- Disclaimer: Matantei Loki Ragnarok belongs to Kinoshita Sakura.
Secrets We Keep
written by Kurosu
.: Prologue
'I wonder... how long I can keep this secret. This secret deep inside of me, where no light can ever reach, the darkness of my soul that should never be awaken.
'Surely, I can do this. I have to do this, to protect those dear to me.
'But it aches, this dark part of me wants to come out.'
"Loki-kun..."
The soft whisper that called out to him, a sense of longing to fill the untold loneliness. The fear, too, that hid beneath it all, afraid to lose him again, like losing all the others in her life. When had she become so attached to him?
But he had answered.
His hand reached out to her, the confident smirk he always wore on that childish face of his, and those haunting green orbs that seemed to pierce into her soul and stirred that dreaming part of her. He was a complete mystery that she hadn't been able to unravel, yet he also had no idea of what was before his very own eyes.
He watched her with great concern, visible in the depths of the emerald shade. He brushed his hand through her bangs, letting the silkiness of her hair play between his fingers, and returning her call with a tender voice, "Mayura, wake up."
Slowly, the sound of his gentleness reached her, and she pulled out of the sea of dreams to return to the world she wished to hold onto, "Hn? Loki-kun?" Her unusual, crimson eyes peeked through her long lashes, vision refocusing on the boy staring down at her.
He seemed strangely relieved that she was now awake, "You fell asleep."
At the sound of those words, her head snapped up, and she panicked, "What time is it?! Oh no, papa's gonna be so upset!" She frantically reached for her books and piled them into her schoolbag, all the while rambling about a ton of homework to do with a math exam she would probably fail the next day and being late for dinner.
The boy muffled the laughter in his mouth, enjoying the sight of the teenager scrambling under the coffee table to get her scattered pencils and papers. This was the life he returned to, happily, and he just couldn't explain it, not that he wanted to confess such feelings openly to anyone, much less to her. He willingly gave up that chance to return to his own world, his own godly status and power for the anomaly that was Daidouji Mayura.
She felt the heavy gaze on her and looked up at him from the floor, and their eyes met but only briefly before Loki pulled away, hiding the pink tint across his cheek, "You should head home before it gets dark."
"Aha Loki-kun is right," she giggled, grabbing her last items, and stood up. He was still looking away when he felt her hand on top of his head and curiously looked at her. She was smiling innocently, but underneath her angelic eyes, a mysterious wisdom seeped through, "But Loki-kun, don't be an old man so fast. It's unattractive for a cute boy!"
She ruffled his hair before the accursed vein popped on his forehead, and he swatted her hand away. He wanted to pounce on her and punish her for the insult, but she had already zipped out the door, laughing nervously. He pouted as the last of her pink hair disappeared from view.
"Unbelievable," he muttered, walking over to the window. He watched her pass through the gates of the detective agency and pause right outside to look up at him. She naturally waved her hand to him, and he wanted to give her a frown for the earlier insult. Instead, he caught a mere two seconds of sorrow in her eyes, and she ended the short connection with a forced smile and ran down the sidewalk.
He thought everything would return to normal, but in her brief gesture, it opened a lot of questions, and he began to wonder the meaning behind her expression.
.: Sorrow
Fifteen years ago in Kyoto, a happy couple was leaving the hospital one late evening upon receiving wonderful news. The man held an arm protectively around his wife, ignoring the display of affection in public (not that many were around to notice), while his other one gently caressed the noticeable swollen abdomen of hers. He murmured how he was the happiest man on earth, and his wife playfully slapped his arm.
They were immersed in each others company, discussing their future together with their daughter developing in her womb, as they walked to the parking lot, to the car.
To receive news of such a blessing on a peaceful night, nothing could make it any better. Upon reaching their car, a decision was agreed to have a quick dinner celebration that night at her favorite restaurant. He just had to spoil the love of his life somehow, and what better way to feed the two of them.
He opened the passenger door and helped his wife into the seat carefully, like she had become a fragile porcelain doll. Then midway to his side of the car, he heard a loud crash in the distance, and a certain uneasiness crept into his stomach. His unsteady hands frantically fingered for the key to the ignition he had just moments ago while his worried eyes searched for the origin of the noise, only to find an inhuman roar getting closer.
He cursed his luck and strange ability to see what normal humans couldn't see. Just fifty meters away, in the light of the waning moon, he saw a horrible monstrosity leaping in his direction. The humanoid creature's red, beady eyes locked onto his form and penetrated an ominous feeling into his core. Frozen on the spot, he only had one thought on his mind: protect his wife and unborn child.
