Type: Oneshot
Timeline: After the 1st season finale
Pairing: Hint at Betty /Daniel
Disclaimer: I do not own anything about Ugly Betty; I do not make any money from writing this story. I'm just playing around with it for pure fun, no infringement is intended.
Genre: Drama
Author's note: This, rather long, oneshot is the result of a very complex series of event…and thus is a complex story in itself.
While writing the story "The wooing of Daniel Meade" I made myself notes about the characters in an effort to try and stay in character, and it grew after a while somewhat out of hands. I found myself with pages of notes on the characters from anything and everything on the characters, including, among other things, what each should smell like …meaningless stuff really, but fun to research. Next thing I knew I was reading this article in a French science magazine about how each person scent is unique, like fingerprints, and how some techno geeks were thinking about creating a biometric scent detector for airports and such to detect the smell of the bad guys…add to that the season finale with Daniel in probable coma with no other input but smells and maybe sounds…I couldn't help myself, the idea was there and I had to write it. Think of it as a self-imposed character study assignment... So it all came together in a weird fit to give you guys a strange little fic! I understand it's somewhat different and I'm not really sure it works since there's not much action in it, but I kinda like it. It feeds my craving for character development anyway...but that's just me, you can hate it if you want. You be the judge…
Note: Just a small warning: I am French Canadian, thus my first language is not English…any destruction of the beautiful Shakespeare language in thic fic is my own fault. As always, a huge thanks to my Beta, Jen (also known as CreativeDreamer…you can read her beautiful stories in th UB fandom), as she keeps me from bringing shame to the whole French community by preventing the worst of my mistakes from appearing before your eyes.
Scent of a Betty:
What was left of Daniel Meade floated in nothingness, free of all the pains and petty problems of real life. He was dimly aware that he was at peace at long last. He wasn't sure why, but he felt like he had been looking for this for a while now, to be at peace. He felt nothing, was nothing and knew nothing…he only was, and that was enough. More, it was perfection. He was safe, he was alone; there was no interruptions, no encroaching from the outside world. Not even sounds were filtering in to disturb his peace. No sounds, no lights, no tastes or smells….wait! That wasn't right… He did smell something. Just now….ok, it was gone now…that was a little bit weird. For a second there he had almost recognized the scent. Well, it couldn't be important, nothing from the outside world was any good …and he was just too tired to think about it anyway. Daniel's consciousness turned to the darkness and he let himself dissolve back into the tranquility of nonexistence.
………….
It was again the disturbing feeling of something familiar he couldn't quite put his finger on that brought back the slight wisp of awareness that was Daniel Meade these days. It was that same scent, the one he had smelled once before, but this time it was mixed amid others and only made the whole thing more confusing. Smells of perfumes, flowers, disinfectants and other strange things he could not put into words assailed him. They were surrounding him from all parts, making him recoil from the overload of sensations. The tantalizing scent was taunting him, just at the edge of things, like a shadow that disappear when you try to look at it directly. The more he tried to separate it from the rest, to put a name on it, the less clear it became. After a frustrating moment of fighting with his senses, exhaustion took over, and the darkness claimed him once more.
………….
When he became aware of his own existence at last, it was only to find himself in that never-ending emptiness. This time, there was no smells, no feelings, nothing to capture his interest or pick his curiosity. He wondered for a few flighty seconds why he was here if nothing from the world had brought him back. He couldn't care less, now could he? He was perfectly content to float here, forever, without pain or hope---to hell with everything else.
A faint memory of a peculiar scent floated back to him to instill a measure of curiosity and rouse some restlessness. Why would a simple scent disturb him so? It was annoying, but he had the feeling that the memory of that first moment when he got a whiff of that strange odor wouldn't leave him alone until he could remember what it meant. Not that he particularly wanted to know, nothing from his life could be worth remembering after all…but it seemed like it was the price to pay in order to be able to fall back into the comfortable, barely aware slumber he had achieved so far.
If he had any control over his physical body, he would have shrugged and sigh in defeat, since he couldn't, he settled for putting the little part of his mind available to him right now into a half-hearted pondering mode.
Now, what was that smell? It would help if he had any point of reference at all from the outside world…but he was loath to try and really remember anything specific. He was a little scared that it would make him want to go back. If there was one thing he was absolutely sure of, it was that nothing but danger and pain awaited him on the other side. Well, now that was a quandary, if ever there was one…on one side there was the annoying, disturbing feeling like an itch he couldn't quite reach, that really was getting under his skin, and on the other hand, the fear that the answer to his questions would send him right back to the place he was so desperately trying to hide from.
