A/n: This idea has been in my head ever since the moment I saw the episode; a beautiful disaster. I love my Morcia, they're my OTP, but I definitely am game for Tarcia - they would make a great couple in my opinion. And I love Queer Penelope Garcia, because lets be honest she would be the perfect character for it. So this is a one-shot (might turn it into a multi, maybe) about what I wished would've happened after and in between the scenes after Tara and Penelope had their small talk in the hospital break room.
A/n2: Some of you may notice some differences in this chapter, but that's because I've decided to rewrite this story. Looking back I noticed there were a lot of errors and mistakes in the writing, so I wanted to rewrite it, to make it more readable. The only thing I'm going to change though about this story is the timeline, I'm going to alter it, and the reason for that is that I thought the story was too fast paced and I want to slow it down. Besides that nothing has changed, the storyline is still the same, and I haven't added anything new. So as to not make this author's note even longer with more babbling, lets get reading!
Disclaimer: I don't own anything, not the characters, not the show - nothing expect this plot bunny!
''Hey, that thing have hot cocoa'' Tara asked as she walked into the hospital breakroom, making Penelope look up and nod silently at her, ''That's what I'm getting'' she replied, her voice quiet and emotional.
''Make it two'' Tara said, as she made the last few steps to her co-worker. Her eyes following Garcia's hands as she took the styrofoam cup, filled with the hot liquid, out of the machine and handed it over to her, their fingers brushing briefly against each other.
''Thanks'' Tara said softly, a hint of concern lacing it making it sound like her voice hitched a bit. She kept her eyes trained on the blonde, looking intently at all the emotions that painted her face, although one was clearly the dominant one - worry.
''How're you holding up'' she asked, as the warmth of her cup seeped through the material of it and into her hands, the feeling welcoming to her cold hands.
Garcia looked up the moment Tara asked her this, her face even more distraught than a few seconds ago, ''I've never seen him like this'' she told her, a new batch of tears forming in her eyes, and she didn't even try to keep them in anymore ''And I wanna fix it, but I can't. It's too much for anyone, and it's not fair. It needs to stop''.
Tara's eyes softened even more at this side of the tech she hadn't seen before yet. She wanted to comfort her and find those specific words that would make her laugh, or even let a small smile grace her lips, but there weren't any, all she could let out right now was a small and silent ''Yeah'' of agreement. Nothing in her vocabulary came close to having the ability to ease Penelope's mind and she knew that, so she settled for the small 'yeah' and kept on looking at her. And if she hadn't she would've missed the inhale and exhale of a small breath, that seemed to mean a lot, and when she followed Penelope's gaze she understood completely why.
As Morgan walked past the break room window Garcia couldn't let herself look at him for long, if she would she knew there was going to be the ugly cry and so much more. She couldn't do that right now, all she had to focus on now was to catch the SOB that had harmed Savannah and the baby inside of her. So she let her gaze wander to the otherside of the room, meeting Tara's worried eyes once before turning away, as tears trickled down her cheeks. Tara again knew that there was no way she could comfort her, but that didn't stop her mind from trying to find words that could make her feel better. That could make a beautiful smile appear on her lips. But nothing came to mind, so she kept looking on and hoped that this was over soon, so Penelope could turn to her lovely and upbeat self again.
After the small talk between the two women they went back to work, trying their hardest to catch the Unsub and bring safety to the small family that was still in danger. It wasn't long before Derek fled the hospital, and Penelope got the news from the doctors that Savannah needed an emergency c-section. Everything went by in a whirlwind and didn't settle down until they caught the Unsub, Derek rushed to the hospital - followed close by the team - and they all settled down in the waiting area for news on the baby and mother.
Tara was the first one to arrive in the waiting area and saw Penelope sitting alone, worried looking on at the closed doors that seperated her from the chaos going on behind them.
''Hey'' the brunette said softly, sitting down in the only empty seat beside Penelope.
''Hi'' a small smile painted the blonde's lips, but it soon faltered.
