Author's Note:This is the first fan fiction that I have posted online, and I'm only doing this because my best friend encouraged me so whole-heartedly to do it. As I state in my profile I usually write songfics, as this one is. I don't mind creative criticism, in fact I actually welcome it, since this is my first story. With that being said, enjoy!
Disclaimer: I do not own the song Not Meant to Be, nor do I own Neji, Tenten or any other characters of Naruto. *Sadness*
Not Meant to Be
It's never enough to say I'm sorry
It's never enough to say I care
Tenten sat in her room quietly, staring down at herself and wondering if she could ever tell him. But what was she supposed to say? How could she make him choose between his wife and something that wasn't even there? She knew he didn't particularly care about her anymore, but he had at one point and she knew that alone would make the decision difficult if she did tell him. But what if she told him and he made the decision so quickly and didn't pick her? She knew that she shouldn't be picked, that she had already gone through this in her mind and was at least somewhat at ease with herself...but if he didn't pick her, or at least think about it, she knew it would tear her to bits.
But in all honesty, what would she say? Any feelings Neji had had for her had gone away a long time ago and nothing she said seemed to matter anymore. Would he even care? When they got into fights her apologies meant nothing and when she said she loved him, he never seemed to really listen, it always simply went in one ear and out the other. Tenten sighed unhappily and looked up at the door, wondering if Neji would come and say goodbye to her before he left on another mission.
But I'm caught between what you
Wanted from me, and knowing
If I give that to ya
I might just disappear.
There had never been a time where she wanted Neji to care for her more than right now. Even if she felt like a bad person thinking it, she thought that she at least deserved to be cared for by him after all she had done. She had given him whatever she thought he wanted and never really expected anything in return, even when they were only teammates. She had always been there for him, even when he hadn't known that she was and there was only one thing she wanted, only one thing she ever wanted. She wanted him, she wanted his love, to know that he cared, to hear him say it out loud. But Neji had always been a man of few words and she knew that he showed that he cared in his actions, no matter how little he did that.
Tenten brought her hand up to her forehead and bit her lip as she restrained the pain she felt in her body. When the pain subsided Tenten found her breath coming shallowly and in short pants and she was surprised to find tears at her eyes, tears she had thought stopped coming long ago. She knew what Neji wanted now and oddly enough it was what she wanted also, she just wouldn't be able to have it. But she knew that if she treated Neji as she always had, that if she gave him what he wanted, that she would have to leave in return. Tenten was not generally a selfish person, but she didn't know if when the time came she would be able to do it. She didn't know if she would be able to give everything up for him and know that she was getting nothing in return. Even if she had accepted her destiny, she still was not sure if she would be able to die, just to give him what he wanted.
Nobody wins when everyone's losing
Destiny hated them both, her and Neji. It always had and she thought that maybe the fact that Neji no longer cared for her was enough for this inanimate thing that ruled her life. But apparently nothing was good enough for him, destiny would just keep taking and taking from them until there was nothing left for him to take. As children, he took Neji's freedom and father and he took away Tenten's family. As teenagers destiny took their innocence, introducing them to the cruel, cruel world of hatred and war. Destiny had almost taken Hinata from them when Pain attacked the village, a girl that they both loved dearly. And as a couple he had taken their away their happiness, their love and their passion for each other. That would be enough for anyone else, but not for the greedy destiny. No, now he was taking Neji away on a mission when she was so close to the end and when he came back he would find that destiny had taken away his wife, perhaps the only person he had cared for, even if his feelings hadn't lasted. Destiny didn't like people like them to win, he and fate together only wanted Neji and Tenten to lose.
Oh, it's like one step forward and two steps back
No matter what I do you're always mad
And I can't change your mind,
Tenten remembered the first time Neji had shown interest in her, or at least when he had asked her out. She had been so surprised that he had actually asked her, unprovoked by anything she said, just randomly asking her after training one day. She smiled lightly, despite the tears, at how she remembered when she looked at him, surprise in her eyes, that he had blushed a light pink and looked away, mumbling to himself.
