Carnage
Clarke gazed into the vast forest before her contemplating her choice of direction. To her left mount weather, to her right the drop ship, and in front of her Polis. Each path leading to a place of confrontation and regret. Each path filled with its own unique demons and plagued decision. But one path had a gravitational pull on her that she would not fight. She walked forth on her journey never once looking back at Camp Jaha. The emotional toll of her actions since landing on this God forsaken planet was overwhelming and the ghosts that haunted her were relentless.
Camp Jaha was a dream, she was in a nightmare.
*Bellamy*
The gate closed behind him, he looked back one more time at Clarke as she disappears into the tree line of the thick forest. He sucked in a heavy breath as he watches. Uncertainty washes over him as he is unsure of what fate has in store for her. He turns in towards the camp and observes the camps inhabitants. Everyone is clamoring about, aiding the injured and bringing food and water to the rest. Families are reuniting with hugs and tears. A slight smile forms on his face as he know his people are safe.
*Later that evening*
Kane approached Bellamy as he stood guard at the fence. He hadn't been able to bring himself to move from the gate since it had closed behind him; placing a large barrier between himself and his fellow leader. He wasn't entirely sure where he should go within the camp, so he resorted to what he knows to do-protect his people. In his mind it was clear. They had won the battle, but not the war. The alliance with the grounders was sure destroyed by Lexa's decision to leave the battle.
Kane came to stand beside him, "Have you seen Clarke, Abby has been asking for her".
Bellamy's gaze falls to the ground as he searches for the words. Kane's eyes narrowed as he stepped in front of Bellamy demanding his undivided attention. Bellamy looks down and to his left, "Bellamy, where is Clarke?" Kane demanded.
Bellamy took a slow deep breath in, "She isn't here" he said flatly. Kane's head cocked to the side and his eye narrowed further, "where is she?" this time his tone was less demanding and more concerned.
"She needs time, she'll be back," Bellamy said firmly with a slight nod of his head toward the forest. Kane's eyes followed Bellamy's gesture and looked out into the abyss. He took a step back shifting to face Bellamy, "I'll tell Abby" he offered with a comforting pat on the shoulder. Bellamy's jaw tightened as he swallowed the thought of Abby discovering her daughter had left. Kane stood beside him for a moment longer, his eyes back on the tree line, and then he walked back into the ark to the medical bay.
A few hours had passed, Bellamy stood resolute at self-appointed post. He had been on guard from the moment they had found Jasper in the tree strung up as live bait. Standing guard had become instinctual since then. Relaxing was a foreign concept.
The thoughts of Clarke alone in the dark forest with unlimited potential threats did not help matters.
Octavia approached him breaking him from his thoughts. "Come eat Bel, the war is over, you don't have to stand guard" she teased her brother. He gave her a half smile then returned his gaze back to the tree line.
Octavia's eyes narrowed and filled with contempt. She pulled his arm turning him to face her.
"Let her go" she commanded slowly. Bellamy rolled his eyes and shook his head with a slight smile as if to dismiss what she'd said. His gaze returning to the familiar tree line. "Forgive me, if I don't believe we're safe. We haven't been since we came down here."
Octavia's eyes searched his face before falling away, "she left me in TonDC to die" she snapped back at him. His eyebrows drew together as he slowly turned to her. Octavia glared up at him, "She took off with Lexa and left everyone else for dead" she told him coldly. A wave of shock washed over his face, "she wouldn't –", and Octavia cut him off, "she did".
Bellamy swallowed hard while trying to process her accusation, it didn't make any sense. His eyes flew across the landscape as if he could somehow find an answer for this there. As if she would reappear and deny the outrageous notion.
Lincoln approached them, "Raven is asking for you" he informed Octavia.
She shot her eyes back at her brother, "Like I said Bel, let- her- go", with that she turned and headed towards ark.
Lincoln watched her leave waiting until she was out of earshot.
"Clarke did what she had to do," Lincoln said firmly. "If she had warned them, the mountain men would have discovered you-your people in the mountain and you would be dead if she hadn't." Bellamy swung around to face him with a hardened face and cold eyes, "so she sacrificed my sister…for me?!"
"She made a choice. The deaths a TonDC were minimal compared to what would have happened".
Bellamy shook his head "no, Octavia was not worth that risk", he growled. "If it was so worth the sacrifice then why didn't she stay?"