''You okay'' Tara raised both her eyebrows, looking from one eye to the other, as she saw Garcia let out a sigh and slump back against the seat.
''I'm slightly better'' she shrugged, ''I'm glad we caught that son of a bitch, and that Derek's here to see his child being born, but it's been a rough couple of hours. Everything has just been a bit too much''.
''Yeah'' Tara laid a hand on top of Penelope's in a comforting motion, ''I think sleep will do everybody good tonight''.
''You think'' Penelope looked up to Tara, a teasing glint in her eyes and a smile now much brighter on her face, which made the brunette let out a chuckle - glad that she could make the bubbly blonde at least smile again.
After sitting in silence for a bit Penelope bit her lip, as she could still feel the weight of Tara's hand on hers, ''Thank you for comforting me'' she said softly, ''Not just now, but through this whole case'' she added, clarifying what her words meant.
''It's what we have to do right'' Tara smiled softly, ''We need to keep each other sane, and make sure no one has a mental breakdown because of a case'' she said.
''I guess...'' Garcia smiled tightly at her now, after hearing that she only did this because she thought she had to do it, ''But still...you didn't have to do it, it's not your responsibility''.
''I know'' Tara nodded, ''But what was it that JJ said: as a team we not only are co-workers but also family, and you do everything for your family to keep them safe and looked after''.
''That sounds a lot like Jayje, yeah'' Penelope said with a chuckle, instantly feeling some tension leave her body because of it.
''What sounds a lot like me'' JJ's voice interrupted their conversation, making the two look up to the rest of the team, minus Morgan, walking up to them.
''Hi guys'' Tara greeted them with a smile.
''So...what's this thing about me and what I say?'' JJ looked from Penelope to Tara and back, waiting for a response.
''Just something about family and being there for each other'' Penelope explained with a shrug, which made her realize that her hand was still underneath Tara's. She slowly, and thought unknowingly, pulled her hand from underneath the brunette's, but just when she had her hand back she thought she heard Tara clear her throat, and saw the other woman look at their hands out of the corner of her eyes, which made Penelope frown. Tara only put her hand on hers for comfort, right? Nothing more, right?
''Yeah, that does sound like me'' JJ agreed with a nod of her head, interrupting Penelope's thoughts, making her look back up to her friends who all stood in a circle around them now, all of them waiting on news on the baby.
Penelope shook her thoughts away from the weird hand thing and brought her attention back to her friends and the conversation going around. No need to overthink something that's not there, right?
So they talked for a while, bringing up happy memories, and making each other laugh. Making them forget all about the horrible things that led up to this moment. It felt nice that they could be like this again, that they could relax and not worry about anything for a bit. Although they knew that this was probably for only a short period of time, because monday morning will roll around soon enough with a new case and new stress. But for now they were care-free, and JJ was completely right about one thing; they were definitely not only colleagues, but they were their own created family, something that made Tara feel happy and safe at the same time.
After Derek announced that he got a son and accepted all the hugs coming at him, it seemed like Garcia was out of the funk Tara saw her in not even minutes ago, but something told her that it was only a facade to keep her emotions at bay. She wasn't going to push the woman though, it wasn't her place, so she pushed it to the back of her mind, although she kept an eye on her.
After seeing the baby boy and congratulating Savannah, they all set to get home. It had been a long day, and the whole team was exhausted from all the events that had happened in the past hours. Penelope hung behind a bit, soaking up the last bits of the happy couple and their son, before stepping away and leaving them alone.
She was extremely happy for them, she really was, but there was still this nagging feeling she couldn't place - something that felt a lot like her own internal clock that was ticking away. She shook it away though, she still had enough years to settle down and have children of her own, but seeing her team - her family - having it all, was getting to her a bit lately. Not because she was jealous, or not happy for them, but rather that she wondered why it had never happened for her.