"If...If you don't want to then it's...it's fine." She remembered him saying quietly, almost bitter at her silence.
"N-No! Th-That's not it! I...I was just surprised! I'd love to go out with you sometime!" She had told him quickly her face turning a deep pink. Neji turned to look at her.
"You...you would?" He turned back to look at her and she smiled lightly at the lightest of pink colors on his cheeks.
"Of course I would Neji!" She said with a smile, her face glowing and her eyes shining. He turned his head away again, hiding a smile from her.
She had never been happier in her life than she was in that moment, because it finally seemed like they were moving forward, past just being teammates. But eventually things had started to go bad for them and she couldn't figure out why. They had just started getting into fights more and more and Neji just seemed to always be mad at her. There seemed to be nothing she could do to change his mind and it seemed like their relationship was falling apart. She knew if that happened then not only would she be heartbroken, but their teamwork would also falter and Team Gai would fail to function as well as they had in the past.
Oh, it's like trying to turn around on a one way street
I can't give you what you want and it's killing me
And I, I'm starting to see
Maybe we're not meant to be
It had been a few months since their fights started before Tenten tried to fix things. She didn't know if it would help exactly, but it was the only thing that she could think of. It wasn't even like they had been fighting over that, or that he had ever mentioned he wanted to do it, but she figured that he was a guy and she was his girlfriend and he wouldn't not want it.
"Tenten, shouldn't I take you home?" He had asked her as she slowly led him towards the Hyuuga compound. They had just come from a costume party and Tenten had convinced him to walk her home, if only a bit bitterly.
"Aw, come on Neji, you always say how the Hyuuga compound is so pretty at night, I just want to look around." She said turning to look at him, her hair still in the buns she normally wore, even if she had put black covers over them for her costume.
"If Hiashi-Sama finds you then he will be increasingly angry with me. I don't need that kind of trouble right now Tenten." Tenten stopped and turned around, facing Neji as he stopped in front of her. She smiled up at him, his hair blowing in the night wind as best it could. She hadn't been able to help but admire how beautiful he looked in his costume, dressed up like a samurai from the feudal time period. His hair was tied up at the top of his head and his hand rested on the sword at his waist. She looked up into his eyes and took a step towards him, playing with the hem of his yukata.
"Oh come now Neji-Kun...we're both adults, we can both almost legally drink, this shouldn't be any big deal for you...unless you're nervous that is." She said with a playful smirk. Confusion filled his lavender eyes as he looked down at her, her cleavage easily visible in her costume.
"Why did you pick that costume Tenten?" She smiled and looked down at herself, knowing that it was the most skin she had shown in front of Neji ever.
"Because if I were to come back in this world as one animal, it would be a panda. And besides, don't you think I look pretty in it Neji?" She asked as she wrapped her arms around his neck, her body pushing against his.
"...What are you trying to do Tenten?" He asked curiously.
"I'm trying to seduce you of course, my dear samurai." She said with a coy smirk. He seemed surprised by this statement. She leaned up and kissed him softly and she felt his hands on her body as she deepened the kiss. When they stopped kissing she pulled out of his grasp quickly, teasing him as he stared at her with lusty eyes.
"What am I supposed to say in reply to that my little panda bear?" She giggled at this name.
"Well...let's just say I wasn't taking you back to your house just to see the gardens."
"What if Hiashi-?"
"Oh please Neji, if Hinata is able to sneak Naruto in there without getting caught I highly doubt that we will get found out." Neji seemed to cringe at this thought but he took her hand anyway and led her back to his bedroom in the Hyuuga compound, ravishing her again and again throughout the night as she believed she was fixing things with him in the only way she knew how to.
Tenten snapped back to reality as she started coughing gently, knowing that even letting him have her in every way that he could did not stop him from fighting with her. She held her chest as she calmed down and thought that maybe it would just be easier if she stopped trying to fight this. Maybe they weren't meant to be happy together, no matter what she did.
