Short little one-shot I've been working on bit by bit for a while now. Hope you enjoy! (:
Disclaimer: The Outsiders belongs to S. E. Hinton, not me.
Shine Like A Star
~Don't worry
if you're enduring the darkest moment of your life
because just like the stars,
the darker it gets, the brighter you'll shine.
So, my star, are you ready to
shine now?~
-Unknown
Stars twinkled above me, shimmering and shining in the night sky. I closed my eyes and licked my sweaty lips and when I open them, the stars are still there and I'm thankful for that, but at the same time I'm not. The pain in my belly and chest is unbearable, I want it to be over, but I don't want to die.
I thought about you. You'd want me to hold on.
You were always different. Very different. You were never afraid about being yourself either. Smartest kid I ever knew, but you always got lost in your head, day dreaming. Darry hated it when you'd do that, but I didn't mind. It was just who you were. Who you are.
I miss seeing you keep the light on all night while I'm trying to sleep, too lost in a book that you lost track of time and had no idea what time it was. I'd rather sleep with a light on these days then how I have been sleeping. Have you next to my side. I miss that, I really do. I will always miss that.
You loved sunsets, I never cared for them, but now I do. Now I realize why you loved them, why you find them so special, because they are special and they'll always be special even though it only last a few minutes, every second counts. You always talk about them, and I'd look at them, but never thought about them. Now when I'd look at them, I'd think about you. How I had to fight to come of to you and Darry and everyone else. I promised.
I promised you two. I told you I'd come home, that I'd be okay. I'm sorry, I'm breaking it. People break promises all the time, but I know this one is different. I never should have promised, but I did. I'm sorry, Ponyboy, could you forgive me when this is over with? I hope so.
I really, really hope so.
I'll miss the fun things we did. The things we played, the tricks we pulled, I think about it all the time. We had a blast! I remember the time when we were younger we decided to stay up all night and wait for Santa. Darry shook his head at us, denying Santa was real and Mom yelled at him. Since we were awake in the living room, Mom and Dad never put presents out. We didn't have Christmas until the next day. But it still was the best Christmas ever, and ever since we've made it a tradition to stay up all night each Christmas, some nights we didn't always succeed, but they were still great times. I don't know if you'll keep doing it, but I'd understand if you didn't stay up. I probably wouldn't do it if I were in your shoes.
I remember the time we decided to build a tree house. Steve was over and Darry was at football practice. I remember it didn't turn out very well. I slipped, and fell. It wasn't a hard fall, I was perfectly fine, but it was hard enough the Mom heard it and we got busted. After that, Mom told us we could never have a tree house because it was too dangerous after I fell. It was all my fault that we never did get our tree house, but we eventually forgot all about it and moved on after a while.
I know you and Steve never really got along. I know he thought about you as just a tag-along little kid, but I didn't. I wanted you to come with us. I wanted to hang out with you, to hang out with us. I wanted you to know that Steve doesn't hate you so bad, that's just who he is, and I know you'll never be able to hear the words I'm thinking, but Steve ain't that bad, but he's gonna need you after this, the same way you'll need him. I wish I could tell you both that, but I can't. I'm sorry.
Two-Bit, I hope he'll keep things in the loop. You guys will all need a laugh and a smile a lot, and I hope he keeps it that way. I asked him to make sure none of you do anything stupid while I was gone, hopefully he's kept up to that promise, and I sure hope he'll keep living up to it. I hope you guys never get out of touch. You guys are all you have left, if you have nothing, you'll end up like Dallas. Don't push Two-Bit away, or Steve, and especially Darry.
Pony, you and Darry have more in common than the two of you think. First off you're both too stubborn to even see it. I know you two never got along, and I know you two tried really hard to for my sake. I don't know how well that went after I left, but I hope you're still trying, and will keep it up. You two will need each other more than anyone. It's hard to believe that it will just be the two of you now. I didn't ever think I'd get that letter, that my number would come up… but it did. It was probably the hardest thing I had to face, that you two had to face, but we faced it together, and now, you two will have to face this together.
It will get better, things always get better, but you have to get through the worse before the skies will clear, and when they do clear, I know it will still be hard, but it wouldn't be as difficult as before. That's how it was when we lost Mom and Dad, Johnny and Dally, and that's how it's gonna be when you lose me right now. You may never get over it, but just like the tree house, you'll eventually just won't think as much about it. Sure, you won't forget me, at least I hope not, but you'll get over the fact I'm gone.
We've been through so much over the years, and I hate that I'm the next bump in the road for you and Darry. It was hard on the both of ya'll when I got that dumb letter, it was hard on me too. But we made it through Mom and Dad's death, then Johnny and Dallas's. It's a lot for just one little family, but we made it through, and I know you two will make it out of this together.
Looking at the sky, the stars looked like glitter against the dark blue background. Even though life can get rough, you just have to keep pushing through. I know you learned that already, but don't forget that. Don't ever forget that, Ponyboy. No matter how bad it gets, how dark the sky may be, you have to hold on until the very end. There's always a light at the end of the tunnel, and you can't give up just because you haven't reached it yet. You'll get there, you just have to keep going. Keep moving forward. You can't stop.
You can't ever stop, not like I am. I'm sorry I'm stopping.
Stars twinkle above me, shimmering and shining in the night sky. I close my eyes and lick my sweaty lips and when I open them, the stars are no longer there and I'm thankful for that, but at the same time I'm not. You'll never know this, Ponyboy, but my last thoughts were all about you.
Thanks for reading!
-Michelle Loves Chocolate 99