Did he really want to know so badly after all? The feeling of uneasiness, of something unfinished, of something he should know, linked to that scent was disturbing yes, but the question was: was it disturbing enough to risk everything? Maybe he was better off leaving it alone; there was no reason to believe that it would happen again or that he would smell it again. Perhaps he was too deeply gone into the darkness for it to reach him anymore. There may be no point into even trying to solve the mystery. Even though somehow comforted him and eased his mind. Better to forget about it completely.
Anyway, so much thinking only caused him to ache to return into the void. With clarity of purpose he had not felt in a long time, he let himself go and disappear from who he was into the silence beaconing him.
……………..
He came to, suddenly, immersed into the phantom scent that had eluded him before. It was so strong that it permeated everything around him, he felt like he was swimming in it. Sweet and intriguing it twirled around him, seducing like a siren song, sensual like a lover's touch, embracing and cradling him. He suddenly felt like there was someone there in the dark with him, filling the emptiness with the sound of the wind, whispering of an immovable presence that gives strength and brings the certainty of existence with it. Its fumes imbued his entire being, awakening in its wake fleeting images of lights, of green things, of laughter and of sprinkling water. Life. Home. Strenght. Breath….
The scent overwhelmed his desire to fade away, invading and steering his thoughts, his will toward the world he have so wanted to forget. Words sprung free from the prison where his mind had kept them locked away. With a wonder bordering on awe, he felt some deep part of himself awakening again. He had words now, words to put on the smell, to explain it.
It was smells of the earth, awash with sunlight, filled with the life brought by strong roots going far and deep into the moist nourishing earth, drunk with the purity and the coolness of lazy underground lakes and swift hidden rivers.
Smells of growth, which reached avidly to the light that was strong enough to break stones; it was so sure of its right to exist, to be. Smells that spoke of the knowledge of the goodness of life and of the certainty of one's place and purpose in it, which sang of the reality of loss, pain and death without missing a beat as if it was only a bump in the road.
Smells which felt real and strong and vibrant. Smells that were intoxicating and somehow caring and understanding just as much as dangerous and implacable all at once.
Smells of delicate flowers, swaying gently in the breeze, enticing bees and butterfly to come and court them.
Smells of ripe fruits which were big and round, nourishing, holding the means with the possibility of reproduction and hope for the future where the same smell that sang of belonging, of steadfastness, of loyalty and pride…a smell of home.
The smell turned him around, bursting with images and feelings, it felt so close, he drank from it, inhaled it, and immersed himself in it, glorying in the well of emotions and colors spouting from the center of his being from the contact.
Suddenly the scent changed, moved…started draining away! NO! He tried to grip it tight, to keep it here with him, but it was slowly fading, sliding through his fingers like so many grains of sand. NO! NO! NO! Panicked, he fished around his mind; to try and keep all the memories, all the words, all the feelings…he couldn't bear to lose all that as well. Trembling, he hastily hoarded his treasures while the feeling of a presence slowly dimmed and that now so familiar scent retreated until nothing was left but its memory.
Daniel was once more alone in the darkness that just a moment ago felt so protecting and secure…not so anymore. How could he have not seen how solitary this really was, how cut off from himself he was here. The silence, the emptiness, the loneliness was hard to bear now after the incredible fullness he had just experienced. He took a look at the memories he had been able to keep from disappearing. Now that he was no longer immersed in the scent, he could look at it with a distance and analyze it, to try and understand where it came from and why it affected him so much. Now that he had words and images from his life…maybe he could solve the puzzle and find a way to bring it all back. For he wanted it back, he discovered, he wanted it back badly.
It took a while, but time had no meaning here. He untangled the different threads and layers he could find in his feelings and memories from the few times he had smelled the scent, placed them side by side and tried to put words, explanations, images, anything he could on each of them.
Here…the part of the smell…it was fruity…like pears or peach, or maybe apricot. Had someone brought him a fruit basket? It gave off a homey feeling, somewhat familiar and simple, like something part of everyday life that he never really though of but that he would unconsciously miss if it was gone. Hell, he missed it now...it was the main part of the scent, the one that he thought he knew from somewhere and that have brought him back.
Well now, that part there, that felt like something damp, brown and deep…hmm…like a cavern maybe or humus. It was what had brought forth images of earth and strength, of loyalty and hominess when the scent was here. For some reason, that line of reasoning tickled a faint memory out of hiding and he saw for a moment a pair of big brown caring eyes with a hint of moisture in them. He was making progress…he harvested the image and carefully put it with the others. It was one more piece of the puzzle.
