This is my entry for MissehKeehl's The Completely Serious Adventures of Super-Matt, a collection of Matt crack-fics. :3


It was dark. Maybe a little too dark for Matt's liking.

He tried to sit comfortably in his seat, and set the bag of popcorn neatly on his lap. It wasn't his fault he was this awkward. Wammy's didn't let them out that often and ever since he joined up with Mello and became his right-hand man, he didn't have time to have fun. This was his first time in a movie theater.

He squinted at the screen through his orange tinted goggles. He had been sitting through a countless number of boring commercials and strange yodeling music. He was slowly growing impatient.

"JUST START THE GODDAMN MOVIE ALREADY." Matt yelled from his seat.

An old lady that was sitting in front of him turned around. "Shush your mouth, little boy."

Matt just smirked and popped a piece of popcorn into his mouth.

And suddenly, someone from the heavens came down into the movie theater and finally started the movie.

Music started playing, and a logo, resembling a bronze trophy, came up onto the screen. Spotlights, set on both sides of the trophy, shined on the logo.

That's some really good graphic effects right there. Better than Pokemon. Matt thought, eyes glued to the screen.

A few seconds later, a mammoth, a sloth, and a sabertooth tiger popped up onto the screen. "....What the hell?" Matt was confused. He put his bag of popcorn on the floor and stood up.

"THIS ISN'T FUCKING HARRY POTTER."

The old lady turned around, frowning. "Sit down little boy, you are very disruptive."

Matt, feeling quite embarrassed about his sudden outburst, sat back down on his seat. He took a handful of popcorn and stuffed it into his mouth.

"Omnomnomnom," he chewed the buttery goodness like a pig.

The old lady turned around. "Little boy, please chew your food more quietly and pay attention to the movie,"

"'Kay." Matt replied, swallowing down his popcorn. He looked back at the large movie screen and continued to watch the movie.

"I'm pregnant," said one of the mammoths.

LOL THE FLUFFY ELEPHANT IS PREGNANT. Matt grinned, still chewing like a pig.

A few minutes later, Matt was asleep. And snoring. And talking in his sleep.

"....Mello....gently....not too hard....ugh....that feels nice..."

The old lady twitched, trying her best to pay attention to the movie. Nasty little boy.

Matt's eyes popped open and he stood back up. "I DREAMED THAT MELLO GAVE ME A MASSAGE." he announced.

"Shut up, I don't care!" someone yelled from across the theater.

Matt started fuming, and he picked up his bag of popcorn. He threw it towards the voice, heard the thud of the bag hitting something, and heard a different voice mutter. "Ow,"

Whoops, wrong person.

Someone stood up and he didn't look very happy. He was short and dressed in all-white clothing. He had silver hair, black eyes, and pale skin. He was rubbing his head and glaring at Matt.

"Sorry dude- HEY. You're... Far, or something, aren't you?" Matt yelled.

The rest of the people in the theater groaned. "Get this retard out of here!" someone shouted.

"Yeah." Near's hand trailed to his seat and he picked up a toy robot. He began to cradle it in his arms.

"MELLO TOLD ME TO TELL YOU THAT YOU SUCK." Matt screamed back, roaring with laughter.

Near's eyes narrowed and he slid his hand into his pocket and pulled out a walkie-talkie. He brought the walkie-talkie to his mouth and started mumbling into it.

Matt looked in confusion at him and sat back down. Suddenly, a group of security guards marched in.

"I wonder who's in trouble." Matt sneered. Little did he know, it was him.

The security guards approached Matt and grabbed him by the arms, catching him off-guard.

"W-wait, what's going on?!" Matt yelled, flailing his arms. Near stood there, watching, giving Matt what almost looked like an evil smile.

The whole movie theater clapped and applauded as Matt was dragged out of the movie theater by Near's personal security guards.