Shampoo Kills Girl-type Ranma
By Ron Dow75
"You're built like a stick! Your face makes me sick! Your
thighs are too thick! You can't even kick! You're dumb as a
brick! You act like a hick! Your hair's a cowlick! You itch
like a tick!..."

The insults reverberated in Akane's mind, over and over
again. Each time they carried the same emotional pain. Her
brain's synapses discharged their electrical signals as if
they were lightning bolts:

Zz-kzz! K-rrr! Kk-rrr! Kk-rrzzz!!

"Oh, oh...ow-oh...oww, errr!..."

Finally, Akane at last knew WHO it was she found so
offensive! She screamed, "Ranma, you jerk!!" as she slapped
him as hard as she could.

The blow was so hard the boy landed meters away...where he
laid, groaning in pain.

Akane came to her sense, "Hhah! Oh!" Seeing what she'd
done, she hurried over to him, "Ranma, are you all right?"

Akane's dad rushed over to his daughter, "Akane! It worked,
you remembered Ranma!" And he stood on Ranma as he grabbed
his beloved daughter by her shoulders, "Akane!"

Ranma yelled. Already in enough pain, he now had an adult
man on his back.

Akane tried to come to terms with what had happened, "Dad,
I...."

Her dad wept, "It's a miracle: A miracle of love!"

Ranma pleaded, "Get off me!" as he struggled to crawl out
from the man who refused to think of anybody but his
daughter at the moment. "G-uh! I, I can't breathe! You're
crushing me to death! Urh!..."

Suddenly there was loud banging at the dojo wall in front
of him.

A section of the wall was shattered to pieces. On the other
side of the gaping hole was a girl without the pants, just
a Chinese silk shirt that almost let you know if she was
wearing panties or not. "Nihao!" she greeted them with a
smile.

Akane said, "Shampoo!"

Shampoo asked cheerfully, "Is girl-type Ranma almost
killed, now? Shampoo come to help!"

"C, c, could somebody help me...Please!"

The Amazon looked down and saw that under the kindling she
was standing on was a body.

Shampoo leaped off to the side. Her hands over her mouth,
she waited to see the condition of that body as it pulled
itself out from under the kindling.

She recognized the body as being in good condition, "Wo
airen!" she cried, kneeling down to be closer to him.

But before she could embrace him, Akane grabbed the
Amazon's "husband" by his pigtail and yanked him away.

Angry, shampoo challenged, "What you doing?" Then she
realized, "So that it. You remember Ranma again. You are
stubborn girl."

Akane challenged back at her, "I wouldn't talk if I were
you."

"Hmh! Too bad. If you don't remember, you don't have to
die." And Shampoo immediately, quicker than any normal
person could respond, attacked Akane with a deadly two
finger spear hand.

Coming to the rescue, Ranma snatched Shampoo's fingers and
held on. "Stop it Shampoo!"

Shampoo became instantly heated. Smiling, she caressed his
cheek, "Wo airen!" It was not enough, she threw her around
his shoulders.

Akane couldn't take any more the disgusting display,
"Grr...Rarh! Stop DOING that!" she cried, smashing her
elbow into and down on Ranma's face.

Ranma used his natural strength to resist Akane's effort to
push him to the floor to raise his head enough to ask
Shampoo, "J, just, don't, hurt Akane, OKAY?!"

Shampoo was insulted, "Why not? Is obstacle. That is for
killing."

Ranma yanked himself out from under Akane's power, "Hrrh!"
He faced up to Shampoo. "I guess I have no choice. I'll
have to tell the truth."

///

Ranma lead the two girls, two fathers and Ryoga to the
Tendo garden. Picking up a pail, he stood beside the koi
pond. He filled the pail.

Sitting on the porch, Akane said, "Ranma are you sure you
want to do that now? She'll only go after you again, you
know."

But Ranma gathered up his courage, "Okay, watch this,
Shampoo." He upended the pail, letting the water fall over
him.

Shampoo stared, confused. Her airen was gone. Standing
where he should have been was, "Girl-type, Ranma."

Ranma-chan put her hands up near her neck, "Right. I've,
tried to keep it a secret." She started unbuttoning her
shirt, "But that boy-stuff is just a disguise. The truth
is I've been a girl all along." And she showed the boobs
that proved she WAS a fully developed girl.

(Ryoga sagged from the doorjamb he was leaning again.

(While Soun Tendo's long hair nearly stood on up.
"Saotome!! Is this true!!"

(The panda he was trying to strangle held up a sign, [Oh,
come on, now.])

Ranma-chan explained to Shampoo, "So you see, you and me,
we could never, uh--" She realized nothing more could be
said, "Uh, oh!"

Shampoo looked to be seething with rage. Suddenly, she
attacked. Ranma-chan just barely dodged the blow from her
lethal bonbori/shui. "I kill you!" She used her lethal
bonbori to try to. "Kill!" Ranma retreated backwards.
"Kill!" Shampoo advanced and almost got Girl-type Ranma.
Kill!" Her swings and thrusts came faster, more furious,
and ALL were aimed at the redhead's head; it took all of
Ranma's speed and skill to keep her cute face from being
bashed. All the while all Ranma could do was retreat.

