Beep Beep Beep Be-SMASH
Like most mornings, my day began with that accursed alarm clock. And just like every morning, I grabbed my wooden mallet and smashed it to pieces.
After sluggishly rising to my feet, I swept the remains of the clock into my dustbin. I was too awake to go back to bed, so I went ahead and started the coffee maker. As the machine ran, I looked around my house. Something told me this would be a long, boring day. Ever since I defeated Dr. Zomboss, the leader of the zombies, things had been going really slow. I suspected he was faking his surrender, so I never stopped planting a defense every morning. But today, I was tired. What good is it preparing for nothing?
I spotted the picture of my family on a shelf and lifted it. Not only did this picture bring good memories, but it also brought bad ones. I could remember that last time we had together, how we were just walking from the movies. We took a short cut down an alleyway and...
A single tear rolled down my cheek. I could still remember that mugger's face when he shot my parents in cold blood. I grasped the picture tighter. Ever since then, I dedicated my life to end all crime and- no wait; that's batman's edgy backstory. Or was it superman's? Eh, who cares.
Ding!
"Ooh, my coffee's ready!"
I dropped the picture, allowing it to smash on the ground, and ran into my kitchen. I poured the coffee into my favorite mug. If zombie fighting was out of the question, what else was there? There had to be something to keep me from boredom, I just had to think. "Maybe I could visit my neighbors and see if- no wait, they're all dead."
I sighed and took a loud sip of my drink. "I mean, Crazy Dave is still alive, but he is exactly what his name implies: a David. And nobody plays with a David."
I started toward the living room. "I could throw another party with the zombies. Except I trust them as far as I can throw 'em."
I placed the empty mug on a coaster before plopping on the couch. "Or I could just stare at the ceiling as I slowly drift into madness."
This was definitely going to be one of those days. An hour later, I was still lying on that same couch doing the same thing. I was actually making good progress until I heard something beating at the window. It was probably Crazy Dave asking for more hot sauce, so I ignored it. But the noise only continued to grow louder and a lot more irritating.
"Shut up, Dave!" I yelled.
Apparently, whoever was knocking on my window decided to flip the entire house. I flew out of the couch and slammed into the wall. Sounds of shattering windows exploded throughout the house. I could hear the rushing winds as it passed through the broken windows.
"What's going on?!"
My surprise was cut short as I saw the couch sliding toward me. I rolled out of the way as it smashed into the wall. After my narrow escape from being flattened, I attempted to stand. But the house jerked to another side, sending me sailing to the opposite wall.
The house spun around and around without stopping. It was as if physics decided to take a nap. I found myself floating for a few seconds before slamming into another wall. Obtaining my balance was hard enough without having to dodge the flying furniture. Yep, something strange was going on.
My hands desperately searched for something fixed to latch on to. After some time of being tossed around, they found themselves locked onto a door knob. The door violently swung open as if to throw me off, but I held firm. I spotted a window to the side of me. Peering through it, I thought I could finally solve this mystery.
But all I could see was the rushing wind. And strange enough, the wind was red. In fact, that was the only reason I could see it. After a while of staring and intense reasoning, I concluded...
"I'M IN A TORNADO!"
It was impossible! Last I checked there wasn't a cloud in the sky this morning!
There was another jerk, and I lost grip on the door. I found myself thrown to the ceiling, and then to the floor. After some time, I finally managed to stop landing on my face. If anything, I was grateful I didn't fly through any of the broken windows, but my stuff wasn't so lucky.
"Aww, not my almanac!" I cried. For a moment, I had to forget my stuff. What was more important was surviving.
After what seemed like an eternity, the tornado stopped as abruptly as it came. I was back on my floor, thank goodness.
I punched the air. "Alright! I survived a tornado! I am awesome!" I cheered. I started my first step forward, just as the house began plummeting.
