When Elena returned to consciousness, she was in hell. Her head ached and every limb was agony to move. She'd never been shot full of vervain before, but she figured out quickly that this was what it felt like.
She groaned, a hand to her forehead as she sat up. A cell? Where was she? Is this the inside of the Salvatore's dungeon?
Oh right. I tried to kill Bonnie.
"Rise and shine, sunshine."
Damon was just out of reach on the other side of the door. He smirked at her as she registered the situation completely.
"Ok Damon, you got me to feel. I'm annoyed. Will you let me out now?" Elena scowled.
"Naw." Stefan was there too. Elena let a sigh of frustration go. "Maybe when we're sure you won't kill all your friends on a whim."
Elena stood up and walked over so she was facing the door. She wanted to tear it from its hinges and snap both their necks. More than that, though, she was hungry and they'd laid a blood bag on the floor for her.
She swept it up and bit off the neck of the pack.
"So what's the plan? Tell me stories about us until I feel again? Because I can tell you right now that that's not going to work." She laughed, putting as much sarcasm as she could into her words.
"Well I'm sure we'll figure something out." Damon wiggled his eyebrows at her. "Until then, you, missy, are on a time out."
"You're just going to leave me in here?" Elena growled.
Stefan turned to leave.
"Yup."
"Best behavior." Damon told her.
Elena was silent.
"So, what is our plan?" Damon asked.
"I think we should just keep her down there until she's bored and frustrated enough to listen to whatever we say. Then we hit her with everything- Jeremy, Alaric, Jenna, everything she mentioned to us right before she switched off her emotions. All the things that used to matter the most."
"Seems kind of brutal."
"She just tried to kill Bonnie. If we don't do whatever we can, she's going to do something she won't forgive herself for. I'm ready to be brutal at this point." Stefan said, his mouth set in a grim line.
"Alright. I guess it's worth a shot."
"Elena?"
Elena had heard them coming. There was nothing else to do in this horrible cell other than listen very hard. Bonnie and Stefan.
"You tried to kill me." Elena said, matter-of-factly. Her instincts screamed "threat" when she saw Bonnie.
"Yeah, well so did you." Bonnie frowned. She was nervous, clutching her school bag too tightly.
"You're just an obstacle now. I need you out of my way."
"Elena, how can you talk to me that way? We were best friends. Don't you remember? Don't you remember all the times we ate lunch together, talked together, laughed together? Cried together? We've known each other our entire lives. You're like my sister. Please, come back to me."
"Sorry Bonnie, but that Elena is gone. " Elena was bored now. She pushed down the flash of images that Bonnie's words brought to her mind, distant memories of a distant time, one where Jeremy was alive. If they came too close to the surface- but they wouldn't. She wouldn't let them. She was never going to feel that kind of pain again. She was going to live this way, pleasantly numb, for the rest of her long life.
"Elena, please." Bonnie whispered. Tears were forming in her eyes. Stefan looked from Bonnie to her in that way she was accustomed to now- poorly masked judging eyes, a set frown.
"Look, just get out of here. I don't want to look at your face anymore." Elena stated in a monotone.
Bonnie silently wiped the tears from her eyes and turned to leave. Stefan cast her one more look that let her know he was still judging her and followed Bonnie out.
"You're really campaigning for bitch of the year, huh?" Damon smirked at her, waving another blood bag through the bars before tossing it through. He kept a safe distance. Damon was smart, he knew she would try to grab him through the bars if she could. She hated that about him sometimes.
"Why don't you just leave me alone to rot in here. I kind of like it: quiet, peaceful, no one harping on me. Well, most of the time."
Elena sped over to the blood bag and started to sip on it.
Damon watched her. The sight of blood on her mouth brought to mind the first time he taught her to feed. She had been deliriously happy then, throwing herself into his arms. He remembered how she smelled, the feel of her lithe and slender body in his arms. And of course, her beautiful laugh in his ear.
"Stop."
"What?"
"Stop watching me. It's creepy." Elena wiped the blood from her mouth. She looked away from him quickly. A beat. Then she met his eyes, and her mouth had curled into a cruel little smile. "You know, when you think about it, our entire relationship was pretty creepy. I was completely smitten by the sire bond when we had sex. Some might say that you took advantage of me." Her bright eyes watched him for signs of pain or discomfort at her words.
Damon tilted his head to the side, refusing to let her see the twinge of pain her words incited in him as she reduced their night together to that. He crossed his arms and leaned against the stone wall, putting up a smirk to match her sadistic expression.
"You know I never would have slept with you if I'd been aware of that. You'll understand once you get your empathy back."
"But you did. And I had no control over myself, I was supernaturally inclined to do anything to make you happy. When I get my emotions back, do you really think I'll feel the way you do- that it was a magical, special night... or will I look at it as a mistake? A violation?"
"I know what you're doing. It's not going to work." Damon said quietly.