Then Ranma tripped over a stone embedded in the lawn.

Shampoo raised her bonbori for the fatal blow, "I kill
you!"

Ranma sat cowering, her hand up in front of her face,
whimpering like a girl, expecting to die in the next
moment.

That moment didn't come. The pigtailed girl looked up.
"Hunh??"

Shampoo was weeping.

She lowered her eyes and head. The tears would not stop.
She could not kill. "Bi lara" Defeated, she ran off,
leaping over the wall and disappearing into the night.

Ranma rose and stared. She said sadly, "Shampoo."

///

Nabiki was reading from her Chinese phrase book to Ranma-
chan and Akane, sitting at either side of her at the family
table, "Hmm. Here it is. "Bi lara"; it means sayonara,
farewell, we'll never meet again, that sort of thing."

Drinking a cup of tea, Akane asked, as if to encourage
Ranma, "You're not going after her? I BET you could still
catch her."

Ranma-chan sat slumped morosely away from the two, her
elbow on the table, her head on her hand, "Lemme alone."

Akane taunted her, "She SURE was cute, Ranma! I bet you're
sorry you turned her down!"

Ranma-chan responded. She put her fist down on the table,
and turned to yell, "She was tryin' to kill me! I'm glad
she's gone!"

Akane returned to her familiar frowning self, "Then why do
you look like you're going to cry, hunh?"

(That was it for Nabiki. She saw where this was heading;
she closed the book and left.)

Ranma-chan told her, "Akane, you're SO uncute!"

Akane told Ranma back, stamping a foot, "So I'm not cute:
Big deal! You're cares if I'm built like a stick or my
thighs are too thick, or I can't kick!!"

That ticked Ranma off. Putting her hands behind her head,
in a show of casualness that her face did NOT show, "If
knew you were gonna be like this, I would've got your
memory back!"

That got to her, for she turned away, "I wish you didn't! I
wish I never knew you existed!!"

Ranma-chan now COULD act casual; she had won, "Oh!? Oh,
yeah?!"

"Yeah!!" and slammed the tea dispenser smack across her
face.

Even when Ranma won an argument. "Nnh! Nh! You're so
uncute, ow--nh, nh!"

Akane left the room, terribly hurt but still unbowed.

///

Later that night, the Tendo's guestroom window slid open.
And Shampoo ducked through into the darkened room. She was
no longer without her pants. That girl was gone.

She saw the panda and the boy-type Ranma sleeping on their
futons on the mat floor. She stepped casually down from the
window box. Remembering last night, she knew she did not
have to be too quiet. No, last night they had not been too
quiet.

She stepped around the sleeping animal, and down looked at
the one who was in guys' underwear. "You think Shampoo
fool." She HAD slept with him, last night. And she had done
MORE than just cuddle with the boy-type Ranma, despite his
attempts to fend her off without waking the rest of the
house. She had an Amazon shampoo that had made him more
cooperative. But Amazon honor also required her to erase
his memory of their prenuptial making out. "But SHAMPOO
remember." She brought out her bottle of Shampoo Formula
110 and the part of the process she had left out of the
treatment she gave Akane, the conditioner.

She knelt down next to Ranma's black pigtailed head with
the items. As she began she said, "Shampoo tell girl-type
Ranma bi lara, boy-type Ranma. Shampoo mean it."

///

The not-quite-awake-yet Nabiki barely acknowledged that
Akane had come into the family room, while her dad smiled
cheerfully, "Good morning, Akane."

"Hrh! What's good about it." From garden outside her ears
were greeted by the all too familiar morning sounds of
Ranma and his father having a workout. Over the koi pond.

Splash! Gritting her teeth, Akane waited for it: The worse
sound to start her day with.

The soprano cried, "You think that's funny!?" There, that
was it: The voice that gave her nightmares.

Genma Saotome laughed, "Ha, ha! Of course it's funny! After
all, didn't you think it's funny the way you used a little
water to get rid of Shampoo?"

After a brief pause, Ranma-chan grumbled, "You always use
water to get rid of shampoo." She got out of the pond and
headed for the house, "I don't like gettin' wet. I'm gonna
breakfast."

Mr. Saotome beat his son the girl to the table.

Akane's dad said, "This is different, Saotome. You and not
the panda is eating with us, today."

While the two men bantered, Ranma-chan plopped down near
Akane. Akane forced herself not to react too much. She was
still upset over Shampoo. A part of Ranma had actually
seemed to want the Amazon to stay. The part that liked
brazen bimbos, no doubt.

Ranma-chan was also frowning, looking down at her still
moving chest. She was squirming and just looking
uncomfortable, and she didn't look as if she had a good
night's sleep.

Akane accused, "I see you MISS sleeping with a cute girl
like Shampoo!?"

Ranma-chan glared at her, then tried to look casual, "I
miss having a CUTE girl around."

