This is my first thine showing people one of the stories I've written so I would really appreciate if you could review it, thank you.


my back hurts like hell, I can't remember what happened to make it hurt like this. Maybe I fell and blacked out, although falling doesn't usually give you a burning sensation like this. I wonder what happened...

I slowly open my eyes as the sun light hits my eyes from through the trees. I get up having no idea where I am and gritting my teeth through the pain on my back. 'I guess I should get back, I'll get in more trouble if I stay away any longer' I say with a sigh, 'hmm, where do I go? I think that it's in the East... Oh, I remember!' I walk to the left and leave the trees behind me. I come to a stop outside an orphanage and sigh. I walk up the steps quickly and quietly then open the door a fraction. With no one in sight I walk sneakily through and turn a corner where I bump into a medium height but extremely fat lady. She grabs my arm, almost cutting off circulation, and pulls me into a room up the hall I was just in. She pauses for a moment to open a door at the end of the hall then shoves me in.

'WHAT DID YOU THINK YOU WERE DOING!' She bellows. Huffing and puffing she slaps me hard across the face making me stumble backwards a little bit. 'YOU STUPID GIRL! IF THE POLICE FOUND OUT I HAD AN ORPHAN GO MISSING AND NO ADOPTION PAPERS I WOULD HAVE BEEN IN TROUBLE! MAY HAVE BEEN SEARCHED AND THEN HAD ALL OF THE OTHERS TAKEN OFF OF ME!'

I stare straight into her beady eyes and glare, 'If they had been taken off of you, then they would be better off even if they all got sent to jail.' Her face starts to turn red and I never think, even for a millisecond, that I shouldn't have said what I did.

She slaps me again and harder. She leans in closer so that no one else but me could hear her, 'you will be locked in the attic for five days, only half a glass of water a day and no food.' She leans back, 'Go!' She shoves me out the door and up the stairs.

Once she locks me in, I am by myself in a dark room with the wind flowing through cracks and creaking all around me. 'I just wanted a nice day,' I whisper to myself, 'to get away from you just on my 8th birthday.'


I'm on a trip with my orphanage a year later. We've gone to a remote place, it's really peaceful and there are a lot of animals, which makes me happy, I love animals. The caretaker is behaving herself because there are visitors around. I see something flash past in the forest beside us so I slow down. I wait until I'm at the back of the group and then I run into the forest.


It's getting darker, it's probably because the trees are getting closer together, it was too early when I left to be getting late now. I'm wandering through the forest looking out for what I saw, not quite sure what it was. I'm getting whipped by the branches, as the trees are still getting thicker, but not being bothered by them, I'm too busy trying to find out what it was. After a fair while of walking I finally come to a clearing. 'It's beautiful,' I say to myself. In front of me there are ruins of an old castle, a large field that had over grown grass and flowering weeds, a little broken, stoney cottage off to the side, a river that's on the other side going round to the front and stone bridge that had once connected over the river, but now there was only about half of it there.

I walk to the front of the castle and I think weather it would be safe to enter or not when something black in this green place catches my eye. I turn towards the field to see what it is. It's an animal, with the back half as a horse, the front and wings of a bird and had antlers, making it not dangerous but majestic and beautiful. I slowly approach the animal but stop when it starts looking a bit anxious of me, and I lower to a squat. 'I've read stories about you, but they were all fiction... Turns out hippogryphs aren't as false as they thought, huh?'

The young, black hippogryph seemed to settle down and it must have thought I was bowing at it because it bowed at me. I think it's a good sign so I edge closer to it and slowly extend my hand. It put its beak in my hand like saying "you can pat me". 'You are magnificent, aren't you?' I say while looking him in the eye, patting him and smiling.


'It's getting darker, I should probably be heading back.' I start to walk off but I feel a hard tug on the collar of my shirt. I turn my head to see that the hippogryph has it tightly in his beak, 'I need to go or I'll get into trouble... Fine, I'll stay a bit longer.' I give in, kneeling down next to him, I start patting him again. 'You're a good persuader, hey buddy?' Before I know it I'm drifting off into a deep sleep with the hippogryph's wing over the top of me.


I rub my face, I'm still tired... 'Oh, no!' I open my eyes and try to get up and run quickly back to where I came from, 'What direction did I come from?' I'm lost really... 'Heh. May as well have a look around the castle, someone's bound to come past here eventually.' I walk to the front of the castle again and squeeze through the small gap made by one of the double doors only being held there by one giant hinge. It's dim in most places but in some small cracks there is sunshine coming through. 'Wow,' is the only thing I can say to a place that looks so enchanted.

I wander around the first floor for a while and I find a stair case and, being extremely careful, I climb up it. The windows are arches with points at the top, the floor and walls are all made out of a grey stone, there are rusty old and sometimes broken suits of armor around the place, paintings and tapestries that are torn and ruined all over the walls and some broken gargoyles in random places. I stop at a strangely placed picture, it's a little larger than the others and it's down lower than them all as well. I see something that sticks out more than the frame and is very dusty at the bottom, so I lean down and dust it off, 'The Fat Lady, hahaha ok.' I look carefully at the dusty old painting and see a slight picture of a cubby lady in a pink, very old style dress and surrounded by vines. 'It's definitely better than the fat lady I've always been around.' After staring at the painting for a while I head off again.


I'm wandering down a hallway on the third floor and I see green, it's not moss like I first thought, 'It's a tree, in the middle of a hall way, three floors up, I can't see any roots. How is this possible?' I'm astounded by the view in front of me. I walk into the room next to it and see rows of damaged desks and one at the front, 'a class room?' I walk to the front where a broken board was laying, a chalk board. 'I wonder how many rooms here are like this.' My stomach growls, 'I guess I should try and find some food.'