It's never enough to say I love you
No, it's never enough to say I try
She stood up from the bed, supporting her back as she did, and walking towards the door. She walked down the hall, slowly making her way towards Neji's office, where she knew he would be preparing for his mission. She knocked on the door softly and when he didn't answer she knew that it was his sign of letting her know that she could enter.
"I...I heard you had another mission Neji..." He looked up briefly before continuing to pack the weapons and items he would need for the mission.
"What of it?" He asked simply, his voice cold.
"I...ju-just wanted t-to tell you..." He looked up at her, continuing to stare at her with with those cold, cold eyes of his. When she hesitated his eyes filled with impatience, something that only she would notice. She knew that as she stared at him she couldn't tell him and that she wouldn't, no matter how hard she had tried to let him know everything.
"I love you..." She whispered softly as she lowered her eyes from his, already knowing that he would not say anything in return.
It's hard to believe that's there's
No way out for you and me
And it seems to be,
The story of our life
She heard the zipper on his bag and he still had not said anything in response to her words.
"Don't...don't you think you could say it back to me, just once? Please, just say it this one time Neji..." He looked at her, his ANBU outfit already perfectly in place on his muscular body. His eyes stared at her with that bittersweet look he always gave to her when she asked him that, and she knew what his answer would be. So she just turned her head away and held her hand to her mouth, preventing herself from making any noise as the tears poured down her cheeks again, telling him that she didn't want to hear that answer. She heard him sigh as he moved towards her.
"Tenten..."
"I...I don't want to hear that today. P-Please don't say it." He put on his pack quietly, attaching everything to his body before speaking again.
"You know that Hiashi wanted us to get married because it was a good choice for the clan. Because you had no one, and it was opportune for him since he could keep the next generation of the Hyuugas strong with out shaming the family."
"You asked me to marry you because you used to care, not because Hiashi forced you to."
"I still care about you Tenten...I just...I can't..." She lifted her hands up and made to hit him in the chest, but he grabbed her wrists before she could make contact with him.
"I told you I didn't want to hear it!" She said, glaring at him as the tears continued to pour out of her eyes.
"Please...don't cry Tenten..." He said gently as he let go of her wrists, wiping her eyes with his rough hands.
"I don't want you to go Neji. Can't...Can't you just stay this once? Naruto would understand, please, it's so close..."
"There is no way out of this for me Tenten. I can't give this mission up, I can't give up any missions. I need to keep going on them so I can support you...support us." He said as he put his hand gently on her stomach.
"This always happens though Neji. You...you aren't ever...here." He put his finger on her mouth making her look up at him. He stared down at her, his eyes gentle and kind, something she didn't often see on his face anymore.
Nobody wins when everyone's losing
"I promised you that I would be here for this. And that is a promise I intend to keep, no matter what Tenten." Her eyes widened as he said that, hoping that he really meant that.
"You...You remember that?" She asked, referring to him making that promise so many months ago.
"Of course I do...I made that a few weeks after you first told me. You mentioned that you were worried about what would happen when you were no longer able to go on missions and I would still be forced to go. I promised you that no matter how many missions I went on that I would be here for the birth of our child...for the birth of our son. Why did you ever think that I could forget something like that?"
"I...I...I don't know..." She said as she hugged him gently as he kissed the top of her head, her chestnut hair soft under his lips.
"I'm sorry...I know I'm not always here for you."
"What if you don't make it back in time?" She asked gently.
"I will try my hardest to end this mission as quickly as I can...please just believe me. If you think I'm not going to make it in time...hold out for me as long as you can, alright my little panda bear?"
"It's not really my choice..." She said, smiling lightly at his name for her.
"Just try, alright?" He said, lifting up her chin with his pointer finger, kissing her lips softly.
"I promise that I will try my hardest, my dear samurai." He smirked at her before releasing her body, pulling his mask over his face, every feature of his face hidden from her except his eyes. He touched her cheek once more before flickering and leaving her alone in the hallway, perhaps the last time she would ever see him.
