A BLACK WIND

Ch 1: Immortals


We could be immortals

immortals

just not for long

for long


Everything was blurry. I opened my eyes slowly. Everything hurt. My head was killing me, my ribs felt like they were squeezing my organs and my limbs felt far too heavy to move more than a couple inches.

I surveyed my surroundings. It was a white room and there were lots of flowers. And machines. I came to the conclusion that I was in a hospital. I tried to remember why I was in a hospital, but I couldn't recall anything more than flashes, certainly nothing that would've caused me to end up in a hospital. I hadn't even gone out for drinks last night.

Was it even last night? How long had I been unconscious?

"Hank," I heard a far off voice say sadly, "She's awake."

I turned my head, with a grimace, towards the source of the voice, by the door to my left. A familiar person entered my small hospital room. He had a sad look on his face, hidden beneath a forced smile.

"You're up," Voight whispered quietly.

I managed a small nod. "I don't remember..."

"It's okay. You hit your head pretty hard, but the doctors say it'll clear up soon."

"Okay..." I mumbled. "What- What happened?"

"You were in an accident."

It came back in flashes so blurry, I could barely tell what was going on. My hands were gripping a steering wheel. Turned it to the left. Bright lights. Then everything was thrown harshly to the left.

"Do you remember?" Voight asked calmly, surely noticing the confused look on my face.

"Not really. Just flashes."

"Well, don't worry." He comforted me with a pat on the arm. "Get some sleep. I'll be here when you wake up." He began to head over to a chair pushed against the wall, but I weakly grabbed his arm.

"I- I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"I was driving. I caused-"

Voight shook his head. "God no, Erin. You were hit by a very drunk driver. Some scum with a rap sheet a mile long."

"Is he okay?"

"He died on impact, but that was his own fault. Not yours. Now get some rest."

I let out a deep breath. "M'kay," I mumbled as Voight sat down. I fell asleep only moments after I closed my eyes.


I wasn't really awake. It felt like a dream, but somehow, it wasn't. Not completely.

"How is she?" The words were calm and quite, but in my half-conscious state, they were knives cutting through the haze. They sounded real, but nothing else did.

"Doc says she's out of the woods. Her memory's a bit fuzzy, but it should return."

"It's not like she'll miss the memory."

"I suppose...Maybe it's best she doesn't remember. I just want her to get better."

"She's awake. Doc's say she's out of the woods. She's going to be okay Hank."

"Maybe physically..."

There was a loud sigh. "When are you going to tell her?"

"Once she's better. She doesn't need to know yet- doesn't need to worry. It's all going to be fine, once it is, we'll tell her. She needs to focus all her strength on getting better."

"And if it's not? If it's not okay?"

Silence.

"Hank?"

Another pause, until the reply came.

"I don't know."


I opened my eyes slowly. Voight was sitting casually in the same chair, unmoved since I'd fallen asleep. He was on his phone, but put it away once he saw I was awake.

"Morning," he greeted.

I managed a weak smile. "Morning."

"How you feeling?"

"Thirsty," I confessed.

"Here." He gently lifted a small glass of water to my lips. I let the water flow over my lips and into my mouth. He put the glass back down on the small table beside my bed as I swallowed.

"Better?" He asked.

"Yeah," I replied softly. "How long was I out?"

"You slept off the night. It's almost noon now."

"You were here all night? Hank-"

"Don't," he insisted. "There's no where else I need to be anyways. We don't have any pressing cases, so we were all given time off."

"We?"

"Yeah, we," he teased. "You're part of a unit remember? Intelligence?"

"Never heard of it," I replied sarcastically. Voight and I smiled. "So...where are these supposed Intelligence members?"

He paused for a moment, taking a deep breath. "They're all around. They'll stop by in time. I sent them home for the night. They'll be coming back anytime now."

"Okay." I let out a sigh. "When can I go home?"

Voight laughed. "Not today."

"Come on," I pleaded. "Just tell me when."

"I honestly don't know the specifics."

"Can't you ask a doctor or nurse?"

Voight rolled his eyes and sighed. "Fine. I'll be right back."

I gave him a smile as he left the room. I'd been awake for a couple minutes and I was already bored...and tired. My eyes slipped shut.

"Aw, don't fall asleep on me now," Came a voice. I opened my eyes and smiled.

