Disclaimer: Nothing of Downton Abbey is mine. I tried to call Mr. Fellows and buy Bates from him. I offered him all I got, but somehow five bucks weren't enough. Bummer. ;) So, all I'm left with is my dirty fantasies. So I share this with you and hope you don't mind a little fluff.
A/N: OMG! Finally, DA is broadcasted in Germany. Yesterday, I saw episode 3 of season two...and cried my eyes out. Is William really going to die? *sniff* And poor Matthew. And poor Anna and John. Gosh, I just hate Vera. I have NO sympathy for her at all. That witch makes me so angry! Anyway, season 2 is really intense. Ups and downs all the time. *sigh*
~oOOo~
„It's not unusual for a man to take a mistress."
She really can't believe she said that out loud. Sure, since John was gone she had plenty of those thoughts, but she is quite surprised of herself that she actually said that to him.
But Anna isn't surprised by his reaction. She knows him well enough to know that her honor means even more to him than it does to her. But is she the only want who wants this to happen?
…No. She sees it in his eyes. The desire and the longing she feels equally strong.
John insists on getting divorced before they could start anything. She remembers his kiss and her eyes lower to his sensual lips. She remembers how it feels to kiss him. God, she misses that the most. Being close to him, wrapped in his strong arms, smelling him, feeling the beating of his heart against her chest while his lips move on hers, his tongue playing sensually with hers.
"Anna?"
She winces and looks up. John had talked to her and she didn't hear a thing. Focus, woman!
Why is it so hard? They're together again after this awful long time. She should be happy just to be there, sitting across that little table, her gloved hand in his…
Why is her body screaming for his so badly?
"Hey, Bates! Break's over. We have customers."
"I'm sorry, Love, but I have to work."
Anna nods and stands up. He takes her hand in his and lays it on top of his heart.
"As soon as this divorce is through, I will call for you."
"And in the meantime?"
John looks down.
"I think it would be best if we don't see each other. I don't want to give Vera any opportunity to preclude the divorce."
Anna needs a second to calm down again. Knowing that he's so close and not visiting? That was a cruel thing to ask of her. John sees her reluctance and comes a little closer.
"Believe me, this is as hard for me as it is for you. But it's just a couple of weeks and then nothing will take you away from me again", he whispers.
Anna looks up. You just have to love this man for his sweetness.
"Then you better hurry, Mr Bates" she answers and gives him an honest smile. John smiles,too, obviously relieved.
"I love you", he says and lets go of her hand.
"I love you, too."
They say their goodbyes and before Anna knows, she is standing in the street in front of that small pub again. The fresh wind helps her to clear her thoughts.
She wants to start going back to Downton but her feet won't move. It feels like she is drawn to that place, to John. Like two magnets which can't be separated, no matter how hard you try. It's just been so long since she saw him, really saw him, talked to him, kissed him. She fears if she leaves now, she will never see him again. This new situation is like a bittersweet dream which awakens the dead thought hope of a future together.
No, she can't go. It's been months, for heaven's sake! She deserves more than a handshake and a promise. She wants something real, something to ease the constant pain in her heart. So she makes a decision for both of them…
~oOOo~
"G'night Bates. Tomorrow at seven!"
"Yes, Sir."
John closes the door and steps out into the night. First thing he always does is taking a deep breath. It can get pretty stuffy with all the smoke of cigars and cigarettes in that small room. For a moment he closes his eyes and pictures his love. She looked so pretty today with the little curls in her hair. If they were alone, he would have twisted them around his fingers. He just loves her blonde hair, soft as satin…
Don't go there, John, he warns himself. He has lost himself in dreams of Anna often enough to know that he's close to do it again. But can anyone blame him? Anna showing up today was a shock and a thrill at the same time. But he should have known. She saw him that day in Downton. Anna is a smart girl, of course she'd find out where he is. He really shouldn't have come to see her. He gave in his longing. Not being with her means physical pain for him. So was it so bad that he took some of the medicine called Anna? Was it too selfish?
Anna looked sad today. Maybe it would have been better for her if she thought he was still in London with Vera, he muses while he walks up the street to the little room he rents. Climbing the stairs is painful as always, but he nearly notices it. He's too busy with his own thoughts to get the stupid key in the lock or to notice that there are footsteps behind him.
"Do you need help with this?"
John flinches so hard the key drops down on the stairs.