He turned to the next part. That one was easy. It was pure sunlight, full of wonder and joy, giving itself freely to all. It was like a…a smile, spontaneous, enthusiastic and a little bit wild. Was it Summer out there? Would sunlight give off a scent? Visibly it did since he could smell it…
Close to that was what he dubbed the "danger" scent… It smelled a bit like smoke and sulfur… There was something of a tightly controlled anger with a hint of impatience and even exasperation in it. It came with all sorts of oranges, reds and saffron colors. There was the potential for highly volatile explosions in the mix, and he had the feeling the consequences could be devastating. And …what was that? An acidic taste came with that bit of smell…something like fear...no, there was some fear farther up but this was not it. Pain? Yeah…that was it..a rather lot of pain, one that was link to the anger and the fear. …and that brought that other aspect…Self-loathing...hmmm, no it was more like a lack of self confidence. Okay! That part was somewhat dark….
The last bit would have brought a smile on his face if he only had control on his features. It smelled of candies, the old fashion ones. It sent his mind straight to the smells and tastes of his childhood; the Christmas candy canes, the caramel popcorn at Coney Island, gingerbread….That was it! It was all there, the smells of childhood! All there with the unshakable belief that confidence in the grown ups gives a child. A deep faith that everything would always be exactly like this, untroubled, warm, filled with fun, that Santa would always bring presents, that the good guys would always save the day and that people were good and trustworthy. True innocence and belief in its most beautiful form where it was worth preserving, worth cherishing.
That was it…now he had all the pieces. He only had to bring it together in the correct order to try and see the big picture, to see if it would remind him what that scent was.
After trying different combinations without any sudden enlightenment, he started to feel the strain of so much concentration and gave up for now. He would rest for a while and try again later…
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
The next time he came about, he felt more sure and awake than he have since the first time he had found himself in the darkness. He felt stronger too…probably his body was slowly healing. He had no idea what had happened to him but the thought of pain that was probably awaiting him on the other side didn't give him any incentive to want to go back out there. It was kinda annoying really …on the one hand it felt good, but it also meant that the outside world was getting closer. Yeah, okay, he wanted that wonderful scent back... but he wanted it here in his little heaven, not out there in the hard, harsh world of chaos and suffering. He would find a way, he was sure. He would take the new strength and use it for his own goal, to find that scent and keep it here with him and then close himself completely off from everything else. He could do it, he knew. He would stay here and never wake up and he would be happy too, if only the scent could stay.
With a new determination, Daniel went back to the puzzle….
"Okay, lets try another approach to the problem…the deep earth brown eyes over here, the sun light stuff mixed with it a little bit…hum, yeah over there. Let's see…the darker dangerous smell behind the rest 'cause it's hiding…the childhood, pure thingy on the left side…that's the heart side, right? So it would be logical…what's left? Oh yeah…here the fruit stuff…" That's the one that gets him stuck every time. Where to put it? It was such …a overall kind of smell, something that included all the rest. He finally decided that since this was his own inner world he could do whatever he wanted in any way he wanted…so he grabbed the smell and smudge it all over the rest like some kind of paint. It felt right. Only the slightly sensual, delicate, flowery smell was left…he delicately put it just under the rest and looked critically at his work.
That was it…it was the right mix. He slowly retreated from it so as to get a better feel of the big picture…that's when it hit him, like a dam being suddenly broken…the images…the name.
"Betty"…with the face and the name came unbounded memories; the first time he had seen her in that horrible poncho, working late with her, the way she would look at him when she was proud of something he'd done…the way she cared and pushed him to be better... The more he remembered, the more his spirit plummeted. This was not something he could bring back in the darkness and keep for himself for all time. The scent was the unique mix of personal and artificial smells that comes together to represent a person. It was a good scent; Betty was a great friend, something that tugged at his heart to remind him that there were nice things in his life too, not just crap. If only he could wake up and only find Betty there with everything else gone, he would not mind going back. Unfortunately, the bad stuff came hand-in-hand with the good ones; there was just no way to have the one without the other.
Despair took hold…he was not ready to go back, he really didn't want to…not even that scent, not even Betty could do that for him, the fear was just too strong. He painfully wrenched himself from the memories and hurled himself into the forgetting void that felt more like a prison and a little bit less like sanctuary. Honesty won the last struggle of his consciousness by lancing him with the hard truth just before night engulfed him.
"Coward!"