It's like one step forward and two steps back
No matter what I do you're always mad
And I can't change your mind
Yet she knew that those small little gestures he had given to her just now would keep her waiting. She would try her hardest to not give birth to their son until he returned, if only so she could see him smile once more. To see him smile like he had on their wedding day.
It was the most nervous she had ever seen him, the day that he had he proposed to her. She had of course said yes, and when she did she had never seen him smile as brightly as he did in that one moment. He had picked her up and swung her around, kissing her passionately as he set her down again. She figured that if he didn't really love her than he wouldn't have asked her and she thought that despite all their fights maybe this was what they needed to finally live a life together happily. She had truly believed that but it only turned out to be a hoax, yet again. Eventually the passion and caring that Neji felt for her vanished as it always did when they moved forward one step. Every time she thought things would get better, they only got worse, regressing back two more steps than they had taken forward.
It's like trying to turn around on a one way street.
I can't give you what you want and it's killing me
And I, I'm starting to see
That maybe we're not meant to be
She remembered the exact moment that Neji had made that promise and she remembered how happy he had been when she told him that she was pregnant. He was even more happy when he found out that it was a little boy and because Hinata was determined to become the next head of the Hyuuga clan, he knew that she would and that their child would not be branded like he had been. Even if she was not in charge by then she had already worked it out with her father that he would not have Neji's child branded in exchange for her complete agreement and help in whatever he wanted.
Yet now this child was killing her, not literally but eventually he would be the cause of her death. But she would do whatever she had to in order to please Neji. She knew that she would always do whatever it took to make him happy.
"Do you hear that sweetie? Daddy wants to be here to see you born...so you have to wait, okay? Please wait for Daddy to come back...so Mommy can see him one more time before she dies..." She said with her hands on her large stomach. She started coughing again and as the pain wracked her lungs she fell to her knees, her hand to her mouth. When she stopped she heard footsteps on the floor and a small, gentle hand was put on her back shortly after.
"Tenten Onee-Chan...are you okay?" Hinata said softly, caring greatly for the health of her sister-in-law. She pulled her hand away from her mouth and grimaced as she looked down into it. She closed her hand into a fist to try and hide the red liquid from Hinata, but there was nothing you could hide from the young Hyuuga heiress.
"You're getting worse...aren't you Onee-Chan?"
"N-No, I'm fine Hinata-Chan..." She said with a weak smile as she wiped her mouth quickly.
"Did Neji Nii-San leave on his mission already?" Tenten nodded silently in answer to the question. "You didn't tell him, did you?"
"I couldn't...I just couldn't think of what to say to him."
"You need to tell him Tenten..."
"I...I just can't face the fact that he might not care. But...I'm okay...I know that soon it will all be over."
There's still time to turn this around
Should we be building this up
Instead of tearing it down
Neji slipped his hand beneath his mask, rubbing his face wearily as he and his team made his way home back to Konoha. The mission had took a little longer than any of them had hoped and he prayed that he had not missed the birth of his son, even if it was still a few weeks away. He knew that Tenten had been broken apart when he left and he had known had badly she had wanted him to stay, but he couldn't have just dropped this mission, it wasn't how he worked. However he had a surprise for Tenten, one that he knew would make her very happy. He wasn't going to accept any missions for another couple of months and he was going to finally spend some quality time with her. He was also hoping that once their child came everything would get turned around, because he had told himself that he was going to be a good father to this boy and he knew that he could not be a good father without being a good husband on some level.
But I keep thinking
Maybe it's too late.
"Yosh! We have finally returned home! The springtime of youth was with us as we travelled! Wouldn't you agree Neji?!" Said the man next to him, clearly Lee even if he had disguised himself as an ANBU operative for this mission.
"It's amazing no one found out who I really was during this mission." Neji said quietly as Lee pulled off his mask, making Neji smack himself in the forehead. They continued toward the gate, the bustling sounds of Konoha greeting their ears, normalcy seeming to return with each step they took. It was only when they got closer that they noticed that something was indeed wrong, for Naruto was waiting at the gate for them, his eyes solemn, even if he was smiling lightly.
