Mix Tape

"Well Caroline, you completely fff-bloody balls-ed that up" She muttered to herself as she threw her overnight bag onto the back seat of the Jeep and slammed the door.

Rolling her eyes and looking to the heavens, she gave out a huge sigh and yanked the driver's door open. She was torn. She really wanted the get out of this place and away from all the 'could have beens' but she also knew that Kate was still here, with that jerk, doing God knows what and wanted to make things right.

Caroline stood motionless on the gravel of the car park, open door in hand, and for once in her life she had no bloody idea what to do. She had told herself that this weekend was meant to be about her and Kate connecting. Caroline knew deep down though, that hadn't been the whole story. Kate was right, she was here for the wrong reasons. She'd chosen not to listen to how important a baby was for Kate and thought, as people usually do, that she would come around to her way of thinking. In reality she was the jerk. She couldn't go back into the hotel, Kate had made it perfectly clear that she wanted Caroline to leave. Caroline was lost in her thoughts "What did she have to offer anyway? She couldn't give her a baby. She'd made it sound like she was only with Kate to secure her home and the intimacy and love between them that had been so terrifying for Caroline, but so life affirming had, to Kate, been mediocre and embarrassing"

"Oh buggar this!" Caroline exhaled as she thrust herself into the seat of the Jeep. She slammed the door behind her and put the key in the ignition.

"Embarrassed fumbles?!" Caroline was in between anger and complete devastation. She had thought that what they had, their love making in particular, had been amazing. On the odd occasion, earth shattering and toe curling.

"How can she think that? She is clearly better off without me!" As soon as Caroline said the words the anger was instantly replaced by sheer and utter, well, grief.

The floodgates opened and Caroline sat there for, she didn't know how long, sobbing. Body aching, soul shattering waves of devastation.

"She's not better off without me, and I am certainly not better without her. She makes me better" She thought to herself. "I can't talk to her like this though. We need to cool down. I'll call her when I get home"

Caroline had managed to compose herself enough to see through tear stained eyes. She turned the key in the ignition and once again broke down. The radio had sprung to life and she was shocked to be confronted with the lovely sound of Kate's voice seeping out of the speakers.

"Errm Hi Caroline, darling, I've never really done one of these before but I wanted, well as a piano teacher I've obviously put some songs on a CD before but, anyway I'm getting off track (laughs)" Caroline stared at the radio, eyes wide and transfixed.

"I just wanted to tell you that you are amazing and to thank you for taking me away for my birthday. I can't wait to spend my life with you and our new family. Here are a few songs that remind me of you. Love you….opening bars of music"

"How? When?" Caroline knew full well when Kate had slipped this into the radio.

-Previous day-

Kate and Caroline arrived at the hotel and grabbed their bags from the back of the Jeep. Caroline was so excited to be here but there were a few things on her mind.

"ooooh text from Greg, he says he's running on time and is looking forward to meeting us in the bar at 6.30" Kate said as they started the walk across the gravel.

Caroline, gave a slight nod but couldn't help feeling a little ambushed. This was meant to be just the two of them and now she was going to have to persuade Kate that it was best not the try for a baby, whilst the person who could actually give her that sat across from them. Caroline tried the change the subject.

"When we were leaving just before, my mom said this thing, she said we've discussed it and Alan doesn't mind if you want to call him dad now that we are married"

"is that not, well that's nice isn't it?" Kate asked

"well, I don't know, I like Alan, I like him a lot, but he's not my dad. My dad's dead, but he's still my dad. He'll always be my dad for all his faults"

"Did you say that?"

"No, she wouldn't want to hear it.

Caroline gave Kate a sly little smirk that suggested that she had other things on her mind and wanted to get inside. As they started the walk up the path Kate quickly turned the Caroline.

"Oh rubbish, Caroline, I've errm left the errm iPod charger in the car. Can I have your keys?"

"It's ok, you can just use my phone charger."

"No no I want to get that one that way neither will die on us!"

Caroline gave a little chuckle and handed over the keys.

"You know if you wanted to do a runner, you could've just said haha! I'll meet you by the front door, don't be long"

Kate loved it when Caroline was in a jovial mood. It didn't happen often enough, what with work and home stresses. It made Kate fall in love with her all the more.

Kate practically sprinted back to the car, she had been planning this surprise ever since Caroline told her they were going away. She wanted to give something the Caroline to show how much she loved her.

She pulled out the CD and popped it into the player. It was worth the embarrassment of having the listen to herself on the way home together.

Back in the present, Caroline was still sitting in her car, weeping as she listened to song after song. Each one conveying more love than the last.

"Why couldn't I have been stronger? How can someone who makes a CD like this be so dismissive of our lovemaking? I can't believe how much I have hurt her. Now she is in there, having sex with someone else!" Caroline thought to herself.

"I need to get out of this ffff-bloody place!"

Caroline slammed her finger on the mute button, turned the car and shot off with more speed than was strictly legal.

Note – The idea was to right about 15 chapters in this series. One for each song on the playlist. If you would like to submit suggestions for songs, I will endeavour to write a story based around it :) Thanks for reading so far.