Chapter 1: The Perfect Set-Up
"So close..."
chop chop chop
"Just a bit farther..."
chop chop chop
"And I will finally have my soda!"
"Oi! Celine, get away from the fridge!"
"D'oh, almost had it!"
With a half hearted sigh, Celine acknowledged the giant at the other side of the kitchen. Mikan had her back turned, and was busy chopping up some red peppers and onions for the omelets she was making. And even though she was obviously busy, Mikan had managed to catch her, again.
So with a loud, "...Hmph", Celine responded to the big meanie-pants, who always stopped her before she could drink even the smallest sip of fizzy goodness. She looked at the refrigerator with longing and desire. She was so close to her prize! But, as always, it is now as distant as the stars.
She waddled by, leaving the heavenly drink behind in its frozen prison. "Next time, just you wait! Next time I'll-" Her thoughts were interrupted by a familiar, panicked voice shouting upstairs.
It's morning now, Rito thought. As he lies in bed, soft morning sunbeams shine through cracks in the curtains.
Hmm, that's beautiful! Rito, just waking from a deep and rich sleep, allowed himself a sigh of pleasure as he relaxed. He could feel the sun tickling his cheeks and warming his chest. A pleasant breeze rolled in past the threshold of the windowsill, and Rito slowly opened his eyes up to a squint.
At first he could see only the morning sunlight, but soon his eyes adjusted. mmmm, the sun feels so warm and soft on my face. I think I'll just lie here and take it all in. And I've got such a comfy set of pillows; these pillows are so soft, warm, and have cute smiles, and...wait.
Then Rito opened his eyes and looked toward his feet and by his side.
"Ahhh! Lala, Momo, why are you in my bed!? Lala, put some clothes on-Peke, help me out here!
Momo, let go of my legs! W-When did you take off my pants!?"
Rito, still half asleep fumbled out of the bed. And, inadvertently took both Lala and Momo along for the ride.
Two loud thuds, followed by something akin to squeezing a marshmallow, sounded through the house.
Soon after, both Lala and Momo let out sensual moans of pleasure, -"Uhnnn!" -"Haaaaaa!Rito, so forward this morning..."
"I-I-I'M SORRY!" Rito barely managed to choke out those words with a face as red as a sun-dried tomato.
THWACK! "Rito, what's the matter-gasp" Nana exclaimed.
A cry of "You beast! What are you doing to my sisters so early in the morning?!" followed by a loud smack shook the walls and echoed down the hall.
Celine's face light up like christmas morning. "Rito!" For it could be none other than he to cause so much commotion in the mornings. But that was just his way of caring for them, she was certain.
A trail of dust jumped up in the wake of Rito's mad dash from the bedroom. His face was beat red, and he had his eyes tightly closed, as if to exorcise the recent images from his mind by popping his eyeballs between his cheekbones and his brows.
"Rito, It's almost time for breakfast, so quit messing around and go wash up!", Mikan grumbled from the kitchen.
"Y-Yes!"
But before he could take another step toward the bathroom, Celine tackled him in a little toddler size bear hug. Fwump!
The embrace from the little child prompted Rito's normal self to come back. She clutched his shirt between her little hands, and with watery eyes of joy and a giant smile on her face, began to talk in her own baby-speak at him.
She jumped up and down on his lap, telling him all about the events that had transpired that morning. The failed attempt at getting the cola, the pesky Mikan, all the frozen horrors her favorite chilled beverage must be going through without her, and how dearly happy she is to know that Rito is here for her.
"Breakfast is ready, come and get it!" Mikan roared.
Rito mentally had a cuteness attack at the sight of the happy little squirt. But soon, he picked her up in a comforting hug and said, "Well, well, look who's all excited this morning." He ruffled her hair affectionately and smiled at the little girl staring admiringly up at him. "Let's go get you washed up, and eat some breakfast!"
From in his arms, Celine giggled and grabbed his neck, pulling him into another tiny hug. "Rito is so nice! Thank you for understanding my plight, and empathizing with the futile efforts of dealing with these obstinate giants that prevent me from getting my beverage. I knew you would understand Rito!"
She continued to gab gibberish the entire time Rito helped her wash her tiny little fingers. Her head bobbed back and forth as she waved her hands in the air making gestures of who knows what. And she only stopped when Rito plopped her onto the couch with a plate of hot breakfast.
"There you are now! eat up, and you'll grow big and strong, Celine."
