A/N: I don't even know what exactly pompted the story. I believe it was a CM ep, but no idea which one actually LOL This is a oneshot for the moment, but I can almost one hundred percent guarantee that this will have a second chapter - although I am not entirely sure about the story of the second chapter :). dedicated to the lovely klcm, who did an awesome job at distracting me from writting and without who this story would have gotte written in probably two hours or under instead of the actual seven it took - but at least we had a fun night :)
It didn't take a profiler to figure out that whatever Penelope Garcia had received in the mail earlier that bright and sunny Friday wasn't landing on any of her favorite lists anytime soon. It took Emily and JJ almost until lunch to find out that the parcel that had come with the mail was sent from Kevin Lynch, Penelope's boyfriend. And almost all through lunch to find out what exactly he had sent to their best friend.
"How can you not like getting underwear?" Emily asked skeptical. "Yes, sure, it isn't the most romantic gift there is. And it surely isn't the most creative either, but there are presents that are far worse."
"Tell me about it. I had once a boyfriend who presented me with lube," JJ commented. When both, Emily and Penelope looked rather amused at their friend she quickly added "For my car. I don't think he liked my not very excited reaction."
"I think the worst present I ever received from an ex-boyfriend was a spade. I think it was sort of symbolism I didn't quite get. Needless to say that I decided to split, before he could get ideas of me digging his yard over or so…"
"That – sounds really bad actually," Penelope had to admit and JJ's agreed.
"See? That is a bad present. Underwear is not. At least it is something personal," Emily argued and Penelope wasn't sure this conversation would be over why the time their lunch break was over.
"I never really complained…"
"Well, you certainly do not look like you are very happy either. And funnily enough it just started when you received Lynch's parcel."
"That is …um ….an utter co-incidence," Penelope mumbled and it didn't even take a second for her friends to spot the lie.
"If you say so," JJ smiled at her friend.
"Hey, can we see what he sent you?" Emily asked curious.
"No," was Penelope's rather quick answer.
It was that exact moment that Morgan choose to join Emily, JJ and Penelope. Later was hoping that with her best friend's arrival the topic of Kevin's present would be dropped, but Emily did the exact opposite.
"Morgan, how many of your…. Um… girlfriends have received underwear from you over the years?" Emily asked bluntly and Morgan just grinned at all three women.
"Plenty. Underwear is a very good and useful gift from a guy's point of view," he laughed.
"Well, good thing that you and Penelope are just friends then, cause she wouldn't have liked your gift. She doesn't like getting underwear," Emily stated, seeing a rather surprised Morgan and a beet-red Penelope.
"How can you not like getting underwear?" Morgan asked astonished.
"That's what JJ and I already asked her as well," Emily noted.
"I guess in a way it is maybe more a present for the guy, because obviously he buys them to see you in a little bit of nothing, but still…" Morgan grinned, before he forked some of his salad and eat it.
"It isn't… that I don't like underwear. I just don't like… getting it," Penelope more or less mumbled.
"I know you don't like it if someone tries to tell you what to wear, but I didn't expect that to be extended to underwear."
"It's not like that…" Penelope protested, but saw three questioning pair of eyes on her. But instead of hearing Penelope continue, they were met with silence.
"So since you don't seem very likely to show us what you received… tell me, what kind of underwear can I expect from Kevin Lynch?" JJ asked curious after a while, and saw Morgan's head shot towards Penelope.
"Lynch sent you underwear?" he asked surprised, which made Penelope curious in return.
"Why are you so surprised? He is my boyfriend after all…"
"Yeah, but … sorry, I just don't see him as the 'underwear-gift' kind of guy. That is almost advanced stuff for a guy like him…."
"He has sent me quite a lot of underwear…" Penelope protested and saw now JJ and Emily look at her curious.
"And?" both Emily and JJ asked.
Instead of saying anything Penelope just sighed and bent slowly forward, fishing for something in her purse, before putting it on the table, for JJ, Emily and Morgan to see.
