Title: The Morning Let Me Down
Summary: When the light has gone out, can it ever be found again? At the
end of the Clone Wars, Obi-Wan remembers the dawn, and how it came crashing
down in a violent struggle for life.
Author Notes: A viggie, nothing more. It's done in repetive style and
awkwardness. It is not meant to be poetic or have any single flair. I was
extremely frustrated when I wrote this, and I think that shows here. Like it,
hate it, I just want feedback. It is extremely rough and un beta-read. Many
thank-yous to my sister, who gave helpful comments(which I mostly ignored).
Disclaimer: The title of the fic comes from the song All I Need
by matchbox twenty, written by Rob Thomas.
-_-_-_-
Just stay all through the night
And in the morning let me down
'Cause that's all I need right now
-All I Need, matchbox twenty
-_-_-_-
The morning let him down.
He didn't like to think of it like that. It was too final, too grievous. He did
not like things to be final. Those final things were the things that hurt,
which slammed at his bones and mind, tearing down the walls erected around his
thoughts. He preferred the unfinished things in life, the things that didn't
have the stamp of "done" imprinted on them. Final things scared and frightened
him. When labeled "final", something was done, over, and it could never be
changed.
The morning let him down.
It was true, though. He didn't like things that were true, either. Truth hurt
him too much these days. He couldn't bear to face his thoughts and see the
blinding truth which radiated off them like a shield. The truth was so
traumatic and terrible.He didn't want to face it. He couldn't face it.
It just hurt so badly.
The morning let him down.
The words were so final, so true. It was a time-worn reality that dawn brought
the first pecks of light over the horizon. The morning was the thing he had
been able to count upon. It always appeared, carrying in its hold a stunning
and brilliant light. The light had always assured him,
spoke to him of a favorable future.
Lies. The Light lied.
How could he have once believed such a terrible lie? The future had never held
promise. Ever since taking Anakin as his apprentice, the morning had lied to
him, even as it continued to rise. The morning knew of the despair that was on
the way, yet it continued to come, basking him in the warm glow. It lied to
him. How could the light lie?
He had been taught from birth the light was the way of things. Things that were
favorable dwelled in its illumination. He was a child of the light, a being who
should take his gifts and help carry the light to others who were tainted by
darkness. He had been born to do the light's purpose, to help it in its
marvelous quest to drag the darkness from those who touched it. The light was
his way. There was no room for darkness.
There was only darkness now, only the night. He had once dreaded the horrible
night, but now it was nothing more than another truth.
He hated truth. He hated final things.
The darkness was so complete, so final. Not even the light or morning could
drive the darkness away from the night. Not even the light could drive the
darkness from the day. Ever since Anakin's fall from grace, everything was
bleak, black.
The morning let him down.
How could it? He couldn't fathom a reasonable answer. All the teachings, all
the words of the wise, all the actions he had done-
they had lied. Nothing could stop the darkness from spreading throughout
the galaxy, throughout the light. He had watched, helpless, as thousands
perished and blackness permeated the land. He had cried out when the last
Knight perished, stunned that the last pinprick of light made by the Jedi had
been extinguished.
He no longer thought of himself as a Jedi. He was not merely sprung of light.
He was more a child of darkness now then anything. His failures had brought to
end the Jedi and had plunged the galaxy into a time of chaos and suffering.
Even now, so far from anyone else, he could feel the pain of others like a slap
across the back. He tried to stop it at first, but then accepted it. He
deserved whatever pain he was given.
The morning let him down.
Such a terrible final truth. He rolled the words
around in his mind. There was nothing but darkness now. So
much darkness.
The morning had let him down.