"Hokage-Sama! We did not expect to see you here!" One of the other men on the team said as they entered the town. Naruto smiled that goofy smile that he always did as he talked to the men in front of him.
"Well, I have some important people to see and I thought that I should let you all know personally that I won't be able to listen to your report. However if you go back to my office Shikamaru should be there and he has been charged with this task."
"Hai, Hokage-Sama!" The five of them said in unison. They were about to flicker to the hokage's office when Naruto's hands quickly reached out and grabbed Lee's and Neji's wrists, preventing them from moving with the rest of their team.
"Naruto-Kun, do you need something?" Lee asked vigorously until he noticed the lively smile fading from Naruto's face.
"What's the matter Hokage-Sama?" Naruto let go of their wrists and began to walk into town, leaving Neji and Lee to follow after him.
"Gai's already seen her, and Hinata is with her now...but I'm glad you made it back in time Neji..." Naruto said, glancing over his shoulder at him. Neji's eyes widened and he pulled off his mask, complete disregard for the normal ANBU standards as he realized who Naruto was talking about.
"Tenten went into labor?! Is she okay, did she have the baby?!"
"...She didn't exactly go into labor..." Naruto said hesitantly.
"So why don't we hurry up?! I promised her I wouldn't miss this!" Neji said as he grabbed Naruto's shoulder.
"Because there are other things I need to explain to you before I can let you see her."
"...What other things?"
"Have you noticed anything different about Tenten these past few months?"
"L-Like what?" Neji asked, suddenly nervous that he should have noticed something.
"That she's been getting sick frequently."
"N-No...She...She never showed any signs of being sick, I mean nothing besides the occasional cough. Should...should I have noticed more?" Naruto stopped and turned to face two of the most important men in Tenten's life, knowing that this would be hard for both of them to hear.
"She didn't want you to know, so I suppose she hid it well. Tenten has been getting progressively sicker over the pregnancy. It wasn't caused by the pregnancy though. A virus got into her body and it has been slowly weakening her immune system. The virus was caught too late however and there is now nothing we can do to stop it. The doctor's have tried everything, Tsunade and Sakura have both been working on her case nonstop, but to no avail."
"So...so what does this all mean? Is...is she okay? Is the baby okay?"
"She...She didn't want to tell you because she didn't want to hear your choice."
"What choice?"
"Tsunade and Sakura might have been able to help her...but any treatments they gave her would kill the baby. But she's very weak right now Neji...she's been coughing up blood the last couple of weeks. And a few days ago...her liver failed on her and she was hospitalized. She's barely alive right now Neji...she didn't want you to have to choose between her and the baby, because she wouldn't have been able to take it if you chose the baby without any regret of losing her. It would break her heart and she didn't want to take the risk knowing that you really didn't care about her. So she waited until there was no choice left to make."
"WHAT THE HELL IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?!" Neji asked, suddenly infuriated by this stream of knowledge, pushing Naruto against the nearest wall angrily as he grabbed the collar of his shirt.
"She's going to die Neji. She's dying as we speak. The only reason she has stayed alive this long is because she kept saying that she had to see you and that she made a promise that she would hold out for you. It's too late to save her. There are doctors and nurses on standby in her room 24/7, because as soon as she dies...they're going to take the baby out so that he can live." In a flash Neji was no longer there and Naruto knew where he had rushed off to, Lee following closely behind him.
It's like one step forward and two steps back,
No matter what I do you're always mad
And I, can't change your mind, oh
"Tenten!" He said, pushing open the doors quickly and rushing into the room. His cousin sat next to the bed, holding her hand and the doctors looked up briefly when he entered the room but then went back to preparing themselves, for by the sound of her breathing it was clear that she wouldn't make it much longer.
"Tenten-Chan!" Lee said as he rushed to the bed, taking the hand Hinata was not holding.
"Lee-Kun...you made it...I...I'm so happy to see you..." She said weakly as Hinata gracefully rose from her seat, leaving the room, knowing that these were her final moments with the one man she had only wanted to please. Neji walked to the bed, dazed, as tears poured out of Lee's eyes.
