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p style="max-height: 999999px;"emstrongspan style="font-family: Verdana, Verdana, Arial;"span style="font-size: 13px;"Irony'sNote: Just read from the end of chapter 5, everything before that is a funny little joke./span/span/strong/em/p
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p style="max-height: 999999px;"Saiga looked deep into his beloved Ichigo Kurosaki-kuns eyes, they were in so much butt love. "call me rukia, you sexy thang you," he demanded sexily of his lover. He always demaded sexily. The reason he wanted to be called rukia was because she was a pretty hot bitch, if a little cold. Saiga chortled at his pun./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;""Um, ok, rukia" said ichigo, a note of desperate panic rising in his voice. He looked at the exit and shook his head. The stockholm syndrome was really starting to kick in./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"Rukia tenderly caressed ichigo's bruised cheek. He normally didn't notice the bruises, but they were always there. "I want it…up the butt" he whispered into ichigo's tender and many ear./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;""of, of course rukia," ichigo forced out with a pained cringe and prepared himself./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"But lo! The worlds shifted and Super Sayajin 3 Hitler burst into the room. "Saiga and ichigo!" he vellowed in badly translated german. "the galaxy is in danger, and we need your help."/p
p style="max-height: 999999px;""I'm rukia" said saiga dangerously. "refer to me as rukia," he said to both hitler/p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"Hitler gave him a dude-ye-be-so-retarded look. "rukia, your our best agent. You killed the most jews and that upstart SA leader Romm- rolf- himml- you killed him anyway. You are you best nazi ever and the space jews are attacking."/p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"In reality, Saiga didn't hate jews because that would be a PC shitstorm, but he did hate clowns and their clown language. He punched Hagrid in his giant giants dick and stole his motorcycle. Perhaps he would play a card game on it later, saiga foreshaowed. "get on luvvykins~" he said to ichigo who flinched at the noise. "race you to space, space hitler!"/p
p style="max-height: 999999px;""AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" shouted space hitler as he began to power his power up to maximum over nine thousand!/p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"Ichigo gingerly got on the bike with a wince, he was always wincing but rukia never seemed to take the hint./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;""adventure time!" cried saiga in childish delight as the motorbike flew into the sky. "Caaaal meeeeee Ruuukiaaaaaa!" he shouted to ironypus. I rolled my eyes./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;""now we sing the motorcycle song don't we boyo?" threatened rukia lovingly./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"Ichigo let a single tear escape, "get your motor running, get out in the highway-"/p
p style="max-height: 999999px;""fuck no, that shit be whack!" siaga hit ichigo on the nose. That was the song for ten minutes ago. "it goes, Jitensha!"/p
p style="max-height: 999999px;""Jitensha…" muttered ichigo./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"Rukia nodded sinisterly, "yeah it's a good one innit boy"/p
p style="max-height: 999999px;""jitensha…"/p
p style="max-height: 999999px;""JITENSHA! JITENSHA!~" sang rukia as they blased off into the stratosohere. They didn't freeze to death because rukia was a wizard./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"The vacuum of space was a wondr to behold. A loud beep sounded from within saigas helmet. It was Deckard motherfucking cain. Fuck./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;""I've seen a lot of horrible things in my travels but none more vile than the WRETCHED MOTHERS!" Deckard quoth from his tome of forgotten eldritch lore./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"Saiga threw his helmet at ichigo. "why did you get me this helmet?! Huh!? Idiot!"/p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"Ichigo knew better than to tell him rukia boght the helmet. He stemmed the flow of blood from his nose. "jitensha…" he sang wearily. His throat was getting sore after six straight hours./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"This is getting really dull, thought saiga, he was traveling at half light speed but it would take days to get to space jew head quarters. He reached into a dimension where all screamed for naugt and retieved his guitar, given to him personally by good guy lucifer. He stummed a few chords and began busting out a sweet solo. He put his foot on the handle bars and stood up because the car was in cruise control anyway./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"His jazz fusion lick was so tasty. So tasty in fact that it attctarcted sound mites from the next dimension over. Sound mites loved phat beats./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;""ichigo, we've got to take these fuckers down! I am so awesome I am going to take tham down!" rukia projectile vomited vomit at them but they were going forward at light speed so tey were splattered with vomit. Luckily rukia was a wizrd./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;""I'll just…shall I?" queried ichigo, cowering from rukias glare./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"Rukia nodded curtly./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;""final gatsuuga jitensha!" ichigo cleave dthe sound mites with his bankai sword thing. It wasn't really a sword, but a large purple dildo rukia liked to call Kenneth. But it was still sharp./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;""gnnnneah whatever" said saiga, very put out about how useless he was./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"He pulled a devil fruit from his pocket./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"Saiga looked apprehensively at the fruit. It was shapped like a phallus. A dirty great phallus in his hand and he was going to eat it. Its testicles looked like a bunch of smaller phalii. Fuck./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"Rukia took a bite out of the fruits fruits knob. It tasted like a mustard cartilagewich. Rukia hated mustad. But she ate it anyway. The balls of dickfruit tasted like jizzy victory./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"And then quite suddenly all of a sudden, Nigel Thornberry Dickspider burst from a void in space and leapt at rukia. It was the new enemy she could test her powers against. But a nigel Thornberry dickspider was not a foe to be unwary of./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"Its head was one of Nigel Thornberry. Its body dick with the head of Thornberry attached to the heads eye and the eight spider legs spread down the shaft. It's cold fusion reactor spewed thrust out the nether twixt the balls./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"The dickspider sped towars siaga at frightening speeds and collided with is face./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"Siaga burst into dicks. This was the best power ever. The dicks attacked the dickspider like a swarm of dickbees. Stinging and biting, the rukia dickswarm reformed into a congealed blob of flesh that soom took on human resemblance. "fear me and my mighty dick powers!" rukia cried in elation./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"Ichigo cried in fear./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;""BLARGARG!" offered the dickspider politely,, for he was agentleman of class and stature./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"This incensed rukia for some reason and she turned into a mighty dick, fathoms deep and wrapped around the dickspder, crushing the life out of it. But nigel thronberry wasn't a dickspider for nothing!/p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"Quick as fetishist, nigel dickspider turned his thrust of full bore, burning saigas tender dickflesh. He bit at the dickflesh beore him, sinking his powerful dickthorn fangs into the soft skin./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"Rukia screeched in pain and scattered into a cloud of microscopic dicks. The dickcloud drifted towards nigel thronbryy dickspider and invaded his dicklungs. Once he was inside the dickspider's dicklungs, he coagulated himself into a larger dick. The nigel Thornberry dickspider had the most unpleasant experience of drowning in dicks./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"A multitude of dicks burst from nigels dickthroat, coalescing into one great big dicksaiga. "is that the best you have got dickspider-san?" rukia quipped, "go run home to your dickwife!"/p
p style="max-height: 999999px;""BLARGARG" said the dickspider, for reasons he could not fathom this dickmanthing was behaving in a manner most unbecoming of a gentleman. "BLARGARG" he pleaded his case to the dickrukia./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;""go suck a dick!" said rukia, now back in rukia form./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"Nigel Thornberry the dickspider teleported home, away from this uncouth thug. Must unsavoury. But he would be back./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;""ahshit…" whispered ichigo to himself, a habit he had picked up of late. "that was a lot of dicks"/p
p style="max-height: 999999px;""shut up, dikchigo!" chortled rukia the dick, pleased with her play on words. "and now ride me like a horse, we have to go kill space jews in space!" he turned into a dick large enough to ride./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"Ichigo let out another tear and got on, he thought of his past life. He wanted that back, and he would have it…one way or another./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"A shadowy council of space jews sat around an oblong table, discussing money and little hats and money. Among the seated was zoidberg, the lobstermanthing. Then watto from the star wars franchise. Accompanying him as his gimp slave was Chewbacca. Davros was next, looking entirely unsure of how he got here. Erogon the fagon rider was next to him, talking loudly about how he 'totally nailer arya so hard last night dudes I swear, I am not gay'. Apparently eragon wasn't gay./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"Rossamund bookchild was nailed to his chair, this was his accustomed practice. For a monster that guys ure is racist. So crazy racist./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"Last but not last were the dinosaur comics conglomerate. T-rex was at the head having opinions, utahraptor was correcting him and droneciouecioueciouecs stood in the background, forgotten./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"Walt Disney burst into the room, he was all cut up and stuff. "ma peepios! We got ourselves a new membah! Feast yor eyes on rukiaaa, mayn!". Walt Disney was a space jew. Obviously./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"This was the real rukia, not the saiga whi wanted to be ukia for ichigo./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;""ice to meat you" said rukia. "I'm sure we will all be very god fiends"/p
