Donna Nobles wondered around in her room, unsure of what to do next. It had been a very long day, but it wasn't herself Donna worried about, it was the Doctor.
The hijacking of the Tardis, losing Martha, gaining a daughter, who apparently reminded him of his old children... He had had children. He'd lost them. Them and his entire family. How could she possibly claim that she knew him? He talked so much, even to much at times, but what kind of things did he really tell her? He'd seemed so happy for a moment. Gaining a daughter back. She was a lovely girl. And then Martha had joined then. They'd dropped her of about two hours ago. He'd told her he was fine, really. She didn't have to worry. He had said the same thing to her. That she didn't have to worry but that he needed to get some sleep since "the machine that had used him to create Jenny had limited his energyresources." Honestly, how thick did he though she were? "Limited his energyresources" The only thing it did was to scrape some blood from him. Donna doubted anyone in the universe would fall for that. She knew her friend was everything but alright. She seriously doubted she'd ever forget the look on his face when his last daughter slowly died in his arms. The sight of him holding her with tears in his eyes with a look of a man who'd just lost the last thing he held precious..., if the mental image nearly killed her, that what sort of horrible thing could it possibly do to him?
Feeling empty and miserable inside, Donna decided it was time to check on him again. She had been doing it all night, walking past his bedroom door, stopping outside, listening carefully. She hadn't heard a thing, it almost seemed like on one were in there. She strongly suspected that he pulled off the with silence, to hide his greaf behind it, but that one wasn't gonna fool her.
She decided to use another technique this time, so instead of walking into the kitchen area, she started to move towards the bathroom. She turned the shower on and waited for a couple of minutes, while watching the streem of water dancing on the floor. She felt worried. How was he doing? And even if she found him in a horrible state, would he have wanted her to be there? She didn't want to upset him even more, though deciding that he better cope with it.
Shower still on, she slowly sneaked through the Tardis towards the Doctors bedroom. It was the last one in the corridor, first one you saw if you headed up the stairs from the kitchenarea. She moved as quietly as she possibly could and soon reached his bedroom door. She carefully placed her ear towards it, not daring to breath, and listened. She could hear sobbing from the other side. At least sobbing was the closets word she possesed to describe it. It was like as he found it hard to breath, like if the emotions he failed to deal with nearly choked him and the sound nearly killed her. She knocked on the door. She miserable noise vanished at once. "Doctor?" she asked. "Are you alright?"
"Yeah," answer the Doctor, not very convincingly "yes I'm fine, of course I'm fine, why are you asking? Don't you feel fine? I'm sure you'll feel fine in the morning, just go back to your room and get some sleep, I'm sure everything'll be great morning. I like mornings, mornings are brilliant really..." He rambled on like never before, though there was something different with the way he sounded.
"Doctor!" Donna interested impatiently. "I'm coming in."
"What! No!" the Doctor protested, whit traces of panic in his voice.
"Well yes" Donna snapped. I'm opening the door in three, so you better be wearing pants and don't you dare use that flashy blue thing of yours against me!" He didn't answer. Donna opened the door. The room looked pretty empty of personal things for someone who actually spent their hole life in there. A bed, a small, dull wardrobe, a chair with some clothes thrown at and a writingdesk. Over the bed were a window, probably with the most extraordinarily view in the entire universe, stars and planets slowly drifting by. She looked at him. Not in her wildest dreams had she ever expected to find her friend in a state like this. His eyes were teary, batteling his mind, hair messier than useually, face red and swollen. He was wearing a pyjamas, white whit grey stripes, for a moment she though it reminded her of a stereotype of a little boy.
For once she didn't quiet know what to say. There eyes met for a long moment, his, red and teary, hers, worried and concerned. "Well, Spaceman. I'm must say that your alien definition of fine doesn't quiet match my impression of it." He gave her a look so filled whit sorry, she actually got tears in her eyes. He tried to wipe his swollen face whit his but he didn't quiet succeed.
"I'm so sorry Donna. I never wanted you to see me like this." he swallowed, voice shaking, continuing his failing attempts to wipe his faces clean. She smiled miserably towards him.
"You know, for being clever and all that, you can really be an idiot sometimes" She walked across the room towards him, blinking desperately, trying not to cry. She knew that if she did, he'd probably focus the entire situation on her. She settled on the corner of his bed and put her arms around him. "Come here. Don't worry. I'm here for you. Now come on!" he didn't say anything but crawled into her open arms, resting his head against her shoulder, his messy hair tickling her chin. She pulled him tightly, hugging him while tears started to ran down her cheeks. They sat in silence for a while. It could have been just a minute, it could have been for all eternity, Donna really didn't know.
The Doctor started to stroke her back. He smiled towards her, eyes still read and watery, but the usual spark had once again started to glow.
