If she only knew
By : Holy Reimaund
I don't own Sailor Moon. So is the song 'If she only knew'
If she only knew
What I knew but could not say
If she only see
The part of me that I hid away
Usako? Odango atama? Whatever I call her, it doesn't matter. She's still the girl I love whatever name she has. Of course, out in the open she's Odango atama. But in my heart, she'll always be my Usako. Yeah, that's right. Usako, my little bunny.
I've always wondered how she feels like in my arms. How soft and silky her hair must be. How sweet her pouting lips is? How she kiss or has she been kissed yet? You see, I'm in-love with her. Yet I couldn't bring myself to tell her.
She always has known me as her tormentor. A sleaze ball and a 'baka'who always make her day miserable. I've never meant to torment her. I'd rather love her than does that. But my pride and her won't let me. So I must stay back. Even if I tease her a lot, I don't care. If that's the only way I can talk to her.
If I could just Hold her
in my arms again
And just say I love you
She's gone away
Maybe she'd stay
If she only knew
I always daydream about holding her. Saying those words that I wanted to tell, but can't. To murmur in her ears exactly what my heart says whenever I saw her. To kiss those full lips of hers. To have her say 'I love you Mamoru-kun'. For her to care for me and love me the way I love her.
Sigh, I will never be able to tell her what I feel. And if I do tell her, she would just laugh at me. Or worse, she won't ever want to see me again. But, if only for a minute I could hold her and kiss her then I could die happy and content man. And if I die, I will be glad to tell the Gods on my judgment day that I have live to love you, Usako. And somehow, I accomplished it.
If she could just feel
What I feel here in my heart
All that I dream
Surely she would realize
If she knows how I felt, would she be mine? If I tell her what I feel, will she be angry? Oh, how I wish she's mine. If only she knew the way I feel for her and how strong it is, then maybe.
But that's impossible. Up to now she considers me as her worst enemy. She would just laughed at me and order someone to put me in the mental asylum. But I won't mind being taken there; I AM crazy, I am crazy for her, I am crazy about her. It's just that she's so fine and I'm just a 'baka' and clearly I don't deserve her, not after I hurt her in every fight we had.
Like I told you, I really don't like hurting her. If I hurt her, it would hurt me more. But that's the only way I can talk to her. The way I can know how she is or is she doing fine. The only way I can interact with her. And I savor each time that she slaps or punch me. At least, in a way, she touched me.
But I'm just a man
Who didn't understand
What she was going through
She's gone away Maybe she'd stay
If she only knew
June 25. Five days before her birthday. I told myself that I have to tell her, whatever it may cost. But instead of telling her that, we've got into a fight again. I can tell I really hurt her this time. The way she grabs her side, the silent tears. It seems to me that she's fighting the pain my words inflicted.
I'm so sorry, Usako. Damn me for hurting her. Damn me for ruining the only chance I have. Damn me for. for what? For being so stupid. I was just trying to save my face. I guess it cost her pain to save my damn face.
How? How did I let her get away?
Coz love, love is so easy To feel
But the hardest thing to say
June 30. Her birthday. My hope surge again to tell her exactly how I feel. Everything is ready. Roses, necklace, dinner reservations, love letter, all check. So I came, early as possible in the arcade to see the whole gang so upset. I came to ask them. Andrew told me and guess what.
She left, for England, she and her family. I sobbed brokenly. I will never ever tell her. My chance is lost and all is gone. Even in afar I will never see her again. I hate myself for not telling her. My very soul ached for the lost I felt.
If she could just see
What I see when I close my eyes
All that I dream
Surely she would realize
If only I would be given a chance again, I will tell, no, shout to the world my love for her. And then there won't be anymore secrets. I will love her eternally even if she didn't love me back. I will continue dreaming about us until it came true. I will love her to my last breath.
I close my eyes. I can't breath. The pain is just too much. Why did I let her go without her knowing? Can't I be more foolish? Stupid? Now that she's gone, even if I shout the world my love for her, that won't change a thing. It won't lessen the pain I feel. It won't change the fact that she's no longer here to hear me say 'aisheteru Usako'.
But like a fool
I've waited much too long
To let her know the truth
She's gone away
Maybe she'd stay
If she only knew
Ever since that day, I never love anyone. I lost her forever but it didn't stop me from loving her. I spend my days waiting, hoping she would come back. But she never did.
Now as I lay in my hospital bed, breathing my last breaths, I think about her. Her beauty and spirit. Her dedications. I kept wondering if we ever get together, would I die here today and be happy. Whatever the answer is, guess I'll never know. All I can say is 'if she only knew',
The end.