p style="max-height: 999999px;""I feel that we poorly represent our comic" said t-rex loudly, talking over her, "I do my best not to be a crazy racist"/p
p style="max-height: 999999px;""you know t rex" said utahraptor, "that there are four carbon atoms in the outermost ring of an electron"/p
p style="max-height: 999999px;""boiz-" began walt before being cut off by davros./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;""I too feel poorly repsesented, I mean, I doo my best to be a crazy rcist" davros confuzzled "but I am in space jew space council in space? And my lignting hand is malfunctioning, who split coffee on it?"/p
p style="max-height: 999999px;""my bad-" zoidberg began before he was cut off by rossamund./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;""I am your god now, bring me your virgins!" te small boy monster bellowed. He was ignored./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"Chewbacca tried to say something but his leather mask wouldn't let him and then watto punched him in his wookie belly./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;""we must construct additional pylons, we need more resources!"/p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"Yes, mused walt, this was more like it. Crazy racism andmoney management. That was what his retirement home was all about./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"Rukia and ichigo were taking turns smoking pot and crak and heroine all mixed up in a bong made from the remains of a star whale they had just slain epically. Well, ichigo slew it, rukia was still useless./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;""it's like" said ichigo dreamily, "the establishment is briging us down man"/p
p style="max-height: 999999px;""yeah" saiga replied "the labour parties-"/p
p style="max-height: 999999px;""naw man, the liberals!"/p
p style="max-height: 999999px;""the liberals are making it hard for me to find decent work, yknow?"/p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"Ichigo shook his head and breathed out some smoke "their legislations are bullshit man"/p
p style="max-height: 999999px;""why cant they just pass, like, a free money law?"/p
p style="max-height: 999999px;""or an everyone gets everything equally law?"/p
p style="max-height: 999999px;""oh man thatd be so great, were genius's we invented world peace! All we need is for everyone to be equal, man"/p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"Ichigo dropped an E. he was going to be tripping all the balls./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"Rukia snorted fifty grams of cocaine. Cracker be trippin./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;""gah!" said ichiga a short time later, "I'm tripping balls!"/p
p style="max-height: 999999px;""oh now I am reipping balls" said rukia/p
p style="max-height: 999999px;""were tripping balls!"/p
p style="max-height: 999999px;""dude I'm tripping balls"br /"dude emI'm/em tripping balls!"/p
p style="max-height: 999999px;""oh wait, I feel fine"/p
p style="max-height: 999999px;""my balls are tripping balls!"/p
p style="max-height: 999999px;""oh there it goes"/p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"Needless to say. They were tripping balls./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"Space hitler appeared inside te arbys. "heil me and whatnot! Why are yew not killing ze jooz?"/p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"Rukia looked at hitlers enormous golden hair "that looks like so sof can I touch it of course I ca touch it just let e touch it cmon man don't be a dick and let me toch it!" he said all of this very quiackly./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"Ichigo's screms were a silent symphony he could not share./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;""are you two trippijng balls right now?" asked space hitler coyly./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;""nooo" choroused the boys and girls./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;""because it looks like your tripping balls right now" admonished hitler./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;""were not tripping balls mr space hitler" they told him./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;""emstrongthen get to fucking work"/strong/em hitler spat. He had no time for this bullshit. He grabbed the waitress an crushed her head like agrape, a blood grape made of blood and brains. He tore her in have vertically, spraying the apathetic patrons on gore./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;""you miserable little fucks!" hissed hitler, "puissant! Jaccuse! Jamappele le poisson! Le poisson!"/p
p style="max-height: 999999px;""tu le mondl, je suis desiree" cried a surprised rukia. That was way below the belt./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;""you cant just come in here with your fancy shoes and tell us to kill all the space jews!" protested ichigo, "its tacky, for one, and also it is lazy"/p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"SS3 space hitler tore his arm off. And beat him with it. Now who's tacky?/p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"Still probably space hitler, though./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;""you're a dick space hitler" whispered an aghast saiga, how could ichigo give him two handed hand jobs now?/p
p style="max-height: 999999px;""Na-Zi" said space hitler, brigning his hands together "Na-Zi" the light was getting brighter. "HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAA!"/p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"The beam of pure racism blasted rukia of his foot and filled him with hate for sace jews./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;""let that be a lesson to you" said space hitler and e ordered a croissant and left./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;""well, we better go then" mumbled rukia into his pig pate of waffles./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;""yes, let us" replied konan. Konan and minato left the donut king in search of pastures green. Pastures green was, incidentally, the name of the new theme park catering specifically to lovey dovey couples which suited ichigo and minato just fine./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"Rukia and koanan found te pastures green after ten minutes of punchin sonic to get directins, sonic was a dickmunch. He told them they were too slow. They showed him too slow./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"Ichigo and Konan, sucked off the guy at the entrece to get free entry and went inside. It was beautiful. There were happy couples everywhere just like them. Naruto nad Anko, Barak Obaba and Dalek Kaan, Frodo and Shelob, mrs potts and mothra, grimjaw and Ronald wesly, luffy and usuagi, they were all there. Having couples fun./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"Rukia and ichigo left konan and minato behing to go and make out sexily. Rukia dragged ichigo who seemed to be in some sort of great internal pain and kissed him tenderly on the lips. How siaga loved ichigo, he loved him so much. I only rukia couldbe here too to make it all super perfect, he thought, sucking ichigos tungsten tongue./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"Ichigo pushed her away and gave her his best 'sultry -abused-boyfriend' look. "lets go on the tunnel of love" he whispered licking the wax out of her ear./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;""jus doo eet!" screetched a elated rukia. For once ichigo was manning up and taking control. She liked that in a man./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"On the way rukia purchased a long strip of red licorish so they could re-enact lady and the tramp together it would be so fuking hot just you wait. Ichigo led her by the tenderly tender hand tenderly into the tunnel of love./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;""come, my sweet" he purred "join me forever"/p
p style="max-height: 999999px;""oh ichigo, this is the happiest day of my life!" rukia hissed sexily, cupping his junk./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"Ichigo flinched but managed to smile "come, mine love. And we shall be together forver more. Just like in high school musical 7"/p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"Rukia came. He loved high school musical 7. There was, strangely, no line for the tunnel of love. Rukia guessed everyone else must be in te love hotels. Too bad for them, they wouldn't get to experience true romance./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"The conductor, a green man with enormoudly pufy lips, let them on with a smile showing sharp teeth./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"Hot, thought saiga, vowing to file his own teeth to points./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"There was a sharp jerk as the ride started, throwing a ready rukia into ichigo's lap. She wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed his neck. "we should totally have sex" he demanded./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;""umm" ichigo stammered, "don't you want to eat the red vine first? For maximum erotic impact?"/p
p style="max-height: 999999px;""yeeessss" hissed rukia, producing the vine and sticking one end in her mouth. "eat it slowly…" she threatened./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"Ichigo gatered the red sweet with his sexy tungsten tongue sexily and began to chew slowly, prolonging the horror. Soon enough their mouths met in a gloriously sloppy brew of saliva and red vine. Lips mashing together like horny sea slugs, rukia and ichigo had sexy awesome makeouts./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"Unbeknownst to rukia but painfuly beknownst to ichigo, the ride was taking a darker turn. Water leaked from the rusty overhead pipes that crisscrossed the ceiling like oxidised snakes that seemed ready to drop and crush him to death into the covering of some sort of liquid on the floor barely an inch deep./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"The ride grated to a stop before a large set of gates. Inside the gates was darkness./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"Shit, thought ichigo, hoping rukia would get off him soon./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"A presence stirrede, a vile miste gathered. Ichigo realised that dead C'thulu lay dreamin. And he wasn't dead any longer. The realisation hit him in the face like a sack of Kenneth. They wernt in pastures green, they were in the amusement park R'lyeh!/p
