A/N: Yes... I am once again, starting a new story before I've finished any of my other ones... -.- Shut up and enjoy the program

BTW! THIS IS A SEQUAL! IF YOU HAVNT READ THE FIRST PART ALREADY, YOU MIGHT NOT UNDERSTAND THIS!!! SO GO READ IT!! NOW!!!

(it's called Gaara The Fat Raccoon)

I don't own anything


A loud crash came from down stairs in the first floor of their relatively good sized apartment house. Kankuro stood in the hallway, ready to attack the intruder. He looked over the railing that guarded the edge of the balcony, down at the hallway below. He knew this was a much better idea than trying to look through the bars like he'd done the night before. There was no way to get your head stuck this way.

He walked stealthily toward the stairway, pushing his body against the wall as he went. About half way down the stairs, he tripped, fell but tried to make it look like a James Bond roll to make himself feel better. He stood up and waved his weapon, a soup ladle, near his head, ready to attack.

The light was on in the kitchen. He narrowed his eyes and walked quietly over toward the door. When he was about halfway there, he accidently stepped on a rubber hamburger that made a loud squeaking noise.

Kankuro froze and looked around hastily. When he was sure the cost was clear, he proceeded toward the kitchen. Once he was about one foot from the door, he pressed himself against the wall and looked sideways through the door.

Target is in sight...

He waited. And waited. And waited. The perfect moment was coming. Almost there. Almost there. Almost. Not yet. Not yet. Almost there....

"Spatula! ATTACK!" He jumped through the door and into the kitchen and threw his "spatula" (soup ladle) at a fluffy red raccoon sitting on the counter, eating out of a tub of ice-cream. (and just so you know, that wasn't the perfect moment for throwing it)

The raccoon screeched as it his his head and proceeded to fall on the floor.

"What the hell! That was a friggen soup ladle! Get your kitchen utensils straight, damn it!" it yelled at him. "And quit throwing things at me!"

Kankuro suddenly understood his mistake. "Sorry, I thought you were an intruder..."

"Yes. I know. The same thing happened last night. And the night before that. And the night before that. And basically all of the last three weeks!" the raccoon glared at him angrily. Actually... I'm pretty sure that if you clicked this story, you know the raccoon is Gaara so... Gaara glared at him angrily.

He jumped down from the counter, his collar making a little jingly noise cause it's a jingly collar with a little jingle bell attached to it so it's all jingly... SQUEE! He started to make his way to the door, his ears flattened angrily.

"Wait! I hear something smash. What'd you break?" Kankuro asked, jumping in front of the door to block him from leaving.

Gaara looked up at him, with wide eyes. "Nothing," he answered hastily.

Kankuro looked at him suspiciously. "But I heard-"

"You didn't hear anything," he cut him off.

"No I definitely heard-" he was cut off again.

"You heard nothing!" Gaara ran past him and hastily made his way upstairs. The whole time, his collar making a jingly noise cause it's a jingly collar.

Kankuro was still suspicious.


Meanwhile... In Konoha...

"HOLY OH MY GOD! YOU'LL NEVER GUESS WHAT I FOUND!!!" Naruto screamed as he ran into the training field. His, rather unfortunate, team mates where standing there looking irritated with each-other's general existence. Well... actually... Sakura was annoyed with Naruto for existing who was annoyed with Sasuke for being born who was annoyed with Sakura for attempting to rape him. But then again that seemed to be her purpose for existing so he was really just annoyed with her existence. Yea... Back to the story.

"ITACHI!?" Sasuke ran up to him with a hopeful yet homicidal look on his face, grabbed the front of his shirt and pulled him up much too close to his face. "Tell me you found Itachi!"

"Um... no..." Naruto carefully detached Sasuke's hands from his shirt, pushed him away slightly, pat him on the head and then took a few careful steps back. Sasuke hung his head sadly and then went back to his tree that he'd been leaning on. Wait? Did I mention he was leaning on a tree? Oh... well.. he was. He continued pretending to be bad-ass while Naruto... didn't...

