Part One - Angel
** If you're not for me
Then why does this distance maim… my life?
If you're not for me
Then why do I dream of you… as my wife? **
She was dead… his Cordie… dead.
It was so final… so… gone…
How was that possible? She wasn't an Angel, but she was good… she loved him… and he loved her… no worse. He still loved her, now, even after she was gone…
He threw the phone off his desk across his office, at the wall. He hit the ground. In all his years, even when Buffy had died… he'd never cried, but now? He was weeping like a baby.
He loved her, more than he thought he could love someone. Unlike when he'd loved Buffy, Cordelia knew what he was and not only accepted it embraced it. They were friends, best friends she'd once said. He hadn't known what that meant, now he did. He felt an emptiness without her. Even though he didn't have to, he couldn't breathe… and it hurt.
He kept wondering how one person, or thing could hurt this much.
When he'd wanted to meet her at the cove that night nearly two years ago, he'd known he loved her without a doubt, and he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her. When he got his shaun-shoo he wanted to grow old with her. And now that would never happen…
His happy Cordie was gone… no more cinnamon in his blood, no more midnight pancakes. Never again would she blatantly stick her tongue out at him just to make him laugh. He'd never walk in on her and Phantom Denise arguing about shoes, he'd never help her train anymore.
It was his fault… if he'd trained her better; if he'd been there when that bastard Skip had hurt her… it was his fault…
Cordie was gone… and it was his fault…
** Cause I miss you
Body and soul,
So strong… that it takes my breath away
And I breathe you,
Into my heart
And pray for the strength to stand today
Cause I love you
Whether it's wrong or right
And though I can't be with you tonight
You know my heart is body over sight **
He stood, and stopped crying… it would solve nothing…
He would do what she said, get back on track…
He would take down the black-thorn. The worst of the worst. And then he'd stake himself, and be with his Cordie forever… if she could only give him the strength to get through it… he'd be with her soon.
