The Rogue Wave

The most important person in my life is an angst filled vessel. The S.S. Paradox, and I haven't a clue as to how to navigate. He is a brooding storm of emotions inside a once fine and sleek sailing craft now listing to one side.

I haven't found a lifeboat to sail to him. I am afraid he may drown. How long can he tread water and keep his head above the rising tide?

If he were swept away, I plunge in after him. I can't swim well, but what else can I do?

Would anyone else jump in to save him? I don't know, so I can't take the chance.

His intelligence and wit can draw others to him, but he keeps them at bay with crashing honesty and icy looks. "Come this close but no further. I may need you, but don't touch. You pull and I push. You turn port and I'll turn to starboard. That's how I keep my balance."

I have been trying to help him keep his balance for years now. There are times I think I am going to be pulled down with him. I know if it happened, I would go willingly.

He is a force of nature. He is a crystal day at the beach that's hiding a rogue wave. Cool water, and breeze that takes the sting away from a blinding hot day. But then the water rises, too fast to keep our feet on the sand. It knocks us down and turns us over and over to face God again and again. Where is salvation?

Looking into his azure blue eyes, I see an anchor. I grasp it. It says to me, "I am not at sea yet." I can take comfort in that. Not yet, maybe soon, but not yet. Thank God, there is still time!

I try to pull him close and it's all right for a moment. But then I can see sand dunes and wire fences going before me. No trespassing! Violators will be ignored.

I retreat to my position and climb back into my tower. I am the lifeguard on this stretch of shore. He'll forget I am up here after a while. He will redress himself in his careful façade. "There is nothing to see here citizens! Go back to your boring clueless lives."

I will stay here and watch for rip currents and rogue waves. That's my job.

His job is to tread water for as long as he can.