And she knew she never felt strongly enough to marry someone, let alone have children with them, but she sometimes wondered why. Why no one walked into her life that made her feel like walking on clouds, made her feel full of love and light. She never felt it with Kevin, she never felt it with Sam, and she definitely never felt it for any of the people who came before and after them. So what was wrong?
And for a while she had let it go, especially after Kevin and her broke up, and her relationship with Sam didn't go anywhere. She was tired of failed relationships after that, and she told herself that she needed to live for herself now - make a good life for herself on her own. And for a couple of years she took her own advice seriously, and she was somewhat happy in those years, but somewhere between then and now something changed. She doesn't know what did, or how it changed, she just knew something had changed, and because of that old feelings surfaced again. Feelings of wanting a spouse, feelings of wanting a family, and basically having feelings of wanting to have the happily ever after life. But for that she first needed to find someone worthy of all of that.
So with a sigh Penelope took one last glance at the happy couple and their brand new baby boy, before she closed the hospital door behind her, and left the happy couple to enjoy these moments as a family alone.
Turning around, so she could leave, she let out a yelp when she suddenly stood eye to eye with Tara, not having expected that.
''Gosh...you scared me'' the blonde breathed out, a hand on her chest to settle her racing heart.
''I'm sorry'' Tara immediately apologized, ''I didn't meant to''.
''I know, I know. Don't worry'' Penelope waved the apology away, before she cocked her head and looked up to the taller woman with a small frown, ''Why are you actually still here?'' she questioned.
''Wait...'' Penelope's eyes widened as she realized how that sounded, ''That wasn't how I meant it'' she said, ''I really didn't mean it like that...I'm just surprised tha-''.
''Hey, hey...slow down'' Tara chuckled, cutting her off, which made Garcia shut her mouth and purse her lips into a thin line, ''I just thought I'd wait for you, to make sure you were fine and so you didn't have to walk out alone'' she explained her reasons to stay.
Penelope's face softened at that, the woman really was remarkable and marvelous, as she had called her when they met many months ago, ''That's sweet of you, but I'm fine'' she reassured the brunette.
''You sure?'' Tara eyed her, which got her a nod in return, ''Okay'' she nodded, ''But for my own peace of mind can I give you a ride home?'' she asked, ''I know you came with the rest, but they're all already gone, and to wait on a taxi when I can drive you sounds unnecessary''.
''Yeah, of course you can drive me home'' Penelope told her, a soft smile forming on her lips.
''Good'' Tara smiled back.
The both of them first walked to the room where they had worked from, to pick up their bags, before leaving the building.
''Here, let me take that'' Tara said, gesturing to the second bag Penelope was struggling with carrying.
''You don't have to'' Garcia said, as she slowed down in the hospital hallway.
But Tara wouldn't have it, ''Gimme'' she said, extending out her right hand so the blonde could hand over the bag to her.
''All right'' Penelope relented, handing over the much heavier bag than the one that already hung from her shoulder.
''Damn'' Tara let out, as the weight of the bag was now hanging from her hand, ''Did you pack bricks or something'' she asked as they made their way outside into the night, a few stars and the moon shining upon them - lighting the way to Tara's car.
Penelope giggled, this wasn't the first time someone mentioned the weight of her bags, everyone on the team had already made their remarks on them way before Tara, ''Sometimes'' Penelope joked, ''Just so my lovely handsome Chocolate Thunder will carry them for me''.
''Tease'' Tara shook her head with a chuckle, although she liked the nature of Garcia's humor.
''You know it, Chocolate Angel'' Penelope winked, which she shocked herself with a bit. She was the flirting kind, hell the conversations between Morgan and her could be called on the border of phone sex sometimes, but she hasn't been this bold with Tara yet. She hadn't even given the woman a nickname yet, she always called her Tara or Agent Lewis. So this was definitely something new.
''Chocolate angel, húh'' Tara raised an eyebrow, an amused look covering her face.
''Uhmm...'' Penelope didn't know what to say, ''It just slipped out...'' she said, not knowing if Tara was comfortable or uncomfortable with the name calling.