Nabiki said, "I'll pretend I didn't hear that."

Ranma-chan put her hands up behind her head, "Yes, it'd be
nice if I had somebody cute I could look at in the
morning." She frowned as she moved her shoulders, then
jiggled her chest.

Akane saw it as the buxom redhead equating cuteness with
bust size. "At least you don't HAVE to look at me for very
long. I'm "built like a stick", remember?!"

Ranma-chan laid a fist on the table while grasping one of
her thighs, "Is that what this is about!? You're jealous
just 'cuz you don't have a big chest, too?!" Like
Shampoo's.

Akane nearly exploded at that insult, "I'm not JEALOUS of
your--" She suddenly stopped herself. She had nearly done
the unthinkable. She'd nearly crossed the line and said
something about Ranma's femaleness. She didn't do things
like that. That's why she'd sworn never to get too mad at
Ranma when he was in this condition.

Leaning forward, Ranma-chan's fist hit the table, "I
already told you: Shampoo ain't mine. Just 'cuz she DOES
have a large--!" She'd swung her boobs around as she
confronted Akane and knocked one of them against the bowl
of hot, sweetened rice. "Oh, man!" she said, pulling it
away.

Nabiki commented, "With all the talk about boobies, I
thought you'd be paying more attention to what you were
doing with yours."

Ranma-chan had straightened up, ignoring the stain and
sensations, "Guys don't have boobs."

Ranma was serious. "Oh?" Nabiki got up on her knees and
poiked a finger against one, right where a nipple was. Here
was something to help wake herself up. "Guys don't. But
what do you call this?"

Akane warned, "Nabiki...."

Kk-rrzz! went Ranma's brain cells as they misfired. Ranma-
chan winced, but said, "That's my chest."

She poiked the other one. "Plural? Guys don't talk about
"chests"."

Akane cried, "Nabiki!"

K-k-rr! But Ranma-chan insisted, "I don't know what you're
talkin' about."

"Ranma DOESN'T know she has boobs." And to prove it, Nabiki
squeezed one of the redhead's. Ranma-chan was obviously
feeling a charge as her brain was filled with electricity
that was going nowhere but a loop.

The two fathers were looking now. But their attention was
on the unfocused expression on Ranma's face It was all too
familiar. Soun Tendo said with alarm, "Ranma's memory has
been stolen, just like my poor Akane's was yesterday!"

Ranma's father nodded, "Just the same."

Akane cried, "WHAT?!" She immediately slapped Ranma hard,
nearly knocking the redhead over.

Nabiki, however, was still holding onto a boob. Ranma
snapped out of it to grab her wrist. The pigtailed girl
pried her fingers away from her chest. "Do you mind? That
hurts."

Taking her hand away, Nabiki asked, "WHY does it hurt? It
couldn't hurt like that if you were a guy."

Ranma-chan was insulted, "I AM a guy: All, one-hundred
percent, guy!"

Nabiki's father told her, "Nabiki! Don't torment the lad.
The shiatsu treatment Shampoo gave Ranma makes him
incapable to remembering he changes into a girl. As soon as
he remembers, he forgets."

Leaning over the table by her elbows, Nabiki looked at him,
"Oh? As I recall, Akane was similarly incapable of
remembering Ranma. How did you get her to remember?"

Her father cried, "Of course! For Ranma to remember, he
must be FORCED to confront that which he wishes he did not
have to think about!"

Ranma's father stood up. "Snap out of it, boy--I mean,
GIRL!" he ordered, lifting the small girl up by the Chinese
shirt front--And ripping it open.

(Kasumi chose that moment to enter, "Oh, my!")

Zz-Kzz! K-rrr! "Now look what you done!! This is my
favorite shirt!" Ranma-chan yelled. It was the sleeveless
red shirt that showed off Ranma's arm muscles. Kneeing the
Old Man solidly in his solar plexus, she then kicked him
away while making sure his hands had loosened their hold on
her shirt. Her pop landed just short of the paper wall
behind Mr. Tendo.

As she lit gracefully on her bare feet, Mr. Tendo cried,
"Forgive me, Ranma...."

Akane cried, "DAD!!"

Embarrassed, Soun Tendo stopped himself just as he was
about to pull down the girl's pants.

He looked up to apologize. Still fuming, Ranma-chan rammed
her elbow against the man's thick skull. As he went down,
so did Ranma's pants and underpants.

(Kasumi cried, "Father!" running to him.)

Ranma hurried to hike up both pants. "What got into
them!!?! They can see girls are here!"

Nabiki told her, "Ranma, take a good look at that body.
Can't you see ANYTHING different about it?"

Ranma-chan retied the sash that held her baggy pants up,
"And what are you doin' takin' a good look at it? I STOPPED
runnin' around in my underwear, so you can stop--"

Nabiki got up on one knee and pointed, "I dare you---I
CHALLENGE you to grab hold of those puppies and tell me
you're "one hundred percent guy"!"

