A/N: Another Zabby fic! I wrote this while I was feeling particularly sad and lonely, and pining after someone, so that influenced this. I also wrote it in such a way as to make sure it was unclear as to whether this was in Ziva or Abby's point of view. I felt like I didn't even really know, and I wanted to leave up to your interpretation. I thought that might be interesting. So maybe let me know in a review who's point of view you thought it was? I'd really like that.

Disclaimer: Nope.


He is tall and handsome and good at being seductive, and has a nice smile, and gorgeous eyes. He's always got a wisecrack up his sleeve, and he never fails to make everyone laugh. He is a good friend, and probably a good lover. He is confident, and has just the right amount of 'dork' in him for it to be endearing. He knows he's got her right where he wants her (right where you wish you had her), and you hate him for it.

It almost feels like a joke, the way you pine for her, and she pines for him. It's got a macabre humour to it, that you want her more than is healthy, and that she is entirely oblivious to it in a way that infuriates you and keeps you up at night. You want her to know how you long for her, but you know that she would not long for you, so you keep quiet, and suffer your sentence in silence.

You're sure you did something to deserve this, perhaps in a previous life. Maybe this is karma's form of a Gibbs' smack, rebuking you for what you've done or said wrong, punishing you in the most perfect way to cut to the quick.

He's got her on a metaphorical leash, and she'll follow him anywhere, even though you know she'd never, ever admit to it. He smiles at her, and you watch her melt, and your heart burns with sharp jealousy, and your blood boils with hot anger.

It wasn't always like this. There once was a point in time when you weren't always angry, or jealous, or vindictive. In the beginning, your feelings made your blood burn, but not with anger. Your smiles used to be sincere, and you had a hope that you could have a chance with her. You were naïve. Your newly awakened heart blinded you to the obvious facts that you were usually so accomplished at finding, even (especially) when others could not.

But slowly you began to see. You began to see that they she smiled at him was very different from your smile, the one she used just for you. You noticed the way she practically turned to putty when he turned him charms on her. You observed how they flirted shamelessly, and how she enjoyed it, and it made your heart throb uncomfortably in a way it never had before.

Your feelings began to twist and contort, color all your past interactions with her with an unpleasant tinge. You became cynical, and bitter, and sarcastic, because you knew that she preferred him to you (not that you can blame her, you wouldn't choose you either- damaged goods and all). You became a person you never thought you'd ever be, even after all you'd gone through, all because of her, but you aren't willing to let her go. You aren't physically capable of letting her go.

You've become sad and angry, and she hasn't noticed. She's oblivious to you.

It almost feels like a joke that your entire being is focused on her, and she can't spare a glance for you, away from him. The universe has a dark sense of humour, you think.