''Well...'' Tara said, as she thought about the nickname, and couldn't find any reason to not like it, ''I like it'' she said, her lips turning up into a small smile.
''You do?'' Penelope said slowly, coming to a halt infront of Tara's car.
''Yeah, why wouldn't I'' Tara said with a shrug, not being faced by it, ''I've actually been waiting for you to finally give me a nickname''.
''Seriously'' Garcia said incredulously, having never known that.
''Of course'' Tara said, ''After I heard the way you've been talking to everyone on the team, I felt a little bit left out'' she explained her reasons.
''You really are marvelous, you know that'' Penelope's face split into a grin.
''I know'' Tara said with a wink, as she unlocked her car.
''Oh...don't get cocky now'' Penelope smirked, as she dumped her bags onto the backseat, before getting into the car herself.
''Wouldn't dream of it'' Tara teased back, as they drove away.
Arriving at Penelope's apartment building, Tara parked her car in a spot and cut off the engine. Penelope looked up to her apartment window as she undid her seat-belt, before turning her head and facing her colleague, ''Do you wanna come up for a drink?'' she asked, not wanting the night to end yet, and not wanting to be alone yet either.
''Yeah sure, why not'' Tara replied with a nod of her head.
Both women got out of the car and Tara followed the blonde up the stairs of the building, all the while looking around her. This was an unfamiliar side of town she hadn't been before, so she took the time to memorize where she was. If it came down to her, this wouldn't be the first and last time she would step foot here.
Penelope unlocked the door and let Tara through before following behind her. They took the stairs to the first floor and came to a halt infront of Garcia's frontdoor.
''Welcome to my humble abode'' Penelope said as she walked through the door into the apartment, leaving the door open for Tara to walk in behind her. Penelope dumped her keys into the bowl that stood on a side-table beside her frontdoor, before taking off her coat and shoes.
It was late at night, so it was dark when Tara stepped foot for the first time into the apartment. She watched Penelope take off her coat and shoes, before watching her make her way around the room, turning on lights one by one, the room coming into view fully now. Tara's eyes gazed around the small space, and looked at all the things scattered around, everything screaming Penelope Garcia. Which made Tara laugh internally, because she didn't expect anything less from a magnificent woman like her.
''All right'' Penelope said, dumping her bag beside the couch, before turning around and looking over at the brunette, ''Why don't you make yourself at home and I'll get us something to drink, okay''.
''Yeah, sounds good'' Tara replied with a soft smile, following Penelope into the kitchen with her eyes, before turning her gaze back on the livingroom where she still hadn't moved an inch. So she first closed the frontdoor, having completely forgotten to do that after the moment she walked in, before walking further into the apartment. She dropped Penelope's bag, the one she had been carrying for her, next to the blonde's other ones on the ground by the couch.
Tara was about to sit down on the couch when she heard strange noises coming from the kitchen, which made her frown and wonder what was going on, and wonder what the hell Garcia was doing besides getting them drinks. So instead of sitting down she started following the sounds.
''What are you doing?'' Tara furrowed her brows when she watched Penelope reach up to something high in the cabinets.
''I've got some good wine up there, but I'm too short to reach it'' Penelope explained as she tried reaching higher, but only the tips of her fingers reached high enough to touch the bottle.
Tara, not thinking twice, walked up behind Penelope and reached over her, taking the bottle from its place and putting it down infront of Penelope on the counter, ''Here you go'' Tara said with a smile, as she moved away from behind the blonde.
''Thank you'' Penelope's cheeks flushed a scarlet red, which she wrote off as coming from trying to get the bottle, instead of the beautiful woman's front almost touching her back.
''Why is it up there anyway, if you can't reach it?'' Tara questioned leaning against the opposite counter, as Penelope busied herself with getting a corkscrew and two wine glasses.
