I'm Peyton Sawyer, and i'm a mess.

Great way to start this introduction, isn't it.

It's short, simple, and straight to the point.

But, okay, I can elaborate.

I'm a student at THHS.

My mom is dead. Well one of them.

The other may or may not be my biological mom.

And I never knew I was adopted.

My dad is gone most of the time on the seas.

My best friend is not my best friend anymore because of some

stupid love triangle that i've been trying to get out of for the longest time.

My other friend choose to leave her husband for a rock tour and left him broken hearted.

The other person in the love triangle, I don't even want to be with anymore.

And the heartbroken husband is my best guy friend, my ex, and the guy i've loved since I was 15.

All this adds up to a recipe for destruction.

So far, i've learned the the key to surviving is denial. I'm serious. We can deny we're tired, hungry, afraid, nervous and desperate. Above all we can deny being in denial.

Maybe we don't want things the way they really are, because that would hurt too much.

We lie to ourselves until it seems to be the truth.

Sometimes we can't even recognize the truth anymore.

Then, sometimes the truth comes at us, like a hurricane flooding our senses and lives until all we do is sink or swim. We can only lie and deny for so long.

Yes, i'm tired of this life ; does denial really change that? Eventually you have to realize that De Nile isn't just the damn river in Egypt. It's more than a river. It's a hurricane, a tsunami, an ocean… and you have to figure out how to keep from drowning.

Maybe it's part of growing up. Trust me, it sucks. Sure, we have alcohol and lots of sex, but overall? It sucks. What happened to just being a kid in the sandbox, wishing on stars, and determining all life's questions by picking off flower petals? When did we fear the consequences of De Nile turning into an ocean with the intent to drown us? Why do people say life is so easy, when they know it's really so damn hard?

I guess I should've just stuck with the short and simple version. Hi, I'm Peyton Sawyer, and I'm a mess.

Here, I sit with a bottle of Jack Daniels in my hands, if i'm going to drown, it might as well be my sorrows. Somedays I long for the pre-Lucas/pre-Haley days. Yeah Nate might of been an ass, but hey, I knew that. Things were just simple then..I had my best friend too.

I take a drink for the memories.

I take a drink for Nate.

I take a drink for my broken friendship with Brooke.

Yeah, things were simple back then alright. Lucas tore me away from Nate, and from Brooke. Haley helped Nate become a good guy only to leave him for a rock tour.

As I drown my sorrows for everyone and everything around me I never notice a figure in my doorway looking around my rooms at the empty bottles that now reside on the floor here. I look up not expecting to see him, it's been weeks since he's left his apartment.

"Trying to kill yourself, Sawyer?"

"Trying, but it just doesn't want to work."

He walks away from the doorway and towards me and takes a seat on the bed next to me.

"If it means anything to you, i'll care if you die."

"Wanna die together and we can save heartbreak to each other?" I ask handing him the bottle.

"What a way to go, alcohol poisoning and a pretty blonde." he says taking a swig of the bottle.

"Why are you out?"

"I need to be Nathan Scott again. Not the guy crying over the wife who left him, but Nathan Scott the man."

"Good for you Nate." I say and I mean it. I love Haley, but she left him broken, and now he wants to start to heal.

"Yeah, so what about you Sawyer?"

"My mom came to see me." I say and wait for what would be a usual reaction if someone knew me.

"Seeing ghosts now?"

"No, she says she's my biological mom, but I can't reach my dad so I don't know a thing. He's always gone. Brooke and I aren't friends. I wish Luke would leave me alone. And to be honest, the last few weeks I kinda missed my other best friend."

"Who?"

"You." I reply sincerly.

"Well i'm here now, for as long as you'll have me." He says, wrapping his arm around my shoulder while we share the bottle.

"Thanks Nate."