p style="max-height: 999999px;""rukia we ave to get out of here! C'thulhu will devour us! Devour our cocks!" ichigo spluttered through the spitty redvine./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;""our cocks?! That's oir most vital area!" shrieked rukia, because if they had no cocks they could have sex./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"Cthuloo stirred restlessly, a rushing tangle of shapes and forgotten voices. Ichigo failed his SAN check roll./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"'AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH" bellowed ichigo, lashing out with Kenneth, sending gastsuegars everywhere. His eyes saw only knives. It was the worst pain imaginable./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;""don't worry" said saiga confiedtly "I'll distract him with my I Pony 2!" rukia got out her I pony and threw it at cuthooloo./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"C'thulu grabbed the fell device and beheld a horror even he was proud of. "GOOSH GOOSH!" said the I pony, playing its video./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"And then ctuulhu spoke, a tangle of a thousand dead languages and a thousand cosmic more. The speech burst black from the tentacle confines f his mouth, forming a grotesque bubble intersperced with squiggles of madness./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"Rukia failer her San check . she let go of the tethers of life and drifted away. But a viosn came to her as she tried to die. A supermnyly man, wearing nothing but pants, a cape and sunglasses./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;""you musnt give up" said kamina "don't believe n yourself! Believe in the me who believes in the you!"/p
p style="max-height: 999999px;""FIGHT THE POWAH!" shouted simon, plunging his drill key into c'thulu's head, injecting hot jets of fighting spirit, corrupting the uncorruptable, defeating the undefeatable, kicking reason to te curb! "I NAME YOU, TENGEN TOPPA C'THULHU LAGAAN! JOIN WITH ME MACHINE SPIRIT! WE SHALL BE GOD! AHAHAHAHAHA!"/p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"The cthulhu bot and simon merged into a human sized sort of dragony octopus faced, winged, simon thing. "WE HAVE FOUGHT THE POWAH! WE ARE THE END! FAER US! FEAR US!"/p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"Kamina helped ichigo and rukia up apologetically "sorry, he gets like that some times". He face palmed softly, "simon! Calm down little man!"/p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"Simon looked flaberghasted, "OH SHIT, RIGHT I'M SORRY BRO KAMINA! YOU KNOW HOW I GET WHEN I'M TAKING OVER MECHA!"/p
p style="max-height: 999999px;""well I cant stay mad, after all" kamina flashed grin "I taught you everything you know!"/p
p style="max-height: 999999px;""AW HELLS YEAH BRO!" simon said "LETS GO GET SOME BUD WEISER!"/p
p style="max-height: 999999px;""fool boy!" bellowed kamina "real men drink pabst blue ribbon!"/p
p style="max-height: 999999px;""WELL OK THEN YOU'RE THE BOSS!" said simon, tearing a rip in dimensions, into te dimension of beer. "LETS GO!"/p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"Kamina nodded and turned to rukia and ichigo to offer one last bit of advice before he got too drunk. "Rukia, you must rock the fuck out."/p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"Kamina vanished to the dimension of beer with simon and the rip cloed like an anus./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;""AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" wailed ichigo, his SAN still very low./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;""fuckin faggot…" muttered rukia, kicking him hard in the face. He only screamed louder. In pain of body and mind. She whacked him with Kenneth. He immediately quientened. Good, she though, he stil had all hi training./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;""dexer!" said rukia, "help me carry his body to the car!"/p
p style="max-height: 999999px;""ok" said dexer, preparing his knives./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;""no dexer, nt like that" rukia hit him with Kenneth, "just grab his legs./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"Together rukia and edexer hauled ichigo into hagrids motorcycle. "ok, now dexr" said rukia, "I need you to use yourself s biofuel to power this delorean" indicating th delorean stoled from doc brown which now held ichigo./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;""I live to serve" said dexer, lopping off his right leg witout restraint. Blood poured onto the ground in great splatters. Dexer cut is leg up into strips and fed them into the deloreans fuel tank./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;""good work dexer!" said rukia, noticing the fuel gauge under the handle brs was full./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;""I am content" mumbled a now chalk white dexer, he collapsed to the ground, dead./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"Rukia closed the door and hopped on, straddling the biek. She gripped the steering wheel and pressed the exelerator. The De Loreaen shot off into the sky at 100mph, leaving a trail of fire tracks. Because they didn't need roads./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"It was quite inside the timestreem. Rukia decided to go back in time to kill the space jews when they were still babies. Ichigo finally fuckig woke up. "about fucking time" said saiga./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;""I'm" ichigo stifled a sniffle "very, sorry"/p
p style="max-height: 999999px;""don't be sorry you twat!" rukia hit him again, "do you have the sport almanac?"/p
p style="max-height: 999999px;""yes" mumbled ichigo, handing it over. He didn't know why they needed that but he knew better than to ask./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"Rukia checked a fact or figure and snortd. "I knew the vixens would lose the net ball" she snorted./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"They exited the time stream and craches into Hogwarts! Holy balls! They crashed right into that ancient castle. They got out of the motorbike and walkd into the great hall. All the teachers were there./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"The half ded dumblydore. Minnie the menace mcgonogle. Professor slugshorny. Mr merythought. And even harry potter! But you couldn't tell it was him underneath the flawless disguise./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"In the crown of like twenty students you could see the obviously evil tomothy riddle. He was wearing black and had a goatee. Lucial sat beside him being blond and legolasy. On another tablet wer the maurauders./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"Jaems, lupine, serious , peeta and severuos. They were all such great friends. Lilly was under the table giving james and serverous handjobs because they were in a happy three way relationship./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"Rukia and ichigo stood there dumbfounded. What was this fuckery? How dare JK R.O.W.L.I.N.G get the facts wrong in her books! That useless bitch! Why didn't she write more and better harry potters instead of foucsing on her new crime nivel?!/p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"The bell wrand and professor potter accosted them, he was tall and had a lignin scar on his forehead. "hail fellow time travveler!" he said polirely "it is allways good to meet more of mine kind"/p
p style="max-height: 999999px;""hey harry?" said ichigo, "can I be a wizard?"/p
p style="max-height: 999999px;""verily!" chortled harry, "thy can be the greatest wizd of all time if that is thy wish!"/p
p style="max-height: 999999px;""nope" said rukia, "he wont be doing that. I need the powers here, he can already shoot jitenshas out of Kenneth"/p
p style="max-height: 999999px;""oh rally?!" harry genially spoke " tis amoste fortuitous occurrence for you to turn on on free wizard powerse daye! Whyfoth we muste skewer you upont the fountain of magik!"/p
p style="max-height: 999999px;""if I get any sort of useful power out of this I am so there, never mind the skewering!" said rukia./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"Harry punched her in the tits, jovially, "oh thereest be a most spunky one here, mine boy" he winked at ichigo who blanched, "but thou must walk up to the highest reches of hagrids houst and impale thyself on the solid magik powr!"/p
p style="max-height: 999999px;""touch me again and your going homein a body bag" said rukia. "I'm saving myself for ichigo"/p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"Ichogo retched./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;""yohohohohho" harry cried in mirth "verily verily! Head east, always east!"/p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"Rukia ran off and ichigo thanked harry, begging for some means of self defence. Harry chortled./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"Saiga found hagrids house and spied a great light bursting forth from the back. Rukia ra aroudnd and saw the magic fountain, it was beautiful. A dildo of pure magic. Rukia was going to ned both hands for this./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"He ran forwards, hoping that just maybe it would give him rlity warping powers when….lo! rukia plummeted out of the sky and landed next to the magik giving false phallus. She hopped straight on, vagina first, and milked the power of powers out of it with a powerful orgasm. "This feels grate" she said in elation, feeling the power flow though her. "the space jews will stand no chance"/p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"SPACE JEWS! Rukia had forgotten all about that. "you ahte the space jews too?" she asked, "because we could use some back up"/p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"Rukia nodded in exyacy "just gimmie a minute here"/p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"Ten minutes went by and rukia was getting very bored waiting for rukia to finish working that magical dildo like a pro./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;""ok, I'm done now" said rukia, clambering off and flopping to the grond./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;""about fucking time" muttered rukia, getting upon the magical dildo, but analy since he was a guy. The dildo was self lubing and cleaning because safety first yo guys!/p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"A very shifty looking ichigo and a very genial looking Proffesor Harry arrived midway through the didlo use. "art thou having fun?" asked harry jovially, "thee may wante to teste out thy new powers in the forbidden forest!"/p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"Rukia sighed and extracted the dildo of pure magic giving magic from her anus, dribbles of magic spilling our put her trouwes back on. "ok, off we go ichigo and rukia!"/p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"Ichigo gave a start at the sight of the real rukia and kept trying to serruptitosly signel her./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"Rukia led the way into te forbidden forest, past a rocking car blaring shitty MCR and then past what appeared to be the entirety of seventh year having sex./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;""LOL OMFG" cried one of the hotter bitches, being pumped from behind by mucus flink./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"Tomothy was there, surrounded by attractive females of all races so as not to appear evil. His penis had a goatee as well, and it kept going "MWAhahahaha!"/p