My ride hadn't ended. Everything started to float toward the ceiling. I felt weightless; the kind of feeling you'd get on a roller coaster. But this was no time to throw my hands in the air and scream. Making my way to the bedroom, I saw my mattress in midair.
"Well, here goes nothing."
I floated above the mattress and braced myself. The house hit the ground with a loud thump and everything went black.
Seconds later, I was still in darkness. For a time, I thought it was because I was unconscious. You could imagine my relief when I realized my eyes were simply closed shut. I slowly opened them. The room was dark, probably due to the power being knocked out. Some light managed to seep in through one of the windows, but that was all. I waited for my eyes to adjust before trying anything.
But as I sat upright, a sense of fear crawled up my back. Questions like "Where am I?" and "What if Spain was in Greece?" were ever-present in my mind. I'd fought a zombie apocalypse and stumbled through time, but this was different. I was confused, scared, and alone.
I sighed and rose to my feet. "I asked for this, didn't I? I tempted fate; pushed it to its limit. Now I'm paying the price."
I tried to add a positive spin on my situation. But for the life of me, I couldn't find one good thing about this. I mean, I didn't even know where I was. For all I knew, I could've landed right back where I started. I made my way toward the window, trying not to trip over anything, and looked out it.
"A forest?" I said, quite surprised, "that tornado carried me quite a distance."
Between my house and the forest was a wide stretch of land filled with tornado debris and items from my house. I approached each of my windows to get a different perspective, but it was all the same. I was completely surrounded by thick trees.
Already things were looking grim for me, but I wouldn't allow worry to consume me. I'm a survivor. I glared at improbability and spit in its mouth. I was going to use my resources and find a way out of here.
First, the house was to be made whole again. Thankfully, the exterior of the house was still intact, save for the windows. I marched to my attic and opened a box containing spare bulletproof windows. Nothing will be able to get in here after a few minutes.
After I was safely isolated, I began my work on the interior of the house. That involved picking up furniture, replacing anything broken, and fixing the electricity. The last one was a mystery to me, but I figured I'd get around to it later.
At first look, the forest was intimidating. Sickly trees with warning branches and the gloomy grass all helped the spooky appearance. But after a couple of minutes, I was beginning to think this forest was all bark but no bite. Nothing posed a great threat, and I was starting to get used to it. I finally decided it was safe to start collecting some of the stuff that fell from the house. That was my first mistake.
"Ah, my almanac's safe," I said, lifting the book from the ground. Already had I made ten trips to gather everything. Only one or two trips more and I'd have finished. But as I opened the book to inspect it, I heard a twig snap. Instantly, my survival instincts jumped to life as I threw a look behind me. From the corner of my eye, I spotted a green flash of fire from the darkness of the forest. Shortly after, a figure began to emerge from the bushes. I dashed for a nearby broom and pointed it at the creature. "I'm begging you, don't come any closer! Cause I will viciously murder you with this broom!"
The figure ignored my warning continued to move forward. My heart raced, but I continued to keep the menacing glare. I wasn't going to back down. The looming beast took a step into the light. Soon, its whole body was revealed by the sunlight.
"Is that...a unicorn?"
I was right. In front of me was a living unicorn, but it wasn't exactly how I'd pictured it. For one, it was half my size and had a pink coat. Its purple mane was in the style of a human's. And it's purple eyes were huge. This animal was by far the strangest thing I'd ever encountered.
The curiosity was so interesting, that I barely noticed two others following the unicorn. One of the newcomers had wings folded at its sides. Its coat was cream and its mane, blue. The other was completely white, besides his big blue eyes. Its snout was much larger than the other two. And this one had no special features on its body.
These cartoon horses didn't seem like they could hurt a fly. There was no need to be cautious. And right there, my defenses dropped along with my broom. With domestication in mind, I reached out my hand to pet the animals. But before I could make any progress, two more horses appeared. Then five more horses. Then ten more came. I began to notice the dramatic increase in number, but only one thought crossed my mind.
"If I could tame them...I'll have a whole army!"