Ranma-chan had backed away to let Kasumi reach her father.
"That's sick! I ain't provin' I'm a guy by grabbin' your
sister's chest!"

Even Nabiki nearly had to facefault at that.

Down on her knees, Kasumi turned red, "Oh, my!"

Nabiki yelled, "Not hers, YOURS!"

Ranma-chan yelled back, "How can I grab something I ain't
got!!" All the while the open shirt was letting her
advertisements flash.

Nabiki sat back down, and, elbow on the table, held her jaw
up by her hand. "This is getting too frustrating for me.
I've done all I'm willing to do. Akane? Why don't you go
over there and fondle Ranma's boobs, pinch her nipples, or
something."

"ME!? Why me?!"

"You ARE the one engaged to them."

Tending her father, Kasumi asked, "Could you just do it
some place more private, Akane?"

Akane screamed, "I'm not touching anything that SHOULDN'T
be there in the first place!"

Her dad raised his head above the table, "Please, Akane! Do
it for your father!"

Mr. Saotome had somehow gotten over to her other side, "Do
it for Ranma! You fiancé!"

Akane stood up, "I'm going to school!" And as she stepped
over Mr. Saotome, she said to the others, "Perhaps I'll be
early for a change."

Ranma-chan called, "I'm gettin' out of this mad house,
too!" And she would have leaped in front of Akane and
joined her, if Mr. Tendo and her pop weren't back to trying
to strip her.

"Oh, my!"

///

Akane put her hand on her stomach as it growled again. "Oh,
great! I left without finishing my breakfast. Just what I
need to feel even better."

"Akane! Akane wait up!" Ranma-chan called.

Now not just Akane's stomach growled. "Ranma! How could you
leave the house without getting hot--Wha?" When she pivoted
around to look at the redhead running the walls, she saw:
"Ranma!! What are you doing with your shirt like that!?!"

Ranma was running so fast, the sleeveless red shirt flagged
out in back of her, leaving only her shoulders covered!
"Pop and your father ruined it with their stupid
roughhousing!" She then jumped down onto the street in
front of her.

Akane stared in disbelief. Ranma's bare boobs jounced and
wobbled, but not as much as they SHOULD have: They were
ridiculously firm, standing high on the chest. But then,
she REMINDED herself, Ranma wasn't a real--

Ranma-chan's pants fell down. The white sash had finally
torn through with the last activity. In only her boxers,
she frowned, "I guess my shirt wasn't the only thing that
got ruined."

Akane pulled up Ranma's pants, "Haven't you ANY modesty!?!"

Ranma-chan took hold of the pants' top, "Okay! I learned I
should be more careful when I'm in a house with girls, but,
REALLY, what's the big deal? Boxers look like bathing
trunks. Geez! On Japanese TV you see guys in loincloths for
underwear."

Akane was shaken. There was not ONE thought about anything
above the waist. Teetering back, she said, "You, you really
DON'T know!"

"Know WHAT!?!" Ranma said with no little irritation.

Akane grabbed her hand, "Come on! We're going to see Dr.
Tofu!"

///

Her other hand keeping Ranma-chan's shirt closed, Akane
pulled Ranma past the scandalized old lady and her smiling
(for a while, "Ow!") husband and into the office.

Akane remembered what had happened with the Doctor
yesterday. She still had something of a problem
UNDERSTANDING what exactly had happened. After all, to her
a strange boy had abducted and taken her to HER doctor; and
the one man she thought she could count on hadn't done a
thing to help her! (Except to tear up an ancient book
later, at her home.) He even took sides with the stranger!
She now knew that stranger was Ranma, but she also had
memories of when she didn't know that.

While they waited, Akane used the hot water dispenser Dr.
Tofu had to make tea with to change Ranma back to his true
body. Now it didn't matter if his chest was exposed.
Well...it almost didn't matter to her.

Ranma asked, "Why'd you squirt water on me? That was HOT,
you know, Akane!"

Akane frowned at the boy, "It COULD'VE been worse: Don't
you remember all of the times you had hot and COLD water
splashed on you!?! Don't you remember Jusenkyo?!"

Ranma used a towel to dab his chest dry. The Tendos had
something against male chests today. "Of course I remember
Jusenkyo! How could I forget the place that turned Pop into
a panda?!"

"And what about you!?! What did YOU get changed into?!"

Z-K-rr! Kk-rrr! Krr-Krrrzz!

Akane grabbed Ranma by the front of his shirt, "Answer
me!!"

Rather than have his brain fried, Ranma said, "If I got
pushed into any of those accursed spring it'd be--The
Spring of Drowned Young MAN!"

Akane shook Ranma violently, "No!! That's why you want to
RETURN to Jusenkyo!"

Ranma broke away, "Why would I WANT to return to that
place!? I'm not gonna take the risk again! Pop can go
alone! But there are worse things than bein' a giant
animal."

Akane stopped frowning. "You, you really don't like being a
girl THAT much?"

"What a stupid question! I like bein' what I was BORN to
be: A human guy!" he said, hitching up his pants higher.

