A dangerous game

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the following characters in the following story, as the rightful author owns them. Any writer can use any other character created by me that appears in this story.

Chapter 1: Setting up the board

Marvin Threefoot, newly appointed Librarian's assistant, was walking down the hallway to the Library late one night. He was carrying a large pile of books, there spines all twisted and broken.

"This is not what I want to do for the rest of my life", he muttered to himself sulkily.

The thing about Marvin is that he is not a very tall man. Neither is he attractive, nor does he show any potential as a wizard. He has one good thing going for him. He can talk to the books.

"Why must my brother get all the glory? Lucrisius this, Lucrisius that. What makes him so wonderful?"

Lucrisius Threefoot was the most talented wizard the Unseen University had seen in the past three centuries. Lucrisius became a full wizard in just one year. He can comprehend the most technical aspects to magic by just looking at it. The man is so to say a genius. He is currently working directly under Ponder Stibbons.

"Oh blooming hell! Why is this door closed? Oi! Open up!" Marvin shouted as he kicked on the old wooden doors of the Library.

From the other side a leathery scraping could be heard, and the door opened up. Standing inside the door was the Librarian. He held a hand to his mouth as he gave a wide yawn.

Marvin peered around the pile of books he carried at the Librarian, "You were sleeping, weren't you? You make me walk all the way to the Lecturer of Recent Runes office to get these blasted books, just so that you could take a nap. That's fair for you"

"Ook ook, ooook" the Librarian replied sleepily.

"Just resting your eyes? What do you think I am, some kind of river algae? Listen, you can't just order me around like you own me!"

"Eek ook"

"Librarian Assistant or not, that was just plain bad sports!"

"Ook ook, ook ooook eek" the Librarian said comically. The books rustled on there chains.

"Oh hardy har har, very funny. Now while your awake, help me fix these books. They have been complaining about back pain since I picked them up"


Arch Chancellor Ridcully was stainding behind his desk. He had his sleeves rolled up, a Howandaland throwing axe in each hand, and he was blindfolded. On the other side of the room was the Bursar. To be more precise, he was pinned to the door by five Howandaland throwing axes. On top of his head sat an orange.

"Bursar! Did that one hit. Can't see a thing through this blindfold! Just the way I like it!"

"Mothballs and Jellybeans makes a good ear paste!" the Bursar said crazily.

"Bursar! If you move about, I won't hit the orange! Now hold still!" Ridcully ordered as he hefted another throwing axe.

Ridcully threw the axe with ferocious might at the Bursar. The angle was perfect, the speed was right. It was going to hit the orange at last. The door burst open and Ponder Stibbons stormed in. The door hit the wall with some force.

"Oof! Jangley jumbles and a spot of Mr. Weasel!"

"Arch Chancellor! We have a major crisis! HEX is AAAAH!" He screamed as the axe took his hat off.

Ridcully pulled off his blindfold and peered at Ponder, "What is it Stibbons? Can't you see I'm working!?" he bellowed.

Ponder shakily got to his feet and patted his head nervously, "Good, all there"

"You're wasting my time Stibbons!"

"S- Sorry sir!" Ponder stammered, but then remembered why he came in the first place.

"Sir! Something terrible has happened in the world! HEX is going absolutely crazy! It won't stop writing magical phenomena equations for the calculation of the paranormal space time derivative…"

"Stibbons! Get to the point!" Ridcully bellowed.

"Um. HEX's hamsters have stopped traditional folk dancing and have started to bang their heads and stamping their feet, almost as if they were listening to Death Music with Rocks in"

Ridcully looked quite puzzled for a moment, "HEX has dancing hamsters?"

"Why, yes sir! Six of them, they appeared about a week ago and…"

"Fascinating, I'm sure, but what the blazes is this "something terrible?""

"As far as I could make out, something with enormous power actually figured out the final integration factor to Helmutt's equation for dimensional traveling and…"

"Stibbons"

"Something ripped a hole in reality, entered through it and closed it"

"Something? Like one of Dibbler's sausages come to life"

Ponder thought about the possibility of this ever happening. He determined that it was quite possible and shuddred.