"Oh Donna, my wonderful Donna. How did I ever find someone like you?" he spoke, slowly regaining the tone of his usual voice.
"I was the one looking for you, remember?" she replied, a bit awkwardly. People complementing her usually made her feel uncomfortable, mostly because she didn't the things they say, also this wasn't about her, it was about him and she had to make sure it remained that way.
"Do you have any brothers or sisters?" he asked suddenly.
"No, I'm the only child" Donna replied, a bit confused. The Doctor remind silent for a while, continuing to pat her on the back. Then he spoke
"You took good care of her. Jenny I mean. She liked you."
"Why does that sound like such a surprise to you?" Donna cut off, feeling a bit uncomfortable about where this conversation was heading. She didn't wanted to discuss family or motherhood, especially not here with him. He had been married, he'd dune the children part, something she slowly started to give up on. For a second she felt like an old loser who'd given up on the familydream and escaped whit a ninehundred year old alien that had blasted her into space. She felt like someone just punched her. Swallowing her feelings, she met the Doctors eye. He'd readjusted, now sitting straight up, next to her, still with her arm around him. She sighed and lead her head against his shoulder. He drew her closer for a moment, like in he wanted to comfort her for reasons she wasn't sure of. "The three of us would make a good team" she spoke.
"Yeah, I guess" the Doctor said. "At least the two of you. You took really good care of her you know." He clunged her again.
"She took care of herself, I barely did a thing!" Donna protested. "Bit like her old man"
"Of course you did! You talked to her!"
"What a wonder, Jesus will probably send me a personal blessing for converting whit another human being, I mean time lords." she snapped.
"At least you took time to spend with her..." he mumbled.
"Oh don't you dare go there Spaceman!" Donna barked. "You were a bit occupied whit the saving our lives and bringing peace to two different populations!" he clunged her again.
"You helped with that."
"You convinced her that there is more out there" she insisted. "More then war and shooting and killing. For me, that's definitely worth some fatherpoints."
"You made her believe it" the Doctor insisted. They sat quiet for a while. "You'd be a really good mom" the Doctor said after a while.
"That better not be an offer Sunshine!" Donna barked, while her insides made an unpleasant turn. The Doctor laughed.
"Don't worry. You would though!" he continued seriously. "You'd be brilliant as a mom!" Donna sighed, determined to end this topic rather quickly.
"Please. I'd give them hell!" The Doctor laughed. She glared at him, but smiled when his smile faded. "Though I guess that ship has sailed, being in space and all." she say, sounding rather coldly. "Not that I mind, I love it out her!" she added quickly. "It's better than a life temping to bring up a bunch of toddlers anyway." He smiled at her whit greaf in his eyes. "One day you'll find someone." Donna laughed.
"You're forgetting that I'm not one of the usual twelveyearolds that usually comes with you!" The Doctor laughed aswell.
"They're not twelve! And trust me, I'm well aware of that!" she pulled back from his arm, giving him an angry look.
"Are you calling an old hag!" she shouted at him. He smiled at her, traces of tears still in his eyes. He grabbed her hand.
"I'm calling you special."
"You better!" Donna said, replacing her head on his shoulder. She sighed. "I guess... I guess it would have been nice. Having a family. But I'm convinced this is just as good." he held her hand tighter as they once again sat in silence. Donnas head started to hurt. She know what she'd given up, deciding to come travel whit the Doctor and she didn't necessarily regretted it. Still, she'd probably always wonder, probably always fair that one day, when everyone else were dead and gone. Would there be anyone left to love and remember her?
"How's it like?" she couldn't help asking him. "Being a parent?" The Doctor seemed to think about it. He seemed to have recovered and didn't quietly appreciated the development of the conversation. It was a Doctor that sounded very old and tiered that answered her.
"Oh Donna, it's probably the best feeling in the hole universe." he said, smiling dreamily.
"How many did you have?" Donna asked him, moving a bit closer. He went silent for a second.
"Two." he said after a while. "Well, part from Jenny. Two girls." Donna strongly suspected that this was a topic he wasn't very happy to discuss, however, she had a strong feeling that he needed to talk about it. Besides, he was the one that had pumped her on the motherhood thing, making it his turn to talk.
"How were they like? What were they called?"
"Time Lords doesn't name their dead. We call them temporary, symbolic names instead that reflects their personality." he said, sounding very old and tiered again.
"Like "The Doctor" she asked. He inhaled.
"Pretty much."
"So what did you called them then?"
"My oldest would probably be The Teacher. She was very curious, always longing after new things to read or learn and she always made others understand the things she'd come across aswell and my youngest died to young to ever reserve that kind of name." his voice sounded like it was about to break. She hugged him tighter.
