I came back to the boarding house after my short hunting trip. I didn't have much for luck because it was pouring rain, but I got a couple rabbits. I decided to go out again this evening. Upon arriving at the house, I heard an all too familiar girly giggle followed by an all too familiar deep chuckle. Shit, they're at the house. Damon had said they'd be at Elena's today. Since Elena made her decision and chose Damon, I've tried to not be at the house as much as possible. It killed me too much.
The worst part is Elena didn't even tell me herself. I had to hear it from Caroline of all people. I kept hearing whispers about Elena being with someone new but no one would tell me. Now I know why. Clearly I wasn't very important to her. When I confronted her about it, she said that she still loved me but she loved Damon more. Bullshit. She stayed with me as long as she did because I was safe. But eventually safe turns to boring unfortunately. I knew that she would pick him eventually. I watched for months as they danced around each other. Neither one wanting to get close enough to touch and share and feel. But I still thought that I mattered enough for her to tell me upfront.
I walked into the house and went to the kitchen for a glass of water. The sight I saw when I entered broke me beyond repair. Elena sitting on the counter with Damon standing between her legs, kissing her like she was the blood he needed to survive. All I could think was that should be me. I see them when they're together at the Grill and she laughs at something he says and I think the same thing. Whenever they touch, talk, make love it's always the same thought. That should be me. I wonder she thinks that he loves her better than me.
She said she needed time to make sure her family was safe. I didn't realize that was a lie and that she was actually replacing me. I never should have let her go. This hurts way too much. I think it's time to leave Mystic Falls. Start again somewhere new. I'll go back to Italy and track down Katherine. If I can't have Elena, I'll take the next best thing I guess.