And with a smile on her face, and breakfast in her lap, Celine felt the almost fatherly love emanate from Rito. She smiled and giggled at him, and turned to her breakfast. This was yet another gift from Rito, and it was her job to eat it and heed his words.
Celine audibly responded with mirth in her tone, "Mao! Mao mao, mao mao mao. Mao? Mao!"
Rito watched the happy little flower sprite thank him in her very own tongue. He felt a warmth bubble up inside as his inner caretaker gave him a pat on the back.
"Good job tough stuff! You have once again brought a smile to a child's face! Keep this up and you might turn out to be a great-"
And once again, Rito's train of thought was interrupted by his body's disgust and open rebellion to the laws of physics. As he wandered into the kitchen to get a plate of food, he had tripped up and fallen...
His eyes tried to readjust themselves as the curious white stars gradually left from the front of his eyes. He thought, "It must be really entertaining for them. Those little white buggers always pile up into the front of my eyes everytime I fall over. And in their shuffle, they always bring pain and-"
Then, as the last guests walked out one by one from the multiplex known as, "Rito-vision", he realized that these dots could never have been created from malicious origin. In fact, they must be the most benevolent spirits in his body. Seeing as how the rest of his body cursed him, these little dots have done their best to keep Rito's sanity intact for the bulk of his life. Every incident he can remember, they were there to shield his eyes from sights that could immediately rob him of his sanity.
However, today they must be getting tired.
"R-R-Rito..." Mikan was speechless. And thankfully so, as her benevolent spirits were now aiding their exhausted brethren residing inside Rito; by keeping Mikan's mouth shut and arms paralyzed, the not-so-exhausted spirit-dots were attempting to save Rito from Mikan's wrath and eternal damnation.
With a face bright and alive as a sunday morning worship, Rito struggled to pulled his face off from Mikan's undergarments. Which, seemed to be magnetically attracted to his palate, as if his face felt like this was the best way to rebel against gravity today.
"St-stripes..." Rito murmured in shock, staring at said pattern wiggling in front of his eyes.
"Are you- What- GET OFF ME!" Mikan's voice rose from calm and gentle to panicky and embarrassed shrieking in the span of two milliseconds.
As the most amazing HADOKEN! commenced, the god of war lamented that he had not been the one to deliver it.
"Gwua!-" Was all Rito managed to cry out before... Thwak!
Rito went flying across the room, into the wall from a fist conditioned by the rigorous preparation of fifteen hundred thousand meals.
The dust settled around him, and a familiar looking black and blue mound of flesh began to rise up on his jaw. Rito would probably not regain feeling in this area for another day, much less his sense of taste.
The sprites had failed. Rito thought, "Nope, those white dots are just pretentious bastards. This was their intention all along."
He slumped into the floor, and passed out. But not before those evil spirits brought the most recent image to the forefront of his eyes. "...Stripes..."
***
Meanwhile in the dimensional house extension where the three princesses live...
***
"Ugh, that Rito! He is always touching us in places he shouldn't be! That beast!" complained Nana as she dressed herself next to Momo.
Momo just grinned and smirked at her twin. "Oh? Sure you aren't just jealous? I know that you are at a disadvantage with that washboard of yours."
Nana silently mouthed the word, washboard, and shrieked "I-I'm not jealous! I'll have you know that I have my own unique charms, not that you'd understand! A-Anyway, it's not like I care what he thinks."
And who is this 'he', then, Nana?" Momo shot a devious grin at her sister. "Could it possibly be that my little," she threw a pointed glance at Nana's chest, "sister is being hypocritical about her desires? Hmmmmmmm?"
"Wha-Who-Desires!?" Nana's thoughts slipped into the realm of creative imagination, and became a source of infinite questions and raging feeling. And among the chaos that is her panic attack, a scene began to play out in her mind. And much like a movie theater, the outside world was quickly hushed by the attendants in her mind.
All in a flash it played in front of her eyes. An indistinct mass of flesh, the moaning and grunting of dogs in heat, the sweat and the bath water dripping off their bodies, Nana feels hands caress her firm and supple buttocks, and with a mighty thrust,Rito's massive- OH GOD WHAT AM I THINKING!?
Momo had dropped her hair dryer, and was laughing it up as her sister Nana fell victim yet again to her very active imagination. Her face was glowing red as steam rose from the sweat-drenched Nana.
"Ahahaha~! Oh, stop it! M-My sides are splitting! Bwah, ha, ha, ha!" Momo said through broken laughs and panicked breaths. She hadn't had this much fun since the last time she and Nana swapped bodies for a while! Then, she had been able to use her sister's body to tempt Rito into doing all sorts of ecchi things with her. Her laughter slowed and she drooled as she imagined his hands on her.