"Tenten-Chan...why...why didn't you tell Neji-San and I sooner? We would've wanted to be there for you..."
"Because...because I could never hurt you two...not even if I wanted to." She said with a weak smile, her brown eyes duller than usual. Neji sat down next to her silently and took her hand, not being able to say anything as she spoke to Lee one last time.
"Li-Listen Lee-Kun...Neji...Neji and I had been talking about it...and...and we agreed that we wanted you to be our son's godfather, didn't we Neji?" She asked, turning her head slowly to him. He nodded slowly as he squeezed her hand tighter.
"We...We just wanted to wait to surprise you until the baby came...You'll do it, won't you?"
"Of course I will Tenten-Chan." She smiled happily, one of her old smiles, bright and happy.
"Thank you Lee-Kun." He kissed her forehead gently before speaking one last time.
"You're most welcome. I will be the best godfather any child could ask for and I will teach him the spring time of youth, just as Gai Sensei has taught all of us. You will always be the flower of Team Gai." He said gently as he stroked her cheek, making her smile before he nodded to Neji and left the room. When Lee was gone she turned her eyes back to her husband, to the father of her child.
"You made it..."
"I promised you that I would, and I meant that." She smiled at him, loving the sight of his face right now.
"Why didn't you tell me Tenten? We...We could've always had another child, we can't get another you."
"Because I knew that you wanted this child...not some other one. I only wanted to make you happy."
"Did you honestly think that if you came to me and told me this that I wouldn't pick you?! That I would let you die just so I could be selfish and get this child? How could you ever think that?"
"Because...you don't love me." His eyes widened at this statement, as he realized what this whole thing meant. "But...But I know you love this child. And I knew that even if I died that you would raise him well and give him enough love for both of us." Her breath grew more labored with every word she spoke and her grasp on Neji's hand loosened. "It's okay though...I've come to accept that this is how it's going to end. I'm okay dying like this, dying for our son." Her other hand clenched into a fist briefly and Neji only wished he had noticed her suffering sooner.
It's not too late Tenten, th-they could still save you. We-"
"Don't kill an innocent child for me Neji. Just love him and raise him right, he loves you too...I know he does. I'm really okay with this Neji."
"I love you Tenten!" He said suddenly, taking her hand in both of his hands and holding it tightly.
It's like trying to turn around on a one way street
I can't give you what you want and it's killing me
And I, I finally see,
Baby that we're not meant to be
Tenten's brown eyes widened and for a minute Neji had thought he had gotten through to her, that she had realized how important she really was to him. Then her eyes reverted to how they were before and she smiled sweetly at him.
"Thank you...it means a lot to me that you said that, even if you don't mean it."
"No! No Tenten! I do love you! Please..Please believe me Tenten!" He said desperately.
"Neji...I...I just want to let you know that I have loved every moment we have spent together and that I will always treasure those times."
"Please...Please Tenten...we can have more moments together. You're not going to die...please don't die."
"I know we briefly talked about baby names," She began, ignoring his pleading as he had done hers before his mission, "but...I know what I want our baby's name to be." She looked at him with a smile. "I want you to name him after your father. I want you to name him Hizashi, I think it will fit him perfectly." Neji just stared at her in awe for a moment, loosening his grip on her hand as he stared into her face, not knowing if she knew how much meaning those words held to him.
"I don't know why they say dying is easy...it hurts...a lot." He continued to stare at her, not wanting to notice how her breathing was coming easier yet slower, how her brown and vibrant eyes were dulling and how the color was fading from her cheeks. She pulled her hand out of his and put it on his face, stroking his cheek softly with her thumb, her hand still warm to the touch.
"I...I..." And it seemed to take every ounce of energy she had left in her body to try and finish this sentence.
"I...I love you...with all...of my heart...Hyuuga...Nej...i..." She said his name with one last quivering breath before closing her eyes, the expression on her face peaceful. The heart monitor stopped beeping and, as if in slow motion, her hand fell from his face, hanging limply off the side of the bed.