Penelope felt the warmth finally fading away from her cheeks and turned around, silently hoping that her face didn't give away that she was definitely affected by what just happened, before answering the other woman, ''It's up there because the last time Reid was here he didn't think about putting these things'' holding up the wine bottle, ''on my height level. He thought it was funny putting it all the way up there'' she said, pointing to the cabinet where it came from.
''That's what you get when you let tall people into your house'' Tara joked.
''Ha ha ha'' Penelope mocked, handing over the wine bottle to the brunette, ''Very funny'' the blonde said, as she picked up the glasses and corkscrew from the counter, before walking out of the kitchen and into the livingroom, Tara following her.
''I am funny'' Tara stated, putting down the bottle on the coffeetable before taking a seat on the couch, making herself comfortable.
''Getting cocky again, I see'' Penelope teased as she undid the cork of the bottle before pouring the liquid into the two waiting glasses. Handing one over to Tara after she was done, before picking up her own glass and sitting down next to brunette.
''Only to tease you'' Tara replied with a smile, before taking a sip from her glass - savoring the taste, ''This is really good wine'' she said, as a soft appreciative moan left her mouth.
''What can I say, I know my alcohol'' Penelope said, ''And I don't settle for anything less than the best'' she added with a smile, before taking a sip from her own glass.
''Well...I'm very grateful for that, because this is delicious'' Tara said looking at Penelope over the top of her glass, before taking another sip, her taste buds having the time of their lives at the moment.
The pair sat there for a bit just sipping from their glasses, silence falling between them. But it wasn't and awkward silence, although Penelope sort of had expected that. After all Tara and her never had get together's before like this, not like the girls and her, or Derek and her.
Thinking about Derek, Penelope found herself drifting off into her own thoughts, her mind slowly starting to wrap around the fact that life was changing. Her Hotstuff had a family of his own now; a gorgeous wife and a beautiful son. And she was extremely happy for him, don't get her wrong, but she also knew that change wasn't her strongest point. She had a tough time getting used to new things, especially when those things have been in her life for so long.
But Penelope knew that change was coming and that nothing could stop it, and she also knew that her best friend didn't want anything more than to just be there for his family, to provide for them, to take care of them, and see his son grow up. And those thoughts led her to eventually figure out that there's a huge chance that Derek's going to leave the BAU, something she doesn't know if she'll be prepared for. Her heart ached slightly at the thought of not seeing Derek, or talking to Derek almost everyday anymore, but she couldn't be selfish like that, the man has his own life now and needs to do what is best for him and his family.
''Hey, what are you thinking about?'' a soft voice interrupted Penelope's thoughts, making her look up from her glass, ''You've been far, far away for the past five minutes'' Tara added with a chuckle, when she noticed that she had caught the blonde's attention.
Letting out a sigh Penelope bit her bottomlip, as she thought about how she could best describe what she was thinking about, and the feelings that came with that, ''I...I was just thinking about Derek'' she said.
''What about Derek?'' Tara asked, not understanding why Penelope's expression would look like that when all these happy things were happening to Morgan. The blonde should be happy for her best friend right, not feel gloomy.
''Just things'' Penelope shrugged, not really elaborating.
Tara watched the emotional turmoil going on, on Penelope's face and thought back to the last couple of days and it finally dawned on her, how could she not have figured this out sooner - it was so obvious, ''You're in love with him, aren't you?''.
Penelope's head shot up and she looked straight over at Tara with a deer caught in headlights expression, ''W-what no...I'm not'' the blonde shook her head.
''Oh...I'm sorry'' Tara immediately apologized, realizing she was completely wrong, ''I thought with everything, and the way you're acting'' she said, trying to explain why she thought that in the first place, ''I'm sorry, I shouldn't have assumed''.
''You didn't completely assume wrong'' Penelope said, ''Because at one point I was, I really was in love with him, but some things are just not meant to be. As you can see''.
''I can see that, but you guys have been good friends way longer than Savannah and him are together'' Tara frowned, ''Why haven't you ever told him? There was plenty of time before Savannah came into his life, right?''.