Dr. Tofu entered, "Ah! Akane! And who is this stranger with
you?"

Akane told him, "Dr. Tofu, I have my memory of Ranma back!
It's RANMA'S memory that's the problem!"

The man in the black do-gi adjusted his glasses, noting
Ranma's appearance. "Oh? Did he forget how to dress?"

Ranma told him, "The way I look is Pop's fault! He and Mr.
Tendo attacked me!"

Dr. Tofu said, "So, THEY are the ones who have forgotten
you, now."

Akane told him, "Ranma forgot he can become a girl!"

Ranma told him, "I DON'T become a girl! That's the
stupidest thing ever! Do I LOOK like a girl!?!"

Dr. Tofu said, "I see what you mean, Akane. This IS
serious. Not knowing when he is female puts Ranma at a
severe disadvantage. Not only does it leave him vulnerable
to all sorts of assaults, his lack of common female
sensibilities will assault those who might otherwise be
sympathetic to being on his side!"

Akane put her hand close to her mouth, "Oh, no! I hadn't
thought of that!"

Ranma screamed, "I AIN'T a girl!! Why has everybody saying
I am!!?"

Dr. Tofu said, "You see? Ranma's weak point IS his blind
spot."

Ranma backed away warily from him as he moved closer, "What
are you doin!?!"

The doctor headed for one a cabinet, "I'm getting some
safety pins. I COULD sew up your shirt, but that would make
you late for school. You don't want to miss school. A
doctor knows that a good education--"

Ranma backed towards the door, "You sure you're not gonna
do anything funny? You ARE an acupuncturist. How do I know
you're not gonna stick me with them. I know acupuncture's
related to shiatsu. And those techniques can do all sorts
of weird stuff...."

The safety pins in hand, Dr. Tofu said, "Ranma, you're
becoming paranoid."

"Oh, like I ain't got a reason to? You all want me to think
I'm a girl. ---I'm a GUY!!" and he fled.

Akane cried, "RANMA!!"

Dr. Tofu went to her, "It's not his fault, Akane. The
strain to deny the obvious has loosened his grip on
reality. To mix a metaphor." He handed her the safety pins,
"You're going to need these."

Worry on her face, she said, "Thank you, Dr. Tofu."
Suddenly she became determined; she opened her schoolbag,
"Safety pins might not be enough! I have to be prepared for
any situation!"

///

Most Japanese used clothes poles, but Ranma found a
backyard that had a clothesline. After Ranma snapped one
off to use as a makeshift belt they probably WOULD change
to clothes poles. Ranma really didn't like stealing. But he
knew he couldn't go around holding up his pants all day. HE
also picked up some of the clothespins.

But he decided keeping his shirt closed with clothespins
looked just too stupid. Instead, he just tucked in his
shirt in his pants and closed it up the best he could. He
decided it wasn't too bad. After all he'd spent most of his
life in a do-gi, not regular clothes, and those left most
of his chest exposed.

Of course, it didn't meet the school dress code, but, then,
any student not wearing the school uniform didn't meet the
dress code.

"I've been wearin' Chinese clothes for nearly two months.
So what's a little manly chest peekin' out? It can't be no
big deal."

Kk-rr! Z-K-rrz!

///

Taking the wall and rooftop express, Ranma got to school
ahead of Akane.

In fact, Akane was late, and had to spend homeroom time out
in the hall holding a bucket full of water. That she was
kept from Ranma by her nemesis, water, wasn't lost on her.

Inside, Ranma had to field questions from the class. Mostly
the girls. "Yeah, something happened to my clothes...I
don't have too many...I have to keep room for the other
stuff in my traveling pack...In fact, when I can, I wear
only my kempo-gi. That's what we use to practice martial
arts in. It can take a beatin' better than regular
clothes...No, I don't know off hand WHY I no longer wear
it...Yeah, you're right. It shows my chest like this shirt
does. And no buttons, too...Now that you mention it, it
does feel more normal to me to wear an open shirt...

"--You want to see my butt??"

Hiroshi explained to him, "All the surveys say girls are
more interested in a guy's butt than his chest or muscles."

Ranma looked around at the girls, "Then why are they
looking at my chest and muscles?"

Daisuke frowned, "It's the law of supply and demand. You're
the only one with a supply. There's no demand for the rest
of us, because WE'RE not allowed to show off our bodies."

Ranma closed his shirt with a fist, "I guess you're right.
I don't remember the girls payin' me this much attention
before." The only ones that were attracted to him were all
violent. Maybe it was true what they said, violence creates
violence. Geez! What did that say about the children they'd
create.

///

Akane was allowed back in class just as the first period
was about to begin. The teacher told her, "Miss Tendo. Go
to your seat and stay there. You can visit the other
students BETWEEN periods."

Akane angrily sat down at her desk-seat. But she found it
hard to concentrate on anything but Ranma. She kept
glancing over her shoulder at him.

Z—K-rr! After giving up on trying to figure out WHY Akane
would be constantly looking over at him (she normally did
her best to AVOID looking at him), Ranma kept his eyes from
looking her away.

