"Why we had to kill Kathy…Again. Revenge of the Uterus!"

AN: I thought that I had pretty much saturated my Kathy Killing funny bone with the first "Why We Had to Kill Kathy", but yet again Dick Wolf and his minion of Demon writers have ercked me into a state of utter annoyance. I don't know about the rest of you EO shippers, but I am in dire need of SVU without Kathy. So this is a sequel to "Why We Had to Kill Kathy". If you haven't read that- you may be slightly confused at times, but I will do my best to add hints of exposition, for shear fact that even if you have read the first story, you may not remember it. Just know, that it's a ridiculous comedy. So dive into it with an open mind to laugh.

Things to know

- Kathy died in the last story- I refuse to tell you how. If you want to know- you'll have to read the first part.

-It's written the Olivia's POV

-Read it as if you are reading a movie script. Descriptions of the scene will be in Bold Italics and Olivia's thoughts are like a voice over.

Let her eat cake!

A crowd of fifty or more people gather around a dinning room table in the Stabler/Benson Manhattan residence. The lights in the room go dim and dark as Elliot Stabler walks into the room with a birthday cake lit with candles. They all begin to sing as the crowd parts and Olivia is seen at the head of the dining table, blushing and laughing behind her hands.

"AH! You guys lied to me! I hate you all! Elliot Stabler, you foiled me!"

Her cries of protest are smothered by the loud boisterous singing of Birth and Day's. Elliot winks at Munch, Casey, and Fin, as if they were just as responsible for the event of surmise, and he places the cake in front of her with a lilt of a smile beaming from his face.

"Make a wish."

It all started with a wish. I sat in the center of attention with forty flaming candles taking over the melting mess of sugary birthday cake beneath it, and I wondered how the hell I made it to such a ripe old age.

Things in my life were different now that the world had finally decided to place me at the head of Elliot Stabler's dining table. I still sit back and wonder what would have happened if that unfortunate bullet had taken a different path? Would I still be sitting next to this perfectly charming man and his four beautiful children blowing out forty, count them FORTY, rainbow colored birthday candles? How did I get the better end of the straw? Sure I did my time, but Kathy will always remain six feet under. And why does she deserve one thing, while I deserve another? Of course, life is always full of self-defeating questions. If I allowed myself to believe that I was to blame for her shortcomings, I'd have run for the hills by now. Or worse, I'd have probably slit my wrists by now. No, eaten my gun. Wrist slitting is too piss poor. If I were going to do something like that it'd be quick and thorough. Oh god, why am I thinking these things? Sigh. All in all, I had no reason to complain. Life with Elliot was perfect. How could I want or ask for anything else, right? RIGHT? That's what I thought, anyway. But people can't leave well enough alone. Not even groveling, grateful, grounded people like myself. Say that three times fast.

After the wedding, I found myself in that hot seat of what comes next. And…well everybody knew what comes next, even the children that I teach knew what came next.

FLASH to several children sitting in a circle, clapping there hands together, and giggling.

"First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes Elliot in the baby carriage!"

Their high-pitched laughter bursts into a loud roar and simmers to an evil reverberated hush and we FLASH back to Olivia's thoughts.

It was like an itch. All I had to do was blink the thought of drool and breast-feeding and it was like anyone with a womb could tell I'd thought it.

FLASH to Olivia picking up her cell phone as she drives in a mini van.

Casey: "Are you pregnant?"

Liv: "Wha-……No….should I be?"

Casey: "Are you sure?"

Liv: "Why are you asking me this?"

Casey: "No reason… curious is all. Just wondered, had my thoughts, ideas, okay, Elliot had that look in his eye yesterday."

Liv: "Really."

Casey: "That and we had a bet going down here at the 'Cinct. Two hundred bucks and a get out of court free pass."

Liv: "That's…nice. I didn't realize my uterus was so profitable. Did you win?"

Casey: "Well how sure are you?"

I looked down at the mess of a purse I carried and the hoard of tampons falling from the opening seemed to smile at me in their little pink and green wrappers.

Liv: "Flo is fo' sho', Case."

Casey: "Then, no, I just lost, but, hey if you were thinking about it, could you drop me a date or a guessed proximity, sex details…something-"

Liv: "Absolutely…not. And I can't believe Elliot brought anything about a baby up in front of all of you."

Casey: "Ah, it slipped. He did blush though. Very sweet."

Liv: "Yeah, like a Chinese chicken."

Casey: "You're such a hard ass."

Liv: "I wouldn't have to be, if he'd let it slip with me next time and not the whole burrow of Manhattan."

Casey: "Pun intended?"

Liv: "Pun dismissed. I'm hanging up now."

Casey: "Liv, you'd be a good mommy."

Liv: "I'm already a mom, Casey. I don't need to be a mommy. Goodbye."

Casey quickly yelled as I clicked off my phone ", Her kids don't count!"

FLASH back to Olivia taking in an inhalation of breath in front of the birthday cake.

She had a point. But it was easier said than done. Especially at my age. "Done" was about as much as my eggs could be, it seemed. If slipping was all it took I'd be bouncing that baby at this exact moment. Instead, I gazed hopefully into those candles and asked the aura of melted Birthday wax for something miraculous to happen.

Elliot squeezed my hand and in that brief moment I swear to god I could see a tiny baby waving back at me in the sparkle of his eyes.

Like a fat latex balloon leaking air in slow motion I exhaled and the candles smoked into darkness.

Darkness Fades into the next scene.

