"Mom was Amara's gift to you, for bringing her and Chuck together."
"Yeah. She told me she'd give me my heart's desire... and ... there she was. Mom in her white nightdress. And boy, did she pack a punch, " Dean said, running a hand over his jaw in muscle memory.
"And is she?" Sam asked, curious."Your heart's desire?"
"That's a difficult question, Sammy. And I don't have a pat answer. She's... different from what I expected."
]
Sam nodded, silently agreeing with his brother.
Both men had a kid's fuzzy idea of their mom, but when faced with the reality of the grown woman and hunter Mary was, they found themselves lost, especially Dean whose childhood memories were still buzzing through his mind.
"It's not that I'm not happy she's here," Dean continued after a pause. "It ...just... makes our lives more complicated. For years we've only had each other to look out for, and see how we fucked up there more times that I want to remember, now there's mom too. "
Once again Sam nodded his understanding, not wanting to interrupt his brother, who even now still found it difficult to express his feelings.
]
"Everyone around us dies, Sammy. Unless we manage to push them away before the fuglies realise they mean something to us."
"Like Lisa and Ben," Sam said.
"Yeah, or like Amelia," Dean added, the name of the woman Sam had set up house with, passing his lips for the first time in years.
"Just think what would've happened if you'd had a kid with her. The worry and terror of trying to protect them."
"I wasn't intending on having kids," Sam said, squirming guiltily at the memory.
The entire period concerning Purgatory and Amelia still a hazy year of his life. It was as if someone else had lived it, not him. Whatever.
]
Dean huffed a laugh. "Intentions have nothing to do with it, dude. I wore protection when I went to bed with the Amazon bitch and Emma was still born."
"I'm not sorry I had to take her out, Dean," Sam declared solemnly. "I know she was your daughter, but she was going to kill you, and I couldn't let that happen. I saw it plain as day in your eyes that you weren't going to hurt her."
"It's okay Sam. Our lives have been hell on Earth, but we've had some good times too, bro. Let's concentrate on those," Dean sighed. He'd had enough of reminiscing.
]
Sam huffed, but a smile stole through. "Yeah, like crappy motel rooms, greasy diner food, sleeping in the Impala and squatting in derelict houses...
"...playing poker and shooting pool and picking up waitresses. Good times, Sammy. Good times!" Dean added with a huge grin.
Sam snorted. "Those things you still do!"
]
"See. Our lives haven't been all bad. Then I've had my freaky little brother at my side through it all."
Dean tousled his brother's hair before sauntering towards the kitchen.
"Want some coffee, dude, now that we've had some bonding time?"
"You're a jerk, Dean. You know that, don't you!"
"Always have been, always will be, Sammy. Just like you'll always be my geeky bitch!
the end
