I miss it. The ice walls jutting up in the distance, towering above everything. The creatures, the shadows, that stalked beyond those icy walls, slithering slowly, always hungry, always waiting. I couldn't hear them, I couldn't hear anything, but yet I knew they were there waiting for food. I miss the castle, the tall ice structure that rose from the icy ground. It wasn't a clear ice with a dark glow, like the outer walls, more like a very dark blue ice, almost black, that stood tall and impenetrable. It was hard to tell the top of the castle from the black nothingness around it, as it rose into the dark that surrounded everything. I didn't spend time wondering outside of the structure, there was nothing out there, and there was music coming from inside. I couldn't actually hear music, but I knew it was there and emitting from somewhere within the building. I tried to find the luring lullaby but the castle was large and the hallways went on forever. The ice walls were never cold though, nor were they warm. I bumped into a wall or two and felt nothing. I saw that I had hit it, but I didn't feel the cold of ice or the hardness of solid. I felt nothing. I never felt anything. I gave up searching for the music I knew was there and laid in one of the rooms. I laid, thinking of nothing, and staring at the ceiling. Time never passed in this dark land and everything seemed frozen except for me and the shadows. I didn't feel anything there, but now that I'm not there, I miss it. I miss the nothingness of my icy prison. Sometimes when I'm almost asleep, I can 'hear' the music in my head and feel the pull of it. It's like being left somewhere, close to your destination and would only take a moment in a car but there is no car and the distance is too long to walk. It's being so close to home and yet so far from its peace. I want it. I want the nothing that the void produced. I want its silence ringing in my ears, its numbness pushing on my skin, and its music playing in my head. I want to feel the ice walls of the castle without the cold. I want to lay in its rooms without the constant buzz of people, thoughts, or emotions. I want, I miss, and I need its nothing.