p style="max-height: 999999px;""oh Sandra D" crooned tomo, fondling her breats magnificently like they were made of mega puddi "I am not evil"/p
p style="max-height: 999999px;""J-j-j-j-jam it in!" cried sadny d and the seventeen nad very handsomely eveil tomothy maverlous riddle made sweet sweet vanilla sex to her while simultaneously fingering five other girls./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;""were going to be doing that later" rukia foreshadowed to rukia and ichigo. She brokered no argument in this./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"They got to a clearing full of thestrals which made for good target practice. Rukia activated her magic, felt it flow through he like an extremely defensive river. A yawning void opeed in the space between spaces. A cube of purest darkness. From this cube a thick tendril of greasy black smoke rose before shaping into a dickerfly./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"The dickerfly flapped its four flat phallus wings in unison, they were brightly coloured. Its body was a dick also, its balls were compound dickeyes./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"Fuck, thought rukis, this would be terrible against Nigel Thornberry the Dickspider. In fact, this wwas the shittest power ever! Why did she keep getting dicked over? Jerked around? She felt rubbed out and flaccid. This sucked./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"Beside her, rukia unveiled powers of her own. The nearest thestral imploded in a shower of gore./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"Fuck, decided rukia, all I get to do is summon dickerflys. She summoned a bunch of dickerflys. She frowned in hatered. Fucking dickerflys./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;""a moste stupendous showe!" said harry, producing a goblet of blood, "now let me make it official!"/p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"Grawp the morbidly obese grabbed harry around the middle and the goblet spilled around the dirt, souls crying out in terror and suddenly being silence. "GOOSH GOOSH!" whispered grawp./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"To his credit harry showed no fear, "fool of a took!" he hissed, "you think I am beaten? Guess again maggot, it is emyou/em who shall be skewert bypon emmine /emfagpole!" he turned into yellow mist and reformed around grawps head, lifting the half giant into the air and away into the night./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;""ok, moving along" said rukia, "I believe there was some guff about us killing space jews?"/p
p style="max-height: 999999px;""I'll tell anyone who'll listen" said erigon for the fourth time that hour "arya is so tigt I swear I am not a poofter!"/p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"Walt sighed. Even tax management got boring to a jew after a whole week straight. And he'd alredy worn all his little jew hats. What was a jew to do?/p
p style="max-height: 999999px;""perhaps" said rossamund softly between sips of tea "we could torture more animals for our amusement"/p
p style="max-height: 999999px;""Noy you guys!" said t rex "I don't condone animal cruety!"/p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"He was ignored./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;""SIRS! SIRS!" a young slaves voice rang out as he swept into the room "WE HAVE REPORTS OF A FIRE IN TE STATION AND ALSO THERE ARE PEOPLE COMING TO KILL US!"/p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"Walt diney sighed and force choke dthe slave "I know, I already sent rukia to deal with them" he let the gril drop to the ground./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;""we have reports of ruia joining up with them sir!" the slave guttered like a candle./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"Walt force squeezed her boobs "ergon! Take your fagon and check this mess out"/p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"Eragon looked up from where he was demonstarationg to watto just how he had sexed up arya last night "yeah alright but I'm totally straight! And I have a large penis!"/p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"Walt force choked eragons chicken. Ergon shouted and called his fagon, zoolander./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;""I'm here eragon!" said zoolander the fagon, "hop up on my hydra back!"/p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"Eragon hopped upon zoolander and they floey away into space./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;""now" walt cast his gaze to the slave "we will have sex!"/p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"And they did. Rossamund watched. And fapped./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"The pair of rukias trecked through the gobi desert in search of the lost incan gold. Rukia kept on summoning dickerflys just to see them burn up in the powerful sun. rukias ice powers kept them adequately cool and waterd./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"Every so often one of those dragon things from monster hunter would burst out of the sand and rukia would have to implode it. Rukia really hated today. Why did rukia get all the cool powers when she, rukia, did not? It wasn't fair./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"A new dragon burst out of the sand and rukia used implosion, but nothing happened. A man appeared behind her and grabber her lower arms, rendering her helpless./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;""wow I would so have sex with you because I am straight" said the man "but unfortunately I already have a girlfriend."/p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"Rukia summoned a dickerfly into the face of the man who grinned but then looked terrified./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;""get that disgusting shit outa my face!" he leapt back, letting go of rukia in the process./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"Rukia turned to the fagon. Rukia used IMPLOSION! Nothing happened./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;""dark type fagons are IMMUNE to ghost type attacks, BEWARE!" said Deckard cain./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"Rukia, who was keeping the homophonic man at bay with more dicks, looked over ta the fagon and realised how ridiculously good looking he was./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;""would either fo you two like to donate to my centre?" zoolandeer asked fagonly "the centre for kids who cant-"/p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"He was cut off by a swark of dickerflys. Zoolander snarled in ury and opened his reptilian jaws, expelling a gout of flame shaped like blue steel bats with knees. The dickerflys crumbled to dust./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;""read good and wnt to lear how to do other things good too?" finished the fagona s though he hadn't just been swarmed with dicks./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;""oh I'll donate all right" said rukia, "DONATE MY FIST!" she leapt at the zoolanderish fagon and pnched it on the vajayjay! Blood spueted everywhere! As the fagon bit her in half, that is./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"Rukia shrugged at rukias death, nothing of value was lost. "eragon, I am the real rukia, ou work here is done"/p
p style="max-height: 999999px;""really?" said Aragorn "because I cant tell which rukia is which! Its like fucking parents strap all over again"/p
p style="max-height: 999999px;""don't be a dick Aragorn" said eragon "the other rukia was a dude who I wouldn't suck off bacuse I am not gay!"/p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"Aragon looked shocked! Eragon usually loved his narsil!/p
p style="max-height: 999999px;""well then" sayd eragon "lets go home so I can totally fingerbang arya and devour her lady come via oral sex because I love vaginas"/p
p style="max-height: 999999px;""I'm afraid I cannot" bleated rukia "I have to meat ichigo and recruit him to our couse"/p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"Eragon nodded and hoped astride zoolander the fagon. They fley into the early morning mist, which swirled around them like a sultry veil of bygone times./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"Rukia set off to go find ichigo, together thay would rule the galaxy./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"Off somewhere else, in a pornography studio!/p
