Hey everyone, thanks for taking the time to read this. It's my first shiznat even though I;ve been lurking for quite some time. I currently have 2 marimite fics in the works still right now, althought the ideas I've been jotting down just didn't seem to fit with the stories I'm writing so I decided, bugger it! Why not?
However, I do warn. Not for the easily upset okay? It's not the happiest chapter around I gotta say so please, bear with me, you might actually like it ;) Also a good few flashbacks in this story (fb). Let me know if you're having problems with the formatting, I've been ooh-ing and ahh-ing over it all night.
Dis: Don't own anything.
If I were a bee and you were a rose,
Would you let me in when the gray wind blows?
Would you hold your petals wide apart,
Would you let me in to find your heart,
If you were a rose?
~ Natsuki's FB ~
"Done!" she held up the circular band of flowers and beamed victoriously.
I sighed.
"Fine. You win. Although I still think you had the upper hand from the beginning…."
I was a sore loser. I admit it.
"It was my first time!" the blonde declared adamantly.
"I doubt that. Look…." I held up my own to show her.
"….." *smirk*
"Yeah yeah, laugh it up…."
"Ara, I thought Natsuki said she'd done this before!" She giggled against the back of her palm, her deep crimson eyes gleaming with obvious amusement.
I looked down at the tangled mess of flowers on my lap.
"I was….really young. My mother showed me once." I suddenly felt uncomfortable. I hated bringing her up. It made me feel like I was trying to gain sympathy by declaring that fact. She was gone. I was alone. I didn't need to shout it out to the world. "I thought I'd remember how to do it…."
I watched the amused expression on her face fade immediately. I shifted my weight slightly, nervously.
"Natsuki….?"
I looked up. I'd lie if I didn't say I flinched slightly.
"Shi…." My eyes involuntarily closed.
"There!" she smiled, clapping her hands together.
I looked down, the white and yellow flowers that were intertwined in a colourful chain hung delicately from around my neck.
"Shizuru…."
She can read me like a book. It was one of the many things I loved about her, she never pushed me for details or explanations about my past. She smiled that gentle smile and patiently waited until I told her myself. In my own time. Even then she never made a big deal out of it, even though I could see how happy it made her when I opened up to her. She knew she was the only one who I can do that with.
"Ara, how is it that even when I'm in a beautiful garden surrounded by beautiful flowers, Natsuki blooms the most beautifully in my eyes?"
And then she teases me.
"It's….it's just a daisy chain! Baka!"
"Natsuki doesn't like daisies?" Shizuru tilted her head slightly. Innocently. Damn her.
"I…I don't know. I don't dislike them I just…" Why does she always…panic me like this?
"What flower does Natsuki like?" she smiled sweetly. Damn. Why do our conversations always end up this way? She asks the most awkward questions! What am I supposed to say to that!
"Um….I dunno…."
"Ara, I almost forgot! Natsuki dislikes flowers!"
"What! I never said that!"
"Didn't Natsuki try and tear one of the very same from the ground the first time we met?" Shizuru teasingly hovered one of the flowers in front of her.
"That…..I….I was having a bad day! And, I do like them! I can just never remember their names!"
There, that ought to do it!
"I see. Which one does Natsuki like best then?" Shizuru held out her hand towards the various flower beds to the right of them as if inviting trouble. She's teasing me again.
"Umm. That!" I pointed randomly. Like I knew the difference anyway.
Shizuru smiled. That awful, Scary, Real smile. She rarely did, it still confused me when she smiled like that because even I stopped to stare. It upset me that she didn't do it more often. Those tiny laughter lines at the corner of her gentle eyes were incredibly cute. She looked so beautifully content in that split second before her eyes closed.
"If I were a rose and you were a bee…."
"Huh?"
She opened her eyes and smiled at me.
"Nothing…."
"Shizuru?"
What was that look? I've seen that look before….
"I was just thinking sorry….."
She wasn't just thinking. She looked a little….I dunno. Upset? Sad? Was it the flower thing? She knows I don't know a thing about them why would she be so upset over something like that? I thought she was just teasing….
"You look a little like my flowers….." I held up the crooked chain between the two of us.
"Is Natsuki saying I'm…." she rasied an eyebrow, "Twisted….?"
I laughed despite myself.
"I was going to say unappreciated…."
What the hell? Where did that come from? I just blurted it out…!
Shizuru opened her mouth as if to say something then shut it again. I don't think I'd ever seen her speechless before.
"Well…." I automatically lifted the dilapidated daisy chain from my lap and reached out to put it around Shizuru's neck.
She practically beamed.
