Alice,
I know this is stupid. I know you don't check your old e-mail anymore. I know that and I feel dumb writing to a ghost, but I need someone to talk to. So...here goes nothing.
Today was kind of a blur. I mean I don't remember much of what happened. I'm sort of in my own little world these days, you know? No, of course you don't know. How could you? Unless you're still keeping an eye on my future. Are you? Do you even care? I don't think so. You're gone and in your own little world now, huh? You have the love of your existence and he loves you back. You have your brothers and sister and 'parents' and stuff. I get it. Why would you think of me? You do remember me, right? Little old Bella Swan from little old Forks. Yeah, hi. I'm still alive.
I'm sorry if I am coming off as bitter. I think I might be mad at you. I'll let you know when the numbness fades. If it fades, I should say. I actually kind of enjoy the numbness. It's way better than the heartbreak. Dang, the heartbreak. Now there's something to write home about. I had no idea a heart could actually break, but mine did. Over and over and over again. Imagine having your heart ripped into two pieces, then three, then four, then five. It's even more painful than James' bite. That's not even me being melodramatic so don't roll your eyes at me. I'm the one hurting here.
Hey, human feelings are inconsequential, right? They'll fade with time. Right now, however, they're fresh wounds that just keep ripping back open every time I think about...all of you. I may only be human but you all were my family and you kicked me to the curb like I was nothing more than a used piece of tissue paper. It doesn't matter what species you are – human, vampire, dog – it all hurts the same when you're treated like trash.
I guess that's enough whining for one day. I hope I didn't bore you too much.
Truly,
Bella
p.s. Tell Edward I say hi. You know, if he's not too distracted.
