A/N: Hello there, L/J fandom. It's been a long, long time. But as evidenced by this update, I am alive and well, and still full of feelings. I'm extremely surprised that my muse decided to return to Lily and James, but so far I have heard no complaints.

If you follow my Tumblr (or the Tumblr owned by Mina – Wilhelmina Willoughby here) then you know I've already written a few L/J drabbles of late. If you want to read them, go to Mina's page and read "Stories for October." For the drabbles not posted yet, our Tumblr tag is "Mina and Zay DRABBLE THROWDOWN."

So, this story. I have taken select lyrics from every song on Taylor Swift's new album "Red" and put together a kind of head-canon for Lily and James through the years. It's a multi-chap (assuming I manage to finish it, which I hope I do) and it'll be sixteen chapters, one for each song. Whatever your opinions on Taylor Swift, I hope you'll give this one a chance, because the songs merely serve as prompts. The writing is still mine, and it's not a song-fic.

This is getting long, I'm so sorry. But I'm glad to be back, I cautiously hope more feels will hit me and I'll slowly get more active in HP-land. Remember, though, that I started college since the last time I was here. My life is more complicated now. So I can't promise you anything but my best efforts. Which sometimes don't amount to anything.

So, without further ado…here you are!


loving him was red
By: Zayz


I. I Knew You Were Trouble

Once upon a time a few mistakes ago
I was in your sights, you got me alone
You found me, you found me, you found me

Now I heard you moved on, from whispers on the street
A new notch in your belt is all I'll ever be
And now I see, now I see, now I see

I knew you were trouble when you walked in


The first time James asked Lily out in their third year, she said no out of sheer disbelief rather than outright dislike.

True, he was an arrogant little shit and she routinely rolled her eyes at his never-ending campaign to cause as much trouble as he possibly could. Yet, he was never just a mere cockroach to her. He was larger than life, sort of a celebrity – she felt like she was always part of a live-action show where he was the untouchable star and she was merely an audience member - so while she loved to mutter insults under her breath to Alice during class, Lily never really expected him to notice her that way.

She was a strange little thing back then, her hair too bright and messy, her mind too sharp, her demeanor too naïve and earnest. She was loyal and sweet – she was definitely going to Be Someone after a few years and some maturation – but she didn't know it yet. So when James Potter called her out in public, in that casually insolent way of his, she was merely astonished that he wasn't pursuing one of the many other young women giggling too loudly, wearing too much make-up, clamoring for his attention.

But he did ask her out – and she said no. And he looked rather stunned, to be honest. James was an indulged child, by his parents, his friends and his teachers, and he was not accustomed to hearing the word 'no.'

Lily's heart beat like it was getting paid extra if it squeezed in another extra twenty pulses per second. The heat flooded her cheeks, the tips of her ears. She froze, unsure how to react, Alice in tow, holding her breath.

"No, Evans?" he repeated, just to be sure.

Some of Lily's confidence revived itself and shoved words up her throat. "No, Potter," she confirmed. "I don't want to go out with you."

The students – gossiping fools that they were – oohed and aahed like they really were getting a show. It was so unexpected, because here was funny-man James, lost for words, and here was goody-good Lily, speaking her mind.

The two were out of their element on this otherwise-ordinary day in their third year – and though they couldn't have known it at the time, they had just made a dramatic step towards the people they would soon grow up to be: James, humbled; Lily, emboldened.

Alice stuffed her fist in her hand to keep from laughing. Sirius gave Lily a strange look, and Remus gave his friend a gentle shove in his back, forced him to keep moving. James allowed them to lead him away, but his expression was bemused, perplexed, as though someone had played an elaborate prank on him and he was still working out the details.

Lily rushed away, keeping her head down, her cheeks nearly as red as her hair.


"Lily, what the hell was that?!"

"Alice, I don't even know! He just asked me out of nowhere, and I didn't know what to say!"

"Well, that's not what it sounded like."

"What did it sound like?"

"Cold. Snarky. Determined."

"Oh Merlin."

"I'm so proud of you, Lils!"

"…Thank you?"


"James, what the hell was that?!"

"Sirius, I haven't the faintest idea."