He also had a hard time looking at the teacher. Or any
school teacher. Ranma hated having to sit still. His whole
life had been dedicated by his pop to be a man of action.
The only teachers he could pay close attention to were
martial arts sensei. Even his Old Man.

He had to have someplace to look at. He looked at the wall
with the windows looking out to the hall in it. He wondered
what had happened to the holes Shampoo had made in it,
yesterday.

---A metal pail broke through one of those windows. It
sailed over the heads of the other students. Ranma stood
up, ready to protect others, his senses telling him that:
"Hunh?? There's just water in it."

Splash!

"Not again!" The redhead licked her lips. "I recognize this
water. I've tasted it often enough. It's from the Tendo
fish pond."

Akane was the first to recover from the class interruption,
"Shampoo!! It HAS to be her!" And she raced for the door.

The teacher cried, "Miss TENDO!"

Ranma-chan cried, "Akane! Give it up! There's no way a
slowpoke like you can beat somebody like Shampoo!!" Deja
vu.

The teacher attention was drawn to the new girl, "Who are
YOU, Miss?! What are you doing in this class??"

///

Akane stopped on the other side of the door. The outside
window across the hall from the inside window was broken as
well. Shampoo was no where to be seen outside. Akane
glowered, "Rrh! Why wouldn't Shampoo deliver her "message"
personally? What is she WAITING for!?!"

Suddenly, Akane knew! She spun around in alarm, "Ranma!"

///

... "Then, what's your phone number?"/ "What's you blood
type!"/ "Were you born in the year of the dog?"/ "What
do you like better, candy or flowers?"/ "What size are
those --Ow!"/ "Idiot! She doesn't seem to know, yet!"/
...

Hiroshi was the closest of the boys crowding around the
girl with the open shirt, "Hello! My name is Hiroshi!"

Ranma-chan said, "I already know that, Hiroshi."

Daisuke pushed his best friend aside, "Do you know my name
is Daisuke? My family's rich."

Ranma-chan said, "You're not rich, Daisuke."

With other guys pushing against him from behind, Daisuke
practically pleaded, "You're not the kind that only dates
rich or handsome guys, are you?"

Hiroshi, struggling to keep his place, too, announced,
"Daisuke, don't push too hard: Can't you see she's paying
US the most attention?"

Ranma-chan was confused, "This is one of you guys' stupid
plans to get dates?" ...

... Sayuri and the girls who hadn't had time to get out of
their seats had to push against the backs of the boys in
front of them to keep from some room between them and
themselves. While she was doing that, she thought out loud,
"Rich...rich...There's something about somebody rich..."

... The boys who were trying to chat the redhead up where
staring at her daring cleavage; while those that were
silent were the one's ogling the most intently.

Ranma-chan was feeling hemmed in and trapped; but Ranma's
her martial arts conditioning was not to do anything rash
against ordinary people, "What's with you guys!?! You're
actin' worse than the girls were!"

... /Are those real?"/ "Stupid, don't they LOOK real?"/
"Do we dare find out?"/ "A little louder. Maybe your
girlfriend DIDN'T hear."/ "Oh, man, oh, I can just see
one of her nipples! Move, and I can see the other one!"/
"Are they hard? Does she get off on being an
exhibitionist?"/ "That's not how you tell. You tell by
how flushed she's getting."/ "Well, she IS getting red."/
...

Meanwhile the teacher had given up calling for the students
to sit down and come to order from the front of the room.
He was now trying to wedge his way in among them to get the
center of the disturbance, "Miss! Miss! I must ask you to
LEAVE!"

... /Look at those stupid boys!"/ "Like moths to a
flame."/ "I hope they get burned!"/ "They'd only come
back to the hottie."/ "Talk about supply and demand.
Supply some flesh, and they'll demand more."/ "I know *I*
would never do anything so demeaning."/ "Oh, come now! I
see the way you dress out of school!"/ "There's
suggesting you would, and delivering!"/ ...

The teacher shoved, and two boys moved unexpectedly. The
teacher's hand fell against something he hadn't intended to
touch.

Having his chest pushed against accidentally would have
meant little to the male Ranma, and sometimes even to the
female Ranma. But when that chest got a reaction that was
too un-guy-like to ignore but was conditioned to ignore...

K-rrrzf! Zz-Kzzf! Kzack! The red-haired size D suddenly got
a blank stare.

"Look at her!! What'd you do to her, Teacher!?!"/ "I, I
touched her--Accidentally."/ "You mean, like, her,
tits?"/ "I was trying to get through this crowd! Then
my..."/ "Whoa! This is what happens when she gets
touched?!"/ "She doesn't fight you?"/ "She doesn't slap
you?"/ "She doesn't even scream?"