"Lord!" he curses before he can stop himself and turns around. The most beautiful smile greets him.
"Anna!" he says breathlessly. "What on earth are you doing here?"
While John tries to slow the beating of his heart, Anna bends down and picks up the key.
"I missed the transporter who was supposed to bring me back to Downton."
She holds the key out to him but he just shoots her a dark look.
"You are a horrible liar, Dear."
She's still smiling.
"Come on, open the door. I'm freezing. I didn't know you work so late. Is this good for your leg?"
John's hesitating. Him and her in that small, dark room, with only a bed and a small table in it? So not a good idea. He tries to think of something but when Anna rubs her cold arms he knows he's already lost the battle. He doesn't have the heart to send her away…
Boy, that's gonna be a hell of a night…
He opens the door and lets her in before he enters himself. Because of the small oven in the right corner the room is pretty warm. Anna sighs relieved and lights up the lamp hanging from the ceiling. After that, she puts off her jacket. She neatly folds it over the small chair before she turns to face him. He is still at the door, looking at her. Her heart immediately beats faster and a jolt is running through her body. They are finally alone…
Before she can stop herself she hurries over to him and hugs him as tightly as she can. Her heart sings as he wraps her arms around her, pulling her even closer. She smells and feels him again! She laughs happily. So many emotions a running through her that it is hard to identify them all. Relief, happiness, love, hope, desire…all at once.
"God, I missed you so much, John" she says, tears in her eyes. He tightens his grip and buries his nose in her neck, smelling her sweet, fresh scent.
"I missed you too, Anna."
"Please don't send me away tonight", she softly begs while her fingers run through his hair, messing it up.
With a heavy sigh, he takes her hands and moves them to his lips, placing a soft kiss on each palm.
"You can't stay here, Anna. What about Mrs. Hughes? Does she even know where you are?"
"No, but Lady Mary does. I am sure she will cover for me. I…I just say I had to help her with something and that Ethel was already asleep when I went to bed. I will get up very early and walk back to Downton."
"Anna…I can't walk with you" he says, thinking of his bad leg.
"You don't have to. I'm a big girl and I know the way."
He shakes his head.
"What if something happens to you?"
She sighs, freeing her hands and sliding her fingers into Johns hair again.
"I will be fine. I am fine. For the first time in months I actually feel alive again."
He knows damn well what she is talking about. Since he left her so brutally, his body and brain felt numb. He didn't feel much at all. That was until now. Holding her in his arms again is like a wakeup call.
"Anna…" he whispers, taking off her hat and throwing it on the bed. Finally he can do what he already wanted to do in the pub. Gently, he let her curls twist around his fingers. His hearts starts beating faster as he feels her satin hair on his skin.
"It does look really beautiful."
Anna smiles at him, snuggling against him.
"Thank you."
Her head is close now and Johns eyes lower to her mouth. He wants to kiss that sweet woman who's pressing her whole body against him in that delicate manner. Her massaging fingers in his hair, her intense look, all that is starting to arouse him. Now he's happy that they just have one bed. All the things he wants to do to her…
Lord, what am I thinking! I sound like an old pervert! I don't want to sleep with her here! In that poor chamber, in that small, uncomfortable bed! I want our first time to be something wonderful, a night she will always think fondly of, hopefully describing it as perfect. That's not how this should happen. She deserves more.
While John is lecturing himself, Anna presses her lower body against his. She bites her lower lip, feeling his manhood.
Oh sweet Lord. How am I supposed to resist that sensual temptress? She is inexperienced, I know, but she knows exactly how to drive me mad. Did she get advice? Did some girl tell her how to arouse a man? Or is this pure instinct? If she's already so skilled, how skilled will she be after we did it a few times? Oh boy, that wasn't very smart to think about…Nooo, don't get aroused John. Stop this. Now!
With all the strength he can manage in that state, he gently pushes Anna away from him.
"John", she complains, frustrated.
He clears his throat before he dares to speak.
"Anna, my sweet Anna. Please don't do that. If you really want to stay here, you have to behave."
"I'm not a child who's making noise, John."
He smiles, trying to lighten up the mood.
"No, but you surely are some kind of troublemaker" he jokes.
Anna grins.
"Will you be a good girl, Sweetheart?"
She rolls her eyes and lets go of him.
"Fine. But you have to give me something for being good" she replies, making air quotes as she says 'good'.
"How about the bed?"
