No Air

You thought you had the perfect relationship. Then again, thinking is so much different than reality. Your boyfriend of one year, James, had it all going for him. He was getting ready to start his summer tour with his band Big Time Rush. He lived in a house about 10 times the size of yours. He drove the fancy cars. He pretty much lived high and mighty. But that didn't bother you; you loved him for what was underneath. But one day, what you loved really showed its true colors, and you weren't sure about anything anymore.

"What do you mean you don't want me to go on the tour (y/n)? It's my fucking job, I don't have a choice!" James screamed at you for what seemed like the tenth time today. "You don't get it, do you James? You don't get that there are tons of girls out there who are going to be all over you! I'm sorry I can't help getting jealous, I am your girlfriend after all" you respond, sitting down on the couch, pulling your knees up to your chest. "Jealous? (Y/N), you have nothing to be jealous of, you know that I only have eyes for you! Now stop being a stupid little bitch about everything and let me pack, I do have to leave tomorrow you know" James said, turning away from you and started to walk down the hallway to your shared bedroom. "Wha- what did you just call me?" you stutter, trying to not let the tears fall. You've been called tons of names before, but hearing it come from James' mouth really hurt. "(Y/N), I-I didn't mean it like that, you-you know I love you" he said quietly, walking back to you. He tried to bring you into a hug, but you stopped him. "Leave" you say flatly. "But (Y/N), I-" James said with a shocked expression on his face. "I said leave James! We're over, done, finished! Go have fun on your fucking tour, I don't want to see you ever again!" you scream, walking over to the front door and flinging it open. James just looked at you, no response or anything. The tears just fell as he walked out the door and you closed it behind him. You walked to your bedroom, took one of James' hoodies out of the closet and put it on. The reminiscing smell of his cologne made the tears fall even faster. You just lost your life, your everything. And now it seemed that it was harder to breathe now that he was gone.

You slept for what seemed like hours before you awoke to the sunlight shining through your blinds. You looked over at James' side of the bed, and a panging ache in your heart reminded you that he probably was never coming back. You walked out to your kitchen, seeing the coffee was already made, James' bags were gone, and there was a note labeled with your name on it on the counter. You opened it, and the tears began to fall as you began to read:

Dear (Y/N),

Well I'm sitting in your kitchen while writing this. I had to come get the rest of my stuff before I left for the tour. God, I'm crying like a big baby right now, here goes nothing. (Y/N), I'm so sorry. I can't lose you. Please. You're my life, my other half, my everything. My entire world revolves around you. I live to see you smile, your beautiful face, and your adorable laugh. I love being able to wake up to you in the morning. I love calling you mine. Well, called. I don't exactly know where we stand right now, because I screwed up. Big time. I didn't realize how big of an asshole I was being to you. I was just so stressed about work and the tour that I've been taking it out on you. And I should have never done that. You mean so much to me; I can't explain it in words. Without you in my life, I feel like someone knocked the wind out of me, and my breathing hasn't returned to normal. I didn't even go to sleep last night, because of this heartache. (Y/N), I'm not asking you to come back to me, frankly I don't know why you would because I don't deserve you at all, but just please forgive me. I never meant to hurt you like that. That was never my intention. I love you. So much. And I'm sorry.

Xoxo, James

The tears just fell faster as you set the letter down on the counter. You felt stupid and ashamed of yourself. You didn't think that this would even take any effect on James. You looked at the clock as it read 7:30am. James' flight didn't leave until 9. You quickly ran back to your room, through on some clothes, and jumped into your car and headed to the airport.

"Dude, cheer up already, we're going on tour" Kendall said, nudging James in the shoulder as they waited at the airport. It was 8:45am, and their flight had been delayed an extra hour. "Yeah Kendall, because it's so fucking easy to get over heartbreak. You don't realize that (y/n) was my damn life, and she's probably never coming back" he said angrily towards Kendall, tears brimming in his eyes. "Think again James" Carlos said with a small smile on his face. James quickly turned around in his seat to see you standing there. He practically sprinted over to you, taking you into his arms and kissing you passionately. "I thought you'd never come back, I'm so sorry (y/n), I never meant to say th-" James rambled on, but you cut him off by kissing him again. He smiled into the kiss, squeezing you tightly, resting his chin on the top of your head. Living without James in your life is like living in a world with no air. And for right now, that world can stay where it's at.