A/N: Today was a productive day in the creative gears of mah mind. This is a different take on Tifa's thoughts and feelings, in the form of a letter to Cloud (not necessarily one she's ever planning on giving him). Enjoy!

Set post AC.

Disclaimer: Final Fantasy VII and it's characters are Square's, not mine...


Dear Cloud,

We've been through a lot together, haven't we? I remember you weren't so different when you were a kid. Aloof as ever, and quiet all the same. I wish I'd gotten to know you better then. Maybe that way things would've turned out differently, and everything that happened wouldn't have happened.

Still, I won't deny that what we've gone through hasn't been a learning experience. I learned so much about you as a person, Cloud, your emotions, personality, your feelings (though a lot of that still remains hidden)… I learned about our world, I learned about fighting, I learned about hate, war, love…

You're probably one of the better teachers I've had, and I'm sorry if I ever was impatient with you or angry or harsh. You've been through a lot more than anybody I know of, and you still came out strong and without a broken spirit. I admire you for that, Cloud. And I only ever did get angry because there's a lot of things I'm feeling that I just can't name… it's confusing, and I apologize. You deserve someone who'll understand you completely, know you, put up with you, love you for everything that you are.

You've changed a lot, and I guess I have too. We were so naïve when this whole adventure began, huh? Had barely stepped foot out of Nibelheim before winding up in Midgar. Inexperienced and youthful… it hasn't been so long since then, but it feels like ages, like it was a different life before our trip and afterwards…

I used to wonder if you thought of Nibelheim a lot when you were in SOLDIER… if you thought of me, of our promise. I did a lot, and I guess I was just a silly girl with a crush. But it was nice having a hero, and nicer that you were mine. And I just wanted to let you know that I'll protect you too, okay?

Well, I guess that's not the kind of thing a guy like you wants to hear, is it? What I'm trying to say is that I'll look out for you, that I've got your back. I remember feeling so alone after my dad died, and I didn't want this to happen, I didn't want to be alone. So I don't want you to feel that, ever. You've got a family, and that's what families do, right? Look out for one another.

I see you beat yourself up a lot, Cloud. You see so many faults in yourself and if you ask me, I can only see one- your fear. And you can overcome that, I know you can and I know you're strong enough to. And if ever you need help, I promise to lend a hand.

Geostigma was scary, huh? Nobody knew the cure, and people were dying left and right… I was a little worried when you left for so long, but I guess you should know that I understand why you did. It must have been scary to think that you were facing imminent death, that there was no cure and you were helpless. And I know you battle your fears every day. I won't say I wasn't upset that you'd leave with no explanation, because I was, but I understand.

I still don't quite get what goes on underneath those spikes of yours. You're such an enigma, Cloud. Sometimes I just want to shake you, because I miss those smiles you give out so rarely. You don't let on what you're thinking about, or what you want to do, or how you're feeling. I wish I knew because then I could help- but I know some things have to be done on your own.

And your heart is just as baffling. What's in there, anyways, Cloud? Marlene, Denzel, your mother, Nibelheim…? I can't tell, and sometimes I wonder.

Cloud… did you love her?

No, don't answer that. It'd be a hard enough of a question as it is and I'm not sure I want to know the answer, whether it's yes or no or something in between.

I can see that you miss her… I do too. She was something else, truly. A smile for every occasion and a big heart to encompass us all. Bright green eyes and a lively personality. And I miss her laughter and kind words, too, Cloud, but maybe not in the same way as you, I really can't tell, because you're just that mysterious.

Even if I can't tell what's going on in your head, I can see your grief, Cloud. It's lesser now, and I know you feel not quite so burdened, but can still feel it. I remember when it was overwhelming, overpowering, so much so that I could feel your pain too, rolling off you in waves. I wish she were still here too, cheering us all up, but I also remember wishing you'd stop making your pain worse by blaming yourself.

Maybe I shouldn't get into that, though. The last thing you want is a lecture on something that difficult to go through, right?

You gave her a beautiful burial, Cloud. Fit for a queen and perfect for a flower girl.

And if you come home smelling like flowers, I promise to understand that you still need time to heal your wounds, and that the church is sort of your sanctuary.

Maybe even your home, I don't know where you feel like you belong, Cloud. But even if you prefer the church, you should know there's always going to be an extra bed and dinner waiting for you at the bar, no matter how long you're away or wherever you are in the world.

Do you remember that night under the Highwind? You told everyone to go find what they were fighting for, and I knew you wanted everyone to share some last good memories, in case we… didn't make it back.

You and me, we didn't have anywhere to return to, did we? 7th Heaven was gone, and Nibelheim, well, it wasn't Nibelheim anymore. But that was okay, because all I needed was you to make sure everything was going to be all right. And everything I said that night… I meant every word of it. I thought I could hear you, I thought you were calling for me in the Lifestream, when I was so alone with no one to help me. No one but you, of course. So… you were what I was fighting for. This hero thing works both ways, don't you think? I can't just let you stand there and take care of me, right? I should be able to return the favor.

That night under the Highwind was nice, Cloud. It really was.. I felt better than I had since… a long time ago.

Do you remember that night at the Gold Saucer? I was so anxious, I didn't know what you'd say if I came in and asked to go on a date with you. There was just something I wanted to say and it made me so nervous that I thought I wouldn't be able to enjoy the evening at all.

But somehow, I did. The play was great, wasn't it, Legendary Hero Alfred? And the gondola ride… it was so beautiful that night, with the fireworks overhead and the bright lights everywhere… but if there ever was a time in my life I could rewind and do over, it'd be there. I was so sure it was the night I'd finally muster up the courage to say what I felt inside.

But timing is everything, and I guess my timing was off. I only got the guts to say what I wanted to say too late, after we'd been through too much and after you'd left for SOLDIER and came back a changed guy. And I guess our affections missed each other in time, and time doesn't allow for mistakes to be erased. For us, timing didn't go over so well. I wanted to try to fix that on the gondola, but I was too scared. So, what I was trying to say that night was that, well…

I… will always be there for you, Cloud.

Yours,
Tifa


A/N: Reviews are appreciated, I can't get enough constructive criticism :)