AN: Hey everyone! I know I haven't written in forever and I've never written Tudors stories before, I've always wanted to, but never had the guts to actually do it, but this story pretty much wrote itself. I don't know if I'll continue, so I won't make any promises. But please let me know what you think and if I should continue!
Solitude of Love
"Tell him yes. Even if you are dying of fear, even if you are sorry later, because whatever you do, you will be sorry the rest of your life if you say no." Gabriel García Márquez
Prologue
She was in love with Charles Brandon. God, she was in love with him, she tried to push the thought to the back of her mind, but watching him play with Elizabeth, being his carefree self, she felt happy, she felt warm, but she also felt afraid. She was scared, she had made a vow to never let any man do to her what Henry had done, he had destroyed her, but how she loved him, and how she hated him for it. She was the one who asked for the divorce that day 3 years ago, 6 months after losing her baby boy, she knew he wanted to get rid of her, she knew that things were never going to be the same and having seen what he did, what they did, to Mary and Katherine, she was determined to not let the same happen to her darling child, so she asked for a divorce, she did it for Elizabeth and she did it for herself. Yes, she loved him, and her life had revolved around him for 10 years, but he had done enough damage, and as much as it pained her to give him what he wanted, she knew that she hadn't lost, she had gained her freedom, and she got to keep Elizabeth a princess. She signed the papers and left, never to come back, and taking off the Queen Jewels had felt like taking off thousands of chains. Because she knew that had they been two commoners, she and Henry would have been happy, or at least that's what she wanted to believe, It hurt too much to think that in any life their love would never be enough, as great as it was, it burned too hard, way too fast, and maybe it was never meant to be, because a love such as that could make you the happiest person alive, but you had to sacrifice yourself in the process, and she was done putting everyone else's happiness before her own. That's why she was so afraid of falling in love with Charles Brandon, how had she hated him when he informed her that His Majesty had put him in charge of supervising her activities in Pembroke every 3 months. Really, it was funny how the people that booed her coronation were the same that shouted encouraging words at her when she left Whitehall, truth was, she had been a good queen and she kept helping the poor of Pembroke however she could, so Cromwell advised Henry to put someone in charge of supervising she didn't gather support that could be dangerous to the new queen. Please, as if she, the one who asked for the divorce, was going to gather people against him and his new sweetheart, the last thing she wanted was to return to court. But they sent Brandon anyway, Brandon of all people, she was sure that Henry and Cromwell had done all of it on purpose just because they couldn't see her happy, what other reason was there? But now she wanted to thank them, because every time he visited she was as happy as she had been during her courtship with Henry, the happiest time of her life, just his company was enough to put a smile on her face, and that was what scared her the most, that it was getting out of her control.
She was brought out of her thoughts by his gentle voice "Hey, is everything okay? Elizabeth went to fetch the dog Henry sent her." He knew she had been thinking too much, that's why he asked Elizabeth to bring the dog, he wanted a few minutes alone with Anne, but also knew that she loved puppies, that was an added bonus.
"Yes, I'm just thinking of everything that's happened in the last few years." Everything had changed and she didn't know what was going to happen, what did she even wanted to happen? Charles had divorced Catherine last year, and people at court were saying that it was her fault, they knew that he visited her more often than it was required, he didn't even need to supervise her anymore, to every commoner she had become the other queen, the second one, to the people of Pembroke she had become a loyal mistress. They all supported her, but there was no real threat, not since Jane Seymour had given birth to a baby boy.
"Then I guess you're bursting with joy, having been thinking so much of me."
She laughed, they both knew what she was implying with her answer, but he just had to make everything fun, she loved that about him, he didn't let her worry too much "Why yes, my lord, I'm bursting with joy thinking of all the times you've made a fool of yourself and I've been fortunate enough to bare witness to it." She replied, barely containing her laugh. Truth was, he had made a fool of himself many times, she had got to see that side of him, the more carefree side, and she loved it.