"Jay," I teased. "I was beginning to think you didn't care."

He was standing to my left, across the bed from where Voight had sat.

He chuckled. "Of course I care. Your dad sent me home." He added extra emphasis to the words your dad implying his disdain about being sent home.

I smiled a little bit brighter. "I'd love to be sent home."

"You've been here less than a day," he laughed.

I shrugged. "Is that how long I've been here? Only a day?" I let out a sigh of relief.

Jay looked around awkwardly. "I think. I haven't been paying attention."

The smile fell from my face, as I looked at my partner with sadness and concern. "You really were worried."

"Of course I was worried. You're my partner."

I gave the tiniest smile. "I'm okay now. I promise."

"I'm going to hold you to that," he admitted.

For a moment we just stared at each other, not needing words. Then I a small drop of blood trickled down his face from his scalp. Then another, then another, until the right right side of his face was drenched with blood.

I screamed, slamming my eyes shut, beginning to flail about wildly. I felt hands on my shoulders. They held me down firmly.

"Erin! Erin!" Someone shouted.

"Detective Lindsay!" Came another voice. "I need you to calm down. I need you to calm down," the voice instructed. I did as told, still keeping my eyes squeezed firmly shut. The hands on my shoulders left. "Good. Good. Now, can you open your eyes for me?"

Slowly, I did. I looked around the room, as I left out scared breaths. Voight stood at my side. A doctor stood on my other side. Jay was in the corner of the room by the window. He looked terrified, but otherwise fine. There was no blood on him.

"Hello there," the doctor greeted. "My name is Nathan. I'm your doctor. Now, can you tell me what you saw?"

I let out a jagged breath and stared at Jay. I then looked up at the ceiling and shook my head. Nathan turned to Voight.

"Could you give us a moment please?" he asked politely.

Voight gave me a worried look. I returned a forced smile, assuring him I was okay. Jay gave me one last concerned glance before the two left, shutting the door behind them.

Nathan smiled warmly. "Let's talk Erin. What do you remember about the accident?"

I explained how I had had flashes, but otherwise remembered nothing else. Nathan listened patiently, only nodding from time to time.

"I see," he said when he was finished. "Well, I'm afraid I can't help you fill in the dots much. I only know as much as I need to, to make sure you get better."

I nodded silently.

"Do you want to tell me what to tell me what freaked you out so much? Or should we talk about something else?"

I let out a heavy breath, but didn't speak.

"You're doing fine Erin. You've been told that right? You're going to be just fine in a couple days and out of this hospital. I expect you back at work within the month, maybe even back in the field," he explained. "That's what you want right?"

I nodded, receiving a smile from the doctor. "Car accidents are hard Erin. They're so random, nothing you can do to prevent them, no way of knowing it was coming. I could see how that's hard for someone in your profession. You probably don't expect to get injured outside of work, but you're going to be okay."

"Yeah," I whispered.

"I've worked with a lot of victims of car accidents in my time here Erin. If you ever need anyone to talk to, anything you don't want to talk to your friends about, I'm here. I won't judge you." He gave me a pat on the arm and began to make his way to the door. "Shall I send your friend back in?"

"It was my partner."

He walked back over to me.

"Jay...he- um...he was bleeding. It- It just happened so fast."

"Hallucinations are perfectly normal with head trauma like yours Erin. They'll go away soon, I promise."

I nodded. "I don't...I don't want them to think I'm losing my mind."

"You're not," he assured me. "The hallucinations are perfectly normal in cases such as yours. I promise, they'll go away in a matter of days."

I let out a deep breath, regaining my composure. "Okay. Let them back in."


Jay was sitting at my bedside, staring at his hands, which rested in his lap. Voight had stepped out for a minute, had to go fill out some paperwork for insurance or something.

"Say something," I said after a period of silence.

"You just started screaming..." he mumbled.

"I'm sorry...I thought..." I couldn't force the words out.

"You saw something. Didn't you?" He asked, not looking up.

I nodded. "Yeah..."

"It's going to be okay Erin," he assured me as he tipped his head upwards to face me. "I'm going to make sure that it is. I won't leave you. I won't leave you until you're okay. No matter what Erin. I'm right here."

I looked at the ceiling. Heavy breaths escaped my lips as I held back waves of tears.