"Tenten? Tenten!" He said repeatedly as he grabbed her hand, trying desperately to wake her up. The doctors had all leaped into action by now and one of the nurses was trying to pull him away from her.
"Sir you need to leave, we can't have you in here while the doctors deliver the child." He held on to her tightly though, trying to wake her up but she was no longer responding to her name and breath was no longer coming from between her parted lips, the remainder of his name still on them.
"Sir please! If they do not deliver soon then you will lose your child as well!" The nurse said as one of the male doctors helped get him off of Tenten and pushed him towards the door. As soon as he was away from the bedside the doctors pulled back the sheets and began preforming the surgery.
"What are you doing?! That's my wife! She's not dead! Leave her alone! THAT'S MY WIFE!" He yelled as the nurse finally got him out of the room. Hinata and Lee looked up at the commotion entering the hallway and Hinata moved quickly to his side, holding her arms around him, in a hug, to prevent him from trying to go back into the room.
"Stop! You're going to hurt her! That's my wife!" He yelled futilely at the doctors through the door.
"Neji...Nii-San you need to stop this." Hinata said gently.
"That's my wife! They can't do that to her!" He said trying to get out of Hinata's grasp.
"Neji-Kun...she's...Tenten's gone..." Lee said quietly as he put his hand on Neji's shoulder.
"But...she's...she's my wife...she...she can't be gone...she...she can't go because...because she never knew that I loved her..."
"Nii-San..." He looked down at his cousin, the tears pouring softly and silently out of her eyes. "...Onee-Chan is dead." And the pain that ran through every feature on Neji's face was so intense that anyone in that hallway that hadn't been crying already would have started.
It's like one step forward and two steps back,
No matter what I do you're always mad,
And I, Baby I'm sorry to see,
Maybe that we're not meant to be.
Tenten had died two weeks premature to the original due date of their sons birth, and while everything should have been fine, when they had cut the babies umbilical cord he had not cried, and he still had not cried since. After rushing him to the pediatrics ward of the hospital they told Neji that something had gone wrong when his lungs developed and that they needed to keep him on an air tube until he was able to breath on his own. Neji had still been too shocked by Tenten's death to really say much of anything in response to this, but Hinata listened for him, knowing that when he was himself again he would want to know. When they left Hinata held his hand while Lee stood on the other side of him until Neji turned away from both of them and went back into the room Tenten's still body was in. Hinata watched through the window in the door as he merely looked at her, her body lying there like a discarded doll.
"We should go be with the baby...you are the godfather after all Lee-San." Hinata said, for she knew that Neji would be with Tenten for as long as he could. Yet when he came to join them, his eyes were not red and Hinata knew that he had not cried, it just wasn't in him to do that...even when it came to Tenten.
He only ever left the child's side to attend Tenten's funeral, and even then, he did not cry. He knew that the other people that attended must've thought him a monster for not crying over the death of his wonderful and beautiful wife, but, if he was ever to cry, he would do it in his own privacy, not in front of the whole town. Hinata had helped him escape from the other people with the excuse that he should get back to the hospital and make sure his son was okay. He was appreciative to Hinata for this, but his face remained in the same solemn state that it had been in since Tenten died.
The room that their son was in was as silent as the night, for the Hyuugas were able to pay good money and had requested a room specially for him so that he wouldn't have to be incubated in a plastic box to keep from getting anything from the other children. Neji pulled up a chair as Hinata leaned against the yellow walls of the room. He had been sitting here for the last few days, waiting for some noise from his son or for him to at least open his eyes. The black tufts of hair on his fragile skull already made it clear to anyone that he was Neji's son and while he loved his son, the fact that he resembled him so much worried him. There were no features that would be recognizable to other people that would make them think of Tenten. He could see them, like the slightly feminine shape of his ears or the way his nose wasn't as sharp as Neji's, but no one else would.
"She wouldn't want you to be sulking around like this Neji Nii-San..." Hinata said gently, staring at her nephew.
"Let's see you lose Naruto without any warning and then we can talk about me not sulking." He said with a bit of venom in his voice.
