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Hikikomori ひきこもり ?

A Japanese term that refers to the phenomenon of reclusive people who have chosen to withdraw from society, often seeking extreme degrees of isolation and confinement.

While many people feel the pressures of the outside world, a hikikomori reacts by complete social withdrawal.

[1] In some cases, they lock themselves in a room for prolonged periods, sometimes measured in years. They usually have few, if any, friends.

- Japanese Agoraphobia, Wikipedia


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This story is going to be half told through the flashbacks of an agoraphobic.

"I know nobody ever got over being afraid of the dark

by never turning off the lights."

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Rin gripped her phone tightly, walking in a daze towards wherever the pavement led her to. Her eyes were groggy and nothing looked familiar—light rain pelted at her pale, ashen skin, and clung to the small folds of her clothes. She kept her hair long, letting it grow way past her shoulders to contrast with the short hairstyles she'd kept as a child. Everything about that child had disappeared a long, long time ago, and in its place was just an apparition of a person.

Her bright blonde locks now dripped with rainwater and misery.

Benjamin Franklin had once said that lost time was never found again. He was a genius, undoubtedly, but he also really liked to state the obvious. Of course lost time was never found again. Once something was lost, there were slim chances of it being found. Rin had never been lost before in her life.

Until now.

If she ever made it back, she wondered if anyone would miss her. If anyone would notice. Miku, certainly, but who else? Maybe her mailman.

The time was nearing midnight, and the weather's chilling dampness had seeped through the layers of her clothing until there was nothing but cold, drizzling rain, Every weighted step made her head spin, her fingers tingle, her insides lurch. She wanted to throw up.

Music streamed loudly from the neighboring clubs and soft, hushed whispers resonated off the dirty brick walls. The outside world was a demented wonderland, orchestrating a cacophony of sounds, just for her, but instead of creating something beautiful, it played the soundtrack to her nightmares. A mother argued with her child, a group of schoolgirls flirted and giggled, a gunshot sounded from far-off in the background...

All you had to do was get home, and you can't even do that. Pathetic.

Her phone was on the train. Miku was at home. She was outside, in the city, and very much lost.

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Tokyo was always vibrant at night—neon lights lit up the whole city while people bustled through the crowded streets, immune to the relentless honking of cars. She exhaled in short, panicky breaths as police sirens blared past her.

I. Really. Really. Hate this.

Shivering from the cold, the young blonde stopped to check her surroundings. The sidewalk was ending soon, and at some point she had ended up in a rather unappealing place. Cigarette butts, trash, and debris littered the ground, surrounded by a thick tar-like muck. In front of her was a large charcoal-colored building, and a crooked sign illuminating 'Leo's Stage & Bar' hung up in bright, neon colors. The 'a' in 'Stage' refused to light up, so it was just 'Leo's Stag & Bar,' actually. Someone had once mentioned to her that a stag was some kind of hoofed animal. A deer, she was sure of it.

Before she could speculate on the different subcategories of deer, a soft rustling sound interrupted her thoughts. Looking to the left, Rin noticed the enormous piles of garbage littering an abandoned alleyway. The subtle scent of mist, week-old trash, and decay assaulted her nose, and she wrinkled her nose up in disgust. Everything about the city seemed so sad, all of a sudden, and she longed to be back in the comforts of her own home. If she traveled a little further, maybe she could find help...

As she was preparing to leave, she heard a small groan emit from the alleyway that caused her to stop. Heart beating loudly like a drum, Rin clenched her fists and inhaled a shaky breath. Breathe, she demanded herself. It was her first time out in god-knows-how-long. Ever since her dad disappeared. Ever since she was left to fend for herself. Now breathe.

Instead of witnessing some grotesque monster emerge out of the alleyway, she saw the shadowy silhouette of a person approach. The figure stumbled a bit, but then promptly regained their composure, keeping their eyes low and hidden. It was a man. Roughly her age maybe, with slick blond-colored hair that was drenched from the midnight rain. He tilted his head up, meeting her eyes.

It was hard to look away from those eyes. She couldn't recall the last time someone had looked at her so directly like that, and for a moment she held her breath and forgot to breathe. His startled, brooding orbs scanned hers for an emotion. They were a cold, striking blue and shone like brightly polished sapphires, glistening in the darkness of the night. Whether his eyes were teary from the rain or from crying, she had no way of knowing. Averting her gaze, he moved with a smooth, cat-like gracefulness.

"Hi. Can I help you?"

She blinked dreamily, as if her current situation were someone else's, and she was just a stranger watching from the sidelines.

Long eyelashes. Soft hair. He's prettier than me, she thought.

"I—I don't know. I think I'm lost," Rin stated dumbly.

He sighed at that, the sound like wind rustling through the pines.

Flustered, she broke their gaze and looked down at the rough asphalt, her hair falling past her shoulders.

"I don't go out much."

Well. Maybe that was a bit of an understatement. She didn't go out at all, not that he needed to know any of that.

"I'm Len," he offered. "Maybe I could help you. What's your address?"

Len.

His name sounded like excitement and recklessness and danger, all warped into one unimportant, one-syllable sound.

He ran his fingers through his drenched and slightly disheveled hair, then made his way closer to her and the bar. All signs of the vulnerable-looking boy were gone as he edged closer to her, and for the first time, Rin noticed the stale scent of alcohol on his breath. Alarm bells started going off in her head, but instead of running she simply froze.

"You're... pretty," he mumbled, and raised a slender hand to toy with her long golden strands.

The intimate act was shocking, to say the least. His body leaned forward, like he was about to fall over, and she reached out her arms to steady his shaky frame. Len's thick lashes closed contentedly as his body heaved in and out, his drunken state making him light-headed. Red warning bells were still ringing inside her brain, yet she couldn't will herself to move. Leave. Go home. He might be dangerous.

But she still didn't move.

"I think we both need help," she murmured, not really to anyone in particular. Len groaned in response, giving her confirmation that she was the only lucid one.

Rin sighed, gently pushing him off her. The stranger seemed to gain his composure at that moment, for he straightened and looked around dazedly.

"Just how much did you have to drink, exactly?"

He hesitated a little before answering.

"It wasn't just alcohol."

"Oh."

Odd.

He doesn't look like a drug addict. Too well-dressed and clean-shaven.

The guy reminded her of the reasons why she never left the house—the real world was too intense. Perverse. Awkward situations like these were too much for her. Stealing another glance at him, she guessed his age to be about eighteen or nineteen, give or take. No, that didn't matter though—he didn't matter; she had to get home.

Something inside her was demanding to leave, quickly, before she panicked and lost control of herself, but all chances of that left as soon as she saw him crumple onto the floor, his body making a sickening thud sound on the ground.

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He had fainted.

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AN: I wanted to continue this, but I desperately needed to edit the earlier versions since I'd written it a long time ago.

I need a proofreader and my writing is horribly rusty—but still! I'm excited.

It's confusing and there are a lot of time skips and flashbacks.. hopefully the end product is coherent.

I'll update this pretty regularly at first since I've pre-written several chapters ahead of time. Cheers! And tell me what you think.