This is the very first chapter of a story I had in my mind last June. I found this today and got some new ideas, I'm not completely sure whether I should continue or not. So I just decided to upload the first chapter for now and see if there's any interest in the story.
Castle and Kate haven't met yet and he and Meredith never got divorced. Meredith just died in a car accident.
Warning: this story deals with domestic abuse
i'm german and my English is not the best.
I don't own Castle.
CHAPTER 1
It's 11pm , way too late again, Josh will get furious but she just had to get that case solved, and with some teamwork of her co-workers Ryan and Esposito it finally worked- after 4 hours of interrogation Jake Tosswill confessed the murder at his wife Joleen. The evidence was there all the time, the problem was just-it wouldn't have convinced any lawyer in New York. But now that there was a confession, they don't have to worry about a fair punishment for their suspect. Usually she would have felt relief and happiness when a case like this was closed, but since a few months everything has changed.
It began right after their wedding, Josh was getting more aggressive with each day. In the beginning he just got really mad when his favorite baseball team won't win or when his car won't work in the morning. But then it got worse, she realized he changed a lot, but she ignored it for a long time, a way too long time probably. It got so bad, he got angry at her for the most unreasonable things. When she turned on the wrong TV channel, when she wore a shirt he didn't like, but he was the worst when she came home late. And she came home late a lot recently.
He had never hurt her physically, but mentally she was on the ground. He would scream at her until she can't stop her tears anymore. In the beginning she could control herself, but with each time she broke more and more in the inside. The strong and confident Kate, that wasn't her anymore, just a mask she had to put on her face for her friends and colleagues. Why she did that? She can't even explain, maybe it's the embarrassment that she, as a cop, can't defend herself anymore, maybe it was her fake pride because of which she can't admit to herself that she can't get herself out of this anymore without help. But whatever it was, it made her lie to the most important people in her life, which ruined her even more.
She thought about calling him, but then he would have screamed at her and she couldn't risk breaking out in tears in front of the whole precinct. So here she was, shivering, trying to put her key into the keyhole.
Breath in- breath out, easy as it is. What was there to worry about, actually? It was late, he was probably drunk already. Yes, she will get some trouble for sure but when he's drunk, he gets tired, and when he's tired he can't hurt her, right? Right. She can do this. Even though she couldn't really convince herself, she finally managed to turn around the key and entered the loft.
And there he was. Sitting at the kitchen table, waiting for her. But he didn't seem to be mad, did he?
"Hey, sorry for being so late, but the case…" She excused herself so quiet, she was surprised he could hear her.
"Not a problem, darling. I understand." He got up and came over to her, kissing her on the forehead.
What's going on here? She thought to herself not trusting this change of mood.
He put his fingers on the zipper of her leather jacket, slowly pulling it down. He shoved the jacket from her shoulders, letting it fall on the floor. Kate was just standing there, stiffly frozen to the ground. They haven't slept together in months, actually since he had changed so much. He was drunk every evening she got home, so he was too tired which she appreciated a lot actually. But she really couldn't explain where this sudden tenderness was coming from. Something was definitely wrong.
"Why so shy, Kate? It's been a looong time, hasn't it? A lot to catch up I guess." He was drunk, of course. The smell of whiskey soaked into her nose and made her feel sick, but she was too scared to move.
Josh put his left hand on the small of her back, with the right he touched her nose, let his finger slide down her throat, over her chest, down to her belly. It felt weird, forced and all wrong. She can't let him force her to have sex right?
So she stepped back. "Josh, I'm really tired and…" But before she could finish he grabbed her arm, not in a gentle way, rough even. He turned her around and pressed her against him. She tried to move away, but his grip was to strong. He let her arms go but before she could make a step forward he pressed his hands on her belly.
"I got an idea today, you know, I think it's really really good actually. Do you wanna hear it.?" He whispered into her ear. It made her sick, she wanted to throw up, this is just gross.
"Josh" She tried again, but this time he pushed her even harder against his body, making it difficult for her to breath.
"J-Josh, please, I-I need air." She begged, trying to get rid of his arms.