"We're all ninjas. We could have all died at any moment on any of our missions. That is the life we live. You too could be dead in months and that's why you need to stop this. She was fine with her death Neji, and she didn't tell you about it because she was afraid of this happening if you did actually care for her."
"I have always cared for her. Don't you ever insinuate that I didn't again." He said fiercely, his eyes staring at her with a glare.
"You had a funny way of showing it some of the time." Neji closed his eyes and it was clear that he regretted this and that it pained him to know that he hadn't done anything to make her happier.
"Neji...just...just focus on the fact that your child is alive."
"How much longer will he be alive for though?" Hinata looked at the plastic walls around her nephew, at the sign on the front panel that read: "Hyuuga Hizashi", and knew the outlook for him was not bright.
"You just have to have faith Neji Nii...that's all." She left the room briefly and he knew that she would be back after she finished speaking to Sakura. He turned his face back towards his son, his lavender eyes impassive as his tiny chest filled with air and then expelled it. It scared Neji that that motion would stop because this was the only thing still connecting him to his wife.
'Please...Please don't take him away from me too. Tenten...if you can hear me, wherever you are right now...please, please save him. Don't let him join you, I beg of you.' He prayed in his mind, knowing that this was pointless but needing someone to ask for help anyway. He heard the door slid open and closed again and Neji didn't have to look up to know that Hinata was back. She walked to the window, watching the street below as she spoke.
"Sakura-Chan says that he is responding well to the medicine they are giving him. She says that if things keep going well he should cry in a few days and then he'll be fine." Neji nodded silently and Hinata sighed, moving to the side of Hizashi's bed, her pale fingers wrapping around the edge of the container.
"Please get better Hizashi...your Daddy loves you so..." She whispered softly, stroking the hair on his head. A soft thump could be heard and Neji turned around to see that one of the teddy bears on the shelf had fallen over and on to the floor. Neji got up from his seat and went over to the bear, picking it up. He stared at it blankly for a moment, not knowing why before reaching his arm out to put it back on the shelf. Just as he was about to do that though he heard Hinata gasp and he stopped.
"N-Neji..." He turned his head to see her staring with wide eyes at Hizashi before looking up at him with the same eyes.
"Neji...how...how likely is it that a Hyuuga child will be born without the Hyuuga eyes, especially if one of the parents isn't from the Hyuuga clan?"
"Exceedingly low. It has only happened a handful of times in the Hyuuga clan's history. Those children were always exceptionally strong though. Why do you ask?"
"Hi...Hizashi opened his eyes." Neji's own eyes widened at this statement and he took the few short strides back over to his son's side, staring down in amazement.
"His...His eyes..." Neji started, being unable to finish the sentence though as chocolate brown eyes, her eyes, stared up at him from their son.
"They're...Onee-Chan's eyes." Hinata finished for him as an ear-shattering wail tore through the air as the baby finally opened his mouth. Neji felt the soft fur of the teddy bear in his hand still and he looked down, really seeing it for what it was now. The bear's fur was black and white; the bear that had fallen from the shelf was a panda bear.
"She saved him...It was her, I know it was." Neji said as he put the bear at the bottom of his son's bed and Hinata smiled as she took her eyes away from Hizashi.
"Of course she did! Did you really think she was going to let him die?" And as she stared at Neji, his hands gripping the side of the plastic wall tightly and his shoulders shaking, did she realize what he was doing. She looked away and wiped a tear from her own eye as Neji picked up his son gingerly, seeming to calm him a bit. Neji had not cried when she died, nor when they buried her, nor hardly any other time in his young life. But as he held his son, the tears he had been longing for this whole time finally poured out of his eyes as he realized that no matter what happened that Tenten still always found a way to be with him. He kissed Hizashi's forehead tenderly, whispering to him the three words he had never been able to tell his mother.
"I love you." He knew that for some reason Tenten and him weren't able to have a happily ever after, they never had. But he also knew that there wasn't a day that would go by in which he would not say those words to his son and prove that he always meant them, no matter what happened.