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
He awoke next, disoriented, and aware of other smells close by that brought back new emotions; some he was not so keen to feel again. He was getting ever so closer to the outside, and there seemed to be nothing he could do about it…he did not want those other scents! He wished them away, wished he could stop it and just float again in nothingness. He tried so hard to get back into the dark, to not avail, the feelings brought by the scent kept him here. He was starting to get more than annoyed at this; he was getting frustrated and slightly panicked. How could he tell his mind to shut itself down? He used to be able to do that! His body was out of his league, but he was supposed to be able to do anything in his mind! Those odors were both scaring him and calling to him; it was not fair! He did not want to feel anything, and even less to remember…. There was no point in this, he was gone, he was half dead, and why wouldn't they leave him alone? Why would they still try? He was a wreck, he was no good, he was not worth it…don't they dare and try to get him back! Then the scent came closer and overwhelmed him with sensations and memories he was unable to block.
That scent was not something he had ever wanted to smell again…heavy with indoors odors of leather, paper, wool and cigars smoke. For Daniel, it had all the bearing of the unmistakable print of money, arrogance, selfishness, ambition and success: Bradford Meade in all his ugly glory. The father he could not please whatever he did however hard he tried. The father who felt nothing for him but scorn and contempt; who was so sure he could never do anything well enough, who made him feel like he was defaming the Meade name at every turn. The smell, heralding the appearance of his father, used to send him in a confusing maelstrom of hope and terror when he was a kid, hope that this time his father would smile, take him in his arms and tell him how proud of him he was, and terror that he would be face with a scowl and a disapproving glance as usual. For years he had really, truly tried, but there was Alex, the big brother who always was so much better. After Alex's accomplishments, there was nothing Daniel could do to impress his father. He was doomed to be nothing but a failure in his father's eyes, and there was nothing he could do about it. Even his mom had stopped trying to please Bradford Meade, to plunge deeper and deeper in the oblivion of alcohol. After a while, Daniel had followed her lead and stopped hoping. Instead, he did everything he could to give the old men some grief, if he could not be the perfect son then he would be the worst. Let Alex be the golden heir. Let him walk in his father's footstep to become a man who could destroy people without squirming. His father failed to keep his wife happy and his younger son in line but his business was booming, his mistress was skilled and his heir was everything he ever wanted…so Daniel guessed his dad was the happiest member of the family, the kind who has no clue why all the others were not as perfect or as happy as he. Survival instinct kicked in when Daniel was in college and steered him as far from Bradford Meade as was physically and emotionally possible.
The memories that blasted smell caused were not happy ones, to say the least. Now more than ever, he wanted to stay right where he was…but even in the dark recess of his mind, his father came to taut him and hurt him. Damn Betty and her scent for bringing him out of himself! Why did his father even bother to come? Probably only so that he appeared the perfect father in everybody else eye. Appearances were so important to Bradford Meade. That's why it was so much fun to rub his own scandalous behavior in his father's face.
His father's scent went away, to Daniel's huge relief, only to be replaced by another, more subtle one. This time, there was no simple recognition, he had no idea what or who this was. The scent came closer, slithery and watery, almost odorless but so sharp… something in it raised some images; a blinding icy coat of white snow, a cold, hard, perfect colorless diamond, dark, freezing and unmoving water so pure it hurts to touch or drink…with a dangerous beast lurking underneath…. Only one person link to his father could evoke those images of harsh purity and coldness: Wilhelmina Slater.
So the bitch was still with his father. He should have known. She was way too ambitious and skilled with her dangerous, sensuous body to let Bradford Meade slip through her finger. His old man was in for a hard awakening if he really though Wilhelmina in love with him. Well, they were worth each other, the cobra and the scorpion, each dangerous, untrustworthy and deadly in their own right. Anyone caught between the two playing their games would get ripped too shreds. Just one more reason to stay here where he was safe, where he would not be in the crossfire of whatever plans they concoct to get more money or power.
Just at the edge of Wilhelmina's aroma, Daniel caught another smell…woody, lots a sexual overtones, faints traces of fancy cologne, spots of something that smelled like incense…in the surrounding of Wilhemina…it could only be her assistant, Marc. It was all there, his abject fawning and admiration for his boss, the snobbish attitude but also his mischievous nature and dry humor. Daniel was slightly surprise to find no real cruelty there, just a strong insecurity that needed to be assuaged by feeling superior to other by bringing them down. The more he found about others, the more he discovered that reality was more about shades of grey than the easy divide between black and white prepared him to see.
Take Alex for instance, Daniel would have bet his last shirt that Alex was happy being Daddy's golden boy. It was such a huge surprise to discover that even Alex hated the man. Alex, the big brother who everybody believed died in ski accident years ago and who came back in the body of a stunning woman…the big brother who always was so good at everything, even at changing sex it seemed.