Lincoln looked at him sympathetically, "they were hunting her, and the commander. This was not the first attempt on her life. She had to escape to lead your people. To save your people." Bellamy turned away from him unable to hear any more. She knew what Octavia meant to him, beyond that Clarke never sacrificed people, the thought was inconceivable. He stalked into the camp away from Lincoln and the post he had held. Lincoln looked out onto the tree line then followed Bellamy silently
**.
That night the remaining one hundred, that well enough partook in a healthy serving of moonshine. The adults conceded to the indulgence, after what these kids had been through who were they to deny them a release.
They congregated around a fire in silence, each trying to find some sort of peace within themselves. Some traumatized by physical wounds, others emotional ones.
Miller sat next to Bellamy, "where's Clarke I haven't seen her since-", Bellamy cut him off "she's gone." Miller's drunken gaze met Bellamy's cold one
"Gone….where?" He questioned.
Bellamy rolled his eyes and growled as he stood up. He had enough people ask him today about her. He wasn't going to continue to answer each individual person in this camp about her whereabouts. Especially not while he was still mauling over her actions regarding his sister.
"Listen up" he commanded to the group, "Clarke is gone, I don't know where she is or when or even if she will be back."
"What do you mean she's gone? How could she just leave us?" Monroe asked approaching Bellamy. He sighed, "She needs some time," he said trying to maintain control over the group and over his personal emotions over it.
"Where is Finn-is he with her?" someone shouted from the group.
Bellamy sucked in a heavy breath, how could he explain to them that the leader they were all so concerned about killed him. Though he understood her actions, explaining the situation would take more time then he desired to give it at the moment.
He took in another heavy breath, "Finn is dead" the words came out cold and distant. He shook his head and turned to walk away unable to deal with any more questions.
"What happened while we were in there?" Monty asked quietly. Bellamy looked across the fire at him, damn it, Monty, he thought to himself.
Bellamy sucked in a breath and rolled his eyes to the left, forcing himself to stand a tall as possible, crossing his arms over his broad chest. This talk was going to take a while….
*Clarke*
She had been walking for ten hours, her legs were on fire, and her feet swollen and blistered by the time she reached her destination. She relished in the pain, it distracted her from her thoughts. She stared at the ominous door before her "Mount Weather" carved into the metal. She took a deep breath and entered.
It was quite, not a single sound could be heard. The place that was once filled with people trying to contain her suddenly stood still. A battleground turned ghost town overnight. She made her way to the control room, each of her steps heavy with her guilt.
As she entered the room her eyes scanned over the place. Memories flooded her mind and shot through her heart. As if it called to her eyes fell onto the lever. She walked over and brushed her fingertips softly over it. Such a small device and yet it caused so much death. She stared at it for a while, as if she was trying to relive the moment she had pulled it. She felt if she could relive the moment she could somehow stop herself from pulling it; preventing all the death that followed.
At the very least she knew she should have pushed Bellamy away from it. It was not his burden to bear. She never should have let him put that on himself.
While his offer to share the responsibility of that moment with her had comforted her before, it now filled her with guilt.
She pushed the lever forcing it back into the upward position, the none lethal position it had held before her hand touched it. It went up with ease, but the ramifications were indifferent. She pushed at it again, desperately trying to right her wrong. Her eyes brimmed with tears.
Nothing.
She pushed it harder and harder slamming her hand into it, but nothing. No matter how hard she pushed, the devastating outcome remained.
She shook her head and pushed back her tears walking away from the haunted lever.
She came upon a body, Dante Wallace. She kneeled beside him, "what have we done?" she whispered as she looked into the monitors. They're screens still running, everything had been left untouched. The screens reflected the ghosts she had already felt, each room revealing more of the carnage she had caused. Her eyes drifted back to Dante as she shook her head. "What have I become", she asked the lifeless form. "I'm sorry," Her voice trailed off into her sobs. She stayed there by his side for a while, crying. Contemplating. Loathing.
Eventually, she found the strength to stand. She walked down the abandoned corridor and into the dining hall. She froze momentarily as she absorbed the sight of the massacre. Slowly she glided her way around the bodies, staring intently at each one of them. Her gaze finally fell to Mya. She melted next to her, grabbing her hand and crying, rocking back and forth. "What have I done?" She sobbed again.
Her eyes inevitably shifted around the room again, her heart racing as she took it all in. She knew what she had to do. With a heavy heart, she stood nodding to herself as she set her plan in motion.