"I think I must reconsider my spade as the worst present…." Emily said, looking almost terrified at the small pile of garment.
"So… it's not just me, right?" Penelope asked, sounding almost relieved.
"Baby, this is not underwear. You should just burn this," Morgan commented.
"He is right. This has … way too much cloth to be qualified as underwear. I mean, where did he get that? Some 'For Alaska in Winter' store?" Emily wondered.
"And it is beige," JJ remarked. "The only time you should ever wear beige underwear is probably… never."
"I definitely start seeing why you don't like receiving underwear from Lynch," Emily confessed and Morgan just grinned for a moment.
"Listen, I am a guy and I might be wrong, but Lynch is an idiot," Morgan started, all three women looking at him with different expressions. "As a guy… why would I want to give my girl that?" he asked, while slightly lifting the beige pile. "I mean… the reason I give her underwear is because I want to see her in less than her clothes and not… more. I want to see her hot, sexy and irresistible. And more importantly, I want her to feel all that, as well. Underwear is supposed to get your mind racing, fantasize about the time ahead, the heat between the two of you and how you strip every delicious inch of barely there garment of her body. This just… wants to make me rip it of you, but not necessarily for the reasons you'd think," Morgan smirked at Penelope, a certain gleam in his eyes. "And beige certainly does not get my blood boiling either. Bedroom underwear has to be… red like sin, black like desire, or a mix. Or anything that looks hot as hell and naughty. Nothing else. Underwear is supposed to give is rather easy access for one. And also to highlight all those favorite areas of us and present them nicely. As a present if you like... " Morgan smiled and Penelope felt her blood literally boil just listening to him.
"Bedroom underwear?" Emily asked, smirking. "I didn't know there is such thing…"
"Oh yeah. Best Bedroom underwear is something with ribbons a guy can pull on, so he can… unwrap. Like a present."
Morgan could see all three women thinking, and he knew exactly what all three of them were thinking about. They went through their underwear closets to see if they had anything that would fall under the category bedroom underwear.
"I have the wrong boyfriend," Penelope seemed to mumble – but none of the other three noticed.
"I so need to go shopping," JJ remarked.
"Since I have no boyfriend, I don't need to go shopping. But I assume that bit of knowledge is always useful, Morgan," Emily just smiled.
"But wait," JJ all of a sudden said curious. "If there is bedroom underwear, there must be something else as well, right?"
"Well… I guess…" Morgan said slowly.
"You guess?" Emily asked amused. "Okay what… what is with … underwear that she wears outside the bedroom?"
"What about it? That's the same. Do you know how fucking hot it is, knowing what a girl wears underneath her… suit or…. Summer dress? Call it the whole Stripper-Liberian thing, we guys totally go for. "
"That really works for you?" Penelope asked astonished and instead of answering her question, Morgan just smiled at her wickedly.
"You know what you should do?" Morgan asked, all while he slowly got up – their lunch was almost over after all.
"What?" Penelope, JJ and Emily almost in union said.
"Get the receipts, get this exchanged," Morgan said, lifting the little heap of beige one last time, "and get something that's worth you and show him how it should have been done."
"But it's a … present," Penelope almost protested.
"Yeah, a present that is… hideous and that you don't plan on ever wearing anyway. So why waste the … worth of this, if you could get something that could be blowing him away, or at least make you feel like the temptress that you are?"
There was silence and Penelope could see that Emily and JJ were practically agreeing with Morgan's suggestion.
"And while you are at it, you can as well make sure your dear boyfriend is aware that his idea of underwear wouldn't have gotten him lucky and to maybe rethink his choice next time." And then he was gone, but came back a few moments later. "And in case you are now wondering where to best go… there is this little shop of MacArthur Street called Sinful Temptation. Start there and I can almost guarantee you, you don't need to look any further."
And then he was gone again, leaving back a speechless Penelope Garcia.