"I ASKED YOU SOMETHING KATE! DO YOU WANNA HEAR IT?" He screamed into her ear, she just wanted to run away, far far away. She didn't give an answer, so with one hand he turned her face around in order to look in her eyes. And all she saw in his was anger and madness, all that was to see in hers, was tears and fear. She couldn't hold it back, so the tears were just streaming down her face.
"Kate, I ask you one last time, do you wanna hear it?" His voice was more quite now, but still furious as hell.
She came to a point that has become all too familiar to her recently, the point where she gave up. It was the only option that was left to protect herself. "Yes, yes I wanna hear it." She cried.
"Ok, good girl." He whispered, guiding his hand down on her belly again. "I thought…" He began to draw circles on her belly now, maybe she could have get rid of his embrace now, but she was too scared.
"I thought, we should make a baby." And with that he guided his hands down to her jeans, trying to open it.
She stopped breathing. She closed her eyes, trying to persuade herself that she has just misheard that. But the feeling of his hands stroking over her belly took her last hope away.
"No, please Josh, no." She shook her head. But he wouldn't stop.
"Did you say something, Kate?" He asked pretending that he didn't hear her, just to make her even more scared. And it worked.
"I don't want to make a baby, Josh." She said, trying to sound as calm as possible although even a completely drunk Josh could hear how desperate she really was.
"Sorry, but I can't hear you, sweetheart, you have to speak louder, my dear." He whispered while opening the zipper of her jeans. She had a feeling that he wanted to provoke her, he wanted her to offer resistance just to have a reason to scream at her and push her back even deeper in her rabbit hole than she already was. All he wanted was to feel superior and to control Kate in every aspect of life.
"Josh, please, can't we wait a little longer? Just a little?" She was begging, knowing what would happen if she continues refusing, but she still had hope to prevent the inevitable. Even if it was just for another day.
He suddenly stops touching her, his hands formed to fists. He presses his fingers so hard in his palms that his knuckles change white.
After a long breath he speaks calmly. Calmly, but frightening. "If I say now, I mean now. You don't get to decide. You are my woman, you have to obey your man. "
She starts to think of her friends, her dad. What would they think of her if they knew about this? They would probably be disappointed in her, she was disappointed in herself. She's a detective, she has put hundreds of men behind bars, she should be able to get her boyfriend under control, shouldn't she. Kate tries to gain her strength back and even though it doesn't succeed her completely, she manages to speak more determined and with less fear in her voice.
"Josh, I tell you one last time. I don't want this. And if you're really convinced by those completely conservative images of a relationship, I don't think I'm the right person for you. Maybe we should just end this here." She steps back, regaining a more comfortable distance.
But he doesn't answer, just stares at her. She immediately regrets it. She shouldn't have said this, she realizes she just made it much worse. Made him angrier, more furious. As she sees him shivering of anger, his face reddening more with every second, Kate feels her fear rising. What did she do there? Did she really believe he would listen to her? Of course not.
Suddenly he came even closer than before, puts his hand on her throat and screams.
"YOU. DON'T. .DECIDE! DO YOU UNDERSTAND?"
As she doesn't reply fast enough, he starts to strangle her. Tears are streaming down her cheeks again as she sobs. "Yes, yes, I'm sorry, Josh." Just to make him stop. He loosens his grip and pushes her on the couch.
It seems like he "regained" his calmness again, his breath gets slower, his fist has loosen.
"Ok, after this little misunderstanding I think we have come to the result that we both want this relationship and a baby as an expression of our love. Am I right there?"
She wants to disagree, wants to scream at him and throw him out, but she is too scared. She never thought fear would make her do things like this. But she had to decide. Meaningless sex or bruises, maybe even broken bones. So she has to go with the first option, it's not the first time. Just this time it's different. She is not doing in because of adventure, she's doing it because of fear. Maybe tomorrow he won't remember. Maybe. Hopefully.
This was the first time Kate Beckett got raped by her husband.
The next chapter would be about Alexis seeing a psychiatrist.
Please tell me what you think, and leave a review. Thank you so much for reading.
PS: I know that this topic demands a certain carefulness and I –thanks God- don't have any experiences with this or the following topic (self harm). So if anyone feels offended, that was definitely not my intention! In that case, please message me and I will change what bothers you.