She looks at the small thing.
"I think it's big enough for two."
He laughs and shakes his head while he tries to get the picture of her underneath him in that bed out of his head. He finally takes of his hat and his jacket and hangs them on the door.
"Would you like some tea before you're going to bed?"
"I'd love some. Anything to warm me up. I'm still cold. The days are so warm but the nights are still pretty chilly, don't you think?"
While they are making small talk, John sets up the tea water on the little oven which is also his stove. He takes the only two cups he has from the cupboard and puts them on the table. After he's done making tea, relieved that he had time to calm down, he takes the full cups and turns around.
The tea never makes it to Anna. Instead, it gets wasted on the floor as soon as the cups shatter on it. John isn't even aware of it, still holding the saucers. His look is fixed on his bed, with Anna in it under the white sheets, hair down, only wearing her thin undergarment. Anna has to fight back a laugh. Instead she lifts a leg, wraps her arms around it and looks at him.
"Oh, you spilled the tea. What a shame…" she tries to sound disappointed but can't help but smile a little.
Is he having a stroke? He can't move. Nor speak, nor think. The blood has definitely left his brain. So much for the truce they made ten minutes ago.
"Are you trying to kill me?" John finally managed to say. Anna laughs and runs her fingers through her hair before she starts braiding it.
"Of course not, Love. I just want you to come to bed."
Oh my God, I'll never make it through the night. The way she looks at me, her delicate figure, her soft skin shimmering in the light…Damn it! I want her. I want her now! … No, you can't! You have to be the responsible one here, John! … I could jump from here to the bed. Don't need my cane … You should use the cane and beat some sense into that woman … We will marry anyway. I will make it happen. Who cares if she's a virgin on our wedding day? Certainly, I don't. And no one else will ever know … Stop that nonsense! You won't break the law and you won't steal her virginity without a damned ring on her finger … It's not really stealing if she's offering so willingly … Clear your head man! Take a deep breath! And most importantly: Look away!
Finally, that works. John turns around, mumbling something and putting the saucers back on the table. He inhales deeply, trying to think of anything else than that beautiful, half-dressed woman in his bed. He puts his hands on the table for support and closes his eyes when she starts talking again.
"Come to bed, John."
"I'll sleep on the chairs."
"With your bad leg? I don't think so. Now, come on. Don't be a prude."
She's speaking so softly, a chill's running up and down his spine. He really wants to be with her, but knows he mustn't. With a sigh he lets himself fall into the chair, resting his head in his hands.
"All I am trying to is to do the right thing here, Anna. I know you don't want it to happen like this."
"I don't care. I just want to be with you, John."
He looks up, feeling a stinging pain in his heart as he sees her beauty again.
"Yes, you do care. I can't make you my mistress and I won't. I love you too much for doing this to you."
"You know, I am really fed up with that."
"With what?"
"With you! Making all the decisions for us. I have an opinion, too, you know!"
"You made pretty clear what your opinion is."
"Then why are you not here, taking me in your arms, burying me under your weight and make me yours?!"
Anna is shouting now. John looks away.
"Don't talk like that", he says, exhausted.
"I have to talk like that because you don't seem to understand."
John gets angry now, too, and raises his voice.
"I do understand. I don't need to hear you say it, sounding like a…"
"Like a what?" she interrupts him angrily. He just looks at her, letting silence say the word he had in mind.
Anna feels like her breath was knocked out of her. That he would ever think this low of her, when all she wants is to be loved…that's just unfair.
"You know…", she started, her voice shaking, "…of all the men I know I never thought that you would be intimidated by a woman's sexuality."
John closes his eyes. Partly, this was true. It was hard to admit it.
"I'm sorry, Anna. I'd never think of you as…you know. It's just…It's hard for me to handle this. Vera was the only woman I've been with and…well…she never said those things to me. Not even close."
"Really?"
Anna is truly surprised. John is startled by that.
"Of course. I am older than you, Honey. When I was young, things were different. It just wasn't appropriate to talk to a man like that, not even to the own husband. And I think it still is that way."
"So you just want me to shut up and wait for you to be…in the mood?"
John would really like a drink now…but that never did him any good…
"No, of course not. When we're married you may be as direct as you want to be, but until then I beg you not to be."
"And why is that?" she asks doubtingly.
"Because it drives me crazy."
"And it won't drive you crazy when we're married?"
