It has been three months now since the battle in Archeon against the Lakelanders. Three months since Maven's last breath and giving space to another Calore brother. My family stayed in Paradise Valley, spending as much time with each other as we could. No more worries, no more running off to battle and back again, grateful to be alive. I spent my days lazily with Gisa and Kilorn while my older brothers continued to train. Mom and Dad's relationship have improved steadily now that they're able to do more after Dad's leg healed up, thanks to Sara. We watch over Clara when Farley is too busy with Command work, but the times she returns, there's no tearing them apart. Clara looks more and more like Shade every day.
As part of Julian's job, he travels once a month between Norta and Montfort for a week. He is the proud representative of Silver Nortans and relays important political messages with elected members of Montfort's democracy. It's nice to see him when he isn't so buried in books. He gives me snippets of information about Cal but never too much. Cal has been busy helping restore Norta with other Scarlet Guard and Montfort members there, especially at Ocean Hill. The one true place he could call his, considering it belonged to his mother.
Three long months since we kissed farewell back in Archeon. My heart feels heavy and I've suppressed my own feelings in search of who I am in the time we've spent apart.
I know that killing Maven doesn't make me a monster. At least, that's what Gisa constantly reassures me. I killed an actual monster. Someone who hurt others repeatedly and never took responsibility. I am no longer Mareena Titanos, that girl having died back in the arena with Cal. My lightning is part of me, but I am no longer a face of rebellion, and I am grateful. People no longer recoil in fear at me or my strange powers. I'm no longer a thief, living a simple life of survival. I have Kilorn to thank for reassuring me that I am simply Mare Barrow, with or without her lightning. I am still me at the core. The experiences I went through have turned me into someone stronger, with more value, someone important to the change this world needs. I've learned how to cope with love, heartache, and loss. Compassion reflects my thoughts when it comes to death, after witnessing lives lost from the battles of Norta. I feel more content with myself, knowing my own values and what I stand for. After months of wallowing in my own self misery and hesitation, confidence radiates more often from me.
So why does my expression look so full of nerves in the mirror of my bedroom?
I stare at myself. I'm biting my lip anxiously at the idea of a celebratory reunion dinner with everybody in Ascendant. My dark hair with the ends dyed purple falls gently in soft curls around my shoulders. It's longer than before. My dark brown eyes are accented by Gisa's handiwork with makeup. I'm wearing a deep, burgundy colored dress. It hugs my curves in all the right places and I blush, thinking this may be too much for a simple dinner. It's an off the shoulder dress and my eyes naturally stray to where I expect the brand to be, but it's gone. I had a healer finally get rid of my past nightmares when I was ready to let go.
I hear a low whistle from my bedroom door.
Kilorn stands in the doorway, looking handsome as ever in his own black suit and tie. He looks more muscular despite his wiry frame. He's been working out more with Bree and Tramy, not wanting to be a hindrance to any potential future battles. Even though he focuses mainly on staying out of the way.
"Looking good, Barrow."
I smile, despite my anxiety. "I'm surprised you can actually clean up nicely."
He makes his way over to the mirror, standing beside me. He adjusts his too tight tie, trying to loosen it. It looks crooked instead. "Your mom had to help all of us look presentable, else she wouldn't let us leave the house. Kind of a big deal when not just members of the rebellion are invited."
Premier Davidson was holding a huge feast to celebrate the accomplishments we had achieved in the past year. Usually it'd be a small dinner with strictly key members of the Scarlet Guard and Montfort, but this time he wanted everybody to hear of this good news.
Gisa knocks at my open door. She's wearing a soft pink dress with a high neckline, and her red hair is elegantly lifted up into a bun. More beautiful than I could ever be at 16, despite the frown she's wearing. "Hurry up, you two. We're going to be late."
All three of us walk downstairs to where the rest of my family is waiting. Farley is actually dressed in a red dress for once, the bottom slit for more movement. She's holding Clara closely to her chest, fast asleep. The rest of my family is also dressed for the occasion, excitement humming through the air.