"I'm sorry." she said, tears started to emerge in her eyes. The greaf in his voice hit her straight it the chest and for a second she felt hard to breath. How old was he? A thousand? They must have dead for over fivehundred years, yet he talked about him like it had been yesterday. Like he'd never recovered, even a little. He made a painful noise between laughing at a good memory and crying over one.
"She was so kind to every living thing. Used to collect all the insects when it rained to save them from drowning. Drove my wife crazy."
"I don't see why" Donna replied. It was ment to sound sarcastically but for once her voice failed her. He looked at her with tears in his eyes, wiping away a tear from her chin. They smiled at each other, both with tears in their eyes, though the Doctor seemed to be handling it better then she'd thought. It was like if the memory of his little girl caused him more happiness that greaf. "And..." she said slowly not sure if to continue the question, "what happened to them?" he sighed.
"My wife and youngest died pretty early on. The daleks came to our house" the Doctor told, now regaining the strength in his voice. I went downstairs to delay them, but a second troupe blasted down the entire backwall. My oldest managed to get out in the doorway. She watched her mother and sister die. They didn't have time to regenerate. They both got crushed when they blasted in a second wall and the roof fell down upon them. I caught my oldest and got out."
"You watched it? You watched them die?" Donna spoke in chock.
"Parts of it. I got my revenge on some of them. I was so outraged, a different man. At least I want to believe I was..." he said whit pain in his voice.
"Oh but you are!" She replied whit tears in her eyes. "You really proved that today. Back then, if that man had killed your daughter like he did today, wouldn't you have pulled the trigger? You saved two hole civilizations today. You should be pound of yourself." He cuckled.
"I wouldn't have been able to do it without you figuring out the date." "Yeah you would. Coming to the saving, it wasn't that big of a deal." Donna protested. To her surprise, he leaned forward and kissed her on the forehead, then placing his chin on top of her head.
"Oh Donna, my wonderful Donna," he sighed, "if only you could see how amazing you are." For some reasons his statement made her cry even more. "She lasted pretty long though. My oldest." he continued telling the story. Donna gripped his hand even harder. "Longer than anyone thought. She was one of the few that burned with the planet, facing it's last sunset. It was beautiful and it was probably the most horrible sight I've ever seen." his voice started to tremble. "And I was the only one left to watch it." the Doctor finished his story. Donna could feel how something wet hit her from above.
"I'm glad you told me." she said after a while. "I know I wouldn't." she said honestly. "Not even after a thousand years." she leaded against him. "I'm not leaving you Doctor. Not before I die. I'll stay and travel with you for the rest of my life."
"You lot always say that in the beginning." he replied. She snorted.
"Do you honestly believe it will be that easy to get rid of me? I thought you said I was different." she added, with sadness. He put both arms around her.
"You are." They sat like that for over an hour, quietly, comforting each other. It was nice to sit so close. Donna felt like if she was about to doze off. Suddenly the Doctor spoke. "Thank you Donna Noble."
"No worries Alienboy." she answered and yawned.
"You should get some rest" said the Doctor.
"You should get some rest!" stated Donna. The Doctor smiled towards her. He went quiet for a while. Donna felt unsure if she should walk away or not. For some reason she felt like crying. She felt like someone was eating her up from the inside, weak and unable to move.
"You could sleep in here if you want to." said the Doctor suddenly. "As friends. You know. If you'd like." he sighed. "I'd like if you staid" Donna looked at him whit surprise. It wasn't like him at al to say such a thing. She felt releafed, because she didn't feel very happy about spending the night along either.
"Yeah, of course I'll stay! Really, I'd like to!" He gave her a strange look.
"Are you crying?" he asked looking a bit confused, but smiling kindly towards her. She tried to gaze back and her eyes flooded whit tears. She'd realised something. All of the things she'd dreamt about, finding a nice bloke, getting married, getting kids, getting a great job whit a nice salary, making her mother feel pleased for once, all that was gone. She'd lost it. And even if she'd gained something even better, the absence of the things she'd lost still hurt. "What's wrong?" he said, wiping her tears of her chins.
"I just... I don't know. I just feel... Tiny." The Doctor kept smiling at her.
"Oh but you're not tiny Donna!" her eyes overflooded whit tears.
"I'm sorry..."
"Don't be!" the Doctor readjusted, laid down and started to move towards the wall so that she'd be able to ly next to him. He grabbed her hand. "Come here, now, alight, it will be fine" she laid down next to him and he put his skinny arm around her, sealing her of from the rest of the world. She could feel his chin against her forehead and of once in a very long while she felt secure in his arms. "Everything is gonna be fine."
The Doctor woke up a couple of hours later, his best mate resting on his arm. He laid next to her in the dark til the sunset from two two different stars slowly lightened up the room, watching her sleep. The sight of her made him smile. He could barely believe how lucky he was, having a friend like her.