"C'mon guess what I found! Guess! GUESS!!!" He demanded.

"You 'found', stole, that amulet from the story previous to this that turns you into an animal?" Sakura guessed.

"No. What made you say that?" Naruto said, confused.

"That..." Sakura pointed at the green and gold amulet hanging around his neck and the fox ears and tail that were now a part of him.

Naruto looked at the amulet and then at the tail and then pulled a mirror from god knows where and looked at the ears. "Whoa... I was just gonna tell you I finally found that corn-dog I lost last christmas... "

"Like, Oh my Gosh, when did those get there?" Sasuke asked. "That is just... Just... Scary, bitch. Like oh my gosh, I like can't even take it. That's like almost as bitchin' as I am,"

"I know! It is so sick!" Naruto screamed.

"No... No it isn't..." Sakura said cause she's lame.

Naruto glared at her. "Well then if it's so lame, then how would you like it if I were to touch you with it?"

"I'd be pissed. Cause it's lame. I think we've established this already," she said in the lamest way possible.

"Oh yea? Well... Well... Yo mama is so fat, that... she's... fat! So ha!" was Naruto's amazing come back.

"Oh! Wait! I've got a better one!" Sasuke jumped up and down like a spaz, "Um... Yo Momma is so ugly that she... uh..." Sasuke started thinking. "Uh... Um... she's uh...." he sat down on the ground and tried to think of something cool to say. "UHG! C'mon you stupid brain! Work!" he started pounding his fists against the sides of his head.

"Don't strain yourself! You know what happened last time you tried to think of a good idea!" Sakura warned him.

"No! I can do it! She... Uh... she uh... uh.. She... AUGH!" He held his now aching head in his hands and pulled him self into fetal position.

"Just say that-" Sakura tried to give him an idea.

"No! I can do this alright? Just stop, stop with your words and let me do this on my own, okay? Gosh, your such a bitch sometimes..." He yelled at her.

While you were distracted by Sasuke's stupidity, Naruto touched them both with the amulet and then ran into the village.


And while you were reading about the lamest team ever, the super awesome sauce ninja of awesome, Kankuro, solved the super hard mystery of what the immature Gaara broke.

Wait a minute... Kankuro, did you write this?

"Maybe...."

-.-

Anyway. Kankuro found a smashed lamp on the floor. The lamp was ugly, twas an ugly lamp. But this ugly lamp was worth 9.5 trillion dollars so he was kind of in trouble. Kind of. Just a bit.

"GAARA!!! GET YOUR FAT ASS DOWN HERE!!!" He yelled much louder than was actually necessary.


While Gaara was getting in trouble, Temari was taking her morning shower. Suddenly, she looked at the body wash. It was gel, a red gel. It reminded her of that red candy goo that came out of a tube thing. She knew it didn't taste like it. She knew it tasted like soap. She knew it wasn't at all sweet gooey candy goo. But for some reason, it looked delicious. In her mind, she could see herself eating it and having it taste like candy, but she knew it wouldn't taste right. She knew it would taste like soap. But it was goo, red goo.

She stared at the bottle in wonder for a few minutes, trying to decide if she should try it or not. She knew it wouldn't taste like candy, she knew this very well...

-a few moments later-

"Oh! God! Bleh! ew! What the hell is wrong with me?!" she spat repeatedly in attempt to get the soapy taste out of her mouth. "Oh god! Oh man! AUGH! Bleh! ew ew ew ew.... eeeeeeeeew....."

She turned off the water, got out of the shower, got dressed and pretended it never happened.

She went down stairs and saw Gaara clinging to Kankuro's face, scratching him violently.

"Stop!" She yelled. "Stop it! STOP IT!"

No one heard her. She picked up a megaphone from a nearby table and turned it on. "STOP THE VIOLENCE OR I'LL KICK YOUR ASS!!!" She screamed as she threw the megaphone at Kankuro's head. (I bet you were expecting her to yell through it weren't you?) It made a loud, annoying high-pitched noise which hurt everyone's ears and made Gaara jump off Kankuro's face.