''There was'' Penelope nodded, ''But I never told him because I never thought I stood a chance'' she said honestly, ''I saw the women he was after and they were nothing like me, they were always like Savannah''.
''But that doesn't mean that he couldn't have been into you'' Tara said matter of fact.
''I know'' Penelope nodded, ''But, you know, insecurities'' she said with a sarcastic laugh.
''I understand'' Tara said softly, still having some battles of her own when it comes to insecurities.
''So, yeah, that's definitely the biggest reason I never told him'' Penelope sighed, taking another sip from her drink, ''And eventually, about two or three years ago, I just let it go. I gave up'' she said, ''And you know what they say, sometimes dreams should just be that - dreams''.
''Maybe'' Tara shrugged, ''But don't you ever think about what could've happened. What could've been?'' Tara wondered. If she were in love with someone she at least would want to know what her options were.
''I do'' Penelope replied with a nod of her head, ''I've thought about the life Derek and I could've had, what our future would've looked like. But I can see that whatever I thought he and I could've had, Savannah and him now have, including so much more'' she said, ''So I've accepted it because life isn't a fairytale, you don't always get what you want''.
''That's completely true'' Tara sighed, as she could relate to everything her friend just said.
''So...there's your answer'' Penelope said, her lips curling up into small but soft smile, ''And, you know, a part of me will always love him, but it's not enough anymore to not move on and find someone that makes me as happy as Savannah makes him''.
''That's pretty selfless of you'' Tara told her, admiring the beautiful blonde next to her, she never met someone quite like her and for some reason it does something to her emotions, ''I know enough people that would do anything for love, even though the person they're in love with doesn't want them'' she said. She has been too long in this line of work to see what love can do to- and with a person. Horrible things have been done in the name of love. And she knows Penelope is not like that, the woman isn't crazy, but it's selfless in her eyes to let go of someone just so they can be happy.
''I know, have you seen our job'' Penelope snorted, which made Tara chuckle, ''I just don't want to interfere in someone's happiness, and Derek's happiness is much more important than whatever I'm feeling for him''.
''You're one of the few than, especially in this period of time'' Tara said.
''That's because I know better, and those lousy- or crazy people who aren't like that just think they're the best, and that they should get whatever they want. But they will eventually realize that the world doesn't revolve around them, we're just one of the few that are already there'' Penelope said, before throwing back the last bit of her wine, feeling herself completely relax for the first time since she woke up this morning. Talking to someone about this definitely did wonders for her.
''Those are wise words, M'Lady'' Tara said, clinking her glass with Garcia's empty one before drinking the last bit from her glass too.
''Starting with the nicknames now too, húh'' Penelope teased, pouring some more wine in both of their glasses. They had the next day off because of the hectic case, and she was going to take as much advantage of that as she could.
''Only because you started it'' Tara replied with a smile, never having realized how comfortable she was around Penelope, ''You do realize I still have to drive home, right'' the brunette chuckled when her glass was refilled almost to the brim.
''Don't worry about it, just crash here'' Penelope said with a shrug, ''You're not the first nor the last person that has stayed here because they were too drunk after a movie night, or a get together''.
''Only if you don't mind'' Tara made sure that she wasn't intruding.
''Of course not. I wouldn't have offered if I minded, would I'' Penelope reassured her that she didn't mind at all.
''I guess you're right'' Tara smiled.
''I am right'' Penelope said matter of fact, as she put down the now half empty wine bottle on the coffeetable, ''It would actually be nice to have someone here tonight, so I'm not alone'' Penelope averted her eyes, not sure how the other woman was going to pick that up, because, honestly, she didn't even know herself. She just knew that she wanted Tara to be there, that it felt right to have her there.
''Well...than it looks like I'm staying'' Tara's smile softened, as she kept her eyes intently on Penelope. Both feeling that those words meant more than just one night, and feeling that it meant more than they both could comprehend and wrap their minds around at the moment.