"I promise you."

I nodded. "I..." I trailed off, my words slipping away.

"Erin look at me." I did. "You can tell me anything. I won't think any less of you. Besides, I'm not leaving anytime soon. You'll end up telling me sooner or later. You always do." He smirked, but there was little to no humour behind it.

I sighed. "Jay...I saw you-"

I was cut off by Voight re-entering the room. "Erin," he greeted gently, as though I were a fragile glass figurine. "How are you feeling?"

I shrugged. "Okay. I think."

He nodded. "You're going to be okay Erin." He turned away for a moment, letting out a jagged breath. "You're going to be okay." He repeated, still facing away from me. I turned to Jay, confusion written all over my face. My partner wore an unbearably sad expression.

"Hank?" I asked, turning back to my father figure. "What's wrong?"

He shook his head, took a heavy breath and turned back to face me. "Nothing," he managed, sounding almost too indifferent. "You're going to be fine. That's all that you need-" he cut himself off and paused, before resuming. "That's all that matters right now."

I didn't believe him. "Did something happen in the accident? It was my fault wasn't it? Did I kill someone?"

Hank snapped out of his daze. "No, Oh god no. Erin, you didn't cause the accident. I would never lie to you like that. Ever."

"Then what are you lying about?"

Voight opened his mouth, as if to speak, but no words came out. He closed his mouth again, pausing, thinking of what to say. It was as if he was contemplating telling me the truth or expanding the lie into more falsehoods. Lucky for him, however, another visitor entered the room, temporarily excusing him from having to explain anything to me.

"Hey there Lindsay," Ruzek greeted. "It's so good to see you awake. Sarge sent us home last night before you woke up or trust me, I would've stayed all night."

"They all would've," Hank pointed out. "And it wouldn't have helped Erin one bit."

I laughed lightly and Ruzek sighed "I suppose," the newer detective admitted. "But, on the topic of helping Erin, how is Erin feeling?"

I shrugged. "Like I was hit by a truck," I teased with a slight chuckle. I looked around, at my fellow detectives. None of them reciprocated the smile. I frowned, raising a confused eyebrow. "Guys? I'm kidding. Really, I'm fine."

Ruzek took a heavy breath. "Um," he tried. Voight gave the younger detective a deathly glare. Ruzek noticed the look and put on a fake smile. "Sorry," he said, shaking previous thoughts out of his head. "You're right. I'm going to...uh...I'm going to..." he pulled out his phone, searching for an out. "Oh hey," he exclaimed. "Look at that! Antonio's here. I'm going to go fetch him."

As Ruzek headed for the door, Jay followed him silently. My eyes lingered on the two of them, the hallucination from earlier racing through my head.

"I'll be right back," Ruzek promised, upon seeing the worried look on his friends face. The two left the room, Ruzek shutting the door tightly as they did. Once the door clicked shut, Voight turned to me. He sighed and sat down at the edge of my bed, placing a gentle hand on my arm.

"It's foolish of me to believe I can hide anything from you for long. It never really works out for me, does it?"

I shook my head silently.

"When I got that call, the one saying you were in an accident...I didn't know what to do. They said- They said they didn't know if you would wake up, but you did. They've been saying it's a miracle that you woke up already- That you woke up at all. They told me that you'd recovered remarkably well, but...before you first woke up..." He grasped my hand tightly, but gently with both of his. "I didn't know if you were going to make it."

I put her free hand on both of his. "I did though. My doctor told me I'm going to be fine." A surge of panic raced through me like I had been hit by lightning. "Is that the secret? Am I not going to be fine?"

"No, no, no," Voight assured me. "You truly are going to be fine."

"Then what? Hank...just tell me. I can take it. Anything's better than this- this- this not knowing."

He turned his head, as he could no longer bare to face me. "If only that were true," he whispered before turning back to me. "You need to get better now Erin. I don't want to risk your health over this."

"That's not your choice," I protested in a disbelieving whisper. "I deserve to know. Don't I?"

Hank squeezed my hand tighter as he searched his head for words to respond with. "You can't make the choice. If you- If you knew..." he trailed off. "I'm sorry. I can't do this right now. You're just going to have to trust me on this one Erin. Don't you trust me?"