"What is going on here?" Temari yelled.

"Gaara broke the lamp!" Kankuro yelled as he pointed at the fluffy raccoon with the jingly collar.

"Yea well Kankuro broke my spirt! He crushed! Crushed it into little pieces that bled bright red blood while I cried deep black tears, like ink, that would forever stain my soul. And now my heart is just an empty abyss that houses a terrible demon that feeds on my horrible horrible life. Angst! Emo! Angst!" Gaara ended his speech with a single tear of sorrow and misery.

"Yea, I don't know how to respond to that..." She just looked at him.

"HE BROKE THE REALLY EXPENSIVE LAMP!!!!" Kankuro yelled. "I've already decided that he will get,"

The camera zoomed way in on his face and the light went all weird and scary music played as he dramatically said, "The punishment,"

"Really? For an ugly lamp that we didn't even pay for and can't sell to anyone?" She looked at him in disbelief.

"Yes!" :D

"Really?"

"Yes! This is the third thing this week he's smashed and I am tired of it! Do you hear me mister? I am very disappointed in you!" He yelled at Gaara.

"Aww, but he didn't mean it," She bent down and picked him up and held him next to her face. They both made puppy faces at him.

"You've always gotta take his side!" He crossed his arms "What about MY feelings, huh? Why don't I ever matter?"

"Because, your the middle child. That's how it goes," She said simply. "The oldest is the awesome one who's awesome at everything, the youngest is the angsty one who gets spoiled and is never blamed for anything and the middle child gets ignored and beat up by both their younger and older siblings. It's how life works,"

"But either way he gets the punishment!" everything went dramatic again when he said the last two words in that sentence.

Temari sighed, "I'll go call her," and she went into the kitchen to get the phone.

"YES!" Kankuro celebrated as he left the room. When he came back, he had a small cage lined with a blanket.

"No! NO! I promise I'll be good!" Gaara begged..... hm... 'Gaara begged'... Never thought I'd use those words in the same sentence in that order...

"Oh yes! YES!" Kankuro laughed evilly for a few minutes and then cleared his throat. "And besides it's only for one day,"

"No! I won't do it!" Gaara started to back away with his ears flattened.

Kankuro picked up the squeaky toy off the floor. "Hey! Hey! You want this? You want it?" he said as though he was talking to a dog.

Gaara's eyes lit up and followed it wherever it went. "Go get it!" Kankuro threw it into the cage and Gaara chased after it. Kankuro shut the door to the cage and locked it.

Gaara realized what had just happened. "No! No! PLEASE! NO! PLEASE! I didn't mean to! I'm sorry! The lamp practically broke on it's own! It wasn't completely my fault, I mean gravity helped too, right?! Oh come on! I didn't mean to pee on Temari's fan, it just happened!"

Temari suddenly walked into the living room as she heard this. "You pissed on my fan!?" she looked very very very very very very very very very very very very mad.

"Um... no..." He tried to look innocent, but it didn't really work.

Just then the doorbell rang. Kankuro answered it and revealed the world's most ultimate fangirly spaztastic horror.

Matsuri.


A/N: WOO! I actually love writing these stupid stories it's so much more fun than writing angsty crap... And most of this is actually based on the stupid crap I've done in my life actually. xD

Like... the fork named spoon in the last one. I actually at one point had a fork named spoon that I kept in my purse until he broke. :(

And the really messed up version of "We Will Rock You" was something me and my friends made up during lunch cause for whatever reason we felt like making really stupid freestyle. xD

And the thing with the body-wash... I think that's self explanatory... I for some reason was really stupid and thought it would taste like that candy gel and ate like a giant glob of it. don't ask, i still don't know...

Also, I should be able to update this story faster cause it doesn't take a lot of thought. Though... the original "Gaara the fat Raccoon" story was never suppose to be crack xD It was originally suppose to be cute and fluffy but... it just.. didn't happen. xD

okay yea. I plan to update within a week. plan to. that's not guaranteed, but I'll try