"How long have you fancied Evans? Hoping she'll moan the twelve uses of dragon blood for you as she rips off your clothes and the two of you enter the blissful state of—"

"Oh, shut up."

"Okay, okay, I'm screwing with you. But I mean, for real, what possessed you to ask out Lily Evans?"

"I like her."

"Since when?"

"Why don't you like her?"

"It's not that I dislike her…I just don't like her type. She tries too hard to please."

"Well, I like her."

"More power to you, mate. But she said no."

"For now, Sirius. For now."


Initially, the plan was to laugh off the incident with Sirius and let it go. After all, James was a sufficiently loved fixture of the Gryffindor social scene, and had no shortage of admirers. One deviant Lily Evans shouldn't have been a problem.

But the thing was, after she said no, she was suddenly visible to him in a way she hadn't been before. They were in the same year and the same house, so in many of the same classes, yet in the corridors, she drew his eye like a full moon on a cloudless night. And in class, she just talked so much. Like all of a sudden, she had obtained a starring role alongside him in the show, and everyone else was just wallpaper.

It was true what he told Sirius – James liked Lily. He found her unabashed intellect strangely appealing. She kept her head down a lot, yet when she had the right answer to a teacher's question, she looked up, and her eyes were bright, her voice was clear, and she smiled, so pleased with herself for defying the Muggleborn stereotypes and being one of the smartest people in the room.

And she was cute, really. She was porcelain pale, and her easy blush brought such color to her sweet, heart-shaped face. Her hair was so red. Her eyes were a startlingly vivid emerald. She was small and thin, her limbs long and knobby and a little loose, kind of like a rag-doll's, but all the more appealing for that. She laughed a little too loud, and talked a little too fast, and thought a little too much.

She was different. And it took a chance request, and her unexpected refusal, for him to see it.

Admittedly, when he asked her the first time, it was on a whim. But now, he really did want to go out with her. Get to know this odd little person who didn't seem to want to get to know him.


Surprise led Lily to refuse James the first time, but irritation was the driving force behind her second refusal.

This time, he had the decency to corner her late at night, when she was working on a History of Magic essay in the common room, alone by the fire. The common room was quiet and dark, save for the flames in the grate. He looked strangely old and impressive, his features and his glasses illuminated by the golden light.

Matter-of-factly, he told her, "Lily, I think you should go out with me."

And Lily said, "Not if you were the last person in the world."

It was a bit of an exaggeration; he was a cocky little prig, true enough, but he was also a fierce friend and a real comedian when he wasn't taking out his talent and humor on unsuspecting bystanders. She didn't completely hate him. But if he knew that, he would be insufferable about it and she really wasn't in the mood.

So she planted her hands on her hips and raised an expectant eyebrow, looking far braver than she felt.

"I see," said James coolly.

"Why do you even want to go out with me? We never talk," said Lily.

"Well, that's the reason. I want us to talk."

"How about you initiate a friendly, casual conversation over lunch or between classes, and ask me out only when you've determined that I can actually stand you?"

He grinned. "Now where's the fun in that?"

She just rolled her eyes, though her heart betrayed her and started doing that frantic racing thing again, and blood was going to her cheeks and her ears rather than to the rest of her equally deserving body parts. "You're an arse, Potter."

He laughed. "Okay, Evans. You've made your point. Good night."

Nothing managed to penetrate that infallible ego of his, it seemed. Not even her snarkiness, which she was definitely unaccustomed to using like a weapon this way, all sharp edges and cold disinterest. Lily sighed crossly as she gathered up her things and made to go to bed. James Potter was impossible.

But she would be lying if she didn't admit that his attention was kind of exciting. He was rude, and he didn't know her at all, and he strutted around the castle like he owned the place, but he noticed her – he was the first one to do so in a romantic context – and she liked bantering with him.

She was the snow-globe, a lovely, still little scene of academic perfection, and he was the one who shook her up, and exposed the little bits of glitter she had forgotten she had. Even if he was, in fact, a loathsome, bigheaded little berk whose ears she longed to box.


Lily never dared to tell Alice, but she resolved within herself that if for some reason James Potter asked her out again, she would actually say yes this time. If only to see his reaction – some of that delicious shock that had bloomed in his haughty face the first time she refused.