The horses just stared at me with blank expressions. For a while, none of them blinked. It was getting a little more than creepy. I looked behind me, expecting to be jumped from behind. Nothing. So what attracted these horses in the first place? As I turned around, I noticed that the horses had advanced.
"What?"
Their whole expression changed as their wide eyes glared at me. Mouths hanging open, they took another step. I took one look at their glazed eyes and knew they were out for blood. They began to crouch down, ready to jump any moment.
I was beginning to panic. From the quick glance behind me, I understood that my house was a few yards away from me. But the door was on the other side. Assuming these horses were faster than me, that would be way too far for a mad dash. Every time the horses crept closer, I took a step back. The broom was just beside me, and the only option I had was to fight back.
I went for the broom and grabbed it. At my sudden movement, a unicorn lunged at me and knocked me to the ground. My attacker hissed as its mouth stretched open. I kicked the unicorn off me as several more decided to join in.
I managed to jump to my feet and keep them back. I fought ruthlessly, not sparing one from the repetitive whacking of the mighty broom. I repelled a zombie horde with nothing more than a wooden hammer. Taking these things was easy. That is until-
SNAP!
-the broom broke. Before I knew it, I was backed up against the wall. The surrounding horses stared at me with a threatening leer. The unicorns' horns glowed green as if they were charging something.
"Huh, neat trick. But I know a butter one." I extended my arm and opened my hand. Instantly, a big glob of butter appeared in my palm. "Get it?"
Before they could answer, I flung butter into their faces with deadly precision. Overwhelmed by butter, the horses retreated back into the darkness.
"Butter luck next time!" I yelled after them.
Well, that was over. I filled my arms with as much of my stuff I could find and stumbled into the house. As I locked the door I slapped my forehead. "Wait I wanted to tame them! Not chase them away!"
Yes, I did realize that they were trying to kill me. But they were just animals. With the right amount of discipline, I could have them eating out of the palm of my hand. I never had a pet before, and it would be interesting trying to break them.
I managed to make my way to a window without tripping over anything. "Maybe one might come back," I hoped. But as I waited, I realize that probably wouldn't happen. I mean, I did destroy them with a simple broom. They'd have to be complete idiots to return.
But as I began to turn my head, something caught my eye. Six horses strolled toward my house. Were they really that dumb? I smiled and reached for my wooden mallet and shovel. This time, I'll have the advantage.
Earlier...
Princess Twilight and her friends trekked deeper into the Everfree Forest. Traveling off-path, the ponies had to duck under low branches and trudge through piles of leaves and twigs. They ventured further into the forest than ever before. Yet, as they walked, they never encountered any of the Everfree creatures. Though the ponies were grateful for the lack of monsters, they were starting to get bored.
"Augh!" Rainbow Dash cried, throwing her hoof in the air. "It's been a whole hour and still no excitement!"
"We came here to investigate the tornado," Twilight reminded. "Not to get any 'excitement'."
"You'd think a lot of excitement would be involved considering where we are."
"We're tired enough without your complainin', Dash," Applejack said. "I just want to get this over with so I can return to mah farm."
"Why did we come here anyway?" Rarity asked. "I thought we agreed that tornado was nothing but a result of the Everfree's unnatural magic. Nothing more."
"Not even the Everfree could conjure something like this," Twilight explained. "Tornadoes take a lot of planning and pegasi to create. This place is too random to do any of that."
"Then it was probably the Shadow Bolts' doing," Rainbow Dash countered. "Remember, the greatest flyers of the Everfree? They did it. Problem solved."
Twilight turned to Rainbow Dash. "You do realize that group was just a projection created by Nightmare Moon to deceive you, right?"
Dash blinked. "What?"
Twilight rolled her eyes. "Look, pegasi can't create red tornadoes. And why would a pegasus summon a tornado all the way out here?"
"Why would anypony summon a tornado here?" Applejack asked. "I'm tellin' you, we have nothin' to worry about. Whatever that thing was it doesn't matter."
