Chapter 1:
"—and you know what?" Clarke bit out as tears fell down her face. She never thought she would openly cry in front of John Murphy but it was happening; she was officially breaking down in front of the person she hated to care for, if only platonically. "I killed the person—the only person—that will ever love me and for what? The grounders left. Honestly, we could have done it by ourselves and been just as successful but Finn is dead. I killed him. And somehow…" Her breathing and tears were impairing her speech but Murphy continued to nod his head to show that he was listening to her, "Somehow I got—" a hard breath pushed through her lips, almost like a scoff, "—this idea in my head that Bellamy, the king of the camp, had feelings for me beyond our partnership but once more—" She lifted her cup of moonshine in Murphy's direction, "I made the wrong fucking choice. But, cool because we have a treaty with the grounders and with that treaty Bellamy gets to fuck Echo all day long. I killed Finn, someone I loved, so the person I have feelings for can fuck another girl."
Murphy wasn't going to argue with her logic. It didn't find pleasure in arguing with Clarke when she was three sheets to the wind hammered drunk. It was by accident that he even stumbled upon her little fire, fifty feet away from the electric fence. It was like she wanted to be mauled by a panther or something. The misery in her eyes didn't exactly scream suicidal but he could be convinced of her deteriorating mental health. Honestly, he was appreciative that someone was even talking to him. Most people were still harvesting hard feelings for his sudden departure. "You can't be such an idealist all the time…" Murphy explained, not meaning to sound so calm, or even an ounce of comforting. "Finn knew you for a month and gallivanted around like a romance novel. That isn't reality, Clarke. That isn't how it goes—obviously. Bellamy, as well as most of these guys, don't want someone like you—"
"Well, thanks. That makes me feel super." Clarke rolled her eyes, looking more drunk than before as she tilted the empty bottle back and sighed heavily, realizing she'd taken every drop fifteen minutes ago when she started her rant. "Is it because I'm not a stick? Listen, back in ancient times I would have been a goddess. Honestly, the Greeks would have worshipped me. I could pass for Athena or something."
Murphy felt awkward, "You have a nice body, Clarke. That's not why they don't want you. They don't want someone like you because you're fucking scary. Not just because you can shoot, hunt, and pretty much kill people…but because you're that girl."
"What girl?"
He shrugged, "The wife type. The girl that guys want to commit to when their 27 and realizing they want a kid and family and a life with someone like you. Echo, look at me—" Clarke did. "—is the type of girl you fuck around with, have crazy stupid sex with before you realize none of that shit matters. Echo, as you know, wouldn't risk her life for him. She wouldn't stay with him when he's sick. She wouldn't be the wife, Clarke. You would be with wife. You are the one these idiots will ultimately commit to because you are different. Tough, scary, stubborn…but different."
"You ever going to tell anyone about the girl?" Clarke asked after a few minutes of turning his words over in her head. "You know…the one that's got you so smitten. Was she different? Like me?"
"Potential to be, yeah. I'm going to give you some advice and if you know what's good for you, you'll take it."
"Fine."
"Stop being that girl for a month. When he's sick, ignore him. Get your mom to take care of him. When he's hurt? Direct him towards Jackson. Don't let him get away with fucking Echo and going to you to be his wife-type. That's all you're doing right now."
Clarke snorted, "Oh, so stop being myself? Great. Great advice, Murphy."
"You can wife the shit out of anyone else you want. Miller? Go for it. Monty? Sure, might get hit by Harper but it's whatever. I wouldn't wife-up Jasper, though because Jasper has committed to the wife-type, A-K-A Maya." Clarke was hating herself because she was finding some truth in Murphy's advice. "But don't let yourself think Bellamy doesn't feel for you for a goddamn second. He's too stubborn, too prideful, and too damn stupid to confront his feelings for you. I'm sure the second you cut him off, he'll start crawling like a fucking baby."
The mental image made her laugh.
"Okay, so I cut him off of all my wifely duties and supposedly, my problems will be solved. That doesn't mean that the image of him screwing her is ever going to go away… I'm hurt. This hurts me." Clarke sighed, "So much so that it's like I want to give up on him."
"So, give up on him. Either way, stop being his girl." Murphy leaned back, "Stop being that girl and just be Clarke…fuck, just be you."
Clarke nodded, "I chickened out, you know? I went to tell him and I saw him with Echo and I chickened out. I should have said something sooner…and you know what? I did. I said, it's worth the risk. Am I fucking stupid?"
"Probably."
-x-
She picked at the skin on her fingers as she sat in the medical bay, a major headache pulsating through her skull. Her feet were propped up on the table while Jackson shuffled through patient logs. Clarke hummed to herself, "What do you think about the wife-type?" She asked out loud, turning her attention to her mother's assistant. It was later in the afternoon and most of her friends were off hunting in the forest, this including Monty much to her objections for him to stay within the fence. He was injury prone.
He raised an eyebrow, "Have you been dipping into the magazine archives?"
She shook her head, "Something a—" is Murphy a friend? "—friend said, you know? About there being a type of woman categorized as the wife type."
Jackson shrugged, "I suppose your friend is right. There's definitely a way to distinguish between those who want to casually hook-up from those who want to real thing. The whole relationship, love thing. Why the interests?"
"Curiosity?" Clarke offered, "Things are cooling down around here, people are pairing off. Maybe I want to know where I fit in it all."
"Only because I've known you all your life…" Jackson said cautiously, "I would say that you are the latter. Keep it that way, too or I'll have to inject someone with this grounder hallucinogen juice."
-x-
Clarke inhaled a deep breath as Bellamy shuffled into the medical area. I can't believe I'm doing this…"Jackson, can you take care of Bellamy? I have to uh-" She'd been wasting time all day, complaining because she was so bored with the lack of injuries. Jackson furrowed his eyebrows at her sudden displacement of duty. "—go somewhere."
"Your new friend?" Jackson asked, referring to their earlier conversation. "Alright, alright remember what I said, okay? I will not hesitate." Bellamy looked over her face, searching for her reasoning for leaving him injured with Jackson. It wasn't that Bellamy had a thing against him, he was just used to her being there for him in his time of need. Clarke slipped out of the medical bay and shrugged in the direction of Murphy, who smiled in appreciation.
Meanwhile, Bellamy felt completely off due to her sudden departure. "Is Clarke dating or something?" He tried to sound nonchalant but there were a few ounces of concern in his voice. Jackson was trying to wrap his ankle.
"You know, I don't know for sure but she was asking questions about being a wife today…if she is, it must be getting serious." Jackson smiled, "Maybe she'll be our first wedding. I imagine those two boys would put on quite the show." He paused thinking about Monty and Jasper's antics, "Stop kicking your feet like that."
"Clarke wouldn't marry anyone." Bellamy snorted because he knew Clarke. She wasn't interested in any type of romantic life, that's why it struck him odd that she might have a special friend.
"Oh, yeah….I forgot you've known her since when? Oh, yeah a few months where I've known her for the better part of a decade." Jackson rolled his eyes, "Just because Earth is a struggle and this life isn't ideal, doesn't mean that she's not a young woman with the fantasy of the perfect day and the perfect husband with the perfect life. Don't be a jackass, she's not only thinking about getting laid like you."
"That is not—"
Jackson frowned, "Because you and the grounder are so very compatible."
"You don't know me." Bellamy said sternly, "And you don't know Echo, either. She's…"
"She's…?"
"Nice, okay? She's nice."
Jackson started laughing, "Nice. Wow, that's commitment there, buddy. Nice."
"I don't like you."
-x-
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I'm looking for a few prompts, BTW. Review if you like it/review if you don't.
