I wanted my memories back, scratch that. I needed my memories back. I was desperate. I wanted to remember him, I really did. I couldn't bare the thought of him being a stranger anymore, I wanted to love him. I wanted to love him as much as he loved me. I wanted that same reckless love we apparently had. I wanted to be free, I wanted to feel the passion, he claims I had felt. To feel as alive as he had made me feel.
The truth was, I could already feel it.
Every time his hand made contact with mine, it sent a chill down my spine. Every word he spoke felt like a song, it was glorious to hear. I didn't remember, but I felt something for him, I was sure. Because I felt something with him, that I didn't feel with Liam, don't get me wrong I like Liam. But that was the problem, I only liked him, but with Damon, it was more than that, I felt alive, I felt like…..like I could do anything. He gave me strength. His presence alone was enough for me to figure that out. From the moment I had looked into his eyes, I knew that this wasn't right. He wasn't supposed to be a stranger.
Those delicious blue orbs. They were a miracle, they shone like fallen stars, illuminating their way as they fell down onto the earth. Damon didn't reflect any emotions, he remained calm through all situations, both good and bad. But his eyes gave him away, his eyes were the only way he showed he cared, one simple look, was worth more than a thousand words when it came to him.
He was so hopeful when he first saw me, and I shattered that, I took away the most important thing, the only thing he had left, that meant a chance for us. I took away that hope.
I wanted to feel it. I really did. But I didn't. Noticing his head drop, as realization crossed over him, listening to his heart rate slow down, watching his eyes cloud with sadness and disappointment. I had caused that. To the person that I supposedly loved. How was I capable of that?
I looked at him then back at the border, all I had to do was cross, and he would be mine again. We would go back to having that amazing life that we once had. If it was for love, then it was worth it. So then why was over thinking this?
He noticed my confused expression, and looked at me sadly again. He placed both of his hands gently on my face, making me look straight into his eyes.
"There are things you can't erase and you know that"
I had to cross, it wasn't an option anymore, it was mandatory. I removed his hand away from my face, letting them drop slowly, not wanting to let them go.
"Sorry" he said as he backed away. I wasn't mad at him, I was mad at myself. The words he had spoken earlier still burned through my memory.
"No matter how much I missed you or how much pain I was in, I would never have erased everything we ever had. Even if I was drowning in grief, I'd rather hang onto to every moment I held you or every laugh that I heard, or every shred of happiness that we ever had. I would rather spend every moment in agony than erase the memory of you!"
I believed him. He would never do that. But then, why had I done it? If I loved him unconditionally, then why did had I wanted to forget? Yes, I had said that spending a life time without my soul mate had sent me off the deep end, but if we were so deeply in love, then why didn't I hung on to that instead, erasing him completely sounded like such a stupid option. Why would I want to forget him?
I glanced back at him once more, then I ran.
I felt the air not being enough, and my throat starting to close, flashes illuminated my mind as the bits of memories started to clear up in my head. With each bit, a memory seemed to form, so many things were racing through my mind all at one moment.
The memories suddenly stopped, but that didn't matter, I remembered it all. I opened my eyes to find Damon hovering over me. I could feel raindrops starting to fall.
"Elena what did you do! Trust me, Elena. I would give anything to undo the compulsion, but I would never risk your life, just a couple more seconds and you would've been dead"
"That's the thing, Damon, I'm already dead. What is the point of living, if you can't remember that thing that makes you feel most alive, if you can't remember the thing that makes glad you woke up this morning. If you don't have that, then what's the point of life?" Damon stood there, giving me a sad look before speaking.
"When you became a vampire part of me was thrilled, because suddenly there was this possibility that I could have you in my life forever. But then the other part of me was devastated because I realized you'd lost the life that you wanted to have. And since I've been gone, you're gotten part of that life back"
"Damon, don't"
"You're thriving, you're happy." He continued, completely ignoring me. "Yeah sure you'd be happy if we gave it another chance but — the truth is you're better off without me. I died, you started over. I need you to live your life, be happy. I love you, Elena…enough to let you go."
"I remembered, I remember everything" he looked at me, then fixed his gaze back onto the floor.
"I can't Elena, I can't take this away from you"
"No, Damon. The only thing you would be doing is taking the love of my life away from me"
"Elena, you have to understand. I'm doing this for you"
"No, if you do this, you are doing it for yourself, because the only thing that it would cause is making me miserable. I need you in my life Damon"
"Yes, maybe I'm doing it for myself, because have you ever thought that you just gave up on me! You forgot every single thing about me, Elena! Where was that "forever" when you told Alaric to compel you huh?" He turned his back to me, and started to walk towards the car.
"I asked you to promise me" I yelled, making him stop. The heavy rain making contact with my skin, numbing the pain as I spoke. "I asked you to promise me, this was forever, that night under the rain. And you promised. I regret what I did Damon" We both stood there, letting the rain fall on us. Our eyes never leaving each other. It was these kind of moments that made me want to fight harder, he was too important for me to just let him back away. "Because I love you!"
Suddenly the rain seemed to stop, everything seemed to float in mid-air. Silence surrounded us as our lips touched once again. The feeling was indescribable, the adrenaline that I felt, the passion that he sent through my whole body was amazing, the touch of his skin against mine felt glorious, my heart seemed to speed up, making me feel like it might burst through my chest.
We finally separated, letting it all back in. The rain continued to fall, the sound of the rain against the road filled in the silence between us. Though neither of us spoke, our eyes refused to look away.
"Promise me, that this is forever"
"I promise"