"What? Telling the truth for once?" Elena stretched, nonchalant. "God! It feels so good, not worrying about what other people think all the time, how they feel. I can just tell the truth and not care about the results. And the truth, Damon, is that whatever you thought we had was a lie. You should just give up on the old Elena because even she didn't love you. I know that now, now that the sire bond is broken. Without the influence of the sire bond-" She approached the small window in the door and curled her fingers around the bars. Her predatory eyes glinted at him in the darkness "I never would have given you the time of day. I would still be falling asleep next to Stefan every night, the only man who has ever owned my heart." She whispered, her eyes boring into him.
He couldn't fake that her words didn't hurt. Of course that's how he felt, and of course she was using it against him. Yes, it was probably true, but that wasn't important right now. This wasn't about him. This wasn't about their relationship. This was about saving her from the self-destructive whirlwind of impulsivity and instinct she had become.
"Funny, you don't seem to care what he thinks now either."
"I don't care what anyone thinks, Damon. That's the whole deal here: I. Don't. Care."
"Sure, sure. I get that. Loud and clear." Damon pushed off of the wall. He couldn't handle much more of this without revealing how much it hurt him. Before he left, though, he needed test out his theory.
He looked fearlessly into her eyes again. She was uncomfortable when he stared at her before, when he was imagining what it was like to hug her. This Elena was cruel when she was in danger of feeling something. He knew that trick all too well. Maybe it wasn't about what he said, then, but about showing her how much he cared about her. That had always been what their relationship revolved around anyway- the unsaid.
He searched her face, remembering the sensations when he kissed her. The heaven that was her lips. His hands on her waist, running along her curves. The strength she transferred to him when he saw her reassuring smile, her warmth too much to contain.
Sure enough, the sadistic glow in her eyes faded at his gaze and she turned to avoid it. She walked away from the bars, gracefully reclined on the bed, and lay with her back to him.
"I'm done talking to you, Damon. Leave."
Damon smirked. He knew he'd won this round, and he suspected that she did too. He'd seen the flicker of recognition and fear in her eyes, fear of feeling.
"A week. She's stubborn, I'll give her that."
"I don't think stubbornness is the main problem. We just suck at this." Damon shrugged. Stefan poured himself tea and sat down next to him on the couch. Damon nursed his glass of bourbon.
"Well what else can we try? Matt and Caroline both gave it their best shot, even Sherriff Forbes talked to her. I've mentioned Jeremy, Alaric and Jenna at least twice now and she just brushes it off."
"Well, for us, it wasn't what she said to us as much as it was a series of events that forced us to reconcile what was important to us. With her stuck in a cell, it's a little hard to encounter life-changing situations."
"We take her out of the cell and she'll attack Bonnie again."
"So what, we're out of ideas?"
"I don't know Damon." Stefan sighed, his hand to his head. "I just don't know what to do."
Damon stared at the bourbon in his hands. Nothing worked on her. Nothing.
It happened faster than she could see- Damon slipped inside and shut the door behind him. Elena shot up, but it was done. The door was shut, and now she was stuck with Damon.
"Hey. We've got a situation." Damon whispered, touching his finger to his lips to indicate quiet voices were necessary.
"What do you mean?" Elena lowered her voice.
"Werewolf invasion. I hid the keys outside. We're probably safe in here."
Elena gulped. Fear. That's something.
"You aren't going to try to kick them out?"
"I'm done tackling werewolves, thanks, I've been down that road before." Damon drawled sarcastically. "Besides, why would I want to kick them out when I can spend such pleasant quality time with you?"
"What do they want?" Elena rolled her eyes.
"No idea. I hear the cure was stolen right from under Klaus's nose. He probably sent them to search the house and make sure we had nothing to do with it."
"So now we're just stuck in here together?" Elena's eyebrows shot up. Damon didn't blink.
"Sorry I'm such a pain to be around." Damon tilted his head at her, his tone indicating it was clearly the reverse situation. Elena walked back to her bed and fell into it.
"Well, welcome to the land of boring." Elena picked up one of the novels they'd tossed inside for her and thumbed to where she left off. "You could've at least slipped in some magazines from this century." She mumbled, indicating the 18th century novel in her hands.
Damon picked up a book from the stack and began reading as well. The silence settled around them until Elena suddenly dropped her book to her chest and peered at him in suspicion.
"Where's Stefan?"
"Off somewhere. I texted him to stay away until they left."
"I can't hear them moving upstairs anymore. I think they left."
"It seems that way."
"So… go away."
"I didn't bring the key in here just so you could lift it off me and escape. It's right outside the door, hidden behind one of the wall stones. We'll have to wait for Stefan to come back."
Elena narrowed her eyes at him before returning to her book. She was suspicious of course, but they had both heard the quiet feet padding around above them. She likely suspected it was a hoax.