"AHHHhooohhh, mmm. Mmmmmmm, MMMMM, YES, YEEESS, OOOHH, God! Oh my god! Oh…my….."

I closed my eyes in a flush of after sex buzz and pregnant thoughts, as Elliot pushed the last bit of organism between my legs. As we breathed our selves back to earth I searched for that new feeling of pre-life, but there was nothing. Well, nothing more than the usual sexual pleasure I had always gotten from our intense lovemaking. He, on the other hand, seemed to have gone to another place and time entirely. His boxy shoulders limped over top of me as he closed his hungry gaze and smiled with more than one kind of satisfaction. I could tell by the way he nestled his face next to my ear and playfully moved his sticky penis inside of me. Like keeping it there would be all the magic wand I needed.

"You alright there partner," I said with a low tone.

"I got you good tonight, sexy lady."

I smiled. It was a smile that only a woman who'd been whipped could have made. "You did indeed. Although, I had my suspicions."

He sat up and looked my in the eye. "No, you didn't. I so got you. You had no idea."

"I will admit that you had me going with the whole house warming party bit and the old excuse for a reunion, but I could tell something was up."

"Oh, you didn't know shit. I had this planned for months and you had no idea." He proudly smiled into his best impersonation of me. "'Oh, gosh I have to paint the bathrooms and get all of the furniture together. Do you think since this is your second house people will find this whole thing hypocritical? Target's having a sale on end tables.'"

"Yeah, nice way of getting me to clean for my own birthday party, by the way."

His face turned a guilty scarlet red, but he wasn't backing off. "No, no, no, you don't go changing the subject. And I had a case, which you of all people understand. Otherwise you were going to be sent away. The only trick in my book was the surprise and through crafty mind games, my mission was complete. You had no idea! Admit it Benson, you were duped."

I could have told him that I saw the birthday candles in the grocery bag two days ago, but I didn't want to crush his ego that much. Plus, he looked so cute trying to defend his romantic attempts of surprise Birthday parties and 'gotcha' gimmicks. I gave in. With a turn of the head and an honest to god kiss on the nose I sighed and let him win. "You're right, I had no idea."

"Okay, now you're patronizing me."

"No! I was duped. I was completely surprised."

He pushed me away like a child having a pouty temper tantrum. It was his mocking way of …well getting his way. I grabbed his arm with a hint of laughter behind my voice. "You baby. Come here." I pulled him back towards me and kissed his lips. His exhausted member still remained inside of me and he purposefully twitched it to tease my insides.

"Elliot! I swear to god, you're such a man whore."

"You love it."

"I do."

Our love sick banter subsided for a moment and I kissed his on the cheek. "Seriously though, thank you. I couldn't have asked for a better birthday."

We nestled in silence and the smell of his cologne taunted my lips to kiss his neck. He wiggled and twitched. "Woo, stop that. You're bad."

When I didn't stop he pulled out and instantly raspberried my bare stomach. As we wrestled with laughter between the sheets I could sense the question brewing on his mind.

The tickles turned into arm grabs and the arm grabs turned into holding and the holding turned into silence…and the silence brought out the thoughts.

His arms wrapped around me, holding my hands together like human handcuffs. Slowly he took the hand on top of my body and rested it on my stomach. There was a pause. The pause of niche. That niche that only comes when we're too afraid to say what's on our minds. The pause of "I know what you're going to say and I don't want to say it out loud right now," pause.

But I guess our minds weren't always in the same niche though, because he overlooked it and went right to the question.

"Do you think it worked this time?"

The sound of his anticipation made my heart sink to the bottom of my pelvis. Sometimes I think he was taking my lack of fertility harder than I was. It was obvious that my barren womb had nothing to do with his inability to fill it. If anyone could fill a woman it was Elliot Stabler. His four children were proof enough, but if you really needed more, the details of our sex is about as far as I'll allow you to experiment. I couldn't say no.

"Maybe?"

Before I could get upset he kissed me on the forehead. "You're already a mom in my mind. Either way. I love you."

"Love you too."

So there we were somewhere between trying and crying. All these years I thought the hardest part of becoming a mother would be landing the right man. It seems like I was sorely mistaken. That or maybe it was life's way of saying that I can't have my cake and eat it too. If only I could have been satisfied with the idea of the cake my indulgences wouldn't have lured me into the 'next'. Still, nobody likes to actually sit and watch cake. I would be cheating myself not to want a taste of it. Whether I was being persecuted for Kathy's life or not, I would have Elliot Stabler's baby or die trying. It wasn't too much to ask. And what does Kathy have to do with it anyway? It's not like she could stop me.

Closing credits for Chapter one. We here the boom of Heart's guitar as "Barracuda" plays loudly over Olivia's finale close up. Her face is that of a woman who knows what she wants.

So, this ain't the end - I saw you again today

I had to turn my heart away

smile like the sun - kisses for ev--eryone

And tails - it never fails!

You lying so low in the weeds

I bet you gonna ambush me

You'd have me down, down, down, down on my knees

Elliot follows the length of her body and lightly kisses the curve of her stomach, hips, and inner thigh.

Now, wouldn't you, Barracuda? Oh-oh-ohh

Olivia closes her eyes and lies back on the bed as Elliot goes for the fruit of her womb. We black out before he gets too graphic.

Ohhh Barracuda!

AN: Drop me some thoughts. I was seriously in need of some romanic EO after "Inconvience" and I'm talking the kind of romantic EO that could not have Kathy interfere. So this came to me. You likey or no?