"It could be nothing," Pinkie Pie said, "or it could be the summoning of an insane warrior with an iced over heart hidden behind a cheery exterior who'll trample any opposition in a mad escape for freedom with its infinite army."
The group wore confused expressions as they stared at Pinkie. "I don't think so," Twilight said.
"Look, the very fact Pinkie isn't vibratin' like a rattler on a jackhammer is proof this is a wild goose chase," Applejack pointed out. "But if you want to go runnin' around solvin' mysteries, then I won't stop you. In fact, that's the only reason I agreed to come along."
Twilight nodded. "Thank you."
"I wish that at the end of this, we get to finally do something," Rainbow Dash said.
"I'd beg to differ," Rarity said. "The fuss Twilight's making about this place as really done a number on my hooficure. I can't wait to return home to the spa."
"Whatever it is," Twilight said, "it's on the other side of these bushes."
The ponies stopped immediately, surprised by the sudden warning. In front of them was a batch of tall, thick bushes blocking the path. "Really?" Rainbow Dash asked, somewhat hopefully. "How do you know?"
"Ever since we started this trip, there's been a weak pull of magic guiding me to the location. If I'm not mistaken, the source of that power is here."
The team glanced at each other. "Whatever you say."
They step forward and separated the bushes, prepared for the worst. Past the bushes was a large opening with twigs and branches scattered everywhere. But the thing that shook their expectations to the core was the object in the center. "It's...it's..."
"A house." Rainbow Dash said. "We came all this way for a house?! To think I was looking forward to this!"
"It can't be just a house, dear," Rarity said. "I mean, a normal house can't create magic tornadoes."
"Or can it?" Pinkie Pie said.
"No Pinkie, it can't," Applejack said. "I hate to tell you 'I told you so'."
Twilight ignored her friends and began to examine the strange house. It was looked like an ordinary house of Ponyville. But it was made of concrete instead of wood, like in Manehattan. Instead of hay, the roof was checkered with bricks, as well as the base of the house. As she inspected the place, she heard a sharp cry from one of her friends.
Twilight whipped around and spotted Fluttershy cowering behind her. "Fluttershy? What's wrong?" Twilight asked.
Fluttershy feebly pointed toward the window. "Th-th-there..."
The ponies looked where she pointed and saw the window but nothing else. "Did you see somepony in there?"
Rainbow Dash flew toward the window and pressed her face against it. "It's too dark to see anything clearly, but I think there's furniture."
"Of course! Something must live in a house like that!" Twilight said. "If whatever made that tornado is in there, it must be some powerful wizard. I wonder, why would it create a tornado of such degree?"
"We could wait here talking about it," Pinkie said, "or we could knock on the door and ask."
"That's the most sense anypony has made since this morning," Rarity said, fanning herself with her hoof.
"If you think it's such a good idea, why don't you do it?"
Rarity froze, wishing she hadn't said anything. "Well, you see..."
"Don't tell us you're scared!" Rainbow Dash laughed.
"I'm not scared! I just think it'll be more appropriate if Applejack did the honors."
"If you don't want to knock, you don't have to," Twilight assured. "We'll just ask somepony else."
"Yeah, it's okay to admit you're a coward," Rainbow Dash said, before receiving an elbow to the side. "Ow!"
"No, I'll do it," Rarity said, "if not only to show Rainbow Dash I'm entirely capable of knocking on a door." Rarity trotted to the door with her head up. She stopped in front the door and politely knocked. She smiled triumphantly and turned to her friends. "See, I'm not-"
She didn't even get the chance to finish her sentence. The door swung open and a shovel slammed against the back of her head. She fell to the floor motionless. Holding the other end of the shovel was a strange bipedal creature.
"Rarity!" Applejack shouted as she rushed the creature. She spun around and bucked with all her might. The creature tried to block the blow with its shovel. But as the hit connected, the shovel snapped in half, throwing the creature to the floor.