I gave a tired shrug. "Hank, I'm tired. I'm really tired. Can't you just tell me so I can get some sleep?"

He smiled lightly. "Erin..." he tried.

"Please."

"You know the case with the Jacob's boy?"

I nodded. "The eight year old?"

"Yeah," He managed. "That's the one." He let go of my hand and stood up, beginning to pace around the room. "There's nothing you can do about it now anyways. Can't you just get some rest?"

I shook my head. "Just tell me."

He let out a sigh. "We handed it off."

"You said..." I muttered, stammering because of my own anger. "You said we were going to find whoever killed that boy. When I left work, you promised me that we'd only be putting the case on the back burner, that'd we'd look for new leads whenever we had a slower day."

"We wanted the time off...Erin, we all wanted this time. We wanted to be here when you woke up...Or in case you never did. It wouldn't have been fair to that kid's family to leave that file just sitting there. So, we handed it off."

My hands clenched into fists. "You promised."

"I didn't think that..." he trailed off. "I'm sorry. I only wanted what was best."

I sighed and stared up at the ceiling. For a moment, neither of us moved, until I lowered my head again. My eyes were glassy with unshed tears of anger, frustration and sheer exhaustion. I was just so damn tired.

"That's it?" I asked. "That's the huge, big secret? You gave away a case?"

"I gave away a case."

"I'm sure you did, but is that really it? Is that really what you're all so afraid that I'll find out?"

"If I said yes, would you go to sleep?"

"I'd call you a liar."

He smiled lightly. "Yeah, well then, I guess I'm a liar."

I looked right at my father figure. "It really is something big, isn't it?"

He nodded.

"Fine," I surrendered. "You don't have to tell me. If it's that important to you that I don't know, I'll let you keep your secret, but only until I'm better." I paused. "And the definition of better will not be up to you. It will be up to me, with influence from my doctor."

Hank nodded. "I can live with that."

I almost smiled in triumph, but I was terrified of what it might be that Hank was keeping from me. Whatever it was, it was bad. I didn't have time to contemplate the idea much further though, because I was so tired, I fell asleep within moments.


There were loud shouts. Someone yelling someone about a cart. Something about a code. The voices were coming from outside my room. I heard my door swing shut harshly. Someone had just left my room in a hurry. Was it Hank? Jay? I wasn't sure.

I sat up, groaning in pain, as I did so. I turned, swinging my legs off the side of the bed. As they hung in the air, I panted, trying to ignore the pain. I took a deep breath pushed myself off the bed and onto my feet. I staggered, stumbling into the wall. I caught myself, however, and managed to regain my balance. I began to follow the wall to the door.

Someone yelled "Come on!" I couldn't identify the voice. I assumed it was a nurse or a doctor.

I pushed the door open, wincing from the motion. I was sore all over and my whole body was screaming at me to lay back down on my bed, but something kept me going. Keeping most of my body weight pressed against the wall, I began to make my way to the source of the sound. It was coming from a room not to far away.

I staggered over to the room, wincing more and more with each step I took, but I kept moving.

"Erin. Stop."

I turned around. It was Jay. I hadn't heard him walk up behind me, but I hadn't exactly been listening for his footsteps either.

"Go back to your room."

I pointed to the room where the sounds were coming from. "What's in there? What's going on?"

"Go back to your room," he repeated.

I blinked. Was he...Was he crying? Why was he crying?

"You're not sorry!" A familiar voice screamed. I turned back to the room where the voice was coming from. "Keep trying!"

"That's Antonio's voice." I turned back to my partner. "Jay. What's-" I froze. Just as suddenly as he'd appeared, Jay was gone again. I frowned. "Okay," I mumbled, dragging out the 'o.'

I resumed my approach of the room. Atwater was standing in the doorway. He noticed me as soon as I approached him. His eyes shot open as he grabbed my shoulders and pulled me away from the door.

"Lindsay?" He blurted. "What the heck are you doing? You should be resting. You can't be up yet. The doctor said-"

"What's in the room?" I asked in a confused voice. The newest detective just shook his head. His glassy eyes were begging me to go back to my room. Wait. Glassy eyes? Why was he crying too?

Panic surged through me and I pushed past him. He didn't stop me this time. He just stood there. Numb.

