It is midnight, and I cannot sleep. It's useless to try, anyway, the nightmares will only bring me to my current waking state, with added bonuses of weak arms and legs, a headache, and the oh so lovely paranoia. I would wake Lucas to come with me to sample a taste of the cool night air outside, but I remember what happened last time. Poor thing was so tired, he could barely function the following morning. Though, I know if he found me outside by myself, he would have a panic attack. I'm terrible at dealing with people and calming them down, even though he is my own brother. My twin at that. So I stay under the thin covers draped around me that provide little comfort and a smaller amount of warmth. I feel like Lucas is all that I am not, kind, caring, good with people, a bit shy, yes, but fun to be around and cheery. I, on the other hand, am not so delightful. I am grumpy and foul, vicious and mean. Simply three years ago I was outgoing, friendly, and loved by the town. Now… I loathe myself, and I'm almost positive that most the townspeople do as well. I've been nothing but a monster to them since I came back, growling at them if they come near, even scratching them if they approached me. I have locked myself in our house since.

I sigh. It does me no good to think like this. Lucas told me to think positive, so maybe I should. I try to find something good to think about, but nothing comes to mind. I start to recall the past few days, searching for something decent to think about. After a few moments, nothing, then… Yes, that's right, something Lucas told me a few days ago. What was it…. Damn it. I growl, scratching at my head furiously, giving no thought to the chances of drawing blood. Nope. Still drawing a blank. I feel extreme disappointment as I rip the covers off myself and tread over to the door, opening it and walking outside.

I sit on the edge of a cliff just outside, staring at the ocean, until I pass out.

Mutilated versions of my brother and mother are displayed in my dreams tonight. They pester me, chanting "Why didn't you save me? Why didn't you save me?" over and over in slight whispers, their voices turning to screams. They grip my arms, my legs, my back, cover my face with their bloody hands, and the only way I can stop them is to either let them choke me or kill them both. I start crying and screaming as their hands close around my throat and I drown on Lucas's blood. "Claus! Claus!" I hear Lucas's voice. "Claus! Wake up!" It sounds panicked. "Claus!"

I jolt awake, realizing that I am in my bed, Lucas is not covered in bloody gashes, and gradually I calm. I curl my fingers a bit, and feel something wet and warm. I recognize this.. Blood on my hands. I sigh, looking down at them. I have punctured my own hand with my fingernails yet again. Shaking my head, I get up to wash it off and apply a bandage.

"Claus." Lucas again.

"Yes, Lucas?" I am really not feeling up to this right now.

"..." He looks down at his feet, rather nervous. "Uh.. Is it okay if I bring a few people over tonight?"

This takes me by surprise. I raise my eyebrows and widen my eyes, and he must see it, because he laughs nervously and continues by stammering out a forced answer to my silence. "I-if you remember, a few days ago. I mentioned that a few new people were gonna be moving to Tazmily…" Oh. So thats what that was. "And two of them are our age, so I thought we could hold a little… party or sleepover thing to get to know them better!" Lucas smiles widely. "You could make some friends, too!"

Friends. The idea does, admittedly, sound rather nice. But I feel as if none of them would like me very much. I'm not the easiest person to befriend. And I simply don't think this is a good idea. What if I hurt them? Or they get too close and hurt me or Lucas? But… I don't feel like putting my dear brother down. So I shrug and walk past him. "Alright. I'll try to give a good impression.." Lucas grins widely at this and hugs me tightly, almost knocking the air out of me. "Geez.. Lucas, chill." He hops back, still sporting that delightful smile, and chirps out a small "Thanks!" before almost flying out of the house to some unseen location.

I sit down on my bed. And wait for tonight.