As if brought up by his thoughts, the scent change again and the unmistakable aroma of his new sister invaded his space. It was such a strange smell; there was so much of the old Alex in it. How come he never acknowledged that before? It was all there, the slight hint of musk that underlined Alex will of doing everything as fully and as perfectly as it was intended, the smell of wind that told of all his exciting and crazy outdoor adventures, surf, extremes sports, flying…you name it, Alex had done it and done it well. Daniel's brother was not one to be scared of anything. He was always one to look things straight in the eye and go for it, he was not one to take the easier road around obstacles, he preferred to face it and go over it instead. Even the bitter smell of something's missing, of something unachievable was still there. Daniel had always thought Alex the ultimate overachiever who is never exactly content with what he has, who always thought he could have gone further, done better, have more…. He has put the blame of this on their father for pushing for the perfect heir a little too much.
It was only when Alexis appeared in their life that Daniel discovered that the unhappiness was steeped on something far deeper than that. To be a woman stuck in a man's body, to have the health, the money and the will to have everything he wanted, be everything but the one thing that escaped him because of an error of nature at his conception…that must be hard to live with. To have his father push him even harder because of his doubts of his real nature, to have to lie to the world and to himself in order to please an impossible to satisfy father…well, it would be even harder. Daniel had always thought of himself to be the worst off in the family, the bad egg, the one his father would never approve off…maybe he had all of it wrong. Bradford Meade had made a living hell for everyone and set all of them against each other as they each battle for his affection, never realizing that there was none there to begin with. What a mess.
The scent moved and brought itself back into Daniel's attention. There were new things as well there. There was a gentle flowery scent like jasmine that spoke of a gentler side of his wild ex-brother and the wind now also sported signs of quieting as if some measures of peace have been found. Daniel was glad. It seemed that at least one of them has found part of what they were looking for….whatever that was.
Alex's scent came closer, and Daniel was washed in a wave of guilt, regrets and fears all coming from his brother. Then, incredibly he heard a voice, a real voice, his brother's voice. Just a whisper really, so faint, almost inaudible, but so dear…
"Daniel…please….back…lose you…"
It went straight to Daniel's heart and squeezed. He fought the feeling that was still there from his youth, the belief that his big brother was the best; his champion, the only one he could count on, the only one it was safe to love. He'd outgrown that blind trust, learned to squash the hope and the hero worshipping. He fought the urge to reach out and grab his brother and never let him go. It was not real, he told himself, over and over. Alex was gone, years before he "died"; from the moment their father got a grab on him, Alex was lost to Daniel. There was no one else out there but Alexis and that was just not the same.
Just as Daniel had regained a measure of composure, he suddenly felt something completely unexpected, a feathery brush that came from the outside and with it came a scent he haven't smelled in an eternity: love.
It came and went in a mattered of a second, but left Daniel with shattered certainties and a whole new pack of doubts. Was that a…a kiss?! From his brother of all people?! Alex still loved him?! He knew he has, as a kid…but though the feeling had gone down to nothing but family duty. To say that he was disturbed was an understatement. Suddenly nothing he believed seemed completely true anymore.
The different scents finally left him all alone once more in a darkness suddenly full of memories and feelings that he needed to look at twice over to discover a new truth that may enable him to escape his half-hated, half-blessed self-imposed prison.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Betty was back…that was the only thing that could bring him back from his deep black thoughts on his life.
She was back, but she was not alone and not close enough for a good strong scent. He could still smell her, he felt like he would recognized her scent now even from across a packed dance floor. This was not good, he wanted her closer. Maybe she could help him make head from tails of all these new thoughts and feelings that were swirling inside his mind. He wanted to talk to her, hear her thoughts on this new development, and let her logical mind put the chaos into order…like she always did.
Instead, someone else came closer, someone who smelled of roses and lilacs; someone with some of the vibrant and optimistic approach of life that he usually associates with Betty but with less depth and a lot more sexiness. Bewildered, Daniel wondered who that could be. Who could be so much like and completely unlike Betty? At the same time caring and responsible and flighty and unconcerned about anything? How can anyone be so many irreconcilable things at once? Then, as if too answer his question, another scent joined the first and meshed with it so easily that the obvious images came right on cue…Hilda and her son Justin of course! Who else could be with Betty and share scent with her but her own family.
As they came closer, he caught something else on their mixed scent…pain, grief, horror…he remembered that he had sensed something of this before with Betty's scent…but nothing this bad. The pain was overflowing and almost overcoming all the rest…it was probably something recent then. Was it because of him? Was he causing them grief? Was there something that strong between him and Hilda and Justin? He tried to remember anything at all about the two from his life…he remembered kissing Hilda once, remembered decorating a Christmas tree in the Suarez household... Maybe they were closer than he thought. Maybe whatever trauma happened to him had made him forget about them.