Farley smirks at me. "Took you long enough. I'm starting to think being chronically challenged runs in the family."
Bree folds his arms across his broad chest, huffing. "Not me."
"Or me," Tramy pitches in.
"We must have picked up Mare and Shade off the side of the road," Gisa jokes, referring to our lack of time management.
The room goes quiet for a moment, the mention of one family member missing and unable to see how far we've come. After all, Shade and I, being newbloods, contributed to the cause greatly and yet only one of us is still breathing.
Dad is the first to break the silence with a low chuckle. My mom's soft laughter joins after, and it feels like relief flooding through the room with a twinge of sadness. We all miss him dearly. A month ago, I returned to Tuck Island with Carmadon and a few other greenwardens. I didn't want to leave him abandoned and forgotten. It was an empty island, all supplies having been taken, storages emptied out. It was a hard task. We worked endlessly for a day, creating the island into a glorious memorial to visit every year. Carmadon is a skilled greenwarden, crafting arches of leaves with blossoming flowers towards the gravesite. The island is beautiful in vibrant colors of green, blue, purple, red. The soft, fragrant smell of the flowers wafts throughout the island on the breeze carried in by the salty ocean waves. It is nothing of the place it used to be, having carried runaway families and hardened soldiers in the bunkers. It is warm and welcoming. You can almost feel Shade's presence there when visiting.
Subconsciously, I reach for the purple gem in my ear. Shade is always with me, no matter where I go.
All of us step outside of our house into the warm, summer air. The sun is just beginning to set, casting an orange pink glow across the sky. Two transports wait for us, our family too big to be taken by only one. The drivers are none other than Rafe and Tyton. Rafe grins hugely at us and Tyton simply winks. I'm happy the Premier knew me well enough to send familiar faces rather than friendly Montfort strangers to escort us.
"How you been, lightning girl?" Rafe asks, using my old nickname.
I raise my hands up, allowing the old familiar feeling of my sparks to intertwine through my fingers. "Still alive."
Tyton chuckles at my show of power. I haven't had to use my lightning at all in the past three months. The others have been fighting off measly raider attacks, leaving me truly stress free of anything.
I get on Tyton's transport, along with Farley and Clara, Kilorn, and Gisa. The rest of my family enters Rafe's transport, travelling behind us. Gisa and Kilorn discuss Gisa's love life. She's smitten with the shopgirl in the city, updating Kilorn with details of the dates they've gone on already. Kilorn nods fervently, providing what little advice he can with his lack of experience. I gaze out the window, down the sloping mountains. My hands fidget around, not wanting to think about a certain boy who is sure to be at the feast.
I feel a hand rest on top of my own, stilling me. It's Farley. Ever since Clara's birth, she's become a lot more affectionate towards the people she cares about. It still surprises me to know she considers me as part of her family. I look at her blue eyes holding my stare, knowingly.
"You'll be fine, Barrow."
I exhale. "I know," I lie.
Farley isn't buying it. She adjusts Clara before focusing her attention on me. "You both needed time away from the situation. You made the right choice."
I told him not to wait for me. I told him we needed space, that I needed to figure out who I am after everything. I don't know why I'm so nervous to see him. Am I afraid he's moved on? Am I afraid of how he views me now, after what I had done? He's had time to reflect on choices, same as me. We haven't spoken, except for Julian's updates. I've missed him terribly in the last three months, but it's been a huge comfort to be away from anything political, anything reminiscent of former Silver life. And he is the strongest reminder of what an adventure to near death has been for the past year.
The transport grows quiet, no one wanting to ask me anything about him. Kilorn furrows his eyebrows together, thinking about how this dinner will go. Gisa looks out the window with hostility in her eyes.
She finally looks at me, eyes gleaming. "If he's still upset about your decision months ago, let me know and I'll punch him in the face." Gisa isn't a fighter but right now she looks as menacing as those angry bison we fought a while ago.
I nod, giving her a small smile. Grateful for my family and their protectiveness over me. Grateful that for once, I don't have to worry about their safety anymore. That the roles are reversed, even in a minor aspect.