"A chain of slightly twisted daisies for a girl with a slightly twisted sense of humour"
"Ara! Now I feel unappreciated!" she pouted.
I blushed.
But I think she beat me to it.
She reached over hesitantly and plucked the flower that I had pointed out before, twirling it between her forefinger and thumb. How could someone smile that sweetly and look so utterly torn apart at the same time?
"If I were a rose and you were a bee,
You should never go when you came to me,
I should hold my love on my heart at last,
I should close my leaves and keep you fast,
If you were a bee."
~ Present Day ~
I wish I could turn back time.
"NATSUKI!"
I wish I could tell her how all of those tiny little gestures had had such a profound effect on me.
"NATSUKIIIII!"
How being in her very presence had made me feel more wanted, more needed than I had ever felt in my entire life.
"NO!"
You were my only one Shizuru.
"PLEASE!"
You were exactly what I had been looking for my entire life.
"PLEASE! NATSUKI!"
A place that I could call home.
"NATSUKI! DON'T LEAVE ME!"
I'm sorry, I should have realized it sooner.
"Natsuki! Natsuki Please! Open your eyes! Look at me!"
Shizuru leaned over her loves body. She cradled her head and watched the life flow out of the girl before her. Her breathing slowed, her eyes easing shut.
"NATSUKI!" She held the girls stiff body against her own, her white polo neck was drenched in blood but she didn't even notice. She rubbed Natsuki's face desperately, stroking her cheeks and hair as if by some miracle she could will life back into her.
Everything had gone numb.
Quiet.
People were running around her, she could see their mouths moving. Why weren't they doing anything? Why were they watching her love die in her arms!
Why weren't they doing anything!
She felt rough hands shake her, barely aware that she was being pulled backwards. Wait, backwards!
'No! Natsuki!'
She wasn't sure if she cried out, or if she made any sound at all she just lashed out around her and grabbed at thin air trying to reach her love. To hold her in her arms once more.
She was in an ambulance.
What was he saying?
Where's Natsuki?
NATSUKI!
Why couldn't she move?
Why won't they let me hold her!
She felt a pain in her arm.
Huh?
Why was she lying down?
The last thing she saw was a face above her mouthing something, the last thing she heard was a loud buzzing in her ears.
Then darkness took her.
~ Shizuru's FB ~
I thought love was just a mirage of the mind,
it's an illusion, it's fake,
impossible to the day I met you,
I began to see,
that love is real, and exists in me.
"Come in"
The door opened a crack and a pair of curious emerald orbs peeked through the opening.
She came.
"I brought you some things." she shuffled into my bedroom uncomfortably and eased the door shut behind her. "I wasn't sure what you needed so…."
"It's okay I think I'm beyond the contagious stage you don't have to look so worried"
"B…baka! I was worried about you!"
Despite how awful I was feeling the bright red hue that reached the dark haired girl's ears brought a smile to my face.
"Has your temperature dropped?"
I nodded and tried to sit up.
"Wait!" she rushed over to me and dropped the bags she was carrying at her feet. I felt the mattress shift slightly under her weight as she sat on the edge of my bed, her arms reaching out to help me sit up.
I could get sick more often.
"Don't push yourself, you need your rest." Gentle hands brushed hair away from my cheek, I barely felt her hands graze my skin, so lost was I in those green, green eyes.
"Would you like me to make some tea?" So close. Yet so far away. I could practically feel her breath on my face. I merely nodded and immediately regretted it when she began to pull away. The warmth had left me as suddenly as it had arrived.
I closed my eyes and listened to that distinct creaking of rubbing leather as she made her way to the bedroom door.
"Natsuki?"
She turned to look at me, raising a questioning eyebrow.
"Could you just…sit with me for a while?"
I was pushing my luck but instantly applauded myself on being so rash when she smiled and made her way back over to me.
We had never agreed or disagreed to do anything about our….complicated situation after the carnival. I think we both feared the consequences of altering anything in our still fragile friendship….
Natsuki never did elaborate on her words that day. I never asked. She loved me. I loved her differently. It didn't matter, it was just enough that she was here with me now.
That's what I always told myself anyway. It still never did anything to appease the sudden rush of hopefulness that overwhelmed me any time she showed me that slightly more affectionate side of her. I don't think I will every truly give up hope, even if part of me knows that my wish will never be fulfilled.
She lay down on the bed beside me, facing me. Her arm snaking round behind me, embracing me, torturing me.
"Ara, Natsuki's in a playful mood."
She pulled away.
Damn.