p style="max-height: 999999px;""oh yes" said a porn actress, probably Lindsay lohan, as she received the magnificent gift of penis in the but, "that really hits the sopt"/p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"The shemale said nothing for heshe had no lines in the script./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"Off in the corner, the director sniggered. He was going to make a ortune out of this and then later, fap over a video of Lindsay weeping as she was bukkake'd. oh how he loved his job. Black goo beagan to spread over his body as his mouth gaped wide. Soon he was covered in tar except for his head. Hands appeaed in his mouth and forced their way out. Rukia was back, baby./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;""fucking fagon" she muttered. And then she spied the porn actress, snooki lohan kardashian Gillard, being bummed without vigor. That simply wouldn't do. She strode across the room, penis bobbing out in front as though leading the way through difficult times./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"Rukia retrieved maggie smith from the clutched of the shemae and began to instruct said shemale, with full visual acsess, just how to rimjob someone. But before that he put on a condom with lube because safety first kids! Hew ejaculatory work done, rukia was thanked most viourusly by Helen meren and the shaemale who began to have raunchy sex with renewed vigor./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;""but how did you get so good?" asked the sound and film crew, and also the make up department./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"Rukia though of ichogo "practise" she said with lusty busty movements despite having zero tittage./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;""Good…goood" said walt. Rukia had been killed by zoolaneder and eragon and rukia wasn't a double agent after all. He turned to his masert whos face was all in shadow./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;""fool boy!" hissed the master figure guy dryly, "rukia is not yet dead. I would smell it"/p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"Oh snap, though walt, better send someone else in to do a better job than eorgon. He force loghntinged eragon for his disobedience and told him to never do it again. He gave zoolander a glass of warm honey milk becae he was so very handsome./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;""darvoss!" shouted Disney, "go kill rukia and ichigoo!"/p
p style="max-height: 999999px;""you would make a good dalek" said darvoss angstrily "but seriously though, who spilled coffe of my lignin hand? Te lignin I got from out inside sourse professor potter!"/p
p style="max-height: 999999px;""I'm sorry it was-" zoidberg was cut off./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;""why is it" snarked rossamund "that I seem to be the only competent member of our little soiree? Besies our marvellous leader of course" he bowed ironically as best his nailed to a chair frame would allow./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;""probably because you are all crazy racists!" said t rex, "seriously don't be that!"/p
p style="max-height: 999999px;""did those pylon ever get build?" crowed watto, turkey slapping chewie "because I want more of them because ei am a greedy jew"/p
p style="max-height: 999999px;""someone just go kill rukia already!" shouted walt, getting very frustrated at all this time wasteing. Eben his secret maset wasn't being useful./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"Back on dagobah yoda was recieveing a suckjob from a sleazy hookr in a sleazy bar in a sleazy town in a sleazy country in a sleazy planet. Dagobah was pretty fuckin sleazy./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"The door burst open, lettigg cold snow rush in. the bestiality obsessed barman threw a recently bummed goat at the offenders. A huge purple didlo slice it in half./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;""yoda" said ichigo and rukia "we need you help"/p
p style="max-height: 999999px;""fuck off you will, I am not the yoda you are looking for you don't need to see my identification"/p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"" I need to become a space wizard so I can kill my abuseive boyfriend, rukia" said ichigo./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"Yoda stood up, erection of ful display. It was green. "just look at all the fucks I give" he said, farting on the prozzie./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;""I see you give a lot of fucks" said ichigo seruiously. A boner of that size was sure to have given many a fuck to many a sleazy ho./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;""don't be cute" baffled yoda "I can only give you my miniclloreans one way though, we must share a needle and then engage in entercourse"/p
p style="max-height: 999999px;""not a problem" said ichigo, holding up a syringe of heroin and dropping his trousers. He injected the needle into his neck and handed the other half to yoda who injected it into his boner./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;""lets do this cowboy" said yoda, rearing up and ready to plunge./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"The barman was having sex with a grizzly grizzly bear behind the counter./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"Rukia was fliming everything and setting up a price to a seedy german fetish siet./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;""this is the jizz you are looking for" howled yoda, pumping load anfetr load from his purple love shotgun into ichigo's reDY and dripping butt./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;""yes! Yes!" drroged ichigo "finish me!"/p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"Yoda finished in a curmudgeonly display of affection. "there" he said "you are now a space wizrd"/p
p style="max-height: 999999px;""you're a wizrd ichigo!" said rukia./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;""ima what?" said ichigo./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"They bot laughed and rode of into the sunset in yodas XYZ wind fighter./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;""heres looking at you kidd" snag yoda in a curmudgeonly display of affection. He turned back to the prostitute and eyed her three breasts. "looka t it" he gestured to his penis./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"The lady of the nigt looked./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;""suckit!" he said./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"The lady sucked it. but not before they had a seires of decontamination washes because safety first children of the audience!/p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"Rukia crunched down another cidada shell. There were so many people in japan and no room for her to bust using her guitaraccordianflutebanjopia no. It was the most difficult instrument in the galaxy to play beside that one sentient shade of blue, and caused paroxysm of orgamso pleasure when herd./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"Another fifteen year old school girl wearing an outfit fit for a low class whore bubbily walked past with her six thousand frinds who were all simmerly slutty. Rukia hate dthem because they were too young to have sex with. He wished tentacle rape on them. Of course they would get tentacle raped anyway but it wouldn't really be rape since they would enjoy it./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"Rukia busted out a tasty jazz fusion lik on her instrument and chortled as everyone in te vicinity fell over nad creamed themselves. It was after her totally fucking metal solo that she hear it./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;""dinsdale?"/p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"A great rumbling, a thousand das of terror-/p
p style="max-height: 999999px;""im da muvafikn choz dat crwalz up ta ya wiv a sile" said a green eied slivler haired girl "and I herd ya killed be beft fuckin mate cuthulu"/p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"Rukia sized her up, not sure if sixteen or not. "no that was simon"/p
p style="max-height: 999999px;""well den…" the girl said "tell him dat nyarkoz looking for em, and I will kill im"/p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"The girl vanished into convenient space./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"Ruia sighed, dissaonted she wouldn't get to have hot hot lesbian sex with a great old one. Disregarding she was a dude coslayer. Nobody gives a shit about that anyway./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;""dinsdal?" the voice of a thousand terors sounded again./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"Rukia decided at that monemy it was best if she goy the hell out of dodge. The gargantuan hedgehog burst over the skyoine, cruching buildings ion his wake like a black man crushes KFC bones and watermelon rinds that he has just eaten underfoot in the supermarte because thay are all idiots and filthy as evidence of their skin why couldn't they just wash more?/p
p style="max-height: 999999px;""father norman! FATSRE!" screech darvosse from his perch on Spiny Normans head. He was utilising his strength. Old british television. He shot lignin bolts from his now restored hand at ruia as she dodged left and or right anroudn the still orgasmic perole of Tokyo./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"Ichigo sat by himself in a clearing by himself. There was no one else around, to witness his training. Logs began to levitate and twist theselves into grotesque parodies of life. They took on humanesque form and became alive, brimming with the force and the magic harry gave to him./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;""sir yes sir" said the nearest treebeard ironically./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;""this guy must be bark-ing mad!" said another./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;""I'm stumped! At why he would want us" quipped a third./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;""we'd better bough in a show of respect" said the fourth "he is the 'root' of our lifes after all"/p
p style="max-height: 999999px;""they are pretty good" said hawke, sauntering up to ichigo and standing far enough away so asnot to set off his fears of rukia./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"Ichigo grinned at her, "and the best part is" he snapped his fingers, "art, in an explosion!"/p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"The treebeards erupted withal the force of a horses leg. Steamed sap sprayed everywhere, scalding the flesh from anything near. Flames licked the grasses and trees, setting them alght and wooden shrapnel shredded all things./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"Ichigo let his barriers around them both down as the violence subsisded. He smiled sickly, rukia would die, he was sure of it./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"Hawke gave him a thumbs up, "fabulous, but lets combine them with my blood magik!". Kawke was a dual classed warrior/blood mage./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"Ichigo nodded and resumed his meditation. Seconds of concentaion ensued and the surrounding branches and clay rose up and mingles with the fine stram of blood leaking from hawkes wrist. The ingrediants met in mid air and coagulate together into a nature themed flesh golem who could almost be human if not for his rough skin and solid balck eyes./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;""Ia! You have risen me yet again mr ichigo, but in what form is this? Ah! Real flesh is my make up! Such a gift I would pay for with my life" the golem knelt and offered fealty./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;""rise, sir Cornish! I name you my valet, and do not fear, your payment shall be your sevice on our quest. We must stop the space jew assassination and kill siaga the abusor!" ichigo proudly stated, "and after that, space hitler must be destroyed! But we will need an army… something which I do not have enough trainging to summon" he bit off bitterly./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"The golem looked into his eyes "you have my strength"/p