"I am afraid not sir, this is something far worse according to HEX"

"Where is it now?" Ridcully asked as he put on his cloak and hat

"Somewhere in Ankh-Morpork sir. Hex is trying to locate it"

Ridcully picked up his staff and marched out the door, "Gather the rest of the Faculty and meet me in the High Energy Magic Building. And bring the Bursar, he's behind the door"

"Y- Yes sir"

"Auntie Spoon! Whobley tea and a whoopsie!"


Corporal Nobbs and Sergeant Colon were standing on the Brass Bridge. Nobby was having a smoke, and Sgt. Colon was eating a pastry. The fog that flowed out of the river was thick, and became steadily thicker. The half moon gave off just enough light to illuminate most figures. Nobby took a deep pull on his cigarette, and blew out a steady stream of smoke.

"You know something Sarge, I don't understand women at all"

"Don't worry Nobby, most men don't" Sgt. Colon said, spraying pastry.

"Really?"

"Most of the time Nobby, take it from a married man"

"Well, one thing I don't understand is why won't women go out with a dis-teen-gu-ished gentleman like myself? I mean, I know how to dance, I know the finer arts of entertainment and I had a drink of sherry with most of the big nobs"

Sgt. Colon grimaced as he heard this. Everything Nobby said was true to a certain degree.

"Some off the girls I asked out said that they were busy, others said that they already had boyfriends, but most of them told me to jump into the Ankh. I can't do that! It's hard enough just trying to not walk on it most of the time. You know Floria from the herb shop, the one with the big ears? She says that people would look differently at me if I could just cure my skin disease. Now I ask you Sarge, do I have a skin disease?" Nobby asked as he looked at his arms and hands.

Nobby didn't really have a disease, but the state of his skin could be viewed as a disease itself, and Sgt. Colon knew this. Sgt. Colon finished the pastry he was eating and tightened his belt.

"Out of personal hex-pe-rience Nobby, I can say that Klatchian coffee will cure and clean anything it is applied to"

"How do you know this Sarge?"

"I caught something nasty when we were in Klatch and the missus didn't like what she saw in bed… I mean, how do you think young Carrot keeps his breastplate and sword so clean?"

"Cor Sarge! I never thought about that!"

"That's right Nobby, old Sarge knows best"

The mist parted to reveal a figure walking towards them. Somehow the moon's rays seemed to focus on him. The faint sound of creaking leather filled the air. It slowly came closer. The figure wore black leather boots. Boots of superior craftsmanship, made from the purest and finest leather. They were so superbly made that light and dust never seemed to settle on them, always deflecting or gliding off. The man wore Prussian blue pants, which was buckled by a leather belt with a silver belt buckle. He wore a white, silk, button shirt with a midnight blue tie beneath a Prussian blue waistcoat. Draped across his broad shoulders was a huge, black coat, hanging to the floor. He had black, leather gloves on. In one hand he held a golden pocket watch, and with the other he put on his Prussian blue, bowler hat. Nobby and Sgt. Colon watched him approach.

"Good evening…" the man began, but paused to look them over before continuing, "…officers"

"Good evening sir" Nobby and Sgt. Colon greeted simultaneously before the man walked on, his ponytail streaming out behind him.

"Rich fop" Nobby said when he was sure that the man was out of sight.

Sgt. Colon finally let out a breath of relief, "That, was not a fop Nobby"

"Of course it was Sarge, who else can afford such clothes in Ankh-Morpork?"

"First of all Nobby, he was wearing gloves. Secondly, he had a strange accent"

"Lots of people have strange accents in Ankh-Morpork Sarge, and what does wearing gloves have to do being a fop or not"

"Don't you ever listen when Cheery gives her fo-ren-zigz report Nobby?"

"No"

"Well, if you had listened, you would know that there are only two types of people that where gloves"

"What? Like butchers and Golden Harry's men?"

"No Nobby. Well, they do. But I'm talking in our line of work"

"Oh"

"Well, the one person is an assassin"

"He wasn't wearing enough black to make him assassin"

"That's right Nobby, so the only other person that wears gloves, is a thief"