As much I loved teasing Natsuki, I had been trying to tone it down lately. It mostly happened unconsciously, I'd say it before I'd thought it. When I'd had time to think about it rationally, I'd come to the conclusion that it was some form of self-protection, my armour and defense against the outside world. If I felt uncomfortable or at a loss for words, I teased. It made me feel less awkward when I had the upper hand, especially in social situations.
"E..eh! I was just…."
I reached out and pulled her close to me again without bothering to let her finish.
"Shizuru!"
I might have coughed over-dramatically for effect. It worked. She hugged me back, I even got a back rub.
I could definitely get sick more often.
"Can I get you anything? Water? Medicine? Tea?"
I shook my head. Just hold me.
Natsuki flinched suddenly, pulling back, a look of alarm in those distracting eyes.
"Shizuru! You're soaking! I thought you said you're temperature went down!" she jumped up off the bed.
Damn.
I guess I was a little woozy, I barely registered her hand prying open my mouth and shoving a thermometer in there.
"A hundred and one!"
I'm pretty sure that's your fault.
"Shizuru we need to get you to a hospital!"
I shook my head and tried to sit up. I was not going to a hospital unless I was dragged there kicking and screaming in an ambulance. I hated them!
"Shizuru…."
"I'll be fine after I cool down….would you run me a bath?"
If I actually didn't already feel a little woozy, I would have after the cute scene played out before me. I felt awful for enjoying watching her run around panicking, but it was just too adorable not to smile at.
I'd nearly blacked out by the time Natsuki came back into the bedroom, she helped me get to my feet and into the adjoining bathroom. I was sat down, a hand was on my forehead, then in the bath checking the temperature. The next thing I knew she was stripping.
Yes I remember that part quite clearly actually. Although I'm still not quite sure to this day if I hallucinated that part or not….
"Shizuru?"
Part of me felt vile for thinking the thoughts I was thinking at that moment. Natsuki was panicking, practically tearing my pyjamas off me trying to get me into the bath tub.
And I was staring at her in her underwear…..
Well…. A leopard can't change it's spots.
"It's alright come here."
No.
I wasn't hallucinating. Every thought, every daydream, every fantasy…. Nothing could compare to this. I'd dreamt for years what it would feel like to be held like this, only to have to wake up and face the harsh reality that it had never happened at all. Yet here I sat with the girl that had plagued my dreams every night, my daydreams every minute of the day and it was real. Her skin against mine. Her cheek against mine. Her hand running through my hair…..
Her soft hushes whispered in my ear as she rocked me back and forth in the lukewarm water. Soothing me, reassuring me…..
Overwhelming me.
She never did ask me why I was crying.
I hope that one day you'll come to realize,
How perfect you are when seen through my eyes.
~ Present Day ~
I awoke to the continuous sound of beeping from somewhere nearby. Believe me when I say it was annoying. A quick glance about the room told me I was in a hospital. They all looked the same. White. Clinical. Depressing.
I tried to sit up and immediately regretted it. My head was pounding. Really pounding. When I went to reach out for the glass of water that was on the bedside table, I was quite shocked to find my arms strapped to the bed.
What?
Well isn't this just great. I can't exactly press the button for attention if my ARMS ARE STRAPPED DOWN!
I don't know how long I struggled for, eventually though, much to my dismay I just yelled as loud as I could for someone to come and tell me just what on earth was going on. The nurse didn't look too pleased to see me struggling. The needle in my arm and immediate drowsiness that I was succumbing to pretty much clarified that for me. I believe she wished me a goodnight before I passed out. How rude.
Doctor: "She's awake?"
The nurse closed the door behind her, hitting the attention switch off so the light would stop blinking.
Nurse: "Not anymore, she's putting up quite a struggle"
Doctor: "Did she say anything about what happened?"
Nurse: "No she was hysterical. I put her out for a little longer, she might be a little more willing to comply when she wakes up"
Doctor: "So she doesn't know about the other girl that was with her?"
Nurse: "Not yet…."
The doctor frowned and walked around from behind his station.
Doctor: "Call me when she wakes up, someone has to break the news….."
"Natsuki…."
And now you lay there dying
Steel jaws upon your frame,
Life's blood slowly seeping
I whimper your sweet name.
A/N
Yeah I know. Depressing stuff. I have some good ideas (well I think so anyway, I hope you will agree by the end) for this story so I'm gonna be trying to get this, plus my marimite one out as fast as I can, which with my working hours is a challenege believe me. I will try to be as quick as possible though.
Stick with me here guys, like I said, you might actually be quite surprised!
Thanks for reading, please hit that little button down there and let me know what you thought if you enjoyed it. :)