p style="max-height: 999999px;""and my power" said hawke./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;""and my axe!" said gimli!/p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"Ichigo's nearly cried with happiness, for the fist time in years he had companions who wouldn't molest him. Not like both rukias. "you all have my undying thanks and servitude, when we free the universe from the nazi corruption, we shall be advisors to the next leaders so they don't go mad with power like the space jeas and hitler!" he thrust his fist into the air./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"The ensemble cheered. Hawke offered her hand boldly, hoping the mood was enough for ichigo to touch someone again. Ichigo blushed and shook her hand quickly. Hawke chose the flirt dialogue option, "you know ichigo, what your doing is really admirable…enough to make me, like you" she too blushed in turn, but not on her face./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;""and my axe!" shouted gimli!/p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"Rukia barely avoidd being stepped on by spiny norman. Seriously that guy had to be bigger than Godzilla! Fortunately davros could aim very will with his hand and wasn't mobile, but he could direct normans otherwise berserker rampages./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;""DINSDALE!" howled norman in a rage as fancy ponces in colouered outfits attaked his toes with poorly choreographed moves. He kicked them aside./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"It was at times like these that rukia really wished she had any sort of power at all even if it was the power of having a nigger dick so she could use it as a maace to club darvose! Then she remembered about kamina and how he would save her from dying. In a desperate last move she flung herself towards noeman and skewered herself on a spike./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"That wasn't supposed to happen, rukia fumed as she lay bleeding on the pavement. Above her davross was shouting for norman to smuher her. His giants foot descended bit then SS3 HITLER! Appered! Hitler used sawasticka shuriken! It was super effective on normans eyes na d darvroses lignin hand,/p
p style="max-height: 999999px;""allright puissant" seethed hitler "why cant you be good at your job like freezer! He kills entire plantes by himself and you cant even kill the space jew council! Merde! Tu le monde with you! I cast you ot in the name of the Aryan moon!" rukia was shot off into space with hitlers words ringing in her ears "this is your last chance!"/p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"Hitler charged up his ki and delivered the final blow, annilationing all of japan. Luckily Lelouche had a back up plan./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"Rukia hurtled through space, stars burning like fire in the distance, the cold vacuum haranguing her testicles with harsh words. She fley for thirty year, before crashing ded on with Nigger Moon X./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"Contrary to it's name nigger Moon x was not home to any persons of an African or aboriginal descent, but it was home to the dead poets society./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"A few monks in big black robes tied her uo in complex bondage knots and erotically dragged her before the council of writing staff./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"The writing staff lay all dead, ripped apart as though by some terrifying beast. A single remained at the head of te table, it was….R..O.W.L.I.N.G! her breathing haggard as she choked on her own entrails, her face carring the maddened, feverish look of someone being forced fed their own entrails. "there…" she choked out, "there is a force of good in this land" a gasping wheeze. "a paragon of light you must destroy… he is…."/p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"Rukia eyes narrowed, "Thornberry…"/p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"R.O.W.L.I.N.G nodded, sweat gliding off her waxy face "thornberry" she agreed, "he must be soaped, must be…stopped!" her breathing slowed and eventually ceased./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"Rukia gave a momants silence for the dead poet before putting on her aviators. Shit was about to get real. She strode outside with a fiery purpose and bellowed to te magama skies, "Diiiickspiiiiider Thoooornbeeerrrrry!"!/p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"A beast of a thing, towering, changing. A trick of the light, an abstract thing of unbelievable angles. She looked away but she could still see it, in her mind. It had burned its way through. It was an idea, or the hint of an idea, or the memory of something she'd never known, or the shadow of all of those things, their inverted reflection, on a still lake at night./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"It couldn't be real. It had no substance. It had no weight. It had mass, but behind the mass was no depth. How could it be real? It made no sense. It couldn't be real and it made no sense. An impossibility made manifest, the formless given form, and it stalked across the landscape accompanied not by thunderous footfalls, but by the whisper of a thousand dead languages and the muted cry of carrion birds/p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"Nigel Thornberry the Dickspider, he was here./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"The space jews were shaken. Rukia had died at his hands. And rukia was still at large, as was her accomplice. Half of their menbers had been slain by nigels dickspider. And all thir Swedish bank accounts were in disarray./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"Walt nursed a bleeding head wound and a cup of the hottest chocolate his jew-tounge could manage. They had eaten zoidberg within the first five minutes, an nothing of value was lost. Dinosaur comics had walked out but were assassinated by his master. Rossumund was getting delirious from bloodloss. Watto had finally succumbed to AIDS, wookie AIDS. Chewbacca was still alive and well, gimp mask shed in favour of a sombrero, he was more jew than watto could ever hope to e./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;""WAAAAAAAAAAAGH!" said chewie mildly, "WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!"/p
p style="max-height: 999999px;""somebody" rossumund said with icy deadliness "get me a transfusion pack, now. Or let me feast o yor marrow"/p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"Te darkened master sat on his skull throne, its flanges dripping blood on the shag. "deploy: agent 'unicron'" he said fiannly, his fingers steepled under his shadowed out face./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"A contingent of two cave trolls hauled the enraged beast out of its cell, the horror was clad in finste mithril plate, hooves shod in an alloy harder than iron mans crotchplate. Four arms dproted from its back. The beast lifted its trunk and issued a sound not unlike innocnets damned souls faintly screaming from the jew-pits. This was the Six Legged Rape Elephant. Six legs, four arms, all rapist./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;""tell me walter" crooned the shadowed master "can he stand u to the dickspider?"/p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"Walt knew his boss knew he knew the answer, which his boss also knew. If there was any force in the world capapble if going toe to toe with the dickspider, it was a beast with an equal dickery status./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"Unbeknownst to them, it couldn' Thornberry had been busy./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"The master man made a move to tell the trolls to release the rape elephant. It thrashed in ist new freedom, raping the trolls so fast and loose they wouldn't realise until the next day./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;""find the dickspider" said the man of shadowy times "and kill him in mortal kombat"/p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"The six legged rape olephont raised its truk in salute, bellowing the soun of cleavers working of childrens supple kneecaps for all to hear. The elephant was a skilled mimic. The beast spun towards the door and took of, leaving a trail of rainboes and winking golden motes in ts wake./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;""but master" protested walt "what if it is not strong-e-nough, do we have abackup?"/p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"The shadowed faced man only deemed to spout an glacial chuckle "I shall be the backup of course" He leant forwards for the first time, exposing his face. it was jesus, "let he who is with-out sin, kick the first arse"/p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"Jesus's laughs reaced defening levels, the echoed hysterically around the munich beer hall. The beer hal inside the death star./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"Hawke, ichigo and the golem trekked purposefully through te grave yard, searching for mihawkes grave. This all came about when hakwe queried ichigo about why he still had Kenneth. Ichigo dodnt know so he sit it on fire in a very symbolic way. He needed a knew sword./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"The golem, linked as it was to them both through the magiks of life, smiled serenely as they gave each other tey another furtive glace before blushing and looking away. Rinse lather, repeat. They were so kawaii desu ne./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"Gimli was drunk again though. He driopped his trousers and began having sex with a escort he'd brought along for the ride. "you rother mouth is as hairy as both a lady dwarves!" he rambunctiously droveled./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;""yeah whatever" said billie piper, "can you introduce me to legolas now? You did promise"/p