And who knew? Maybe it would be fun. Maybe he would have a heart of gold beneath his hilarious-bad-boy exterior. Maybe he was really quite sensitive when he was alone. And maybe she would be the envy of the entire year if she managed to get a date, and subsequently a relationship, with the James Potter.

Hey. A girl could dream.

So very quietly, and significantly hating herself for it, Lily waited. Waited for James to catch her eye and rock her world and ask her out again. Waited for the invitation she never thought she would get.

But one morning, when she was in the loo between classes, she overheard a couple of girls talking about Potter.

"Honestly, I think he just overdoes it sometimes," Marlene McKinnon was saying. "He's a rebel. He hates doing homework but he's good at everything. All the girls love him. Like, we get it. Stop treating girls like prizes at a carnival, you know?"

"Mary Macdonald said that Potter wouldn't stop showing off Evelyn Davies when they first got together," said Anna Ferguson. "He kept kissing her in public, and talking about it, and feeling her up."

Lily had heard about that – how Evelyn had grown tired of Potter's narcissism and dumped him. It had happened only a few months ago; everyone had been in on it.

"I don't know what Potter's deal is," said Marlene. "I mean, now he's after Lily Evans. Lily Evans! He doesn't even have half a shot with her."

"You mean the other way around," snorted Anna. "Lily Evans? Date James Potter? Couldn't happen. She's not his type. He likes them wild. Evans is too quiet. He'd dump her in a matter of weeks."

"But she turned him down," said Marlene.

"Really?"

"Shit, Anna, where have you been? Everyone heard it! She said no. She would never go out with him. Never."

"Impressive," admitted Anna. "But you wouldn't know it, the way Potter talks about her."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. He keeps talking about it like it's only a matter of time," said Anna. "He says that he can tell she wants it, and he's biding his time until he tries again. He's keen on her."

"I never would have seen that coming."

"Me either. But it won't last. She'll be another Evelyn. She won't take kindly to his shit."

Marlene hesitated. Her robes rustled as she presumably checked her watch. "I'd better go, I have to be in Potions in a bit. I'll see you around, Anna."

"Bye, Marly."

Marlene left the bathroom, and Anna followed soon after. Lily had class to go to as well, but she couldn't find it within her dumb horror to move from this bathroom stall.

So that was how he wanted to play it, then. She was just another affair, a girl to show off, a tick-mark in his mental list of girls he wanted and knew he could get.

Anger flared in her stomach with frightening intensity. She had never known such black hatred before, the kind that licked her insides with a scalding tongue and made her want to cry hysterically and scream bloody murder.

She had never been so insulted in all her life. She skipped class that day to sit in the bathroom stall and indeed cry hysterically – the hot, bitter tears of a young woman scorned.

That was it, Lily decided. James Potter was the spawn of Satan and she wouldn't go out with him if the fate of the human race depended on it. She would not be his challenge, the notch for his bed-post. He would have to find some other unsuspecting girl for that scheme. Lily was just too smart for him.


The very next day, he came up to her after Charms, his smile large and lazy – complacent – and he asked, "Hey, Evans, want to go with me to Hogsmeade during the next trip?"

And Lily's eyes were slits of blazing emerald fury as she said, "Fuck off, Potter."

Their ever-excitable audience buzzed with horrified glee, but Lily just marched off down the hallway, nose high, shaking slightly. She never saw the Gryffindors begin to whisper amongst themselves about that bat-shit Lily Evans, that bad-ass Lily Evans. Nor did she see the look on James Potter's face – a rainbow of puzzlement, amazement, a single momentary flicker of genuine hurt.


A/N: This is the first thing I've written in a while. I'm rusty. I do hope you'll be gentle with me here, and that you'll actually review, and let me know if I've managed to get worse in the two years since I last posted for this couple.

Next chapter will be posted soon. Soon. I have an outline, and I have plenty of stuff in my real life I wish to avoid, so I hope a few days will do the trick.

I'm excited to be back here, you guys. Here's to hoping I get all 16 chapters out before the end of the year. And that there is even more from me to come.