Suddenly, he was feeling really bad about causing them so much pain and not even being able to remember anything about how important he seemed to be for them or much about their possible history together. He felt ashamed to be feeling nothing much but compassion for them. Shouldn't he feel devastated for causing them pain? Shouldn't he want to reach out to them to ease their worry? Sadly, their plight did not seem to be enough to warrant any effort to raise himself from his hiding place. They were strong, they could deal with it…and anyway, he was not even sure their sorrow was because of him. What if he did wake up and discover it had nothing to do with him? What then? He would not be able to come back here…he felt bad for them, just not bad enough. It was as he had always known…he was an unfeeling bastard. Whatever the truth, they were better off without him around to mess with them.
Finally, Betty came closer to rescue him from his uncomfortable thoughts…as always her presence soothed him and calmed his roiling emotions. He accepted her presence with relief and happiness, the wonderful scent submerging him in heaven once more. He recognized every aspect of her he had analyzed so closely in the dark and now that he knew what to look for he could see the same pain Hilda and Justin were carrying only it was more subdued with Betty. He wondered why that was, he had thought himself much closer to Betty than to his sister…and even more strangely, the though of causing Betty pain was much harder to ignore. He furrowed deeper in her scent, surrounding himself with it, glorying in every details and feelings. This was what he wanted, what he had always wanted…it was almost enough to make him forget he wanted to stay here, almost enough to want to wake up to not only smell her but see her eyes and her smile of welcome. He was floating in happiness but knew he could not keep her here with him where he needed her. He wished he could talk to her about his father and Alexis; he wanted to be there to try and help her with the pain even if she hated him for causing it in the first place. He had to find a way to keep her close so that he could be with that scent forever.
He strained to get even closer and for the second time heard voices coming to him from the outside world, distorted and faint, but there.
"Daniel….Mode is okay, Alexis doing a good job…just not as good as yours of course... It's really beautiful outside, it's already July and the sun feels wonderful in the gardens around the hospital. You would like that. The heat is horrible in the city though…"
Betty's voice was flowing in an out of focus, carrying warmth and caring and affection with it, filling some of the empty space inside with images of summer and girls in bikinis. He heard no anger or accusation underneath her chatter, only his best friend talking about nothing and everything, happy to be there with him…just like old time. He let her voice and her scent draw him ever closer to the surface, soothing and caressing him into just enjoying a pure endless moment of peace and bliss, a moment of perfection….
"It's getting late; we better get a move on. I'll come and see you in a few days Daniel, ok? Take care and please, try to come back to us soon. Your vacation time is almost up and we really need you around for the September issue at the very least. It's just too dull at Mode without you…Well, good bye for now…"
Daniel had a moment of despair at the though of her departure and a thrill of pleasure as she came closer to enclose him in a hug. For a moment there he was in heaven as he let her presence pour into the emptiness and the loneliness, bringing hope and friendship to bask into with utter contentment. It was like being submerge in liquid sunshine. Only Betty knew how to do that, how to slowly insinuate herself into someone's life just by being there, being Betty, until there was no way to dislodge her from your life. He plunged into her presence with relish, he could see nothing but her, taste her, surround himself with her until he could hurt with her pain, be scared with her fears and see himself with her eyes.
He could see it all; she really did care for him. So much so that she was scared and worried about him just as much as she was scared and worried about her sister…what could be wrong with Hilda, he wondered. He could see that Betty needed him too, almost as much as he needed her and that was not just a shock but also a wonderful discovery. He always felt like she was taking care of him because it was her job and they were somewhat friends but that she was so strong that she would never really need him to go trough the hard time. She had a family and Henry too to help her; she couldn't need him, him who had trouble choosing a shirt without asking for her opinion.
She was the strong one, the resilient one, capable and brave, always there for others; ready to support them in whatever hardship that comes around. How come she was so full of doubts and worry, then? How come she was sending waves of pain, worry, self doubts and fatigue? How come her family, her friends could not see she was on the verge of collapse? It was buried deep, right but still…those closest to her should be able to see it and do something about it! He wanted so much to raise his arms and hug her back! To tell her that he was here for her, tell her that he would be her shoulder to cry on, the ear to pour her trouble into, the arms to support her when she stumble…He could be that for her if she let him. He would find the courage and the strength to face life if only he could feel like a real friend for her, even his hell of a life was worth it if he could help her.