p style="max-height: 999999px;""I promised naught but a threesome with logelase" insisted gimli, "and I call tails!" he laughed grourgeously./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"They all laughed as gimli gave her a nasty pirate and walked on, stopping at mihawks grave. The golem Cornish dug it up with his powerful hands. The coffin was bound in chains, whaich hwere torn off. The lid craked open and skeleton mihawk sat up an cracked his neck./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;""emguten tag/em!" he said!/p
p style="max-height: 999999px;""BLARGARG" said nigel, his voice a river of purest gold, cutting off all evil thoughts in an instant./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;""how?" whispered rukia. How could this be? She was going to fail aginst this holy being. It was athing from whatever force of absolute good reigned supreme, unnoticed, over all. This dickspider was incorruptible, it was pure, it was invincible. She could not stop it. SS3 hitler could not stop it/p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"The force of his gilt aura smahed her into the ground like abattering ram, again and again. Everything went white and clear again. Then dickpsider took another step forwards. Rivers of pure molten energy, gleaming silver, poured from his eyes, enveloping rukia nd erasing her existence into dust./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"His dread work done, nigel let ot a thunderous blargarg and set his sights of the rape elephant that was to be here within the hour, which was enough time to take tea and read a little more of his novel./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"Ichig drew his samurai sword in a smooth movement and went to cleave mihawks grinning skull in twain, but the agile skelington drew his own famed black blade and blocked the strike with a clang./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;""guten Tag feinen Damen und Herren, Damen und Herren natürlich, du hast mein Grab gestört, sind Sie für den Raum Jude Rates. Ich fürchte, Sie werden sterben müssen" said mihawk. He thrust his long black sword at ichigo's face./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"Hawke leapt in and took the stab through the hand, her blood began to flow freely and a daemon of the warp shredded mihawks skeleton to dust. Hawke was wary still, that had been too easy. And sure enough, the dust began to rise, fit together like a horrifying jigsaw puzzle./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"All five of them, hawkw, ichigo, Cornish, billie and gimli began attacking the dusty skeleton as it was half formed. It tried to stand up but a sword strike from ichigo felled its legs. An axe chop from gimli severed its ribcage. A stab from hawke captured its skull. Billie piler swept the dusty remains into a super large, super strength condom she had been saving. She double layered it, the bagdom struggled and writhed but to no avail. Mihawk was traped./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;""now your sword is belong to me!" said ichigo darkly, snatching up the long sword. The instant his hand closed aroung the hilt, dark energies erupted and invaded his body. Fluid leaking from his ears as he chanted bizzare nonsense words./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;""you ok bro" asked gimli, eating billie pier out./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;""yeah?" hawke put in her suggestion, "because that looked kinda bad, and evil, your not possessed now are you?"/p
p style="max-height: 999999px;""I sense a disturbance in the force" said Cornish solemly. Hed always wanted to say that./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"Ichigo turned around, his face now bone white and very similar to a mask. His sclera were black and his colour bits yellow. "SKEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" he shreieked at a high pitch. "SKEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE EEEEEEE!"/p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"Rukia stood aloe in a feils od dreams. He ink blakness swirling around like a fuckmothering deathsroud, a dementor o wet dreams. She could almost feel thrie clammy hands groping her chest and arse! Holy shit, something was gropinghercheastandarse! She turned around in a state of right and saw it was only ichigo! And rukisa! They were back!/p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"Ichogo eld her chin gently and smooch timesed her while rukia gave the side of her neck a long powerful lick. The colour palette swirled delightfully, depositing rukia beind ichigo, bumming him powerfully! Powerfully! While he performed orl sex on rukia./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"When rukia extracted her penis from ichigos anus she discovered that the head was rukias face. Rukia shie away in terror, trying to run but crashing into a towerin wall of flesh. That wall of fesh turned out to be ichigos vagina, her rukia dick swelling to meet its gargantuan size ruka began thrusying with wild abamndon! And then rukia turned up behind her and started bumming her with her penis! Futanari! Yelled rukia! Dicks were morpging into amorphous blobs ams growing everywhere! A thousand vaginas a minute! The imperial dickfleet rose over the horizon to meet the new foe! Rukia commanded their flagsip! Ichio's disembodied anus appeared in te sky. Full speed ahead! Shouted rukia, their speedy craft reaching supersonic, it penetrated the sky-anus and flew down a long dark tunnel. Their ship burst out of a blooming flowr and through the tines of an immense flaminf V./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"If she was killed here by dickspider, though rukia, she would be able to have her dream threesome! This was an outrage! An outrage!/p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"Through sheer, unadulterated force of will, rukia forced herself back onto this physical plane. In the distance, dickspider and rapeelephant were engaged in a furious gentelamns battle./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"Dickspider would fire a balst of some unkown arcane substance, the very same that reduced her to dust, and the rape elephant would dodge and attempt a submission lock. But dickspiders angular shaft was not a weapon to be ignored. It was as flexable as it was deadly and it spewed frth that poisonour fire of nuclear proportions. The rape elephant was fast and stong but it ws clear that dickspider had the upper hand./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"The rapacious elephant feigned left and headed up but dickspider knew his game. He exhuded a truly enormous ust of silver motes that stuck to the elephant, weighing himdown, bringing him crashing to the floor in tinkle of mithril./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;""BLARGHARG" said dickspider firly yet with a hist f most wretched sorrow, he strode upon his stuggling enemy and bit deep into his neck./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"The six legged rape elephant tried to shove dickspider off, but his arms were too week. His enormous raper dick flailed but to no avail against nigels carapace. His lifeblood flowed freely into the earth of nigger moon x./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"Nigel let out a soulful croon, hiw work done but not forgotten, never forgotten./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"Rukia glared in dumbfounded angry horror! Molten flames poured rom her crotch, covering her completely in a flickering golden veil! "DICK SPI DER!" her challenge rang across the vale clear as big bens bell. She charged with perfect fashm step, ripping one of nigels legs off./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;""BLARGHARG!" dishevelled nigel dickspider, stunplige and recovering enough to fire powerful beams at her./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"Rukia set the titan leg of spider ablaze and batted the beam back like a tennis ball. It explodd in mid air, which covered her leap. She swung and decapitated nigel with his own leg./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"The Dickspider, was no more./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"Rukia stood proudly atop his mighty corpse. She thrust the still alight leg through his carapace, and sneered. Foolish little dickspider, you cant beat me, your not strog enough, your hates not strong enough, she tought cruley./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"And then another though occurred to her, her kurosaki-kun was still out there in the arms of another hussy! He was the prize she was afater, and she would have him./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"Rukia leapt into the sky, leaving nigger moon x behing to burn, and followe the scent trail of ichigo./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;""emSKEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"/em hissed ichigo again, swinging his sword In rapid ferver, aiming fro his former companions./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;""and my axe!" hello'd gimli, detatching himself from the prozzie and blocking ichigo with his axe. "why lad, have ye taked leave o' ye senses?"/p
p style="max-height: 999999px;""theres no point gimli" cried Hawke and Cornish in unison./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;""he is descened into the depths of madness" said Cornish solemnly, punching ichigo in th efface but causeing no damage "his soul is I the grip of diablo"/p