What he thought was hours of agony happened in mere seconds, as he slammed into another parked vehicle. The abomination was barely bigger than him, yet he had the strength of a thousand. His vision was gradually blurring into the night, losing focus as the blood dripped down the side of his face. The throbbing pain in his head wouldn't cease, and his limbs could no longer move.
Then he heard her scream, calling out to him, but he was so helpless. His heart shattered to pieces when his name echoed painfully into the night.
He lost consciousness.
.: Survival
Beep. Beep. Beep.
The sound seemed to become louder and more annoying as the seconds progressed, but he couldn't see anything in front of him. He heard things, but his eyes refused to open, having settled with the comfort of the darkness for so long. Although, how long had he been this way?
He tried reaching his hands out, searching for any tangibility to grasp, to validate some sort of existence in himself. An insignificant life that had no purpose till he met her, the woman that gave him the reason to continue to live. He opened his mouth, wanting to call out to her, the name of his beloved wife, yet not a sound was uttered, only the silent movement of his mouth pronounced each syllable of her name.
His throat was severely parched, continuously voicing his need of her until he could hear her name with his ears upon his own lips. He sought her presence to comfort the strange feeling of helplessness. His eyes remained closed, but he felt something lift from the lower half of his face and the coolness of an object touched his dry lips. The refreshing water was much needed in his system, and he welcomed it without any hesitation.
He tried again, calling his wife and hoping that she was there. He wanted to see her, to know that he had done all he could to guarantee her safety, at the cost of his own life. He brushed pass the fear and nervousness and opened his eyes for the first time, in who knew how long, but no sign of her. He heard a noise to his right, and he quickly looked over, but the person standing in the doorway was not her either.
Just a girl, a mere teenage girl. A strange looking girl with long, odd-colored hair and eyes as red as blood. She was dressed in black from head to toe, as if to reflect her inner self in the fashion she wore. He never met her before, not even with his job that usually had him meeting various types of people in life, and she was too young to be a nurse or doctor. Maybe a volunteer, but just her appearance brought uneasiness to him.
She stared at him briefly before turning to the side table and placed the glass of water down. She faced him again without a word and appeared to be studying him. Seeing her in such an indifferent state, a sudden pain washed over him, and he knew, just knew things were not right. He whispered his wife's name once more, voice cracked with raw emotions.
Her hands dropped in front of her, clutching the hem of her jacket tightly to steady her trembling hands. She closed her eyes and looked away.
"Your wife... and daughter did not make it."
.: Rebirth
A month later after the funeral for his wife and unborn child, he had visited them one early morning at the neighborhood cemetery. He seemed exhausted, looking haggard and aged beyond his years, since his release from the hospital, but he attempted to smile just for them. He never stayed too long, for fear of losing himself, and always ended the visit with a quiet prayer.
When he exited through the gates, he noticed the girl leaning back on the bench, with a juice box held in her lap. She was staring up at the blue skies through the shade of the trees, and in that moment, she looked at peace. She straightened her posture when she sensed him in the vicinity. She then heard his footsteps approaching, and he sat down next to her.
"Thank you," he said, and she glanced at him, sipping the juice through the straw. "I never properly thanked you for saving my life."
She looked away, trying to conceal her regret, whispering, "I wish I could have done more."
"I haven't asked for your name either."
There was no reply, only the sound of the last bit of juice being drained from the box, yet he still waited for the name of his savior. He wanted to know what kind of girl she was, to have faced the crazed killer that night and managed to be victorious in spite of the sheer power and horror, but at the same time, he knew she wasn't normal. He knew she wasn't even human, or at least part of her wasn't.
No, that was insensitive of him. This girl had saved him and also the only one who had visited him during his recovery in the hospital. She was the only one who had cared? The only one he had left that knew of his existence and the tragedy weighted in his heart and the burden of surviving alone.
"Does it matter?"
He was surprised, "To thank you prop-"
"There's no need. We are strangers after all."
He felt a sudden stab to his chest and stared at his hands guiltily.
"But I am tired," she sighed. Their eyes met, and she spoke to him gravely, "If you wish, I will live as your daughter." She touched his forehead with her index finger, "I can help ease your pain, Daidouji-san."
His eyes widened at her offer, and his mind was lost in thought, thinking how insane the girl was. She had no care what happened to herself, but he could tell she silently blamed herself for not being able to save his family. His expression softened when she took her hand away from him, "Mayura. My wife wanted to name our daughter Mayura."
"Then Mayura I shall be."