Akane cried, "Well, I'M screaming!! --And I'm fighting!!"
After shouting out Ranma's name, she had waited, afraid
getting involved WOULD accidentally reveal the pigtailed
girl's identity. But, now, she pulled, shoved, stepped on
their insteps, and propelled a third of them, including the
teacher, to the far sides of the room. She hadn't done
anything like this since the Hentai Horde had stopped
attacking her! Only her own martial arts conditioning kept
her from really harming them.

The girls applauded, and cheered.

All but one, that is: Ranma had come out of it, "Akane!
Why'd you do that for?!" She made no effort to cover her
completely exposed boy-magnets.

"She really IS a slut!" the girls said and the boys
groaned.

Akane was momentarily frozen. This WAS her nightmare. Guilt
by association. If they knew she was engaged to a, a....

--Engaged! There was a solution: Akane could tell everybody
this girl was like Shampoo—And like Kodachi! Everybody KNEW
how crazy those two 'fiancées' were! She could tell them
the redhead was the craziest one yet! The pigtailed girl
wanted to be "Mrs. Ranma Saotome" so badly she had started
identifying herself WITH Ranma! Everybody heard how she
used his name at the Martial Arts Rhythmic Gymnastics
Tournament.

Akane only had one problem with that. She had mental
barriers against even pretending Ranma was a girl.

Her shirttails out, now, and the shirt hanging completely
open, Ranma-chan confronted her, "Akane! Look what your
violent temper's done! You say you hate boys---But now
they're sayin' you beat up guys because you won't admit you
really WANT them!"

"WHAT!!?! They're talking about you!!"

"You're crazy! Everybody can see I ain't interested in
guys!"

There was a collective gasp, followed by a number saying,
"Oh, ho!"

Akane shook her head violently, and waved off the
suggestion fiercely with her arms, whirling this way and
that to tell them, "Oh-errrhh! No!! It's not like that!!!
It's not what you think!! Honestly!!"

Ranma-chan said in a loud voice that managed to raise about
hers, "I don't know what beyond stupid battle scenario you
and the others got cooked up, but nobody's gonna believe
you, Akane! There's NO WAY I'm interested in guys! I'm
hardly interested in a tomboy like you!!"

"Aaa-EEEyaaarrh!!!" Akane raced for the exits.

///

Akane didn't stop until she was outside by the walk to the
school's main entrance. She had to lean up against a tree
while she got her breath back. After that, she did not know
what she would do. Her life might as well be over.

There was the sound of metal hitting away at concrete. It
was coming from behind the wall near the school gate. After
about five solid wrecking ball strikes, the wall cracked
and crumbled. The lavender haired Amazon and her bonbori
were on the other side. She had on pants, this time, no
longer in just the 'micro-dress' of just her silk shirt.

Akane glared with hatred at her, "Shampoo."

Shampoo stepped over the rubble towards her. She pointed
towards her with one of her balls on a stick, "You
surrender Ranma, now?"

"WHAT!? You still want Ranma? After ruining his life!?!"

"Shampoo only ruin Ranma old life. Ranma have NEW life--
with Shampoo!"

Akane stomped towards her, "What makes you think Ranma WILL
come with you?!!"

Shampoo giggled, "Everybody act strange round Ranma.
Shampoo only one treat Ranma like real man." And just
thinking about treating Ranma like a real man made Shampoo
flush, "Ai-Yahh!...."

Akane stopped just short of the weapon. "And I bet you'll
make sure nobody WILL treat Ranma like a man!?"

Shampoo smiled craftily, "Hm, mh! More boy-type Ranma is
treated like girl-type, more Ranma wish kill girl-type
dead. Only place where girl-type stay dead in Amazon
village of Shampoo."

Akane challenged, "You think you've got it all figured
out!"

Shampoo quirked a scornful smile, "What Akane do about it?
Admit you pervert girl?"

"WHAT!!?!"

Shampoo lifted her other bonbori, "Akane is still
obstacle."

Ranma-chan snatched Akane around in her arm to the other
side of cursed body while stopping the metal ball with the
free hand. "Shampoo, I told you to leave Akane alone! No
matter WHAT you do, I will not wish Akane killed forever!"

Her body hugged against Ranma's half-dressed body, Akane
groaned, "Ranma thinks Shampoo meant ME when he heard her
talking about the girl-type."

Shampoo asked, "Why girl-type Ranma not act in fear of
Shampoo like always? –Hai, yah! Girl-type Ranma is only in
Ranma mind! And Shampoo kill girl-type Ranma!"

Ranma-chan told her, "Akane AIN'T a girl-version of me! I
told you to leave her alone! I can't fight a girl," and,
with just her grip on the ball, he pulled the bonbori from
Shampoo's hand, "but I can do other things." Saying that,
Ranma-chan flung the weapon out of sight.

Shampoo didn't believe Ranma, "Ranma fight Shampoo in
village and insult Shampoo. Ranma fight Shampoo in town and
marry Shampoo."

Ranma-chan told her, "I didn't marry you!! What happened at
the Tendo's was an accident!! And I fought you in a
tournament: That ain't the same as fightin' a girl!"

Shampoo got a calculating smile, "If Ranma not fight
Shampoo, how Ranma defeat Shampoo?"

