Author's Note: What can I say? As with most of my stories, I have no excuse for this one aside from the fact that Xemnas unwittingly inspired it. Why I decided to go through with writing it is as simple as counting to ten. 1, 2, 3, 4, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10.

...I didn't really mean to make a typo and leave out the 5, but you know what I mean.

Now, without further delay, on with the fanfiction! And please excuse my messed up brain for its bluntness. It's very late at night/early in the morning and, by all rights, I should be sleeping.


Chapter One: Hikaru
Hikaru wanted Kaoru.

No, scratch that; he wanted to have sex with Kaoru.

Nah; nix that, too--he wanted to have sex with Kaoru, in many varying locations and poses, while the rest of the Host Club watched in either disgust or interest.

Yeah, that sounded about right.

Not that, you know, that was a natural thing for one twin to think about their other twin and themself doing. Not at all! And Hikaru Hitachiin would be the first to admit to that. ...Not that it mattered to him. And, even if it did, it wasn't as though he was planning to rape Kaoru exactly, anyway.

You hear that, stupid teenaged-boy libido?!

Beautimus. Another raging hard-on was making itself known to Hikaru as the sliiiightly older twin watched his mirror image blush at another of his devilishly insinuative remarks.

Just because their routines were almost always unscripted and unrehearsed, that didn't mean Hikaru couldn't use his own dreams for material. And what material it made for, gauging by Kaoru's replies and the reactions of the young ladies that flocked to see their "Forbidden Brotherly Love" gimmick.

How Hikaru hated the word 'gimmick.'

It impied the use of trickery, illusions, and lies. None of which, mind you, he utilized when talking to or about Kaoru. Or, to be more specific, none of which he lied about...because of the dreams he would give anything to make come true. Either way, he hated that word with an undying passion. It was in much the same way that Renge hated Tamaki over his unknowing triumph in what he hadn't even been aware he'd been in that was known by everyone save for Kyouya himself, Tamaki, and the extremely (and slightly) jealous Eclair and Haruhi as The War for the Dark Prince. But that was a whoooole nother beast for a different trash can.

What was stopping Hikaru, then, if his bond with Kaoru was so strong and loving, from letting the other Hitachiin boy know how he felt for him?

Sometimes, Hikaru hated Kyouya almost as much as he hated the word 'gimmick.'

While Kyouya wanted Tamaki who seemed to want both he and Haruhi, and while both Haruhi and Eclair wanted Tamaki, Kaoru made it no secret between he and his twin how he wanted Kyouya as much as Renge did and as much as he seemed to think Hikaru wanted Haruhi.

Where were Mori and Honey in that confusing, messed up spider web of lust?

...Safely in their own ittle world. That isn't to say there wasn't a spider web of confusion and lust there, too, but as with the whole Tamaki x Haruhi/Tamaki x Kyouya/Renge x Kyouya quarrel bit, that mess was for another day and another Trash Can of Mental Image-Induced Sickness.

Ultimately, it all boiled down to one thing, Hikaru decided:

The Ouran High School Host Club was one fucked up, confusing group.
End.