"Breakfast is ready, come get it!"
Shaking herself out of her trance, Momo gathered her thoughts."I guess that was Mikan. Well, we should be going downstairs soon, Nana. Hey Nana, are you okay?" She asked the catatonic Nana. No response came, and Momo was beginning to worry that-
"Yay, breakfast with Rito-kun!" Lala squealed with glee as she darted past the downed Nana, and the slightly worried Momo.
Momo watched as Lala, her kind, innocent, and benevolent sister bounced past her. She was so happy, even to be sitting next to him at breakfast time. Her sister was practically glowing with joy every time she was around Rito. Momo thought to herself, "I don't think she was ever that happy back home. Rito-kun, you really are something."
Momo glanced once again to her sister. It seemed as if Nana was making a fruitful effort to regain control of her imagination.
"Oh, is Nana about to come back to the land of the living? tee hee hee." Momo prepared the final blow to her unsuspecting sister's sanity. "You're not coming back just yet~"
She hugged herself with unspoken happiness, and twisted her torso from side to side. "Kya~! One day I want to be Rito's breakfast~" Momo mumbled just loud enough for Nana to hear.
Nana immediately fell victim to her overactive imagination again, her face heating up and steam rising from her ears. The movie reels began to turn again, and that familiar glaze covered the poor Devilukean's eyes. And with the feelings of victory, Momo pranced down the stairs to take the best spot,- right next to Rito.
Celine munched on her omelet, and savoured the most important meal of the day. It had been some time, she recalled, since Mikan had made omelets. But most importantly, she only makes heavy breakfasts on days where she needs the extra boost. And today, Mikan has to go and help her father clean up.
"Khu~ I might have another chance." she beamed with glee. "Boy I hope Mikan has to leave early tonight, then I could drink myself silly. Yes, cola here. I. COME!" Celine squealed with unmatched glee at her new chance to taste of her favorite bubbly drink.
She took a look through the doorway to the kitchen, and wondered for a moment why Rito was so still up against the wall. But, she immediately pushed that thought out of her mind, waving it off as another one of his typical antics, and went back to demolishing the giant yellow pancake in front of here.
A few minutes later when Rito came to, he took a mandatory mental inventory. He needed to make sure all his body parts and functions were still there, and that he hadn't lost a limb or been paralyzed in that ferocious attack.
"Legs, check. Arms, check. Chest, check.
Head, still here. What is that smell?
His upper lip had swollen up a bit, and there was a lingering smell of burnt flesh attacking his nose. "...ouch. must have been that punch Mikan gave me. I remember seeing her fist glow a bright blue-white color just before i passed out. Well, whatever."
He had given up on trying to make sense of things a long time ago, and just learned to acquiesce to the whims of malevolent fate. His only purpose in existence, he knew, was to entertain the heathenish fates with his life being a never-ending comedy reel.
Back to business. Still breathing. Hearing, check. Touch, yup. Voice, clear.
Sight,... of course the beasts below wouldn't rob me of their greatest entertainment source.
Inner humour, check.
I think everything is alright and I can-wait-what about my-." His hands fumbled around his groin, checking, double checking that all of his equipment was still intact. "Oh thank God." And with a great sigh of relief, he forced himself to stand up and grabbed the plate Mikan had left for him.
He managed to drag himself out of the kitchen, and cautiously looked over to the living room. "Looks like Mikan and Celine are already eating breakfast. I'd better hurry and eat while the silence lasts." So, Rito casually made his way toward the couch, munching on a omlette.
Little Celine looked like she was deep in thought sitting in Mikan's lap, and Mikan, obviously trying to ignore him, attempted to pull Celine back to Earth by hovering some food in front of her. They were sitting in a fluffy chair, so the couch was free.
Rito sunk into the couch, trying to find the best way to bring the subject up. "What am I supposed to say? 'Hey, sorry for falling and landing my face right into the cleft of your panties. ' Ha, what a hoot! If it was that easy, I wouldn't have to deal with half of the stuff I go through, daily! But I really feel bad that it happened, so I'm just going to have to come up with something."
With no other option available, Rito began to apologize in the most ambiguous way for the events that had transpired a few minutes ago.
"H-Hey, Mikan. Sorry about-"
"Don't worry about it, I forgive you", she said while closing her eyes in slight frustration, "just sit down and eat the breakfast I made for you."