"Aw, that was my favorite shovel," it said.
Applejack tried to attack once more, but Twilight's hoof managed to stop her. "Wait, Applejack! I think it's trying to speak!"
"Too late now!" Rainbow yelled as she charged it. The creature jumped to its feet and smacked her with its mallet. As Rainbow was sent sprawling to the ground, the creature dashed toward Applejack for revenge.
"Come and get it!" Applejack yelled, winding up another kick. With amazing agility, the creature side-stepped her buck. It returned the favor by giving Applejack a devastating hit to the head with its mallet. She immediately fell down unconscious.
Twilight had to do something. She started charging a tranquilizing spell to calm this thing down. The creature noticed this and grabbed a glob of butter out of thin air. She almost completed the spell when butter covered her whole face. It somehow rendered her unable to cast spells. "Wha-?!"
The creature punched Twilight's butter-covered face, throwing her to the floor. Before it could blink Rainbow Dash tackled the creature and threw it into the window. The creature staggered out the door, covered in glass. "Okay, that hurt..."
Rainbow Dash, without a moment to lose, kicked its leg. The creature cried out in pain as it crumbled to the ground.
Rainbow Dash flew back a bit. "Yes! How do ya like that?"
In a swift motion, the creature threw its mallet and hit Rainbow square on the forehead. Rainbow Dash crashed to the floor and was out cold. Before it could pick up its mallet, something splattered all over its face.
"Hey, stop hurting my friends!" Pinkie Pie warned, holding two more cakes. "You don't want me to throw this again."
The creature wiped its face, quite baffled. "Oh, so you want to play it that way huh?" Two globs of butter appeared in its hands.
The two glared at each other, daring their opponent to throw. They stood there for a while until Pinkie cried, "Food fight!"
Both pelted each other with unhealthy food. Fluttershy looked in horror at what the thing had done. All her friends fought bravely, but she just stood there scared. She couldn't let this go on any longer that it already has.
"Nooo, unsalted butter...my only weakness..." Pinkie said as she was completely covered in butter. "Goodbye cruel world!"
As the creature picked up its mallet, it heard a loud cry. "How dare you!"
The creature turned and saw Fluttershy right below him, staring directly into its soul. "We did nothing wrong to you! Why would you ever attack us you big mean bully!? I can't believe you would just knock out all my friends like that! I WANT YOU TO APOLOGIZE!"
In the middle of her lecture, the creature slowly picked up its mallet.
"Hey! I'm talking to you! Drop the hammer!"
Ignoring her, the creature raised its mallet. Without further hesitation, Fluttershy used her "stare". Her eyes pierced the creature's soul, injecting fear into its veins. The creature then dropped its mallet onto the ground.
"Good, now apologize."
It immediately reached behind its back and tossed butter at her face. It then picked up its mallet and swung. Right before the hit connected, there was a purple flash, and all the ponies disappeared.
"Y'know, maybe I should've stayed inside..." I mumbled.
I limped back to the house and opened the door. I really hoped that my leg wasn't broken. I barely had anything to treat it. I sat on a chair and began massaging my leg. From what I could tell, it wasn't that badly damaged. Thank goodness.
I took a finger and ran it through the icing on my face. I then stuck it in my mouth. It was actually pretty good. I continued to lick my hands as I walked to the sink to wash off the cake. But as I turned the knob, nothing came out.
"That's right, I have no water either..."
I reached for some paper towels and began to clean up. For some reason, these ponies are a lot different than the ones I fought earlier. And a lot tougher. For some reason, they seemed a lot smarter as well. It kinda looked like they were trying to talk to me. Too bad I couldn't understand them.
I had a hunch that this would not be the last time I'd see them, so I had to defend myself for next time. I took a seed packet from my drawer and removed a seed from it. I then threw it down in front of my house. From the seed, grew a happy sunflower.
"Time to start garden my house!"
The sunflower face-leafed.
Meh, I guess I could write something.