The depth of her pain coupled with the wrenching feeling of her releasing him and turning away, leaving him alone and helpless in the dark was more than he could bear. He howled her name, desperately trying to reach out to bring her back…
"Aunt Betty! He moved! I saw his hand move!" That was Justin's voice, so young and excited. Daniel struggled harder, he had to bring her back…just for a few moments more…come on you damn hand…move!
YES, she was coming back toward him; he could easily differentiate the three scents now, just at his right side stood Betty while Hilda and Justin were on his left. Her scent once more surrounding him, he felt his will to reach her grow, she needed him… He tried to make his lips say her name, his hand to move even a fraction…
"There! Did you see that just now!? He definitively moved!"
"Oh my God! We need to fetch the nurse, like, right now!"
Shiiiit! She was moving away…no. no. no, no, no...don't go…don't you dare….Betty…BETTY!
"Betty! Wait! He said you name!"
"Too late Mom, she's too far away. Why would Daniel Meade's first word after a coma be Aunt Betty's name?"
"Who knows baby! Maybe he heard or felt her around and tried to communicate. You remember what the doctor said to Betty? About how little is understood of what is going on in a patient head during coma? For all we known he was aware of everything since the first day without being able to reach out. The human mind is still a huge mystery."
Daniel was listening attentively, hoping for the first sound or smell heralding Betty's return. There was a small silence around his bed, then…
"Mom?"
"Yes, sweetheart?"
"Do you think Dad is like that now? That even if he's dead, he can still hear us and see us and know what happens to us?"
Hilda's emotional response was drowned in Daniel's reeling feeling of horrified surprise, enhanced by the waves of sorrow and pain coming hard from the two personal scents near his bed. Santos was dead? That explained so much…no wonder Betty was a mess. She would have to emotionally support both her sister and her nephew and with her father gone…was he still in Mexico? Maybe he was back…God how Daniel hoped Mr. Suarez was back! Betty could not handle all that by herself even as strong as she was! Damn it all to hell! He had to move, he was needed for once in his life and he was stuck in this godforsaken bed!
Suddenly, Betty was back along with a new scent that he had never smelled before…probably the nurse. He tried again to convey something to her; she had to know that she was not alone, that he was there for her, that he would not let her down ever again.
This time, he felt his hand tremble and switch to its side, and this time her name was slightly clearer.
Immediately, he felt her right beside him, "Oh my God, Daniel! Can you hear me? I know you can hear me. Hang on in there, okay? Everything will be alright. You're still weak so take it slowly…relax, your heartbeat is going crazy. Shhhh…it's okay, it's okay…I'm here and I'll stay here… You can sleep now; I promise I'll be here when you wake up. Everyone will be so happy to see you. Alexis and Becks are going crazy, they both hate hospitals so much. Your dad is worried and even Wilhemina dared meeting aging germs to come and see you. You should see your room; it's so full of get well cards, balloons and flowers…."
Daniel slowly let her scent and her voice wash away the frustration and just bask in her presence once more. He was so tired again. He have done it, he had found a way to keep her by his side for now. He knew she would be here the next time he came around. She promised and Betty always was dependable with things like that. Before the dark claimed him for what he hoped was the last time, he felt her hand in his and with only a minimal effort was able to squeeze it back.
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2 MONTHS LATER:
Daniel Meade was striding in the direction of his office at Mode magazine like every morning since he came back from the hospital almost three weeks ago, when he was stopped dead in his track by the most horrible odor he had ever had the misfortune to smell.
"Whoa! What's that smell? It's kinda disgusting!"
His assistant and best friend, Betty Suarez turned around from her desk to face him, "Smell? What smell? I don't smell anything."
The strangest thing after his coma, Daniel had soon discovered, was a sudden increase in his olfactory capacity. In other terms, he could smell a person he knew well half across a crowded room. Sometime it was a cool thing, especially for flirting, but mostly it was a major pain in the ass. Like right now, when he was the only one seemingly affected by that weird smell.
"Well, your damn lucky not to be able to because it's…it's…bad!" He took an experimental sniff and made a face. "Urg, especially since it seems to be coming from you, Betty!"
"Me?!" She squeaked, looking thoroughly horrified by the idea and starting to sniff herself all over…"I don't understand, my clothes are clean, I took my shower as usual…I'm so sorry, Daniel!" Knowing her boss new sensitivity to odors, she was very careful about her own corporal scent and was trying hard to understand what she must have missed to get this sort of reaction this morning.
Daniel cautiously approached her and sniffed again. "It's okay Betty, it's not an unclean sort of smell, don't worry about that…it's just a very ugly mix of...hmm.. roses, lilacs… and other things. Separately those are okay, both thrown together like this…" He backed out hastily to put some distance between her and his nose.