"Ok" came Rito's choked response. He felt like he had just been reduced to the size of an ant beneath the boot of her words.
"I'm heading over to dad's house later today. He hasn't cleaned that place in a week, and his deadline is coming up. I might not be back until tomorrow, so don't pull anything while I'm gone."
With a defeated pride, he replied with a simple "S-Sure", and attempted to change the subject.
"Hey, I heard there is a new-"
"Rito~"
With a swift motion befitting only the most agile creatures, Lala bounded down the stairs and hurdled the couch. She left one hand on the back of the couch, and used her mid-air momentum to swing her entire body sideways until she was in perfect position to commence hugging.
"UGHWUAH" was all the noise that could be heard from the the soon to be suffocated Rito.
"Oh, Good morning Rito! Did you sleep well? Oh no, what happened to your face? Here let me fix it. My latest invention Heal-Heal-Quaff-kun will make you feel all better!"
Celine, paying no attention to the things going on around her, jumped from Mikan's lap and ran out the back door to play.
"Hey Celine, wait for me!" Mikan called out as she followed the little plant-girl out into the backyard.
Rito thought"Come Back! Mikan rescue me! Don't let her use me as another guinea pig for this-Oh God..."
In the next 10 milliseconds, way to fast for Rito to break from Lala's hug, the princess had pulled out a green comb with white nurse hat sitting atop its center. She then proceeded to drag it through his hair, prompting a cloud of green and white sparkles to cover his entire head, - all while clinging to his side, and absent-mindedly pressing her soft lady pillows right into his face.
Poof
The cloud suddenly exploded into a flash of light and steam. Lala jerked back, obviously expecting a different outcome. Rito once again had another encounter with those bastard stars ravaging his sight.
When the dust cloud cleared and Rito could see again, he moved his hand over the area of his face where the bruises used to be. "They're gone. Did one of her inventions actually work without a side effect?" But his rejoicing was cut short when his hand fell upon his hair, which was now twitching like a live animal.
"Ah!" He exclaimed as he jumped up from the couch, "What's wrong with my hair?!"
Locks of his hair grew and shrank as they flailed around his head, displaying an almost sentient like awareness. They twitched and shuffled around on his head, making a noise similar to rummaging around the sock draw. Horrified, Rito turned his attention to Lala
"Oh, whoops. I guess I need to tweak it a bit more. he-he"
Rito now noticed what the Devilukean Princess was wearing, or rather used to be wearing. She had on the remains of a sky blue gown, which had a big hole burnt in the front of it from the first explosion of green fairy glitter.
Rito's rarely used self-preservation instinct, sensing a very compromising situation, decided to turn and force him to run into the kitchen. Only to remember that he should probably have his eyes open to see where he was-
Glomp
Once again, he had tripped and fallen. But this time it felt like he had a softer landing than most. Maybe the fates had decided to be nicer to him now that his hair had life. And as he opened his eyes, reality came rushing back in, taking the form of gallons of blood shooting up to his cheeks.
Momo was sprawled out on the floor beneath him, wearing nothing but a small top and a really, really, reallyyyyyyy short skirt. His hands were firmly grasping her assets, and his face had landed right onto her panties, -rather where her panties should have been.
But, the worst part about it was that his hair, with its newly acquired sentient life, had decided to play the role of fashion police now, and began stripping apart her choice of garments today.
"Oh, Rito~ " she moaned with enjoyment, "you are so energetic this morning~"
With the speed of a cheetah, and the agility of a retarded turtle, Rito fumbled and stumbled backward, trying desperately to pull his hair out of the very happy Momo, and banish the most recent additions to his minds collection of inappropriate pictures. "Ahh, S-Sorry!"
Glomp, Squish
Today must be the day where the heathen fates had decided to make good on all the requests filling up their docket. And every one of them, he was sure, involved Rito getting himself into more and more precarious situations.
"Uwahh~" Lala moaned as Rito landed face first right onto her chest, with one hand clenching her tail as he tried to balance himself. "Rito, m-my tail~" Moaned Lala. "Rito-kun~ Your hair is so lively~" chirped Momo.
"Gwuah!" Rito yelled right as Nana, face red as a turnip delivered swift justice with a frying pan to the perverted clumps of hair trying to molest Momo. His hand's grip loosened, and his sight grew dim.
And before he lost consciousness, he heard Nana's voice, "And don't you try this again, you beast. Keep that hair-hey Hey! Let go of me! Rito get your hair away from my- Ah~ let go of my tail you lecherous locks! Ahnn~"