"Not as much" he tries to make a joke. But Anna is still on her guard.
"Why?"
He sighs but then looks her straight in the eyes.
"Because when I'm married to you I can do all the things you want me to. And the things I want to do to you."
Anna quivers, his hoarse voice and his words arousing her. He never was more attractive to her than right now, promising those things. She gets up from the bed, ignoring his shocked look as he sees her in only her undergarment without the blanket as protection, and walks over to him. She puts a hand on his shoulder, pushing him back into a straight position before she gently sits down astride on his lap. She had to pull up her skirt for that and John's eyes are huge. For the first time she feels what she did to him, hard and firmly pressed against herself. Her heart skips a beat.
"I want you, John."
Before he can answer, her lips are on his. Her arms wrap around him and she is pressing herself against him so hard it hurts. It is the most wonderful pain in the world. He responds to that kiss passionately, wrapping his own arms around her, pulling her down on his lap even harder. Anna moans and John forgets how to think.
His hand lowers to her butt-cheek and with a firm grip he starts moving her hips forward and backwards, just to get another moan from his Anna. She does so, loudly, feeling his manhood rubbing against her most secret place. Instantly Anna starts moving her hips on her own, wanting to feel John everywhere. In the meantime, he lets go of her cheek and moves his hands down to her knees, where her skirt is. Without thinking he slips under it and slides up her soft thighs. Again, Anna moans. He could really get used to this sweet noise, he muses while one hand claims her bare cheek again and the other is wandering further up until it covers her right breast. Anna's breathing hard now and he truly enjoys it. He starts massaging her round, soft breast, gently twisting her hardened nipple between his fingers. Anna winces and John smiles against her lips. He continues the bittersweet torture until Anna doesn't stop moaning and breathing heavily. He can tell that she is close. But he doesn't stop. That he can't get relief doesn't mean that she can't, either. Just another minute and she grips him tightly, a little scream fleeing from her lips into his mouth. They hadn't stopped kissing the whole time. He's holding her tightly while her body is quivering. After she calms down, she leans back a little. Her cheeks are flushed and tears are swimming in her eyes.
"I'm sorry, John. I destroyed it all."
John chuckles and wipes the tears from the corners of her eyes.
"For a liberated woman who isn't afraid to talk about her sexuality you are pretty traditional when it comes to having an orgasm."
She looks at him questioningly but he just smiles.
"Never apologize for enjoying lovemaking, Sweetheart."
"But what about you?"
"Believe me, I had my share of fun", he grins, slightly massaging her breast again. She opens her mouth a little and a tiny moan slips out.
"Are you finally ready to go to bed?"
"Just if you come with me. I really don't want you to be sleeping here, John. It's not good for you."
"All right", he gives in, thinking that after this she might be too satisfied to try anything again.
She smiles, really happy this time and gets up from his lap. John tries to get up, too, but moans as his leg protests painfully.
"John!"
Anna's immediately at his side, her old self again and gently leads him to the bed.
"It's all right, Love", he calms her down and starts to undress.
"Where do you want to sleep? Pressed against the wall or in the might-be-kicked-out-of-the-bed-zone?"
Anna laughs, totally relaxed now.
"If anyone falls out, it should better be me. With your leg and all."
"And all?" he asks as he turns around before opening his pants, which isn't that easy. He's still aroused.
"Well, you are not the youngest fellow…" she says impishly and giggles.
He shoots her a dark look over his shoulder.
"Turn around. I don't want your young eyes to see me old fart undress."
She laughs again and does how he commanded. When she hears the bedsprings signalizing that John climbed into bed, she turns around again. Seeing him, only in his undershirt, lying in bed and waiting for her makes her heart jump.
After putting out the light, she carefully climbs in under the sheets, snuggling close to her John. Without hesitance she lays an arm around him and rests her head on his chest. She can hear his heartbeat.
"I can't wait until this is going to be a habit. Me and you sharing a bed, I mean", she adds.
"Me too, Anna", John softly replies and kisses her hair.
"Are you very angry with me for not leaving?"
"Of course not. I'm truly happy you are here with me."
"Are you lonely, John?" she asks and looks up to him. He looks at her, a sad smile on his face.
"Well, of course I miss you and Downton. But I will do whatever I must to make things right."
She smiles at him and gently places a kiss on his lips. He kisses her back before taking her in his arms again.
"Goodnight, Anna."
"Goodnight, John."