Looking first baffled, then chagrined, Betty slumped down on her chair. "I'm sorry, Daniel; I was out of shampoo this morning so I took Hilda's. She likes flower stuff. You never seemed to find it distasteful around her."
He shrugged half apologetically, "Well, I guess around her it's not that bad…and I'm probably exaggerating it, you know how sensitive I am about this now…but that smell just doesn't suit you…at all."
He went to the window to open it and let the cool autumn breeze wisp away some of the odor…it was giving him a headache already.
Daniel turned to his assistant when inspirations stroke, "You know what, Betty? Why don't you take the day off? You've been working your butt off these last weeks…and to show you how appreciative I am, here's a bonus! So you can go and buy a whole lot of your usual shampoo and be here tomorrow morning all rest up…and smelling like yourself again."
Content to have resolved the matter in a timely fashion, he went to his office to take off his coat and look at what the day had in store for him…unfortunately, Betty entered almost right on his heels.
"What?!" She positioned herself at her usual place in front of his desk with both her arms crossed. "I can't do that today, Daniel! Aren't you forgetting something?"
Daniel looked at her blandly while sitting back behind his desk, "Huh! Like what?"
Betty raised both her eyes and her arms up in the air in exasperation, "Like the Mustavio interview, Daniel!"
"You mean, it's today…today?!" Daniel started to panic…it was the first big interview and special designer issue that he would do since his accident and the whole world knew exactly what happened with his addiction and his overdose. He knew it has destroyed a lot of his credibility among the fashion world, and he cringed at the thought of having to try and get it back while letting them have their Daniel bashing fun.
"Don't worry Daniel, I have it all down to almost every second here for you…We've been through it together about a million time…just follow the plan. You'll see, everything will be fine and the issue will do great."
Daniel wondered who she was trying to convince most, him of herself.
"The meeting is at ten, right?" At Betty's nod, he rose and took his coat from his rack once more, "Well, I won't be able to do anything from now til then, so I'll take a walk to try and remember everything about our big plan…and since I'll be out, I might as well go and buy you some shampoo…I won't go another day with that smell all over the office. Just write me down what you need and I'll get it for you."
Five minutes later, he was purposely walking down the street toward the nearest drugstore where he hoped he would be able to fin Betty's usual brand of cheap apricot scented shampoo. He soon find it on the shelf and opening the bottle swiftly took an appreciating sniff over it…ahh that was much, much better. He had absolutely no idea why but the one person scent he was completely aware of, at every possible moment she was around, was Betty's. Maybe it was because she have visited him more than anyone else but Alexis while he was dead to the world in a coma, or because they said she was the one who brought him back, which she denied vigorously, or just because sharing their mutual pain had brought them closer than ever during his convalescence, he had no idea, but the fact remained that just the scent of her had the ability to soothe and calm him like nothing else could.
Putting back the cap on the bottle he took a decision and grabbed four bottles from the shelf. He would give her three, that should be enough for a while, and he would keep one for himself. It would become his special remedy for when he woke up in the middle of the night awaken by strange nightmares and desperately needing to call her…instead of disturbing her he could just take out the shampoo and smell her. It was not the same of course. Her scent was so much more than just a stupid shampoo…but still it would help. He quickly dismissed the half formed idea that having her in his bed would be much better access to her real scent…that was his old addiction talking; he was not going down that path again. That bottle would have to be enough.
Already feeling better, he went back to his job and his currently smelly assistant with his mind firmly focused on the day ahead.
- - - - - - - - - - -
Please, if you do hate it, and you have every right to do so, constructive critism is much appreciated…flames for flame's sake will be discarded. I'm doing this just as much for the learning process than for plain pure fun.
On another note, I'm currently in the process of writing something completely different…meaning something funny, a little crazy, with short sentences, lots of dialogues and action and a number of chapters and characters…at least that's what I'm trying to do. If the first chapters don't come out too bad, I'll try and load it for you pleasure…or deep horror… in a few weeks. Don't hold your breath though, it's way more difficult than I though it would be and even though the whole synopsis is written down, actually writing it the way I envisionned might prove to be impossible, or at least not within my actual capacity and talent. It's a lot of fun and I'm learning a lot about writing but it's also very frustrating. I still think I'm a little crazy to try doing this but I wanted to see if I could write in a completely different style that is not natural to me. So far chapter three is really giving me a headache… It's a challenge I willl struggle with until I either give you the best I can or realise the sad truth and lower my expectations to write less challenging stories….