The wind came out of Ranma-chan's sail. "Uh...how am I
gonna defeat her??" She glanced around for an idea. She
even looked at the girl in her arms.

Akane gazed up into Ranma's big, blue eyes. All she could
think to say was a word of encouragement, "Ranma."

Ranma remembered the times they had together. Akane was an
inspiration.

Ranma-chan returned her gaze at the Amazon. It was defiant.
Ranma's confidence had come back, " "A girl's hair is her
life"."

Shampoo's hand darted to her long, lush locks, "Ai! Shampoo
hair!?!"

By her reaction, Ranma-chan knew she had found a weak
point. Akane also once had long, lush locks. When Ranma and
Ryoga had accidentally cut them off it had been one of the
worst days of Akane's life. And Ranma's.

Ranma released Akane, and pushed her away from the
immediate harm of the first actions and reactions. "Shampoo
there ain't nothing in the Code against makin' a girl
bald."

Shampoo cried, "Hai-Yai!! Womens of Clan which lead Amazon
MUST have long hair! Is like flag in battle."

Ranma-chan shed the loose shirt that would be getting in
the way, and put herself into the defend-or-attack stance,
"Your speed against my speed."

Shampoo held up her remaining bonbori and got into the
stance; she, too, was defiant, "Shampoo ALWAYS shampoo!"

... By this time, students from Ranma's and other
classrooms had seen what was happening and had finally made
it out in front of the school and had begun to form a semi-
circle of spectators: "She's topless!!"/ "What are those
girls going to do?"/ "Are all THREE of them going to
become topless?!!"/ Is this going to be a catfight?"/
"Topless??!"/ "If it is, it's going to be a martial arts
catfight."/ "All I know it sounds like there's going to
be a lot of hair pulling."/ "Then MY money's on the one
in the redhead! All she has to protect is that braid."/
...

Akane cried, "RANMA!!" and tossed her things from her
bookbag. Things she had gotten from Dr. Tofu.

Ranma caught the pair of scissors that were originally
meant to cut the roll of bandage she also caught. Akane had
intended to bind up Ranma's female breasts, scratching the
male Ranma's chest if she had to.

Since Shampoo hadn't thrown away her weapon, it was okay
for Ranma to have her own. Besides, the Code against guys
not fighting girls gave Shampoo the advantage.

Shampoo lunged. Ranma stepped aside to let her pass,
chopping the bonbori handle in half. Behind Shampoo, now,
Ranma used the roll of bandage like a martial arts rhythmic
gymnastics' ribbon, wrapping it around Shampoo's long,
lavender hair. Ranma yanked, and the bandage snagged around
the locks, pulling Shampoo off of her feet.

Ranma-chan stood over her, scissors ready, "Admit defeat,
and I'll leave your hair alone!"

Shampoo wept, "Shampoo NO can admit defeat. Amazon woman
must marry man which defeat Amazon woman. Amazon woman must
kill woman which defeat Amazon woman...or die."

Ranma-chan growled in her throat. This would be a useless
act. But what else could she do?? Was it honor to not go
through with the stake the battle had been fought on?
Wouldn't it be like not meeting your commitment?

Akane spoke up, "Shampoo! You have killed Ranma the girl.
And," glancing over at the girl exposing herself in public,
tears catching in her throat, "and you defeated Ranma, the
man. There is no reason to remain in Japan any longer. Go!
Use this loophole in your stupid Amazon laws, and..." her
voice became quiet, "just go."

Shampoo nodded, "Shampoo go." She had won. But she was not
proud of how she had won. All that she had left to her was
her honor.

///

By the time Shampoo had leaped and bound out of sight, the
teachers had come out to gather their students back to
classes. But they were still looking as Ranma-chan, wearing
Hiroshi's oversized shirt, followed Akane out of the gate.
The redhead asked, "Why do we have to leave early? It's
gotta be still second period!"

Akane told her, "Yes, we have to leave. We've disrupted
class time! Staying around, we'll just cause more
disturbances."

Ranma-chan snorted, "Hmh! We've disrupted class before."

Akane reminded her, "Not that often. Your first day at
school, when you and Kuno jumped into the pool, that
happened basically during homeroom period. The others spent
most of their first period taking a snap exam as punishment
while we went home. Admittedly the day you attacked poor
Ryoga, nobody returned to school. But, yesterday, when
Shampoo broke into class, it was during lunch--and--"

Ranma-chan bowed her head, "Okay. I see the pattern."

Akane took Ranma's hand, no longer so concerned with what
others may think. The ordeal had weakened her barriers,
"Besides, there's something at home I want to show you."

Ranma-chan became a little suspicious. "What's there now
that you couldn't show me before?"

Akane grinned wickedly as she squeezed the hand of Ranma's
female half, "How much I really care about you. Just the
same way you showed me that you cared yesterday when I lost
my memory." If insults were what was needed, then there was
one sure way to make Ranma know she was woman. Their whole
relationship WAS marked insults, after all.
The End