A few nurses and a couple doctors exited the room. "I'm so sorry, but there really is nothing else we can do. We'll give you a few minutes to say goodbye," one said sadly. A couple of them looked at me with a pitying gaze, but none of them spoke.

I turned into the room. Voight, Olinksy, Dawson, Jay and Ruzek were blocking the view to something, that they all were staring at sadly. Jay turned around, as if sensing my presence. He walked up to me, tears were pouring down his face.

"What is happening?" I asked him. My eyes were beginning to well up with tears as if they already knew what was going on. The others turned to me upon hearing my voice, all except for Antonio.

"Erin!" Voight practically screamed. "You can't be here!" He made a move to approach me, but Olinsky grabbed his shoulder.

"We have to tell her now," he whispered sadly.

I flashed back to a time when I was driving. I was laughing so hard, I was on the verge of tears.

Reality returned just as quickly as it had left me. Ruzek, who's eyes were streaming tears like a waterfall, walked up to me so he stood beside Jay and put his right hand on my right shoulder.

"Erin," he managed through his tears. "I...I'm so..." He turned away, unable to finish the sentence. He shook his head and exited the room.

As Olinsky moved over to the window, only Antonio and Hank remained in the way of what they had all been looking at. It was a bed. A bed, with a person lying on it, but who's I couldn't tell, for Antonio was blocking the face.

Another flashback came, lasting only a moment, just as long as the previous one. I was making a left-hand turn. The arrow was green. I had the right of way.

I looked at Jay's crying face to Hank's clearly distraught one. Antonio still hadn't turned around. He was leaning over the figure, his hands resting on the bed. He was shaking from (what I assumed was) sobs.

Hank looked away from me, unable to look at me any longer. He made his way over to the window to stand next to his old friend. Both of them had eyes beginning to well up with tears.

"Antonio?" I whispered, afraid of what I was about to see.

Bright lights. Something slammed hard into the right side of the car. I let out a cry as I lost control of my vehicle.

Antonio turned around to face me. He was sobbing uncontrollably. He moved only slightly so that I could see the face of the inhabitant of the bed. I recognized the face immediately. All of the air rushed out of my lungs like I'd been hit in the stomach by a wrecking ball.

The car had stopped moving. My head hurt. I turned to my right, to the passenger seat. He was sitting there. Blood covered his face and most of his body. I tried to scream, but all that came out was a soft, worried whimper.

"Jay."

I reached my hand out, trying to touch the Jay in front of me. The one standing up. The one that was still alive. Surely, the one that was real. I tried to place my hand on his shoulder, but instead my hand went straight through it. The Jay in front of me faded away like mist.

He had never really been in front of me. He had only ever been in my head.

"Erin," Antonio managed through his tears.

It all became too real.

Too fast.

Far too fast.

My partner was dead.

Jay Halstead was dead.

Jay was dead.

Jay...

...He was dead.

I rushed over to the bed, crying out. I began to run my hands all over his body, murmuring for him to wake up. I was begging him, pleading him, telling him that his joke wasn't funny. It was anything, but funny. I grabbed his face tightly in my hands, staring at his closed eyelids, mourning the colour of his eyes and the shape of his smile.

I would've done anything to see those things again.

"Wake up," I begged. "Wake up." My voice was shattered by the tears and sobs that now raced through my body and down my, now rosy, cheeks. I grabbed his shoulders, shaking the limp body that had once been my best friend. I shook harder. "WAKE UP!" I screeched.

I let go of his body and my legs gave out. Arms wrapped around me. I didn't know who's. I didn't care. It didn't matter. Nothing mattered. Pain tore through my body so severely I normally would've cried out in agony, but this time it didn't matter. It just didn't matter. "Wake up," I sobbed.

"He's not going to," Someone whispered. "He's never going to wake up again."


I am the sand in the bottom half of the hourglass

(glass, glass)

I try to picture me without you, but I can't


So, Just realizing now that this story is coming out at a weird time (in relation to recent events on the show), but I actually wrote up this chapter months ago...I actually almost didn't post this story because of it, but the main reason I'm working on this story is to get better with writing grief and loss so I decided to do it anyways. Please review and let me know how I did and how whether or not you are going to continue reading this story.

I'll try to get the next chapter out next Sunday, but no promises. This week is super busy and I want evry chapter in this story to be well thought through and well written.