Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo belongs to Yoshio Sawai, Weekly and Viz's Shonen Jump and Toei Animation. Don't know the US company involved with the anime, but I'm using their dub names. I have no ownership of this, but I sure want merchandise. Sell it to me please! And more manga, please! Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo rocks! All songs mentioned don't belong to me, either.

Have fun spotting the yaoi clichés here.

ANGST!

Jelly Jiggler quietly left the group. It was a lovely night, but Jelly had to get away to this lonely mountaintop to wallow in angst. He turned on his mp3 player and put on his "Unrequited Feelings" play list. The first song was "All I Ask of You" from Phantom of the Opera. Jelly closed his eyes, imagining himself as Christine to Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo's Raoul. Then he shuddered, because he knew who his Phantom was- out to ruin the happiness Jelly'd known ever since Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo bought him in the market, making him feel wanted for the first time.

No matter how Tsar Baldy Bald IV appealed for a reconciliation, Jelly hadn't been fulfilled when they were together. The man was neither kind nor monogamous nor discrete about his other lovers (like that skank Denga). Jelly had found himself growing bitter and reckless as a result. He even came close to boiling himself a couple of times out of frenetic despair or something.

"How Do You Do it?" came up next, just as Softon tapped Jelly on the shoulder. Softon had the concerned expression often associated with yaoi suitors who have buried their Feelings so deep that they don't have any basis in canon. Jelly took off his headphones and ended up in a pointless chat with Softon. Softon hoped to gain enough nerve to take Jelly into his arms, tell him he loved him like Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo never would, and that jelly is best served alongside ice cream for dessert. Not that I have ever seen that myself. But to no avail. Softon ended up in search of his own place to brood, listening to "Since I don't have you" on his headphones. You see, it is not proper Yaoi conduct for two unfulfilled bishonen to angst in the same place unless the story concerns them settling for each other. Jelly and Softon are not bishonen, but the rule still applies.

Jelly sighed, because he knew Tsar Baldy Bald wasn't the real problem. Either that, or he was just being stupid and to be proven wrong. Foreshadowing, foreshadowing, blah blah blah. Anyway, Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo didn't seem to treat him any different than Beauty or Softon or King Nosehair or Denga (the white chibi thing in the theme song)… Heck, he'd even fooled around as Gasser's bride-to-be. Jelly's eyes narrowed because he knew what Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo had been up to that night. Some unrequited love song from Camelot rung in his ears.

Don Patch. Jelly clenched his fists. As a general of the Chrome Dome Empire, he had been amused by Patch's reunion with his old flame Uey. But it meant Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo tried to make his move, to get Don Patch's attention. And then it hit Jelly. Even if Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo loved Don Patch, the sun-thing had become romantically guarded since his ill-fated reunion with Uey. Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo didn't deserve the frustration! What he so obviously needed was the weepy, ex-villain type to coddle him. And that was Jelly to a tee. He wasn't a prima donna like Don Patch! He was a mess of clinginess and guilt that would make a submissive partner like no one else in the fandom! Jelly raised his arm triumphantly and switched to "I'm on my way to tell him I love him" play list with his free hand.

Then he turned around and quickly realized angsting in the dark all alone with headphones on was probably a bad idea.

Tsar Baldy Bald IV and a large army were standing there.

Jelly narrowed his eyes, taking in their size and recognizing a couple people who still owed him money. But this isn't going to be dealt with because this is an angst-fest.

"You wouldn't want us to go in search of your friends instead, would you?" Tsar Baldy Bald IV grinned.

Jelly paled. Baldy Bald's grin widened as he motioned his soldiers to grab Jelly. "Bring him over to me."

Jelly was thrown down at the Tsar's feet. Baldy reached out for Jelly's face, pulling him up close face-first and gazing into his eyes. "Even after all you've done, I am here to give another chance. I've missed you and it's high time I take a Tsarina and settle down."

Jelly looked back, amazed, "Really? You'd take me back even after all I've done?"

"Really." The surrounding troops oohed and aahed like fangirls, all of them being fans of this particular ship.

Jelly burst out laughing, "You smug bastard! You think I'd take back some two-timing bald prick like you, much less be your little empress?"

Silence.

Then a slap.

Jelly crumpled to the ground, but immediately looked back up with defiance.

Tsar Baldy Bald IV moved his head to the side. Rough hands pulled Jelly up and kept their firm grip on him.

The tsar studied Jelly for a long moment, "It appears someone has stolen my intended's affections. Perhaps some time in Tofu's camp will set him right."

Jelly was carried off, screaming in terror.

TBC