"Since we're here, and you're 100% sire bond free and don't mind giving me a straight answer…" Damon felt his heart speed up. He'd come to the realization that they might never get Elena back, and he needed to ask what remained of her the question that had been burning in him ever since they found out about the sire bond.
"Yes?" Elena set her book down on her chest, her emotionless eyes trained on him.
"Well, you said you didn't love me, you love Stefan." Damon couldn't help a hard swallow as he lost himself in her beautiful, vacant brown eyes. "But that night we spent together… It was the happiest I've ever been in my life. Did it mean anything to the Elena underneath the sire bond? Or was it really something she'd rather forget? Because I'll never forget it. For me, it was everything I've ever let myself hope life would be." Damon hated saying these things out loud, but he had to know. He was completely exposed to her, completely vulnerable. Last time he'd put himself in this position… Katherine ripped his heart out and tossed it on the floor in front of him.
Elena was quiet as she considered him.
"It meant something." Elena said quietly. "But not enough."
"Not enough?" Damon's heart was in his throat.
"It's not enough, Damon, to make me turn my emotions back on. So stop trying and leave me be." He saw a dangerous fire spark in her before she lifted her book in front of her face.
"I'm asking for myself, Elena. I'm asking because you won't hold anything back right now and I think you'll tell it to me straight, not because I'm trying to manipulate you into feeling something."
Elena sighed and sat up, annoyance flickering across her face. She glared at him.
"What if I told you that I needed you?" Damon said, staring determinedly at the floor. "Just looking at you, Elena, helped me get through every day. Just being able to see you smile and laugh. I don't need to be your boyfriend. I don't even need you to like me. But I need you to know that you are the reason that, for the first time in a very long time, I get up every day and think it's worth it. This world, this life, is dark without you in it."
"Stop." Elena's eyes were hard and dangerous. "Just stop. It's pathetic."
Damon took a shaky breath.
"If you're so determined to stay this way, at least let me say goodbye to the woman I loved." Elena's jaw trembled and her eyes narrowed with fury, but she didn't make a move toward him. Damon could barely say the words. He forced himself to choke them out, a tear slipping through his defenses. For the first time since he'd seen her like this, he gave in to the despairing fear that she might never return to him. Why would she? They had nothing worth offering that was even remotely tempting to her. Every reason she had to experience life was stolen from her.
"I miss you, Elena. I miss your laugh. I miss your smile. I miss you in my arms. I need you back, or I don't think I can keep my own emotions on for very long. And I don't want to go back to feeling nothing, not after what you made me feel."
"Stop it, Damon, I'm warning you." Elena was trembling with fury now, and there was something crazy in her eyes.
"You used to be a person who would do anything to help someone you love. Even if you don't love me like you love Stefan, do this for me. Come back for me. I rely on you more than you know...and I'm lost, again, without you." Another tear fell, against his will, down his cheek.
Elena shot from her place on the bed the moment the last word fell from his lips, her hands crushing his throat as she slammed him into the wall. Damon choked as his windpipe collapsed, but he didn't fight her. He was older and stronger, and he could take her if he wanted, but he didn't want to. He couldn't think of a reason to fight back. He needed to feel something from her.
"Stop it!" She screamed, her eyes bloody and her fangs bared as she lifted and slammed him against the wall again. She snapped the ancient wooden torch holder from the wall next to his head and pressed the splintered tip to his chest, just over his heart.
She was going to kill him, and he was going to let her. It was only fitting. She had brought him back to life, and now that life was in her hands.
Damon choked on his words, flecks of blood splattering her face. Elena's wild eyes darted to his mouth, reading what she couldn't hear. Damon tried again, forming the words with his lips, the sick gurgling of blood pooling in the back of his throat the only sound he could make.
"No. No stop, stop, I don't want this. Stop." Elena howled. Her gaze never left his mouth, though, and he knew she had read his lips this time.
I love you.
If she was going to kill him, he needed her to know one last time.
Damon closed his eyes and waited for the wood to pierce his chest. He waited for the darkness, the silence, the peace. The knowledge that he would no longer have to watch this shell of a woman, understanding all that she once was and could have been, destroy everything she cared about.
He waited. He waited for the searing pressure on his throat to dim, for the final stabbing pain in his chest to come and go. He waited.
Elena's warm body collapsed against him, shaking with sobs. Her hands slid from his throat to grasp at his shoulders, all of her weight falling on him. Damon gasped for air as his throat mended slowly, sliding to the ground with his arms around her quivering body, the strength momentarily gone from him.
"Stop it…. Stop it…." Elena moaned over and over, her face buried in his chest. Damon's heart broke with her as he soothed her, caressing her hair and kissing the top of her trembling head.
"I'm so sorry." She gasped, sobs wrecking her voice. "Oh god, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry! It hurts, Damon! It hurts!"
Damon held her tightly to him, whispering in her ear.
"I know, I know. You're forgiven."
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