p style="max-height: 999999px;""the only way we can save him now" hawke finished his sentence "is to beat him half to death!" she leapt in, sword fashing silver in the light, being stopped short of ichgo's elbow by that balck blade./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"He kicked her over and pluged his blade deep into the torso of Cornish, who, in a display of his promised power, lunged forward and wrapped his big meaty hands around ichigos neck./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"The bones cracked in atht neck and ichigo slumped over./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;""holy shit, I think you killed im" said billie piper./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"Cornsh just shook his head, lookig wery. "no, he is merely stopped for the moment, someone bind him"/p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"Gimli rushed forwarda, binding a rope out of his own beard! His won beard! He had just started to tie ichigo up when the boy sparn to his feet and decapitate the dwarf in one blow. He then leapt to hawke who matched his frist strike but was felled by a stab to the keneys./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"Kawhe used the blood to summed a demon of the fade to nock ichigo out but it merely caused a portal to oped out of nowhere and for ruki to come hurtling through, wreathed in crotch fire./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"Rukias face was twisted in a rictus of hate and rage, "so ichigo" she said softly, in a deadly voice "is this where you grow a spine and lash back? Because I really hope that's what this is"/p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"Ichigo appeared behind her and chopped at her neck, but his sord was blocked by a flaming fist of firey fury! He swung again and again and angain but all strikes were seless against her firey aura. And her fire was powered by lust for ichgo so it would never die! Never die!/p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"Billie pier strode up, bold and confident "now see here sir! You've just killed my legolas ricket so I demand you offer an alternative!"/p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"Rukia glared at her with alook so fierce it bagan to tan her before realising what she just said, her eyes lit up at the mention of orlandigo bloomers "take this portkey, it will help you in your quest" she tossed a large hubcap from a hummer ferarri f374 at billie and she caught it and disappeared./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;""now, ichigo~" rukia sang, tearing open a hole in time and spae which deposited Kenneth into her hands. He causght on fire, "you remember Kenny right?"/p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"Ichgo flew onto a beserker rage./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"Rukia struck him once, quite firmly with Kenneth, and he lost all will to live. His mask meted awy, he dropped mihawks sword ad wept. "good boy" she admonished "now lets go kill space jews!"/p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"Rukias crotch expelled a beam of molten slag that formed into a motorcycle, onto wich she dragged ichigo, who was beginning to wake up./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;""so it was all a dream.." he muttered before catching sight of a gasping, thouroughly fuked u hawke, and promptly vomited in distress./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;""celan that sick up" rukia demanded, stabbing him with kennet. "and weve got six hour to kill, so" she put on her sunnies "its time to duel so come and get yor gamee on becau eim kicking this turbo duel into overdrive EXTREME!"/p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"It was an Eskimoean standoff./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"Rukia, ichigo and jesus. Walter lay dead at their feet, eragon and zoolander an mere paste of the battlefield. Chewwiebacker vomited the last vestiges out life from a gaing wound in his neck./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;""so you think you can defeat me, my father and the holy ghost?" snarked jesus, giving themhis middle finger./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;""you know" said saiga " a week ago I would have said no, bacuse I had no powers but you know what? I found out what drives me. Its not fear, money, power or love. It is lust! Lust is what drives me and it is not a zero sum resource! I have infinite quantities and it will not die! It is tied directly to my life! To kill me you must stop me lusting for ichigo nad rukia! And I will never! Ever! I mean never! Lose that boner!"/p
p style="max-height: 999999px;""rukias dead" said jeuss smugley./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;""oh… im into 'that'" rukia told him./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;""whatever that is" muttered jesus "but I simply must protest" his voice dropped dangerous low "and ask you one thing. Can you handle the power of Yahweh's holy righteous cock?"/p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"Ruia felt herself swelling, protuberences bulging everywhere. She wa being turned into an erect dong! "oh I can handle all the dicks you can throw in me! And then a thousand more!"/p
p style="max-height: 999999px;""CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!" shrieked jesus, creating amini gun that shot juicy cocks at a rate of 10000 cps./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"The sky darkened under the flock of flying wangs. Rukia smiled and thrust out her palm. A wave of groinfire burst forth and incinerated the cockswarm. Using the falling ash as cover, ichigo leapt into battle, Kenneth still wreathed in the fire of rukias aroused dangly parts./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"He slashed at jesus with the dildo, but was met with a golden saber of gods righteous penis. Fire and glided sparks flew, melding together into a substance that burned the very earth upon which theyr stood. Lava began to erupt In great gouts./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;""I wouldn't have believed this of you ichigo" shouted jesus "My own son!"/p
p style="max-height: 999999px;""I'm not your son anymore" said ichigo "I'm a man!"/p
p style="max-height: 999999px;""what is a man?" jesus rebuttled "a miserable pile of secrets!"/p
p style="max-height: 999999px;""our secrets make us what we are"/p
p style="max-height: 999999px;""your sectrets make you weak!"/p
p style="max-height: 999999px;""my secrets make" ichigo put on his sunglasses "your mom weak!"/p
p style="max-height: 999999px;""oh sick burn" jesus scoffed "I don't even have a mom"/p
p style="max-height: 999999px;""so your dads a hermaphrodite?"/p
p style="max-height: 999999px;""no" jejsus facefalmed "that's just a metawhore"/p
p style="max-height: 999999px;""your face is a metaphoe!"/p
p style="max-height: 999999px;""I know that" said jesus "a metaphoe for how much dick you suck!"/p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"Ichgio was taken aback, jesus face, now that he looked properly was indeed a metaphoe for such a thing. He was indeed a worthy fore." How much dick your dad sucks, more like" he quipped back./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;""my dad is also just a metaphoer, there is no god but me! There is no holy ghost but me! There is no jesus, but me!" ligniting flashed ominously and a beam of prares jettisoned from jesuss nostrils, drilling a hole through ichigos dildo arm./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;""nooo!" shouted rukia! Only she was allowed to stab ichigo! She leapt at jesus and turkey slapped him with her mighty penis of fire!/p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"Jesus recoiled like hed been stung, but he had been. Rukias dick removed its elf from her body and became a dickbee! But not just a dickbee,a dickwasp! Made up of a hundered smaller dickwasps! All bearing the swasticka od peace and justie, nazi justice, upont thine stings!/p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"But jesus had a dickattack of his own. He ripped his bloody enormous peins free of its conines, filling the area with ablindig luminesance. It tore itself to pieces and becae a hundred thousand motes of dicklight, all hungry for flesh. The dickmoted drilled through the air t rukia nd began to bore through her flesh, heedless of her lusty busty flames./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"It was peinis. Rukia lost the will tolive and believe. But then again, she didn't have to belive in herself. She summoned up her remaining wil and believed in the kamina who believed in her!/p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"Theme music played and rukia stood up, exhuding dickmotes like a fat kid exudes sweat. "this worls cannot have evil such as yours, jesus! These fists of mine burn with an awesome power! Their dickfire tells be to defeat you! Take this! My hate! My anger! And all my LUST! GIGA DICK BREAKER!"/p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"The fire of rukias lust burned brighter still, becoming solid and drill shaped around her fist. It supn at speeds that would destroy the earth! "YEEEAAAAAAARRRHHG!" shouted rukia wildly as she plugned the burning drill of fire into Jesus's cock./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"Holy righteous blood and guts went everywhere./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;""ichigo!" cried rukia, falling to her knees beside him and applying emergency medical powers to his punctured forearm, mainly just cauterising it./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;""I'm fine" he said without preamble "its all gonna be ok"/p
p style="max-height: 999999px;""yes!" shouted space hitler, striding yup to them with a grin on his face "I knew you would kill ze spayce Jews. Come with me back to speers glorious germaina! We shall feats of daleks! Join me n victory!"/p
p style="max-height: 999999px;""actually SS3 Hitler" grinned rukia "I think we'll stay here a while"/p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"Hitler shrugged and instant transmissioned away./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"The real rukia sat down next to ichigo "well done guys" she wept in happy times./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"Saiga smiled at rukia nd ichigo. His plans were complete. "you two" he commanded "emstrip."/em/p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"Ichigo na druia shed their clotes in an ibstant, revealing ichigos huge throbbing elder wand and rukias sopping wettie./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"Rukia reveled her own fuckstick and decided on the position. It wuld be him the rukia then ichigo to start with. He went up behind rukia nd plunded his gigglestick into her fuckbunker with agutteral grunt./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;""oh, yes" mumbled rukia, engulfing ichigo's faceless one in her facepussy./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"Ichigo grimaced as rukias headlabia surrounded his strawberrywankinstrument, but sought strength from the fact that hawke was still alive and that he coud visit er in the hispital./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"Rukia thrusted relentlessly into rukias slimyhole with her spaceprobe for approx. 47 secons before he cummed with all the force of a horses leg, his boner'ahoy wilting like soggy cooked cabbage./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"Saiga spent the next 45 to 60 minutes watching jelusly at ichigo and rukia, but he was conforted with the knowledge, that they would be doing this all the time forever, and he would have more chances to jon in./p
p style="max-height: 999999px;"Deep in the pits of Moria, where the Dwarves had dug too greedily and too deep, Jacule stirred, a singular yellow eye opened./p
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