He didn't have time to respond, for Elizabeth appeared again holding a puppy in her arms, Edward and their governess, Lady Bryan, were right behind her. When Edward was born Anne had a difficult time deciding when to go to Hatfield, she knew he was going to be there and even if he was just a baby she didn't like all the feelings he brought out in her, especially regarding his parents. Henry had gotten what he wanted and with Seymour of all people, where she had failed Jane had succeeded at the first try, what did that say about her? About she and Henry? Had everyone been right? Surely Henry must have felt that God was smiling upon his and Jane's union. But Jane had gotten sick after giving birth and she remembered wishing that she died, but she didn't, she survived, and Anne didn't go to Hatfield in months, she was ashamed of her thoughts, how could she wish for a kid to be left motherless? She knew that if she hadn't asked for the divorce she would've suffered a fate worse than Katherine's, and she was aware of the damage it all did to Mary, she regretted the poor handling on her side of the situation, she had been paranoid and afraid, and blindly blamed her step daughter, when the only one to blame had been Henry, he always was. She reprimanded herself for not thinking of the fate of an innocent child just because she hated its mother, so she decided to go to Hatfield, see Elizabeth and meet little Edward, and truth to be told he was the sweetest baby and her girl adored him. Ever since, every time she went to visit Elizabeth they ended up playing with Edward and he loved them as much as they loved him.
To say that Charles had been surprised had been an understatement, and to say that they had a fight about him being so surprised had been an even bigger one. How dare he believe that she couldn't be nice to a child because of who the mother of said child was? Of course he had to bring up Katherine and Mary, and that was just the start of it, it had been their first and biggest fight, they were both frustrated with the other and didn't talk for weeks. Now they had a silent understatement of never bringing up the whole ordeal with Katherine, for they simply had different points of view, and even though she felt bad and she regretted what she had done to them, she didn't regret the reform, and he enjoyed listening to her talk about it, he did, their discussions were his favorite part of the day, but they had to draw the line where her marriage to Henry was concerned, and what they had done to make it a reality. Of course he pushed to back of his mind the thought that that might be because he was jealous, he didn't like to think of Henry and Anne together, of the fact that they loved each other and that they still did, he wasn't stupid, a love like theirs didn't just end, it just disguised itself as hatred, and he knew that she was never going back to Henry, no matter what, she had told him that she didn't regret her decision to leave him and even if he came crawling back to her, she wouldn't take him back. But he wasn't so sure, and it scared him, it scared him to lose her, it scared him that her hold on him was so tight and she didn't even know. A moment later he heard Elizabeth's excited voice yelling "Mama! Charles! Edward woke up!"
Edward's little legs carried him to where they were sitting and he yelled "Nan!" Before climbing in Anne's lap and giving her a hug. Hugging him back and kissing his cheek she said "Hello my sweet boy, how are you?"
He just replied "good" with a little smile, and once again she was smitten. Even though the boy looked just like his mother he wasn't as shy as her, he was his own person, and that reminded her of Henry, but he wasn't as rebellious as him, she guessed that that was because he was just an innocent child and if his mother was a sweet as people said then he got that from her. Elizabeth on the other hand was the perfect mix between Anne and Henry and even though she behaved as a royal child ought to, she had a fiery temper, she just controlled it better than they did. The first year after the divorce Henry didn't visit her, Anne supposed that he was too busy with his new sweetheart to go to Hatfield, Around that time she and Brandon weren't really friends, but he accompanied her one time and Elizabeth absolutely adored him, which was when Anne really started to change her mind about him.
Charles felt Elizabeth tugging at his sleeve, he bent down to her level and she whispered to him "Charles, do you want play with me and Bo?"
He smiled at her and looking at Edward said "Your Highness, your dear sister and I are going to play with Bo, will you take care of the Lady Anne in my absence?"
Edward smiled, he loved his Nan, she always played with him even though she was not his mama, so he eagerly answered "Yes, your grace!" He liked how Charles treated him, he treated him as a big boy, and thus he behaved like one. Anne just smiled and held him closer in her lap as they watched Elizabeth and Charles throwing a ball at Bo. And that's how Henry VIII and Jane Seymour found them a few moments later. It was the first time they saw each other in 3 years and Anne couldn't help but lose her breath, she'd be lying f she said she didn't think of him, but seeing him was an entirely different thing.
"And again, as always, after so many years we were still in the same place we always were." Gabriel García Márquez
