and her hate filled eyes the kind of eyes that held betrayal and loathing, I would stand with her until the end, even if that meant leaving this earth. I took a deep breath mustering all my strength, willing it to be at the tip of my tongue, and hang on to every word. Happily would I embrace death now and leave this woeful world behind, I found comfort in the thought that I would be leaving it with my sister.
"I did it."
